


Fixated

by Lunaxxx



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Jealous Kylo Ren, Missions, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Scholar Has Anxiety, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Top Kylo Ren, plot heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2020-02-29 07:50:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 92,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaxxx/pseuds/Lunaxxx
Summary: You are a master of linguistics, a rare talent amongst the humanoid species and the only reason you are incredibly valuable to the First Order. Despite the warnings, you choose to serve them, looking to escape the planet Vardosandyour past. You just want life to be simpler for you. But little did you know that upon accepting the job offer, you’d attract the most powerful, notoriously temperamental man in the galaxy.And it turns out, being the object of Kylo Ren’s affection is anything but simple.Note: Reader only has feminine qualities- no distinguishing features. Now featuring an angstyplaylist.The Knights of Ren companion fic:Kylo's Knights.





	1. Master of Linguistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find a way off the planet Vardos.  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Run, run, run away- buy yourself another day. Run, run, run and hide, somewhere no one else can find. Don't you fret, my dear, it'll all be over soon, and I'll be waiting here for you..._ /// [ Kingdom Come. ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=fwj9J1g0Q2C0nLKri63NsQ)

### Master of Linguistics

You sat motionless in the small, pristinely organized waiting area in the First Order recruitment center. Everything was black or some variation of grey. Your back was pin straight, your hands resting elegantly in your lap. You took deep, controlled breaths. Appearance was everything here and you knew that.

  
_Steady._

  
You looked perfectly composed on the outside- proper and obedient. Your hair was placed in a delicate bun on the top of your head, your pencil skirt perfectly ironed to complement your form-fitting blouse.

  
But internally, you were eager, borderline desperate to get this position. Though you have been here almost your whole life, you weren't born on Vardos. You were forced to come here at a young age. A central place for the First Order military- it was a hard, unforgiving place to live. If you lived on this forbidding, harsh planet, you were either already a part of their forces or in the process of being trained.

  
But not you. You did not have a militaristic mind or body. You were too soft, too feminine. Yet if you lived on Vardos, you didn't have another option but to be groomed to serve as a soldier. So here you were, trying to get out of here with what you excelled at best.

  
Literature, writing, linguistics. You could read, write and speak almost every language in the universe. You were top of your class in those categories, and probably in the entire galaxy.

  
The moment you saw the listing to be an interpreter for the First Order military, you immediately knew it was a sign from the stars. After all, it was the first listing posted after what happened back at home. You no longer had anything keeping you here, not after what was taken from you.

  
So it was time to get away. From _them._ From him.

  
You inhaled sharply, chills wracked your body, and your heart beat irregularly as you thought about the horrible people you were forced to live with.  
  
_Get this job, and you won't be forced to go back to them._

  
You repeated this to yourself, over and over again, trying to calm your nerves. You knew you needed to focus on what was at hand in order to escape their grasp. 

  
_I can get this job; I am more than qualified. I can and will escape._  

  
You sighed, honestly surprised that you got an interview as easily as you did. Being such a prestigious position, you assumed a lot of other candidates were applying, too. Which definitely wasn't helping your anxiety.

  
“Miss, Boris is ready to see you. Down the hall to the right.”

  
You looked up at the petite, pretty blonde behind the desk. Her voice was polite but there wasn’t an ounce of friendliness in the way she carried herself.  
  
“Thank you, ma’am,” you said, flashing her a warm smile.

  
She ignored you.

  
_Well, fuck you too then._

  
You stood up carefully, smoothing your skirt down as you did. You cleared your throat and clasped your hands in front of you, slowly making your way through the corridor. You hummed to yourself in your head, trying to remain calm.

  
You walked in the only door open down the corridor to find a short, robust man sitting behind a large datascreen. He didn’t say anything but gestured for you to sit down. You obliged, taking the seat closest to the door.

  
“Your resume is quite impressive, I must say. I can see why my colleagues like you.”

  
_No shit._ “Thank you, sir.”

  
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him, a small smirk tugging at your lips. They would be hard-pressed to find another human capable of your abilities, and you were pretty sure they knew that.

  
“Graduated top of your class in Vardos’s Imperial Academy’s linguistic department, excellent,” he said, under his breath.

  
You watched him as he briefly flicked his eyes down your resume, a small frown illuminating his face.  
  
  
“Though no honors in the physical training department, is that right?”

  
_Oh, give me a break._ “Does this position require extensive physical exertion, sir?”

  
He pursed his lips for a moment before responding. “Not necessarily,” he started, slowly. “However, our General prefers our candidates to be extremely... well rounded.”

  
“Ah, I see,” you said, calmly. “I would be open to furthering my physical endurance training if they see fit to do so.”

  
“Noted,” he said, looking pleased. You really hoped that wasn’t required of you, but you would say anything to get the job.

  
“Well, you sound great. But I should warn you, not many people are interested in this position, once I disclose the entirety of the duties to them,” he said, ambiguously.

You raised an eyebrow when he didn’t offer any more information. “Meaning..?”

  
“Meaning-”

  
Boris was cut off from the sound you haven’t heard before. There was a beep, and clicking noise, and some type of low frequency humming. You jumped back slightly when an intimidating holoprojection of a man with red hair appeared in the room, unsmiling and seemingly annoyed. Boris immediately stood up in his presence, nearly losing his balance as he did.

  
“Ah, Gen-”

  
“You’re late and I haven’t got all day. The female candidate, Boris.”

  
“Absolutely, sir. Please,” he said, motioning for you to come stand next to him.

  
Tentatively, you walked over to him so you were in his line of sight. The man squinted his eyes, his gaze fixated on your face. “How old are you, girl?”

  
For some reason, this man sucked the confidence right out of you. He had hard, chiseled features with bright green eyes. You could tell by his uniform that he was of importance.

You swallowed, your mouth suddenly dry. “Twenty-four, sir.”

  
“You’re young,” he stated, his tone flat. If that was a good or bad thing, you couldn’t tell.

  
“Yes, sir.”

  
There was a silence in the room while the man continued to stare at you.  _Holy hell this is uncomfortable. Do I say something first or do I wait?_

  
“Are you single?”

  
Your mouth opened slightly at this, completely taken aback by his question. “Excuse me, sir?”

  
“Single. Or are you tied down? Have kids?”

  
“Single, sir. No kids. May I as-”

  
The man waved his hand impatiently, clearly agitated by your questions. “Good. And Boris has told you about the risks of the job?”

  
You paused for a moment, frowning. _Risks? To be an interpreter?_

  
The man sensed your confusion and turned to Boris, his jaw tense.

  
“I was just about to, s-sir,” he said quickly, anxious.

  
“Well that’s useless to me, isn’t it?” he asked, irritated, and turned his attention back to you.

  
“This isn’t a standard interpreter job. This can be _dangerous,”_ he paused, letting that sink in. You gulped.

  
“You will be our interpreter for every _single_ operation within local and foreign systems. Some days this can look perfectly benign, boring. Others, we can be stationed in hostile, unstable environments. Do you understand?”

  
You blinked slowly, trying to process the information. The man didn’t let you respond before he continued.

  
“While you chew on that, you should also know that your responsibilities go beyond just interpretation. At times, you might be asked to participate in unconventional techniques while on these missions.”

  
“Unconventional, sir?”

  
“Yes. Unconventional. Say, for example, we need you to collect intel and blend in with a certain demographic. So we ask you to go to that planet, speak with the locals in their language, gain their trust...”

  
_That doesn’t sound so bad,_ you mused to yourself, intrigued.

  
“ _...But,_ that demographic just so happens to hate the First Order and wants to destroy us and everyone affiliated with us. Including you.”

  
_Okay then._

  
“Uh,” you said, looking down at your shoes.

  
A moment passed, then the man angrily looked at Boris, a single vein protruding from his forehead. “You should really include these warnings in the listing, _recruiter,_ ” he spat, his tone icy. “You have succeeded in wasting my time for the third time today. When will you learn to do your job?”

  
You could almost feel the recruiter’s fear next to you, his voice breaking when he spoke next. “I’m sorry sir, I-”

  
You cut him off. “I’ll do it.”

  
The man slowly turned his body to you, his image slightly flickering through the projection.

  
“What was that, girl?”

  
“I said, I will do it.”

  
He raised an eyebrow at you and looked you up and down, almost like he was sizing you up.

  
“You understand the risks that you’d be taking, correct? And that you would have to relocate from Vardos?”

  
_The farther the better._

  
“Yes, sir. I understand. When do I start?”

  
“Immediately.”

  
_Perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are intrigued with this first chapter! ♥️


	2. The Finalizer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive on the Finalizer and get to meet the man you've heard so much about.  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _You're lovin' on the psychopath sitting next to you. You're lovin' on the murderer sitting next to you. You'll think, "How'd I get here, sitting next to you?"_ /// [ Heathens.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=-6xvC6x9SB60n_04GMjfFw)

### The Finalizer

You stepped off your transport into Hangar six, blinking rapidly. “Oh my _stars."_

 

The Stormtrooper behind you chuckled lightly. "Big, huh?"

  
You gave him a weak nod. The hangar itself _was_ massive. Unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. Rows of tie fighters were docked along the perimeter, various mechanics and engineers tending to them. Hundreds of Stormtroopers marched in synchronized formation. First Order officers spoke amongst themselves, while black-plated droids roamed the area. There was a general buzz of busyness all around you, giving off an air of importance. This and the sheer size of it all was overwhelming.

  
And you suddenly felt very, very small.

  
The Stormtrooper had to nudge you gently to remind you to keep walking. You snapped out of it and moved forward, trying to act like you weren’t feeling helplessly intimidated.

  
The woman that signaled for you at the mouth of the hangar embodied everything that the First Order stood for. Composure, confidence, professionalism. Her grey uniform was neatly pressed, her stance and gaze unwavering. Her grey cap matched her grey, cold eyes. You approached her tentatively, a little unnerved by her unsmiling face.

  
“Hi, I’m-”

  
“The new interpreter,” she glanced you over quickly, directing her next question at the Stormtrooper. “Why don’t you have her things?”

  
“She didn’t bring anything, ma’am. ” The trooper shrugged as he said this.

  
The woman looked back at you, a single eyebrow raised.

  
“The recruiter told me it wasn’t necessary, that I’d be met with accommodations upon arriving,” you said, explaining yourself. You started to worry that you were misinformed.

  
“Yes, he wasn’t wrong. But usually, new recruits like to bring something from home. Something of sentimental value, perhaps.” The way she was looking at you made you feel uncomfortable. Like she was judging you.

  
“I don’t have anything sentimental from home, ma’am.”

  
You felt kind of sad saying this out loud, but it was true. Except for the crumpled up letter in your pocket, you didn’t have any possessions that were important to you. Plus, you couldn’t tell her the truth- that you fled home the night of the accident and didn't look back, making it impossible to pack more than a change of clothes and your datapad.

  
She looked at you for a moment longer before nodding curtly and turning around. “Follow me.”

  
You did as you were told, feeling a little uneasy from your encounter with her.  _Way to start off on the right foot._

  
But you didn't have the time to dwell on your first impression. Three seconds in and you realized the rest of the Finalizer was just as grand as the hangar- in fact, it was _stunning_. The corridors were intricate, triangular shaped structures, all illuminated by various light fixtures. Stormtroopers and their squad leaders roamed the hallways, giving you the impression that this ship was heavily guarded for a reason. You walked through multiple blast doors before you made it into what seemed to be an office space. It was spacious and immaculate, everything a shiny black or a deep gunmetal grey. Standing at the front of the table was the man you recognized from the interview. He looked up at you, pulling his attention away from the data screens.

  
“Nev, thank you for bringing our new interpreter. Please, take a seat.”

  
“You’re most welcome, sir.”

  
You looked over at Nev who dutifully took a seat, and you followed suit. You made sure your posture was impeccable, your hands gently clasped in your lap. You glanced up at the red-haired man to find him staring at you, a small look of what you thought was approval on his face.

  
“My name is Armitage Hux, but you can call me General Hux. Welcome,” he said, his mouth twitching into a smirk.

  
You cleared your throat before speaking. “Thank you, General Hux.”

  
He broke eye contact and looked down at his datapad, his back impossibly straight. “Ah, excellent,” he said, clicking his tongue. “Top of your class and you have aided local government with a variety of linguistic services. Very impressive.”  
  
Your lips tugged into a smile at the praise but you chose to suppress it.

  
“Though I would like to implement physical training into your schedule, Miss…?”

  
At that, the urge to smile dissipated. You hesitated for a moment, but then decided it was time to start fresh, start over. A new life, a new name.

  
“Please, call me by my assigned name, General.”

  
Hux looked at you oddly but didn’t push it. “Very well, D-98. You will train five days a week starting immediately, to ensure you can perform at your peak physical fitness.”

  
“Fantastic, sir.”  _Fuck me._

  
You internally groaned, regretting that you told Boris you were open to the additional training.

  
“Well, we should be able to start any moment…”

  
Hux trailed off and you turned your head to see a tall, powerfully built man slip through the doors, gracefully walking towards the front of the table. He didn’t look at you as he took a seat and placed his elbows on the table and looked up at Hux, his dark gaze unfriendly.

  
“You’re late,” the General stated, through gritted teeth.

  
You watched him nervously. This man was about 100 times more intimidating than the General. He was imposingly tall, had broad, muscled shoulders and what looked like a lean, cut torso. His black hair rested around his face, outlining his tense, chiseled jaw. You couldn’t help but think he was remarkably handsome, his deep brown eyes and large lips giving him an almost sensual appeal. Even with his ragged scar that ran across his face, you still found his presence extremely alluring.

  
_He is seriously fucking beautiful._

  
Just then, the man turned his head and looked at you, curiosity displayed on his face. You tried your best to smile, but you could feel your heartbeat fasten as he continued to stare, searching your face intently. You felt your palms prickle with sweat under his scrutinizing, unrelenting gaze.  
  
“I _said,_ you’re late, Supreme Leader. I told you we-”

  
“I heard you, General,” the man said, his voice light and disinterested. He slowly shifted his body and turned towards Hux. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

  
_The Supreme Leader._  
  
You stared at him from the corner of your eye, in awe. Everything you have heard about this man came from word of mouth via the in-training Stormtroopers on Vardos. His Force abilities and place of power made him the most feared man in the galaxy. You tried to slow your elevated heart rate at the thought. You had no idea you’d be working closely with _the_ Kylo Ren.

  
“This is our new interpreter. A true scholar. She is fluent in every single known language in the galaxy. Ewokese, Jawaese, Droidspeak, Ubese, Shyr-”

  
“Great. The point, General?” he quipped, clearly impatient.

  
You looked at Hux, his body unnaturally still, his mouth pressed into a hard line. You could tell he was angry at being cut off.

  
“Would you _please_ allow me to finish?”

  
He paused for a moment, feigning consideration. “Sure.”

  
There was silence in the room while the two men stared at each other, the hatred rolling off of both of them. You weren’t sure who was in charge of whom, but you could tell it didn’t matter. There was always a constant power struggle.

  
Hux took the Supreme Leader’s silence as permission to continue the meeting. He turned his attention to you and you sat up straight.

  
“Now, I do apologize that you will be thrown into this without your first round of training, but our hands are tied. We need your assistance tomorrow, on Derilyn,” Hux spoke and lifted his hand at the same time, displaying a holoprojection of the planet in front of him.

  
“It’s home to a non-op Imperial Mining company, an old rival to the Radell Mining Co, which you might be familiar with.”

  
You weren’t, but you nodded your head anyways. You watched as images inside the mining company were projected on the screen, giving you a visual as he spoke.

  
“They provided the Galactic Empire raw materials for their weapon engineers. But there was some conflict, naturally, and they’ve been noncompliant ever since the Sixty Hour War.”

  
Your attention was pulled away from the screen when the Supreme Leader snorted incredulously, openly communicating his distaste.

  
The General clenched his jaw and made eye contact with him. “Something you’d like to say, Supreme Leader?”

  
“The Empire wiped out 95% of its entire population. To say they faced conflict is a gross understatement.”

  
“They shouldn’t have shown sympathy for the Rebel Scum in the first place. Emperor Palpatine was wise in his decision to obliterate them,” he snapped back, his eyes wild.

  
The Supreme Leader didn’t say anything but scoffed loudly, crossing his arms over his chest.

  
“Are you insinuating that we shouldn’t utilize their resources? This was your idea in the first place, _Supreme Leader._ ”  
  


“I didn’t say anything, _General._ Please, continue.”

  
His voice was rather polite, but you could tell there was serious contempt boiling underneath the facade. You sat there twiddling your thumbs, very uncomfortable. You peeked a look at Nev to see if she looked nervous too, but she was sitting perfectly composed, unfazed.

  
_She’s probably used to it._

  
“As I was saying,” Hux said with exaggerated significance. “We would like to expand our mining territories and reopen the Imperial Mining company. With the New Republic eradicated, there is nobody left in our way to stop us. Derilyn is now ours for the taking.”

  
You stared intently as the holoprojection changed before your eyes. He switched the visual to show you the landscape of the planet- rolling plains, forests and stunning mountain ranges. You have never seen so much lush, raw beauty before.

  
“And this is their leader, Durrei Tola,” he said, projecting an image of a blue-skinned man, part of the humanoid race but not entirely human.

  
You knew exactly what he was and you were very familiar with the language. You said, “he’s a Meri,” at the same time the General stated, “he’s of Merisee descent.”

  
The General lifted his eyebrows, impressed. “Very good. Now, as you know, they are capable of speaking our language, but we found it important to bring an interpreter, just in case.”

  
You nodded at him, taking your bottom lip between your teeth.

  
“Our intel tells us he’s a greedy man, but overall passive and a good leader to his people. I’m sure we can talk him into submission.”

  
Hux looked entirely confident in this statement, you could tell just by the way he was holding himself. But you weren’t so sure. You knew people, how they worked. And you especially know about the Merisee. They were a proud, tough species. Thinking about this, you nervously spoke up, the evenness of your voice surprising you.

  
“What if they don’t want to offer us their resources, sir?”

  
Both the General and the Supreme Leader looked at you now, causing you to shrink back just a little bit.

  
“Then we eliminate them. Just like anybody else who has denied us our right,” Hux said, matter of factly. You felt your stomach drop.

  
“We will have no one to rule over if we kill everyone,” the Supreme Leader retorted, his voice laced with agitation.

  
“Then we will do our best to reason with the man. Which reminds me,” he said, ignoring the Supreme Leader and leaving his attention on you.

  
“You are to simply repeat what we ask you to communicate. Nothing more, nothing less. Do you understand?”

  
“Yes, sir. I understand.”

  
“Excellent. I will be sending you a detailed mission briefing this evening. I trust you need to get settled in your new quarters, D-98. Nev, please assist her.”

  
“Right away, sir.”

  
Nev stood up immediately and you rushed to mimic her, clumsily.

  
“Thank you, General,” you managed to say, your voice sounding higher than usual. The mention of eliminating an entire population made you feel uneasy.

  
Hux waved his hand at you in acknowledgment but didn’t make eye contact. “Dismissed.”

  
You turned around and let your eyes wander over _the_ Kylo Ren as you did.

  
_Bad idea._

  
Your cheeks burned as you realized he was staring intently at _you_ , his gaze unflinching. He didn’t look unkind necessarily, but you knew it wasn’t a friendly look, either. All the same, you did your best to smile at him warmly before you pivoted and followed Nev out of the office.

  
You gained confidence as you walked out, hearing the _click click click_ sound of your heels as you made your exit. You weren’t an arrogant person, but you knew you looked good at the moment. You had your best, well, your _only_ nice outfit on. You hated to admit it but you were curious if he was watching you leave.

  
Nev started to walk down the corridor and spoke without looking at you. “Come, I will show you to your chambers.”

  
“Ah, actually. I would like to explore first, is that alright?”

  
She paused and turned her body towards you. “I won’t be available to show you your chambers later,” she said, flatly.

  
“That’s okay. I have a map,” you smiled sheepishly and held up your assigned datapad.

  
She looked at you for a moment, unsmiling, and you thought she was going to say no. Thankfully, she shrugged and walked away, leaving you unattended. You walked around, feeling truly lucky to be a part of something so massive, so powerful.

  
_If only Jawa could see me now._ Though still grieving your loss, you couldn't help but feel satisfied knowing that Jawa had no idea you ended up  _here._

  
_One day, I will go back and tell him. Preferably with a blaster._

  
But that wouldn't be for a very long time. You pushed the pain away, as you did so well, and let the muted feeling of bewilderment carry you through the hall. You spent around fifteen minutes walking around, your mind and body feeling weightless. It wasn’t until you found yourself in a more isolated area that you realized you had no idea where you were going.

  
You paused and looked behind you, searching for the best way back. You frowned when you saw the corridor split in three different ways and you had no idea which path you came from.

  
You bit your lip, nervous and eager to find somebody to ask for help. But you were alone; the loud bustle around you was reduced to a just few mouse droids zooming around.

  
Trusting your gut, you picked the path to the right and continued to walk around the empty area.

  
_This doesn’t look familiar at all._

  
You took out your datapad again and pulled up the map, itching to find your way back to the main sector. You used your fingers to pinch and zoom in on your location, only to have the device quit and go black unexpectedly.

  
“Ah, come on…” you said aloud, mindlessly moving one foot in front of the other as you tried to turn it back on. You were so focused on trying to make the stupid thing work, you didn’t even hear the heavy footsteps approach.

  
“What are you doing here?”

  
You whipped your head up at the freshly familiar, deep voice. Sure enough, it was the Supreme Leader, his face unreadable.

  
“Hi, uh, Supreme Leader. I’m uhhh-“

  
“Lost,” he stated, his lips twitching slightly.

  
“No, I-I’m just exploring,” you said quickly, defensively.

  
You raised your chin up a fraction, trying to sound confident. Your plan faltered when the Supreme Leader cocked an eyebrow and looked down at you, skeptical.

  
“You want to explore...” he started, gesturing around him, “... the sanitation sector?”

  
_Ah, shit._

  
“Yep.” You crossed your arms and didn’t break eye contact.

  
The two of you stood there, engaging in a stare-off, before his mouth twisted into what looked like a smirk.

  
“I will leave you to it then," he drawled, his robes lightly brushing against your ankles as he walked past you.

  
_No, no, no, please come back!_ You were hesitant to ask for help in fear of sounding dense, but you knew being lost on a ship this massive just wasn't ideal. 

  
“Ah, wait!” You called after him and he stopped, turned around, and looked at you expectantly. Amused, cocky. He knew what you needed but he was going to make you say it.

  
_Bastard._

  
“I _might_ need some help… yaknow, finding my way back.”

  
“Oh?”

  
“Yes,” you breathed, exasperated.

  
“I thought you were enjoying the sanitation sector?” His voice was light, taunting. 

  
You narrowed your eyes at him but decided to play nice. “I was. But now I’d like to retire to my quarters.”

  
The Supreme Leader didn’t say anything but jerked his head to the side, signaling for you to follow him.

  
_Thank the stars._

  
You did your best to keep up with him, your much shorter legs making it harder to match his strides. You made a point to take mental notes on the area you were in, in case you ever got lost again. A few minutes passed and you decided to try and make conversation with him.  
  


_If I’m gonna work with the most feared man in the galaxy, I might as well get on his good side._

  
“Supreme Leader?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Do you think the Merisee will allow us to open the mine again?”  
  


Silence. Just footsteps.

  
You frowned. "Hello?"  
  


“That’s none of your concern. You’re just there to interpret as needed.”

  
“Right, but what happens if they refuse? Do you anticipate conflict?”

  
“I always anticipate conflict.”

  
_Well that doesn't make me feel any better._

  
“If they refuse, won’t it be unsafe? Who will be there to protect us?”

  
You were surprised when you heard the Supreme Leader make a sound of amusement.

  
“Worry about your job and I’ll worry about mine, Scholar.”

  
_Scholar?_ You knit your brows in confusion. “Okay, but-”

  
Suddenly he stopped in front of you, causing you to almost crash into his back. He faced you, agitation in his expression.

  
“There is no _but._ If you have questions, read the briefing.”

  
The coldness in his tone made you take a step back. Looking down, you found a stray piece of fabric on your blouse and gently twirled it between your fingers. _So much for getting on his good side._

  
“I was just worried since I know this position can be dangerous. That’s all,” you muttered.

  
A beat. “You don't need to worry."

  
You looked up and met his gaze. He was looking down at you, face still etched with agitation, but with a touch of curiosity, too. You nodded and looked around, grateful to see that you were in the main sector by Hux’s office.

  
“A word of advice,” he started, pausing to look around the sector before meeting your gaze again. He rolled his shoulders and moved his neck from side to side, clearly tense.

  
“Don’t wander around the ship until you know where you’re going,” he said, his tone low and serious. “Especially alone.”

  
You were surprised at the sincerity in his voice, a stark contrast to the coldness from a few moments ago. You gave him a small, timid smile. “Thank you for your help.”

  
You let your eyes wander a little, appreciating the closeup view you had of his face. His eyes were intense and fixated on you, his jaw tense. You cleared your throat and shifted your stance, uncomfortable from his overt attractiveness and proximity.

  
A curt nod before he gestured to someone behind you. “Nev, assist our new interpreter to her chambers. She needs her rest for tomorrow.”  

 

Footsteps approached. "Yes, sir."

  
One last glance, and he brushed past you, leaving you breathless. You pivoted, watching him make powerful strides down the corridor, eliciting salutations from the various 'troopers as he walked past them. There was definitely something about him that-

  
“Ahem.”

  
You whipped your head around to find a visibly unhappy Nev.

  
_Ooops._

  
“Nev, I’m so sorry. I thought-”

  
“Very well.”

  
The coldness in her tone seeped into your bones. You grimaced as she walked past you briskly, nearly running into you as she did.

  
_Yikes._

  
You allowed her to walk a ways in front of you, not wanting to crowd her. Eventually you zoned out, unable to focus. You knew you should be paying attention to where you were going, but you were too excited for your first assignment tomorrow on Derilyn. It was your time to shine and impress your new employers… especially the Supreme Leader. You were worried that he saw you as incompetent, and you wanted to change that.

  
_Should be easy enough. What could possibly go wrong?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the delay- things have been crazy! Usually I like to update chapters at least once a week, so that's my plan with this. Also, please note, this is a SLOW BURN fic. Sloooooooooowwwwww. If that's not your cup of tea, you will not like this. 
> 
> You've been warned ;)


	3. Derilyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise on Derilyn. You see an opportunity to go above and beyond and you take it, going against General Hux’s wishes.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _When all the day's end, remember me then. It's not too late to, too late to save you..._ /// [ All the King's Men.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=6ztBylpXS5eCRlcgtPIWzw)

### Tactless, Redheaded Goon

The trek to Hangar Six was a long one. As stunning as the architecture was on the Finalizer, you were starting to resent the intricate, complicated layout.

  
_Can’t be late, can’t be late._

  
By the time you got there, you only had about five minutes to spare. In front of you were two shuttles. One of which was the Supreme Leader's shuttle, the other looked like a basic transport ship. Looking between the two, you decided to board the latter. 

  
"D-98, with us," came a drawl from behind you.

  
You turned to see General Hux eyeing you from below. His red hair shone brilliantly beneath the lucent lights illuminating the Hangar, his porcelain skin almost glowing.

  
You casually walked towards him, trying to hide your embarrassment for almost boarding the wrong ship. "Good morning, General. You're looking rather sharp today, sir."

  
His lips twitched at the compliment but he didn't address it. "I trust your accommodations are up to your standards?"

  
"Absolutely. Thank you, sir."

  
He nodded and led the way up the shuttle. You didn't feel the need to tell him that your quarters went way beyond your expectations, that you were used to a cramped closet and little to no privacy at all times. Now you had a full kitchen, refresher, living area, and bedroom. The First Order was taking care of you and it was more than you could ever ask for.

  
Hux pulled you from your thoughts. "We will be arriving at Derilyn in 0900 hours."

  
"Thank you, sir."

  
He turned around to look at you. "You read the briefing?"

  
"Yes, sir."

  
"And?"

  
This caught you off guard. "Uhhh, I-"

  
"Do you understand your part in this, D-98?"  
  


_Oh._  
  


"Yes. I understand that I am only here to provide translation services. Nothing more, nothing less." There was silence between you two before you quickly added, "sir."  
  


The General nodded. "Very well. Please, make yourself comfortable." He turned and gestured towards the small common area on the shuttle. "If you'd like to seek out privacy, we have assigned you room six," he said, directing you to the room.  
  


You smiled. "Thank you, sir."  
  


You moved towards the door so you could check out your private room. While you assumed the conversation was over, the General hovered by the door for a moment longer.  
  


"I should mention…"  
  


You knit your brows at his hesitation; he was usually quite direct.  
  


"Yes, sir?" You absentmindedly started to play with the hem of your blouse.  
  


"The Supreme Leader's private quarters are next to you, down at the end here." He paused to point down the small corridor. There was one single door at the end of the hallway.  
  


"I advise you steer clear of him, especially if he's in a sour mood. I wouldn't want him scaring you off before you've even started." There was a slight pause while he readjusted his stance. "Like he often does with new recruits."  
  


_What the hell does that mean?_ You felt your stomach do a small flip. "What happened to the last recruit?"  
  


Hux pressed his lips together, his chin lifting just a fraction.  "Nothing to worry about, I assure you. Please, get settled."  
  
  
You frowned as he walked away. "Thank you, sir."  
  


You opened the door to room six to find a cot-sized bed and a single chair in the corner. It was tiny, but you didn't mind. You weren't expecting to have any type of privacy on this tiny thing whatsoever.  
  


You placed your backpack on the single chair with a heavy sigh. The conversation with the General made you uneasy. You have heard stories about the Supreme Leader, but you assumed he was only volatile with enemies.  
  


_Guess it's best to just avoid him. If that’s even possible._  
  


Sitting down, you brought your feet up on the bed to stretch out.  _Mmmmm._

You didn't sleep well the night before, and the smooth movements as the shuttle took off comforted you. You closed your eyes for a moment, enjoying the sensation. Unintentionally, you drifted off to sleep.

>   
>  You were sitting on the floor in your closet, the one back on Vardos. Where your "parents" kept you. You were crying, but you didn't know why this time.  
>    
> 
> 
> _Did they punish me again? Or hurt Keykki?_  
>    
> 
> 
> You heard screams and your heart dropped. You tried to leave the closet, but the door was locked. The bloodcurdling scream continued.  
>    
>  _Keykki._  
>    
>  It was _that_ night- the night you fled. Panic consumed you and you started to pound on the door helplessly. "Please Jawa, let me out! Please, I promise I will be good!"  
>    
>  No answer. You frantically looked around your room to find something, _anything,_ that could get you out of your cage to save her. But there was nothing, like usual. Just a rough, thin blanket on the floor and a flat pillow, and an old hand-written letter tucked away in the pillowcase.  
>    
>  Sobbing, you fell to the ground, the sounds of Keykki screaming tearing your heart apart. You brought your knees to your chest and covered your ears, chanting to yourself. "Please, please, please, make it stop."  
>    
>  The screams didn't stop, and you screamed louder, desperate to get away from this place.  
>    
> 

Whether your own scream woke you up or the Supreme Leader did, you didn't know. You shot up in bed, your heart racing and your forehead damp with sweat. It took you a moment to acknowledge that he was in your room, looking down at you with curiosity coloring his expression.

  
_How long have I been asleep for?_

  
"Supreme Leader, I'm sorry. Bad dream, I guess," you said, pathetically. It was hard for you to make eye contact with him.

  
"We have arrived," he said, tone disinterested. He turned around before you had the chance to respond.

  
_Gods, get it together!_  
  


  
You stood up quickly, your heart beating wildly in your chest. You stretched in your room, prepping yourself for what was about to come. Putting your nightmare behind you, you grabbed your things and made your way to the common area. The General was there, but the Supreme Leader was nowhere to be found.

  
"Ah, excellent. Let's go," Hux smirked. "Oh and, remember, you're my 'officer' today. They can’t know you’re an interpreter."

  
You nodded nervously, nearly shaking with anticipation. You had to actively keep your mouth closed as you walked down the ramp of the command shuttle.  
  
Derilyn was beautiful and _empty._ The team had arrived in Tekar, one of the only livable cities left on the planet, thanks to the Galactic Empire. Though you landed on a decrepit loading dock of an old trading post, you could see the immense mountains and beauty behind the outpost.

  
_This place must have been thriving, once upon a time._ The thought made you sad.

  
You walked alongside the General, though you were directed by Nev to always stay a step or two behind him. You didn't particularly like it, but growing up on Vardos gave you an understanding of the inner workings of military hierarchy. So you did as you were told.

  
A flank of Stormtroopers followed behind the two of you, the sound of their synchronized boots almost soothing. It felt just like home. Nervous, you had to exert a lot of energy into appearing _not_ nervous. You did your best to keep your hands clasped behind your back, your back pin straight and your chin raised with elegance.

  
_You got this._ You spoke to yourself as the General approached Durrei Tola and three men.  _Maybe?_  
  


Three of them, including the leader, were of Meri descent. From far away, they looked like they could be human, except their dark blue skin gave them away. As you got closer, you could see their distinguishing trait of webbed hands and a protruding eyebrow ridge, giving off an animalistic appearance. The other man in their company was a Guavian foot soldier, wearing the telltale red, cybernetic armor commonly seen in Guavian Death Gangs. It was clear that he was here for protection, but you knew he was no match against the many Stormtroopers accompanying you.

  
"Durrei Tola, it is quite the pleasure to be meeting with you today. I am Armitage Hux, the General of the great First Order army." He waited for a moment, expecting praise.

  
He was met with silence.

  
"Shall we go discuss the terms of our proposed agreement, perhaps inside?"

  
"We will stay here," he stated, his voice thick with a guttural accent. "Where is the Supreme Leader? It was my understanding that he would be here today."

  
One of Hux's eyes twitched faintly. "He is preoccupied at the moment, but he will be joining us in no time, surely. Now, as I was-"

  
"No Supreme Leader, no deal." The blue-skinned man crossed his arms, causing his long, colorful robes to flap in the wind.

  
"While we wait for him, why don't I present you with the opportunity?" General Hux didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "I'm certain you will appreciate my forwardness, Durrei Tola. We want to seize the entirety of the Elrood sector, starting with the Derilyn system. _Your_ system,” the General paused, his face smug. "Then the Berea system, the Alluuvian system, the Dega system... and so on. We won't stop until we have succeeded. And we want you as an ally. If you join us, we will ensure you are met with great wealth and of course, our unfaltering protection."

  
Durrei Tola stroked his long, pointy beard. Silence hung in the air. You began to get nervous, even though the General was exuding unwavering confidence. One of the Stormtroopers behind you coughed.

  
"How much?"

  
Hux looked taken aback. "Of what?"

  
"Wealth. What's our cut?"

  
"A one-time payment of 50,000 credits. Upfront."

  
"No."

  
"And protection from the strongest, most capable army in the galaxy. That itself is priceless," Hux followed up quickly.

  
"I can't feed my people with protection, General. No deal." Durrei Tola shook his head and turned around, his confidants following suit.

  
"I encourage you to-" Hux started.

  
You heard him before you saw him. First, the sound of the ramp hissing as it lowered onto the ground. Second, his footsteps pounding against the asphalt. You turned, biting your lip, to see the Supreme Leader walking towards you, his strides swift and powerful. His gaze was locked on Durrei Tola and his men, his jaw clenched and nostrils flared. He looked terrifying. You tried not to flinch when he came and stood right between you and the General, nearly touching your shoulder.

  
"Your Highness," Durrei Tola purred. "Us humble Meri are so very blessed to be in your presence." His lips curled into a smile before he slowly dipped into a small bow, never breaking eye contact with the Supreme Leader.

  
_Is he mocking him?_

  
You held your breath and snuck a look at Kylo Ren through your peripherals. He appeared to be perfectly calm, his face impassive. His tightly balled fists were the only signs of anger.

  
"The deal. Have you reached a resolution?" Kylo's voice was deep, commanding. The sound of it made you shudder involuntarily.

  
"They have dec-" Hux was interrupted.

  
"Your General gave me an offer that I can just not accept, unfortunately. Perhaps you can give me a better deal, dear Supreme Leader?"

  
"Whatever General Hux says is what we are ready to offer you. Nothing more."

  
Durrei Tola repositioned his stance, agitated. "Then I regret to say we cannot offer you our resources, gentlemen. Meeting adjourned." He turned and started to walk away, briskly.

  
"If you walk away from us now," Hux called out, "we will bring destruction upon you and your people. Do not make the wrong choice."

  
Kylo looked at the General but he did not meet his gaze. You shuffled your feet at the tension.

  
This caused him and his men to stop in their tracks. They started to speak to each other excitedly in their own language, in a hushed tone. Your heart skipped a beat. Your time had come.

  
Hux looked at you, his calm and confident demeanor long gone. "What are they saying?"

  
Both the Supreme Leader and Hux had their attention on you as you leaned in to listen to their conversation. It was hard catching every word, but you gave them what you could decipher.

  
"They are discussing their options… they would accept a higher offer....they know they don't have the forces to fight us but are saying…" you trailed off, unable to hear them.

  
"Well? Saying _what?_ ” Hux asked, impatient.

  
"They are whispering, sir. It's hard for me to-"

  
"Oh, forget it. Troops, draw your weapons!" Hux called out. The Stormtroopers behind you maneuvered around the three of you to get in formation.

  
"You have thirty seconds to change your mind. Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight…" Hux counted aloud.

  
The men were speaking louder now, frantically. You urgently repeated fragments of what they were saying to Hux and Kylo.

  
"... don't want outsiders intruding into our system, cold, unforgiving ruler. Untrustworthy, tactless redheaded goon…"

  
  
The Supreme Leader laughed.  
  


  
_Ooops._ You bit your lip when you realized you added fuel to the fire.

Hux's face was distorted with anger, his eyes wild and bottom lip trembling. "I'm going to destroy these blue-skinned maggots if it's the last thing I do." Hux's voice was dangerously calm, quiet. His fists were balled tightly, his hands shaking.

You sensed he was thrilled to have the opportunity. You panicked.

  
_“Wait,”_ you cried out, in their language. You ignored the General's sharp intake of breath and moved closer to the men. You felt both Hux's and Kylo's eyes on you but didn't stop. You could feel the adrenaline pumping through your veins.

  
_"I am not a Meri myself, but I had the pleasure of getting to know your people in the past."_ You paused, waiting to see how they received you.

  
Relief washed over you when the leader repositioned his body towards you and responded in Merisee. _“I’m listening.”_

  
You moved closer, carefully stepping around the armed Stormtroopers. Weapons still raised, they looked back at their General, waiting for an order. He was silent.

  
_"I understand the love you have for your people. That's why I ask you to please reconsider,"_ you pleaded. _"The First Order makes a much better friend than enemy, sir. They will have their way, no matter what. And it will not be pretty. Trust me when I say that."_ You turned to gesture towards the Stormtroopers filing out of the transport. _"Think of your people. Do the right thing."_

  
Durrei Tola straightened his back and fixated his gaze on General Hux. There was an agonizing silence before he finally called out in the common tongue. "75,000 credits."

  
"60,000."

  
A confidant leaned forward and whispered in his ear. Without breaking eye contact, he nodded curtly and cleared his throat.

  
"You have a deal, General."

  
You let out a sigh of relief. _Thank the stars._ You turned around and walked through the Stormtroopers, their blasters still drawn.

  
"Excellent. We will return shortly, Durrei Tola, make no mistake of that." Hux held his gaze until the other men walked away. Then he directed his attention to you.

  
“D-98, _with me,”_ he hissed. He turned around abruptly and made his way to the shuttle, leaving you alone with the Supreme Leader. You gulped and chanced a look up at his face. He was staring you incredulously, his jaw tense.

  
"I-I'm sorry," you whispered. You hadn't even thought about what you were doing before it was too late. But you couldn't bring yourself to sit around and watch them get slaughtered. You had to at least _try_ and do something.

  
"Go," he demanded, nodding his head towards the shuttle.

  
You bit your lip and looked down, the heat reaching your cheeks.

  
_I’m so fucked._

  
Walking up the ramp with the Supreme Leader behind you and the General of the First Order army waiting for you inside, was the scariest thing you've ever had to do. You took a deep breath and entered the common area, preparing for the worst.

  
"D-98." The coldness in his voice stung.

  
"Gen-"

  
“What did I tell you _girl?_ You were not to speak unless instructed to do so. And what do you do? Speak to them _directly_ and with your own words, of all things! What did you even say, for fuck's sake?"

  
Hux was infuriated, pacing back and forth in front of you as you stood with your hands clasped behind your back, your eyes down. He didn't let you answer.  
“And on your _first_ assignment! What _nerve_ you have, child. I should send you right back to-”

  
“General.”

  
You lifted your head to see that the Supreme Leader was beside you. Fear coursing through your veins, you glanced around the room, looking for a safe place in case you needed it.

  
“Oh and _you!_ You were supposed to descend with us. That was the _plan._ Can someone please tell me why everyone is incapable of following the fucking plan?" Hux was yelling now, heated.

You glanced at his face for a split moment to see one single vein protruding from his forehead. You gulped.

  
"That's what the briefing is for, you fools. Why can't-"

  
"Enough." Kylo Ren lifted his arm and outreached a gloved hand, tilting it slightly. The General immediately stopped talking, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

  
"The girl did what you couldn't, General. Perhaps you are the fool," he snarled, his hand twisting in a way that caused Hux to claw at his throat.

  
_Oh my stars. He's going to kill him._ Mortified, you leaned against the wall behind you, sliding down to sit on the floor. You closed your eyes tightly and started to count in your head, trying to remain calm.

  
_Ten, nine, eight…_

  
There was a loud thud, forcing you to open your eyes. The General was on all fours on the ground, sucking in air. He quickly scrambled to his feet and smoothed out his uniform before retreating to the command room, furious.

  
You looked down again, afraid of his next move. You could hear the Supreme Leader walking towards you, his footsteps slow and steady. They stopped right at your feet, but you didn't have the gall to look up. 

  
"D-98."

  
You swallowed the lump in your throat and shakily met his gaze. He looked down at you, expressionless, and extended his glove hand to you. You eyed it, worried that you'd spontaneously combust if you touched him, but ultimately took the chance. Effortlessly, he lifted you up, his large frame towering over yours.

  
The silence was deafening. Eyes locked on yours, he stared at you, expectantly. 

  
"I- uhh," you couldn't find your voice.

  
"You're sorry. I know." His voice was rough, deep.

  
You nodded and continued to look up at him through your lashes.

  
"Don't be. You got the job done. Hux should be thanking you."

  
You blinked. "Wow," you breathed, your heart swelling with pride. "Thank-"

  
"But don't disobey the General again, Scholar. Especially if I'm not around."

  
You frowned at this. "What do you mean?"

  
Kylo took a step back, breaking the closeness between you two. "He sometimes treats new recruits like…" he paused, averting his gaze around the room before making eye contact again. "Like they're expendable. Be careful."

  
You fidgeted with your pinky finger. "That's what Hux said about you, Supreme Leader," you whispered.

  
His face changed, just for a moment, portraying some type of emotion you couldn't identify.

  
_Was that panic?_

  
"I'm sure he did." He looked you up and down, openly, letting his eyes leisurely take you in. You shifted and cleared your throat, uncomfortable.

  
Without warning, he turned around and left you alone with your thoughts. You went into this thinking he was the one to avoid, but now you weren't so sure. You were only positive of one thing: you couldn’t do anything else to mess this up.

  
_Because Jawa’s worse than both of them combined._


	4. Let the Past Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You befriend a Stormtrooper at breakfast. Later, you run into the Supreme Leader in an unexpected place.
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _You call my truth in the worst way, through the dirty lands of a broken smile. And I swear I'm not a pretender, sometimes it's love who's the biggest liar..._ /// [ Wild Horses. ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=DZ4lmKYqS6m2J0YSai4-Kg)

 

### Let the Past Die

You sat in the cafeteria of sector 33B with your breakfast and small cup of tea. You were focused on chewing mindfully, forcing yourself to slow down. Though seemingly trivial, it was something you had to work at every day to adapt to your new life on the Finalizer. You were used to scarfing down whatever you got your hands on, always afraid that if you didn’t eat fast enough, it would be taken away from you.

  
The painful memories flooded in, but you tried to keep yourself grounded.

  
_I’m safe here._

  
It had been one week since you escaped Vardos and started your new life with the First Order. Two weeks since you’ve seen your captors. Since you fled from their house, heartbroken, to sneak in the Imperial Academy for temporary shelter. Three weeks since you felt Jawa’s hot breath on your neck, his hands on your waist, threatening to do as he pleased. You shuddered, the memory of his grubby hands twisting at your shirt making you feel lightheaded.

  
Then there was Keykki.

  
Your heart sank as you thought about your chosen sister, another prisoner of Jawa’s. If it weren’t for her, you would have escaped the moment you hit adolescence. You’d always been smart and never had a problem with employment- even if most of your wages went to Jawa. But that had never been an option for you during all those years. You couldn’t leave Keykki alone with him, nor his mistress. They were both evil incarnate, living in the bodies of junk traders on the outskirts of town.

  
But that was a moot point now. Keykki was gone.

  
“Mind if I join you?”

  
Startled, you looked up to see a light-eyed Stormtrooper standing before you. His helmet was resting between his forearm and hip, a slight smile on his face.

  
“Hi,” you breathed. “Please, I’d enjoy some company.”

  
The Stormtrooper flashed you a brilliant smile before taking a seat. “Cool, thanks.” His helmet made a heavy _thud_ sound as he placed it on the table. “I’m Kp-374, but my friends call me Kip.” He extended his hand. “And you are?”

  
“D-98. But my friends call me…” You trailed off and lifted your hands up in defeat. “Just D-98, I guess.”

  
“We’ll have to change that.” Kip gave you a lopsided smile. “Hm. D nine… Dina? Nah,” he shook his head. “D...D…” Kip whispered to himself. “Oh, I know! How about Dede? You look like a Dede if you ask me.”

  
He was so charming, you couldn’t help but laugh. “Sure, I’m okay with that.” Finished with breakfast, you pushed the tray away and clasped your hands together in front of you. “So what type of stuff do you do here as a 'trooper?”

  
Kip made a small _mmm_ noise as he took a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I’m on the Finalizer, I patrol Hangar Six mostly. But I also work in the field, too. Ya know, top secret stuff.”

  
He winked at you, eliciting a giggle.

  
“Ooh, impressive.”

  
Kip ran his fingers through his hair. “Some might say so. What about you? You’re new here, I can tell.”

  
This piqued your curiosity. “Oh? How so?”

  
There was a wicked gleam in his eyes. “You still look happy.”

  
“Ha ha,” you teased. “I mean, I like it so far. I’ve only been on one assignment though, so who knows. And I start physical conditioning today, so that’ll be fun.” You put a finger in your mouth to mimic a gagging noise.

  
Kip laughed. “Oh no, I’m sorry. You work in...?”

  
“My job title is master of linguistics.” You lifted your hands to form air quotes. “Which is just a fancy way of saying I’m an interpreter.”

  
“Oh, no way. That’s awesome. But why the training? Do interpreters need to engage in combat, too?”

  
You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I don’t know. The General insisted that I’m well rounded, so to speak.”

  
“I guess that makes sense,” Kip scratched his head. “I honestly thought they’d just hire a protocol droid after what happened.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
Kip gave you a strange look. “They didn’t tell you?”

  
“No. Tell me what?”

  
“Oh, it was nothing, really.” Kip shifted in his seat. “So how do you like working with Nev? I heard she-”

  
“Kip,” you interrupted, looking up at him through your lashes. “Will you please tell me what happened? Pretty, pretty please?”

  
“Ah, I don’t know… I don’t want to get in trouble.”

  
You smiled warmly at him. “I would never get you in trouble, Kip,” you cooed, attempting to persuade him. “Besides, they would have told me anyways. I just haven’t asked.”

  
_Liar. You did ask, but General Hux wouldn’t tell you._

  
Your smile faltered momentarily at the small voice in the back of your head, but you quieted it just as quickly. _Shut up._

  
A smile touched your lips again as you absentmindedly ran your fingertip across your collarbone. He gulped as he looked down, his gaze following the movements of your finger.

  
_Gotcha._

  
“Oh alright,” Kip caved, “but you didn’t hear it from me. Got it?”

  
You nodded enthusiastically. Kip leaned forward to place his elbows on the table and you mirrored his movements.

  
“Rumor says she was murdered,” he whispered, “while on an assignment. But it wasn’t a hostile planet, and the native people eagerly received the First Order. So it wasn’t anything like that.”

  
Your heart dropped. “So, what happened to her?”

  
Kip sadly shook his head. “They called it an accident. But some of the troopers on the mission said…”

  
“Said what, Kip?”

  
There was a pause before he made eye contact again. “They said she was tortured. I believe they said dismembered.”

  
You sat back in your seat, suddenly feeling nauseous. Your voice was just a whisper when you managed to speak again.

  
“By whom?”

  
Kip shifted in his seat again. “That’s the thing. They never said who was at fault. But my bet is on the Supreme Leader.”

  
You grimaced. “Do you really think he’s capable of that?”

  
It surprised you when Kip laughed softly. “Have you met the guy, Dede? I personally believe he’s capable of anything.”

  
You frowned, the image of something so terrible souring your stomach.

  
“But hey,” Kip interjected, tugging you from your thoughts. “Who knows what actually happened. Could have been a rathtar for all we know,” he shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re perfectly safe.”

  
You met his gaze and offered him a smile back, but you still felt uneasy.

  
Kip took note of this, so he tried his best to fill the air with conversation. The more you got to know him, the more you liked him. You found out he was removed from an orphanage on Cantonica when he was two years old, his parents nowhere to be found. He thinks he’s around 25 now, but since he has never celebrated a birthday, he isn’t sure. While he doesn’t enjoy engaging in the violence that the First Order perpetuates, he mentioned that he is grateful to have a warm bed at night and food in his belly- something you could relate to. When he is off duty, which isn’t often, he spends his time at the cantina on board to fraternize with his fellow troopers. He invited you along, but you told him you wanted to get acclimated on the ship first before visiting the bar.

  
“I get it, you don’t wanna piss off the big boss a week in,” Kip grinned, “but let me show you around when you get settled. How does that sound?”

  
“Sure, I’d like that.” You smiled back, a warmth spreading across your chest.

  
 _It’s nice having friends,_  you mused, appreciating Kip’s hospitality.

  
“Alright, back to the grind,” Kip sighed, standing up. “Catch ya next time?”

  
You peered up at him. “Yeah, definitely.” You waved as he walked away. “Good luck with work!”

  
Kip turned around and called out to you. “Thank you, good luck with training!”

  
Oh, right.

  
_Kriff._

**\-----**

Five minutes into running on the treadmill and you felt like you were going to meet your maker.

  
_Oh my stars, I’m out of shape._

  
“C’mon interpreter, pick up the pace.” Your trainer made a clicking noise with his tongue, clearly disappointed with your performance.

  
“I’m trying,” you panted.

  
“Not hard enough.” The bald, middle-aged man tapped a button on the machine, increasing the speed. You groaned, your legs screaming in protest. You couldn’t remember the last time you worked out, let alone for a job.

  
“Goddammit, Hux,” you cursed under your breath.

  
“What was that?”

  
“Nuh-thing,” your elevated heart rate made it impossible to speak normally.

  
“Oh Heavens,” he said, stopping the treadmill. “Take five. Water is straight down there.” He pointed towards the end of the massive exercise area.

  
Your legs felt frail as you got off the machine. You could feel the sweat dripping down your torso, exposed in the black sports bra you were instructed to wear.  
  
“Take it slow, wouldn’t want you to overexert yourself, ya know, or pull a muscle or something.”

  
You narrowed your eyes at him but played nice. “Sure thing, boss.”

  
_Asshole._

  
You walked passed various First Order employees. Some were alone, some were with trainers similar to yours. You kept your eyes in front of you, slightly intimidated. The combination of the sports bra and black, full-length leggings accentuated your body in all the right places. You could feel the eyes on you.

  
You heard some hushed whispers on your right and against your better judgment, you peeked over. Two men were sitting on some of the machines and staring right at you. One of them, a dark haired man, winked at you. The other gave you a head nod and licked his lips - like you were supposed to know what to do with that. You rolled your eyes and averted your gaze, suppressing the urge to make a rude gesture at them.

  
_Gross._

  
You were used to the attention, but that didn’t make it less annoying. You almost expected it, being placed on such a male-dominated Star Destroyer.

  
 _One foot in front of the other._ The water station was so close, you just had to make it there. You were humming in your head when your gaze was drawn to a large figure sitting on the bench to the chest press machine.

  
_Supreme Leader Ren._

  
He was looking forward with a grim expression on his face. His scar was darker than usual, his increased body temperature exemplifying the pigmentation. He had on lean, grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt that greatly accentuated his build. You let your eyes linger. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, it was impossible to ignore the attraction you had towards him. Your eyes trailed back up to his face and he was staring back at you. The corner of his mouth twitched.

  
_Busted._

  
You smiled and tried to play it off. “Hello, Supreme Leader.”

  
He nodded in acknowledgment. “Scholar.”

  
You internally rolled your eyes. “Scholar? My name is-”

  
“I know what your name is.”

  
“Ooookay, then. Whatever.” You walked past him to reach the water station. He cleared his throat intentionally, stopping you in your tracks.

  
_Ah, shit._

  
“Sir,” you added, hastily.

  
He was silent for a moment while he adjusted the weight on his machine. “Don’t slip up in front of Hux. Might cost you an arm.”

  
You stiffened at this. Though it was meant as a joke, you couldn’t help but think there could be some truth to that.  _She was dismembered…_ Kip’s words echoed in your head.

  
You turned to face him. “Speaking of Hux, uh- Supreme Leader, I haven’t thanked you yet. For sticking up for me, in Derilyn.”

  
He continued his repetitions, pressing an amount that would kill you if you tried. You eyed him, secretly admiring his unquestionable strength. The muscles flexed and rippled beneath his pale skin.

  
“I wasn’t sticking up for you,” he said, his breathing labored. “I was putting Hux in his place.”

  
“Well, thank you either way. Sir.”

  
He nodded and let go of the handles, directing his attention to you. “The next assignment is in a few days. You have to follow orders this time. Do you understand?”

  
You bit your lip, the sternness in his voice putting you on edge. “Yes, sir.”

  
“Good girl.”

  
 _Good girl?_   “Excuse-”

  
“Who is Jawa?”

  
Your heart stuttered. “What?”

  
“You said his name in your sleep. Screamed it, actually.” Kylo stood up and grabbed the towel closest to him. He rubbed his forehead dry and rolled his shoulders before walking towards you, waiting for an answer.

  
“He’s nobody.” There was a touch of defiance in your tone. You subconsciously crossed your arms in front of your chest.

  
“He’s… nobody,” he repeated, inquisitive. “And that’s why you woke up screaming? Because he’s nobody?”

  
He was testing you and you knew it. You narrowed your eyes. “Yes.”

  
“Interesting.” 

  
“I better get back to training now. Please excuse me, Supreme Leader.” You turned briskly, hoping he didn’t notice your trembling hands.

  
You gasped when you felt warm, calloused fingers reach out and grab your forearm. You whirled around to face him, taken aback by his touch.

  
Kylo kept his grip locked on your arm, his expression intense. When he spoke next his voice was low, fervent. “Did he hurt you?”

  
“No.” Your response came naturally.

  
_Just like all those years, lying through your teeth._

  
“You’re lying.”

  
“No, I’m _not._ It was just a nightmare.”

  
Kylo shook his head. “You’re lying. I can sense it.”

  
You threw him an exasperated look. “So what if I am? What does this matter?”

  
His gaze lingered on your face before he let go of your arm. “It doesn’t.” Kylo flung the towel over his shoulder. “But we all have skeletons, D-98. You can’t escape your past.”

  
He strutted past you and you eyed him, digesting his peculiar behavior. You said the first thing that came to mind.

  
“ _Pati praeterita morietur._ Sir.”

  
_Let the past die._

  
Kylo stopped and turned his head towards you, intrigue coloring his expression. You hadn’t seen _that_ look on his face before. Like, for the first time, he was looking _at_ you, instead of looking through you.

  
You shifted your stance under his gaze, your palms prickling with sweat. He was staring at you for what felt like an _eternity._

  
A small trace of a smile lined his lips. “Spoken like a true scholar.”

  
His voice carried across the room, causing the entire room to turn and look at you. A warmth spread across your cheeks, and he walked away, arrogant as ever.

  
_Damn him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slowest of burns (I warned you) 🙂
> 
> Also, a big THANK YOU to the lovely and talented beta @ ghostwheeze for making this chapter 10000x better. you da best.♥️


	5. Scarif

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You complete an assignment without knowing the implications. General Hux gives you the night off.  
>   
>     
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Dark in the night, dark in the day. Darkness it just won't go away. Love, you left me madness, turned me to a monster now..._ /// [ Haunted. ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=c5J40BsYTrmwyETCILt1RA)

### Fireworks

“Absolutely not,” Kylo seethed, his boots slamming on the floor as he paced the common area of his ship.

  
General Hux was unfazed by his temper. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice, Supreme Leader.”

  
You stood awkwardly between them, wishing you could go hide in your quarters until you got home.

  
Kylo scoffed. “According to whom, General?”

  
Hux narrowed his eyes. “We have to stick to the _plan._ We don’t want them to get suspicious.”

  
“Right,” Kylo retorted, “and keeping company amongst these low-lives isn’t suspicious enough already?”

  
Hux waved his hand, dismissing him. “They don’t know any better. To them, we are all great friends,” Hux said, a wry smile touching his lips. “Now, don’t be difficult. _Remember the plan.”_

  
You repositioned your feet again, curious as to what plan they were talking about. This time, you didn’t receive a full briefing of the mission. All you had to do was translate for a few Drovian miners at the meeting. Since they were cooperative, you assumed it was time to go home.

  
Kylo continued to pace back and forth, agitated. “The plan can go on without my presence at the cantina.”

  
Hux’s back stiffened and his chin raised slightly. “If you didn’t want this responsibility, you should not have taken the title, _Supreme Leader.”_

  
You winced at the spitefulness in Hux’s voice and peeked up at Kylo. He stopped in his tracks, his jaw clenched and posture tense. The silence dragged on as they glared at each other, the tension nearly palpable. You absentmindedly started to pick at your nails, nervous.

  
“We leave at sundown before the fireworks begin. No later.” Kylo stormed down the ramp.

  
_Fireworks?_

  
You started to back up, slowly retreating to your onboard quarters.

  
Hux let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. “And where do you think you’re going, D-98?”

  
You froze. “My quarters, sir.”

  
“Not a chance,” Hux said, smoothing out his uniform. “It’s not safe to stay by yourself. You’re coming with us.”

  
“But sir-”

  
“Come along now. We can’t be late.” Hux cut you off, exiting the ship without waiting for an answer. Three Stormtroopers followed him down the ramp while the last one looked at you. You stared back, wishing he'd just leave without you.

  
“Come on, move it,” he nudged you with his blaster, earning a dirty look from you.

  
“Yeah yeah, I’m going,” you mumbled.

  
_This is gonna be fun._

**\-----**

The only habitable city on Scarif was a small one. From the loading dock, you walked about a mile on a small path surrounded by water. Once you got into the city, you looked around, taking note of the abandoned and destroyed buildings from past conflict. What was once a flourishing city, you assumed, was now a ghost town.

  
With the General out of sight, the only thing guiding you was the loud music coming from the bar. Tentatively, you walked through the door and had to pause, overwhelmed. The Stormtrooper escorting you bumped into your back.

  
“Ooof, sorry,” you said, breathless. He grunted and walked around you, your cheeks flushed.

  
Though decrepit on the outside, the interior was intricate and lively. Tables and booths were organized in circular patterns around the room, a stage placed in center back. Lights of various, vibrant colors lined the ceiling, illuminating the artwork that hung chaotically on the walls. There wasn’t a band on stage but loud music was playing overhead. Humanoids, Twi’leks, and other mammalian sentient species roamed around. Almost every booth was occupied, waitresses in scanty outfits tending to them. Your eyes darted around the room as you looked for the General.

  
A low voice spoke into your ear. “Lost again, I see.”

  
_Kylo Ren._ You jumped slightly, his hot breath tickling your neck.

  
“I wasn’t lost, sir. Just exploring is all.” You turned around to face him. He was so close, you had to crane your neck upwards to meet his gaze.

  
He was looking down at you, amused. “That’s what you said last time.”

  
“I like to explore,” you said, shrugging.

  
The corner of his mouth twitched. “After you.” Kylo pivoted and gestured towards the back of the cantina, near the stage.

  
You smiled as you walked past him, happy that he was in a better mood. You veered to the right but he placed his hand on your lower back to guide you. It remained there, even after Hux was in view. Chills shot down your spine when his fingers pressed into your skin, tenderly, before dropping his hand.

  
You brushed it off. _Maybe he's had something to drink._  


  
You cleared your throat and nodded at the General to greet him. He was sitting at a partial booth with the Stormtroopers, the distaste evident on his face. His posture was unbelievably straight, his lips curled down into a slight frown.

  
“The table is sticky,” he said, scrunching his nose in disapproval.

  
You tried your best to suppress your laughter. You never thought you’d see the General in a bar before, but you're glad you got the chance.

  
You took a seat across from Hux and a waitress sauntered over to the table. She was a Twi’lek, her blue skin nearly glowing underneath the lights. She had on black leather pants that accentuated her curves beautifully, with a lace bralette that showed off her entire torso, including her pierced belly button. You couldn’t help but find her stunning.

  
Kylo loudly took a seat next to you, trying to make a point to Hux. You looked over at him and saw him flicker his eyes up and down the waitress’s body as she turned towards him. You rolled your eyes.

  
_Men._

  
“Pleasure to meet you, sir. What can I get ya?” She asked, her accent thick. There was a pause until she bowed clumsily and added, “Your majesty.”

  
Some of the Stormtrooper’s snickered at the title, but Kylo handled it with grace. “Supreme Leader. And I won’t be ordering.”

She blushed and looked towards Hux to take his order. He simply shook his head at her, indicating he wasn't interested.

  
You could tell she was embarrassed, causing you to sympathize with her. Besides her two lekku, her features were petite and dainty, giving off a rather innocent presence.

  
_“Don’t fret- they’re not nice to anyone,”_ you addressed her, in Twi’leki. _“You’re doing a great job.”_ You smiled warmly at her.

  
_“You know my language.”_ She smiled back at you. _“What would you like to drink, darling?”_

  
You hesitated for a moment but decided it should be appropriate. They brought you along to the cantina, after all.

  
“Gin and tonic, if you don’t mind,” you responded, in the common tongue. Hux cleared his throat. You looked across the table to find him glaring at you.

  
“Ah, actually,” you backtracked, nervous. “Water is fine.”

  
The Twi’leki looked confused but nodded her head before turning away from the table.

  
“Waitress,” Kylo called out. “She will have the gin and tonic.”

  
You turned to thank him, but he wasn’t looking at you. He was engaged in a stare-off with the General. A few minutes passed and you couldn't stand the silence.

  
“So, General, the physical conditioning has been going rather well,” you offered, trying to break the tension. He looked at you, his face emotionless and cold. His red hair was covered in a dark First Order cap, but his piercing green eyes were hard to miss.

  
“Ah, excellent news,” he stated, his voice perfectly polite. He didn’t say anything else.

  
_Okay, then._

  
You turned to your side to face Kylo. “So, Supreme Leader,” you started, clearing your throat. “What do you do for fun?”

  
You were surprised when you heard the General scoff across the table. “Torture small animals, set things on fire, destroy other’s property...”

  
You bit your lip, waiting for a confrontation. It didn't come. Instead, Kylo was glaring at Hux, his fists clenched on the table.  
  
_If looks could kill._  
  
You laughed nervously, trying to defuse the situation but failing miserably. The Stormtroopers at the table shifted uncomfortably.

  
“Here ya go,” the waitress said, placing your drink in front of you.

  
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. _Thank the stars._ You quickly sucked it down.

  
“And this,” she said, placing a berry oi-oi puff in front of you.

  
You knit your brows. “Oh, there’s been a mistake. I didn’t order dessert.”

  
_“It’s from him,”_ she said in twi'leki, pointing to a man sitting across the bar. _“He asked about you immediately.”_ She winked and walked away.

  
You peeked over at the man, who tipped his hat to you when you made eye contact. You smiled at him, blushing. You were uncomfortable with the attention.

  
“What did she say?” Hux asked, annoyed.

  
“That it’s way past your bedtime,” Kylo said. One of the Stormtroopers disguised his laughter with a cough.

  
“I like oi-oi puffs, do you like oi-oi puffs?” You asked, to nobody in particular. “Here, have some oi-oi puff.” You placed the plate in the center of the table.

  
Kylo looked at you, an odd expression on his face. Amused, maybe. His pale skin was illuminated under the colorful lights, a strange contrast to his black tunic. He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by an unpleasant, high-pitched noise coming from the stage.

  
“Sorry, sorry,” a fat, bald man squawked into the microphone. “I don’t mean to interrupt the party, but we have some exciting news here for our small, modest city.” He licked his lips and rubbed his hands together, a sloppy grin on his face. “The First Order will be reinstating the Imperial Security Complex on the island, providing countless jobs to stimulate our economy. We will once again be a great city!” He shouted, slurring his words. “Now, please give our special guests a warm welcome. Mr. Supreme Leader Ren and General Hugs!” He pointed to your table and the crowd whistled and clapped.

  
You choked back laughter at the way he butchered their names. Both Hux and Kylo looked terribly uncomfortable with the attention, making you laugh even harder. Kylo shot you a nasty look and you attempted to control yourself, biting your lip to the point of pain.

  
_Keep it together._

  
“Now, now, silence,” the fat man shouted, quieting the crowd. “Please raise your glasses to our wonderful guests to celebrate the beginning of a beautiful, profitable partnership,” he raised a glass and looked towards the table. “May the Force be with you,” he said, before taking a sip.

  
You picked up your glass and raised it to the fat man, already feeling tipsy.

  
_This is fun._

  
You heard Kylo stand up and push his chair in, aggressively. He walked away, his fists clenched and his strides powerful. Hux slid out of the booth, and you turned your body towards them to eavesdrop.

  
Hux grabbed his forearm. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  
“I’ve had enough. I’m leaving,” Kylo hissed.

  
“Sundown isn’t for another hour-”

  
“We’ve done our part. Everything is in motion. It’s time to go.”

  
Hux shifted his stance and looked back at you, making eye contact. He turned to the Supreme Leader and started to whisper animatedly. “We need more time. We have to-”

  
You leaned forward, trying to catch their conversation. You couldn’t hear anything over the noise, but every so often they’d look your way, making you feel uneasy.

  
Eventually, Kylo walked away and Hux returned, his jaw tense.

  
“Are we leaving, sir?”

  
“No, stay here,” he said, impatient. He reached into his pocket and took out a handful of credits. “And take the night off.”

**  
\----**

  
You didn’t mean to be, but you were _drunk._ Neither Hux or Kylo came back for a while, leaving you all alone with some mute Stormtroopers and a pile of credits. So, naturally, you ordered two more drinks while they were gone.

  
After what felt like an eternity, an angry Kylo sat down out of nowhere, exhaling loudly. “I hate bars.”

  
“So,” you started, playing with your straw between your fingertips. “I guess it’s safe to say you don’t do this for fun?”

  
Kylo snorted. “Absolutely not.”

  
“That’s too bad. It’s pretty fun.” You kept your eyes on him and leaned forward, blindly trying to find the straw. You giggled once you felt it in your mouth, impressed with yourself. You were blowing bubbles in your drink when Kylo reached over and took it from you.

  
“Hey, I wasn’t done with that,” you protested.

  
“I think three is enough.”

  
_“Three?”_ You asked, dumbstruck. “I have did not have so many,” you said, jumbling your words.

  
Kylo didn’t say anything but raised an eyebrow at you.

  
“Can I have that back, please?” You reached out to grab it, but Kylo moved it from your grasp.

  
“No.”

  
You pouted at him. “Pretty please.”

  
This time he shook his head. “No.”

  
“Pretty please….sir? Mr. Supreme Leader sir?” You smiled at your joke, but Kylo didn’t find it so funny. He shot you a dirty look before raising the glass to his lips, finishing it off in one gulp.

  
You sighed, defeated, and crossed your arms. “Okay then, sir. When are we leaving?”

  
“Soon,” he replied, curtly.

  
“Okay,” you said in a deep voice, attempting to match his tone.

  
Kylo rolled his neck left and right, irritated. “If you’re going to mock me, you can just stay quiet.”

  
“Yes, sir.” You rolled your eyes, knowing full well he couldn’t see your face. “I just don’t understand why I’m here in the first place.”

  
“It’s for your own safety.”

  
“For my own safety,” you repeated, yawning. “Hux _did_ warn me that this job had it’s safety concerns. But...” Your stomach dropped as you remembered your conversation with Kip.

  
“What is it?” Kylo asked, his voice low. He was looking at you attentively, like he knew you were upset.

  
“It’s just that,” you started, a small voice in the back of your head telling you to drop it. You ignored it. “I heard something bad happened to the last interpreter. Something… terrible.” You stole a glance at him.

  
His face hardened. “An accident.”

  
You frowned. “I heard-”

  
“What you heard is _wrong,”_ he spat. “Drop it.”

  
You leaned back, the alcohol making it difficult to process his reaction. Amongst the busy cantina, you saw two Stormtroopers across the room looking in your direction.  
  
Kylo saw them too, and they nodded at one another before he stood up abruptly. “Time to go, D-98.”

  
“Finally,” you murmured. You stood up and instantly the room began to spin, the conversation you just had long forgotten. You tried to steady yourself on the table, but it started to move away from you. Stumbling backward, you waited for impact but it never came. Instead, you felt yourself leaning against a warm, hard body. You lifted your head back and looked up, only to see Kylo looking down at you.

  
You huffed and tried to walk forward, but he secured an arm around your waist.

  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Scholar.” His voice was light, playful almost.

  
“I’m fine,” you insisted, irritated. “Let me go.”

  
Kylo waited a moment before releasing you. “Whatever you say.”

  
You marched forward, insistent on proving that you weren’t as drunk as he thought. You walked through the cantina, waving to your Twi’lek friend as you did. Her face lit up when she saw you, smiling radiantly.

  
With the sun down, the air outside was cool and refreshing. You looked up at the sky as you walked, smiling. Though you could no longer see the ocean, you could hear the waves crashing all around you. You licked your lips, almost tasting the salt in the air.

  
_Mmmm._

  
You were still looking up when something caught your foot and you fell forward, yelping as you went down. You hissed through your teeth as you landed on your knees and palms, hard.

  
“Oh, fuck me,” you whispered to yourself. The fall made you disoriented, dizzy.

  
The footsteps behind you came to a stop and you internally groaned. You forgot who was escorting you. You glanced up at him, embarrassed.

  
“I fell,” you said, pathetically.

  
“I see that,” he said, deadpan. Kylo was looking down at you, his black hair falling in his face. Though the light was minimal, you could still see his deep, brown eyes boring into yours. A touch of a smirk was on his lips. His form looked massive from this angle, hovering over you as you sat on the ground. You couldn’t help but feel a little intimidated.

  
You tried to get up, but your heel got stuck in the dirt, furthering your embarrassment. You internally cussed at yourself as Kylo reached down and grabbed your forearm to steady your balance. The moment you were back on your feet, Kylo bent down and scooped you up in his arms, gracefully.

  
“Hey-”

  
“We are running out of time.” His voice was stern, non-negoitable.

  
You wanted to tell him you could handle yourself, that you didn’t need him to help you, but being carried wasn’t _so_ bad. You wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on his chest, breathing him in. He was so solid, so strong. It made you feel safe.

  
“Where are you taking me?” You whispered, drowsy.

  
“To bed.”

  
You opened your eyes, your heart beating wildly. Something about his tone sounded sensual, suggestive.

  
“To _your_ bed,” Kylo said, clarifying. “We have a long trek home.”

  
“Oh,” you breathed. You felt the warmth reach your cheeks. You settled your face back onto his chest, thankful that you were almost to the shuttle. And then, abrasively, you were ripped from your calm, warm state. Three loud bangs exploded into the air, followed by a deep rumbling noise that shook the ground.  
  
_What in the galaxy?_ You whipped your head around and looked over his shoulder.

  
About a mile away, brilliant orange and red flames engulfed the stretch of buildings you had just occupied. Three more loud bangs and the huts across the street went up in flames. For a moment, there was silence as the fire spread rapidly. And then the screams started.

  
You started to tremble. “Supreme Leader?”

  
He shifted your weight in his arms. “It was our only option,” he stated.

  
You blinked rapidly as more explosions were set off, drowning out the desperate cries and screams.

  
“I don’t understand. I don’t-” You tried to speak, but your tongue was coated in lead.

  
Emotionless, Kylo stepped onto the ramp, followed by the Stormtroopers escorting you. The ramp made a low humming noise as it closed behind you. He took a few long strides and stepped into room six. He tried to set you down on the bed, but you were clinging to him so hard, he had to work to untangle himself from you.

  
“I don’t understand,” you repeated, in shock. You wrapped your arms your chest, shivering. Tears streamed down your face as you looked up at him, thoughts of the sweet Twi’lek girl coursing through your mind.

  
He leaned down and gently placed a blanket over your shoulders. He turned to leave but you grabbed his hand and stared up at him, desperately. “What happened? Why did we do this?”

  
Kylo shook his head. “It’s just business, D-98.”

  
Your heart sank. _“Business?”_ you repeated, incredulous. “They received us well, there was no reason to kill all of them!”

  
Silence.  
  
You could feel yourself get hysterical but you couldn’t rein it in. You closed your eyes, your heart hurting. You knew the First Order provoked violence wherever they went, but you never thought you’d be _this_ close to death and destruction. You felt sick to your stomach.

  
“Leave, please,” you whispered.

  
There was a moment of silence before you heard Kylo’s weight shift and his boots reposition. You opened your eyes to see him squatting in front of you, his eyesight level with yours. His eyes were darting back and forth across your tear-streaked face, like he was searching for something.

  
“Do you want to forget?” His voice was low, fervent.

  
You didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

  
“The pain. I can take it away,” he murmured, positioning his palms upwards and looking down at them. He moved his hands towards yours, offering you to take them.

  
You eyed them suspiciously, unsure of what would happen if you placed your hands in his. Your hand slowly inched towards his but you pulled it away, indecisive.

  
“No,” you whispered, “I just want to sleep.”

  
Kylo took a gloved finger and placed it under your chin. He delicately raised it, forcing you to make eye contact with him. His eyes bored into yours before letting them explore your face, lingering on your lips. For a moment, you thought he was going to kiss you.

  
“Sleep,” he cooed.

  
You fell unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t even have an excuse for taking so long to update this except that I SUCK. sorry guys.


	6. The Bleeding Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn about the Scarif attacks at the cantina. After, you run into the Supreme Leader and have an interesting exchange.  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Do I wanna know, if this feelin' flows both ways? Sad to see you go, was sorta hopin' that you’d stay..._ /// [ Do I Wanna Know? ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=iNWWny5sTeiIoGEyoFjBgA)

### The Bleeding Crystal

The days following your assignment on Scarif were _rough._ You woke up the next day in your bed on the Finalizer, unsure of how you got there from the shuttle. Then the memories came flooding in. The warmth from the fires raging behind you. The outpour of smoke burning your nostrils and eyes. The screams of innocent people burning alive. And lastly, Kylo Ren. Holding you tightly, carrying you away. His offer to take the pain away for you. 

  
You almost wished you took him up on that offer, you mused, as you stared down at your gin and tonic. Every night since you got back, you’ve been coming to the cantina in the lower sector to drown your sorrows. Four or five days in a row, you weren’t sure exactly. With physical conditioning the only thing on your schedule, you were having a hard time gauging time. 

  
_Four days, right?_ You thought to yourself, working harder than usual to come to that conclusion. You had to count backward to figure out how long it had been. You thumbed the necklace around your neck, thinking.

  
The day after you got back, you retired to your quarters to find a stunning jewelry box sitting on your bed. Inside was a small, clear crystal pendant attached to a simplistic silver chain. The small note inside was left unsigned, but read, _for your troubles._ Given your conversation with the Supreme Leader that night, you assumed it was from him. It definitely wasn’t Hux, who was still angry with you about Derilyn. 

  
_I wonder where he got-_

  
“Mind if I join?”

  
You looked up to see a dark-haired trooper, leaning confidently against the bar. He ran his hands through his hair, a sly half-smile on his face. 

  
_Yeah, no._ “Do I know you?” You didn’t even try to act polite.

  
He laughed quietly, unperturbed. “I’m sorry, how rude of me,” he said, extending his hand for you to shake. You tentatively grabbed it and shook his warm, calloused hand. “I’m Ll-612. I’m part of the special forces that infiltrated Scarif earlier this week.”

  
This piqued your interest. “Oh. Were you part of the team that escorted us?”

  
He shook his head. “No, we were farther into the island, out of sight. All stealth mode like, you know," he winked. "We had our own transport.”

  
You knit your brows with confusion. “I didn’t know that.”

  
“Oh, don’t feel bad,” he said, grinning. “Hux didn’t tell anyone. It was top secret,” he winked again, clearly unaware of your distress.

  
“I see that,” you mumbled, sipping your drink.

  
Ll-612 inched closer to you.“I saw you though, from afar. When we hit up the cantina with our goods.”

  
You tilted your head at him. “What do you mean?”

  
He smirked. “The _goods,”_ he whispered, “the _explosives.”_

  
Your heart sank. After you composed yourself, your voice was barely a whisper. “But why?”

  
The 'trooper began tapping his fingers on the counter. “I don’t know, really.” He sipped his drink. “My guess is profit. Take out the middle-man, and you don’t have to pay anybody for their services,” he shrugged. “One of my buddies is getting deployed there next rotation to start working on the reconstruction of the base. So I’m assuming it’ll be an exclusive First Order project, and to do that, we had to wipe out the locals.”

  
You bit your tongue, a bitter taste in your mouth. “Just business, then,” you said, sadly.

  
He was too dense to pick up on your mood. “Yep! So, where are you from?”

  
You chugged the last of your drink and set the glass down, loudly. “Look, I gotta go. Early day tomorrow,” you said, hopping off of the barstool. “Have a good night, bud,” you called out after him, without looking at his face. You were sure he was offended by your abrupt departure, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to care at the moment. 

  
You walked into the hallway, your head still in a haze. You thought the drinks would help you feel better, but in reality, you felt worse. Lonely. Knowing the motive behind the attack didn’t help things either, you mused. Absentmindedly playing with the pendant around your neck, you watched your feet carry you down the narrow corridor. 

  
“Scholar,” Kylo said, startling you. 

  
You paused and peeked up at him. His arms were clasped behind his back, his legs separated in a wide stance. He looked at ease, comfortable. Like he owned the place.

  
You shuddered and grabbed your arms, bringing them close to your chest. You tried your best to sound pleasant. “Good evening, Supreme Leader.” 

  
He nodded and looked down at the crystal hanging around your neck. “I see you received the necklace.”

  
“Yes, thank you." You looked down, twirling it between your fingers. “It’s beautiful."

  
He took a step closer to you, wafting a clean, sweet scent in your face. “Do you know what it is?” 

  
You shook your head and your hair fell from behind your ear, into your face.

  
“It’s a kyber crystal,” Kylo spoke quietly. He reached out and gently grabbed the crystal, rubbing it between his gloved fingers. “It’s a symbol of healing...power...life,” he breathed, saying each word with significance. He dropped the crystal and gathered the hair draped around your face. “Or,” he whispered, gently tugging on your curls as he pushed them behind your shoulder, “it’s whatever you want it to be.”

  
Kylo’s gloved fingers grazed your cheek as he pulled his hand away, eliciting the chills that traveled down your spine. Your lips parted slightly, feeling woozy. You struggled to find the right words. “Thank you, I-”

  
He cut you off. “What do you want it to be?” His voice was low, raspy. Kylo’s gaze darkened as he watched you intently. 

  
You frowned, overwhelmed by his sudden intensity. “I don’t know. I-” 

  
“What do you _want?”_  He repositioned his stance so he was closer, towering over you. His movements were quick, impatient. 

  
The way he was looking at you made you nervous. You blinked multiple times and you cleared your throat. “I….I want,” you started, biting your lip. “I want… to feel safe.” You fought the urge to close your eyes, your mind swirling with thoughts of Jawa. You felt your throat constrict with emotion.

  
The corner of Kylo’s mouth twitched and his eyes trailed down, settling on the pendant around your neck. His breathing steady, he took off his left glove by pulling at each fingertip, one by one. He let the glove drop to the ground and you cocked your head to the side, eyeing him curiously. 

  
He reached out and grabbed the crystal again, with his bare hand, and held it there for a few moments. You were watching him intently as he focused on the necklace, his face painted with concentration. 

  
“What are you-”

  
“Shhh,” he hushed you, his focus still on the necklace.

  
You watched him in awe. He was gritting his teeth, his jaw trembling slightly. You could see that whatever he was doing was taking an immense amount of physical energy. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, his breathing labored. A warmth started to emanate from his hand, unusually hot, and Kylo hissed before grabbing the crystal with his gloved hand.  He shook his other hand and rubbed it against his thigh. You gasped quietly when you saw an angry, prominent burn on his palm. 

  
“Hey, are you okay? Your hand…” you started, softly.

  
He gave you a swift nod, dismissing your concern.  “There,” he said, satisfied. He dropped the crystal onto your chest, the sensation still warm but not hot enough to burn your skin.

  
You looked down, your eyes wide. The once colorless crystal was now a mesmerizing, deep red color.

  
“What did you do?” You asked, your voice full of wonder.

  
“The crystal- it belongs to me now,” he explained. “If you ever feel unsafe, hold it-” he paused, placing his hand over yours to direct it to the crystal.  He curled his fingers around yours, making you grasp onto the pendant. “And think about me. I will come to you.”

  
You swallowed loudly, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. It’s like he _cared_ about you, an entirely foreign sensation to you. “Thank you,” you managed.   
  
He didn’t respond. His hand still covering yours, his eyes dropped to your lips. He was looking at you the way he did the night of the attacks. Like he wanted to kiss you.

  
Your mind reeled as you processed this. _The Supreme Leader wants to kiss me._

  
Your fight or flight system kicked into high gear. Your breathing quickened, your heart rattled in your chest. You were looking up at him with wide eyes and every fiber in your being was screaming danger, predator. But something else was speaking to you too, something you couldn’t see or explain. And it was telling you to stay, pushing you even, to get closer to Kylo. Trembling, you leaned into him, your body screaming in protest but you knew it was pointless to fight it. Kylo had a hold on you, and in this moment, you belonged to him. Like you were falling, tumbling down into a never-ending abyss, and the only thing you were tethered to was his body. He was the only thing that existed and you needed him, desperately. You closed your eyes, letting him decide what happened next. You stood there expectantly, terrified and inexplicably excited at the same time.

  
And then you heard them. Stormtroopers, _drunk_ Stormtroopers, exiting the cantina. Their chatter broke you from your trance and your eyes shot open.   
  
  
“Hey, hey! Hey, listen,” you heard one of them say, enthusiastically. They erupted into laughter. “Shhh, shhh. Let me speak.” 

  
“Oh for star’s sake,” you mumbled.

  
Kylo let out a jagged breath and repositioned his stance a few steps away from you, irritated. The sensation that was pulling you closer to him slowly ebbed until it completely dissipated. Like the breath was stolen from your lungs but now it belonged to you again. Like you were in control again. You stepped back and took a deep breath, running your shaky hands through your hair. A pit formed in the bottom of your stomach.

  
_What in the actual fuck just happened?_

  
The Stormtroopers came stumbling towards you, completely unaware of who was watching. “No, really, this one is good guys,” he slurred, “now tell me why, why did the Supreme Leader cross the street?” More laughter. “To… wait for it,” he slurred, “to get to the dark side!” An explosion of cackles filled the corridor.   
  
And then they looked up. First, they saw your unamused, flushed face. Then, their gaze lazily focused onto Kylo. You could quite literally feel them sober up from where you were standing.

  
“Oh shit,” the one in the back said.

  
“Oh shit is right,” Kylo said, his blank expression terrifying even to you. 

  
“I, I, I-” the one that made the joke stuttered, his face an unhealthy shade of white.

  
“Have a death wish?” Kylo asked, his voice nonchalant.

  
You peeked up at him, fear gripping hold of you. The troopers were annoying, but you didn’t want to see them die. 

  
His eye twitched slightly and he jerked his head to the side, implying it was time for them to take their leave. The Stormtroopers scrambled to squeeze past the two of you, reeking of liquor. 

  
You let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall. “I need to sleep,” you uttered, mostly to yourself. It had been a long night.

  
“Come,” Kylo said, picking up his discarded glove on the ground. “I’ll walk you to your quarters.”

  
You grabbed your arms again and brought them to your chest, trying to make yourself as small as possible. You felt lightheaded. Whether it was from the booze or Kylo’s effect on you, you couldn’t tell. 

  
“No, it’s okay,” you said, weakly. You were a melting pot of emotion, and you didn’t trust yourself around anyone right now, let alone the most unbalanced, powerful man in the galaxy.

  
He looked at you oddly, a moment of uncertainty flickering across his face. Something you've never seen before. And then it was gone, replaced by the emotionless, hardened mask he wears so well. 

  
“Word of advice,” he said, his tone flat. He was looking down at his hands, focusing on each of his digits as he slipped on his glove. Disinterested, bored. “Don’t let the General catch you down here. It’s unprofessional.”

  
You nodded quickly, your cheeks burning at the reproach. “Yes, sir.” 

  
There was an awkward pause as the two of you looked at each other. You started fidgeting with the hem of your blouse, dumbfounded that moments ago you wanted to kiss him, and now you could barely look him in the eye.

  
_Say something, you idiot._ “Well, goodnight, Supreme Leader,” you offered. 

  
He nodded and abruptly walked past you, brushing your shoulder as he did. You turned your head and watched him make powerful, quick strides down the hall, his fists clenched and broad shoulders tense. You could almost feel the anger rolling off of him.

  
An unfortunate Stormtrooper exited the cantina right as Kylo walked past, inches away from crashing into him. Without stopping, Kylo placed his hand on the man’s chest and pushed him, _hard._ The momentum of the push sent him crashing back into the door. A small gasp escaped your mouth as you watched him slide down to the ground, clutching his chest. The Supreme Leader kept walking until he was out of sight. 

  
You shuddered and toyed with the pendant around your neck, lost in thought. 

  
_That man is going to be the death of me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so close... yet so far.... sorry. (don't worry. it's coming)


	7. Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You contemplate the last two months over lunch. Your new self-defense teacher takes things too far.
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Acting like I'm heartless, I do it all the time. That don't mean I'm scarless, that don't mean I'm fine. But you'll see, when someone else makes you this way..._ /// [Dark Side.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=92Eq8OaUQUSJSDk0dty62g)

### Lessons from the Supreme Leader

  
The next two months passed by in a blur after your heart broke just a little bit on Scarif. During the first few weeks, you thought you'd never adjust. But you found out what they say is true: time heals everything.

  
Your memory started to fade. The screams you replayed in your mind were just a little less harsh, a little less real. And then seemingly overnight, you became desensitized to it all. Kip said that after a while, the First Order did that to you.

  
And you fell into a routine.

  
You did your job as instructed. You accompanied the General countless times, sometimes traveling back to back with little time for sleep in between. He made good on his promise of seizing the entirety of the Elrood sector. First the Derilyn system, then Berea system, Alluvian system… all of it. Like taking candy from a baby.

  
You joined the General, and sometimes the Supreme Leader, on these assignments, and provided your services when needed. You received a briefing per each mission, ensuring you read every last detail. No more attacks, no more surprises. You didn’t necessarily _enjoy_ aiding them in seizing the galaxy through coercion, but it was your job. A job that took you away from Jawa's grasp. 

  
One afternoon, you sat in the cafeteria, pushing around your food with a fork. You tried to resist what was coming, but your attempts proved futile. You placed your elbows on the table, letting out a deep sigh.

  
Your mind was filled with thoughts about _him._ Again.

  
Since your intoxicating run-in outside of the cantina, you didn't have any more significant encounters with the Supreme Leader. But whatever happened to your body that night stuck with you. It seemed like he wormed his way into your head, taking up space in your mind.

  
He got under your skin. And it drove you wild.

  
You shifted in your seat, agitated with this realization. You tilted your head to the side and tucked a stray hair behind your ear, the necklace Kylo gave you hanging like a weight around your neck. You were never _not_ aware of it.

  
Or him. You couldn’t stop thinking about his hand wrapped around yours. About the intensity of his deep brown eyes, the seductive slope of his lips. Or the freckles splattered across his face like the stars. You thought about tracing those freckles with your finger, tugging down his tunic to see if they lead anywhere else.  
  
Those damn freckles kept you up at night.

  
But when in his proximity, you shut down, too timid to speak to him. And he didn't reach out, either. He kept it strictly professional.

  
Unfortunately.

  
So you watched him when you could, from afar. And sometimes, you'd get the creeping sensation that he was watching you, too. The hairs on the back of your neck would rise, shivers slipping down your spine. Goosebumps traced your arms. You felt the same way you did in the corridor, all that time ago. And you were drawn to it.

  
_"Wrrk-wrrk-Sprrpft!"_

  
You jolted at the sound of a service droid addressing you, trying to collect your plate. "Yeah, yeah, I'm done," you muttered. He happily beeped back at you.

  
Just then your datapad lit up, an alert coming through for your upcoming training session.

  
You internally groaned. Just as you were getting used to the excruciating training they put your body through, they introduced something else. Self-defense. And not just basic self-defense; your trainer made it clear that you'd be working with the best of the best. Someone named Captain Phasma, if you recalled correctly. Kip told you she was truly a force to be reckoned with.

  
You got up rapidly and made your way to the gym. You turned a few heads as you half jogged in your sports bra and leggings, your body now toned in ways you didn't think possible.

  
A few moments later, you reached the gym. You sprinted in, running past the machines, and entered the private training room in the back.

  
You busted through, panting. "Sorry, sorry, Captain-"

  
You looked up and your heart dropped. Your stomach twisted into painful knots, contradicting the pleasant tingling sensation on the back of your neck. Your new trainer wasn't Captain Phasma.

  
It was Kylo Ren.

  
"Scholar," Kylo's mouth twisted unpleasantly around his nickname for you. "You're late."

  
"Supreme Leader," you started, your mouth suddenly dry. "I'm so sorry, I thought-"

  
"You thought you'd waste my time further with your excuses," he spat. "Come, I don't have all day."

  
Embarrassed, you cast your eyes down and jogged over to him. You set your bag down and positioned yourself in front of him, ready. For what, you had no idea.

  
Kylo didn't seem to want to direct you, either. He stood there, his arms across his chest, stance wide, looking at you with a blank stare. Even without the layers of fabric that normally encased his frame, he still somehow managed to look massive, each muscle outlined beneath his black t-shirt and matching joggers. The longer the silence continued, the more uncomfortable you got.

  
His lip twitched, drawing your attention to the freckles on his cheek, near his scar. Below it was another one, and another on his neck, leading down to-

  
_Oh no, no, no, no._

  
You cleared your throat, hoping he couldn't pick up on your thoughts. He was still looking at you, expectedly. "Uh, what do you want me to do, sir?"

  
"Drop and give me 50."

  
_RIP me._

  
You immediately got down onto your knees and palms, attempting to do a modified version of the exercise. You heard Kylo click his tongue at you.

  
“50 _real_ push ups. Don’t insult me.”

  
You groaned internally. "But sir, I don't know how to." Still in position, you glanced up at him.

  
He started to pace back and forth in front of you, making you anxious. "Then it looks like we _will_ be here all day."

  
This time you groaned out loud. Reluctantly, you planted your feet out behind you into a standard push up. You bent down, feeling awkward with the movement. Even after rigorous training, you still needed to work on your upper body strength.

  
"One," Kylo called out, bored. More footsteps circling you.

  
You dipped down into another one, but this time, you went too far. Your arms buckled underneath the weight and you struggled bringing yourself up again.

  
"One and a half."

  
_Oh you pretentious little bastard._

  
You let out a string of cuss words in your head but went down again all the same. _Keep your cool, keep your cool._

  
"Pathetic, that doesn't even count."

  
You lost your cool. "Look. I’m _sorry_ I was late, okay? But torturing me because I can't do a push up just isn't fair. I'm not good at this kind of stuff." You stared down at the mat you were balancing on and waited for a response, tense.

  
You heard the fabric of his pants shift and his shoes crease, squatting down in front of you. He was silent as he hovered, but you could _feel_ his eyes on you. Like he was waiting for you to look at him. 

  
You caved and made eye contact, but wish you didn't. The lump in your throat was hard to swallow. He was so close- and so _intense._ Somehow he managed to scare the shit out of you even when he looked reasonably at ease. His forearms rested on his thighs, relaxed, his hands dangling between his legs. His lips pressed into a thin line, jaw tense. Still in a pathetic pushup position, you felt the warmth spread across your cheeks. You held his gaze and secretly begged in your head.

  
_Say something, please._

  
"50 additional pushups every day until you learn, Scholar."

  
You frowned. _What crawled up his ass and died?_ You bit your tongue all the same. "Yes, sir."

  
"Good," he said, his tone flat. "Now get up."

  
Awkward, you pushed yourself off of the floor and positioned yourself in front of him. You didn't know what to expect when you made eye contact with him, but it definitely wasn't this.

  
"Hit me," Kylo said, challenging you.

  
The corner of your mouth pulled down. "Hit you," you repeated, unsure of yourself. "Like, in the face?"

  
Kylo's eyes seemed to light up. "Sure."  
  


You hesitated. "I don't know how," you said, unconfident. "I've never hit anybody before."

  
Kylo shook his head, impatient. "That's why we're here. I need to know your baseline." 

  
"Okay…" Tentatively, you stepped forward. Kylo's eyes slowly traveled down to your chest, delicately rising and falling with each passing breath.

  
You cleared your throat, causing him to make eye contact again. He removed one hand from behind his back and gave you the _come hither_ motion with his fingers.  
  
You gulped. You didn't know much about throwing punches, but you did know _not_ to tuck in your thumb. You curled your fist into a tight ball. Drawing your elbow back slightly, you lurched forward, aiming for his jaw. You closed your eyes and waited for impact.  
  
It never came.

  
Instead, you flew forward, the momentum of your punch sending you stumbling. You opened your eyes. Kylo had moved out of the way and was looking at you with an amused expression on his face.

  
He stood there, his hands behind his back, completely at ease. Taunting you. "Not sure how you're ever going to punch someone with your eyes closed."

  
You threw your hands up in defense. "I told you I don't know how to punch!"

  
"Again."

  
You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at him, knowing you were already on thin ice. You took a few deep breaths, positioned yourself the best you could, and swung.  
  
This time he didn't move. Your hand connected with his sternum and you rapidly pulled your hand back, hissing through your teeth.

  
"Kriff, what are you made out of? _Tempersteel?”_ You looked at him with narrowed eyes, cradling your aching hand.

  
What happened next was so surprising, you almost forgot the pain searing through your hand. Closing his eyes and tilting his head back, Kylo Ren laughed.

  
You watched him, your lips parted and eyes wide. The sound was pleasant, musical almost. It stirred something in your lower belly.

  
"No, I'm not made out of tempersteel, Scholar," he murmured, stepping towards you. Suddenly, the energy in the room shifted. Warm. It reminded you of the heat of being too close to a fire - comforting, yet balanced on the edge of danger.

  
"Anybody would hurt their hand punching like that," he said, shaking his head. He stepped around you, pivoting so your back touched his chest. Your breath hitched as both of his arms slid around you, grabbing your hand between his. He manipulated it gently, mindful of your near-fracture, to take the form of an accurate fist.

  
"There you go," he whispered. "Now, remember, don't close your eyes."

  
Weak at his proximity, you could only manage a nod. He positioned himself in front of you again. This time, he held out his hands for you, giving you an easy target.

  
You lunged forward, hitting him with all your strength. There was a loud _smack_ noise as your fist connected with his palm. You eagerly looked up at him, pretty pleased with yourself.

  
That feeling dissipated quickly. "We'll work on that," he said, his mouth twitching. "Next, escape tactics."

  
You frowned. "But I haven't learned how to punch."

  
Kylo shook his head. "This is just your assessment. Baseline, remember?"

  
_Oh, duh._ "Yeah, okay. Ready, Supreme Leader."

  
Kylo cocked an eyebrow at you. "Oh?"

  
The way he was looking at you made you uneasy. "Uh… yes, sir."

  
"Hm," he mused. He started to circle you, prowling around you like you were his prey. "Are you sure you're ready?"

  
"Yes?" Your intended statement came out as a question.

  
No answer. Just footsteps.

  
You started to pick at your nails. "Hey, am I- _ooof,"_ you yelped, the impact of his body against yours catching you by surprise.

  
Kylo had you secured against him, your back against his chest. He was crouched down slightly, his arms locked around your torso, pinning your arms at your side. You couldn't move your entire upper body. If you weren't so afraid, you would have noticed you didn't  _hate_ the way his arms felt around you.

  
"Get out of my grasp," Kylo said, his voice hushed. His lips moved close to your ear, his hot breath giving you chills.

  
You grunted, thrashing your shoulders wildly to try and break his hold on you. Your resistance proved pointless. "I can't _move!"_

  
Kylo's ragged breath tickled your neck. "Try harder."

  
You leaned back into him and tried to use your legs to kick off the ground, attempting to throw him off balance. He only tightened his grip around you. Despite what he claimed, you were pretty sure he _was_ made of tempersteel.

  
"Ow, ow, ow, wait-" you proclaimed, feigning an injury.

  
Kylo loosened his grip only momentarily, but long enough for you to weasel your elbow in a way to make contact with his ribs. With contact, he grunted and stepped back, releasing you. You danced away, grinning like an idiot.

  
"Ha! I did it! I defeated the Supreme Leader," you teased, knowing full well that you indeed did _not_ defeat him.

  
Kylo looked at you, a wicked gleam in his eyes. A faint smile touched his lips. He let you have your moment.

  
"Next," he stated, rolling his shoulders.

  
You crouched, readying yourself for impact. Kylo mirrored your stance. The two of you circled one another, in sync. You started to feel confident, capable of taking him on. But then he pounced.

  
Kylo lunged at you at full force, wrapping his arms around you as he pushed you to the ground, his body falling on yours. Even with the mat, the fall hurt, but not as much as you expected. Kylo had put his arm around your back to lessen the impact.

  
You tried to use this as your advantage, placing all your weight on his arm, attempting to leave him unbalanced. It didn't work. Kylo slipped his arm out with ease, smirking as he did so, and gathered your wrists in his hands. He repositioned his body over yours gracefully, securing your lower body in between his legs, straddling you.

  
You groaned, rendered completely immobile again. The frustration rose in your chest.

  
"Ahhhhh fffuccckkkkk gaaaah." Strange noises came from your throat as you thrashed below him, desperately trying to shimmy away from him.

  
"Oh?" Kylo teased, a smile teasing his lips. "Tell me how you really feel, Scholar."

  
"Ugh!" You thrashed again. _"I'm pissed!"_

  
His smirk deepened. "You aren't trying hard enough."

  
"Excuse me, Supreme Leader," you said, panting. You were still trying to break free. “But I _am_ trying. It's not my fault a goddamn mountain is sitting on top of me."  
  
You thought maybe this would peel him off of you, but no. He clenched his thighs together, immobilizing your lower body even more. Quickly, he repositioned his grasp on your wrists so he could hold them tighter. His face glazed over and the warmth left his expression. He looked terrifying.

  
"You need to try harder. Pretend that this is real, that you're being attacked. _Try.”_

  
You stilled underneath him for a moment, taken aback by his sudden intensity. Your fingers twitched, the sudden urge to grasp your necklace overwhelming you as adrenaline sparked through your limbs. You closed your eyes and steadied your breathing.

  
_Try._

  
You thought about somehow twisting your leg free so you could hit him where it hurts, but you were mercilessly pinned below him. You writhed anyways, groaning audibly when he put more of his weight on you.

  
"This isn't fair, Supreme Leader. I don't know what I'm doing," you said, letting go of the tension in your body. You gave up.

  
Kylo, on the other hand, did not. His eyes were wild, his jaw tense. "You're being attacked, and they're about to take whatever they want from you. _Do something.”  
_  
  
You breathed heavily through your nose, the anger starting to stir within. “I _can’t_ do anything if I _can’t move,”_ you argued. "Baseline, remember?"

  
He ignored you. "Good, use that. The anger. Use it against me."

  
You shot him an exasperated look. "What? No, just get off of me."

  
Kylo shifted impatiently on you but did not release you from his grasp. An alarming sensation started to settle in your belly. Fear.

  
"Kylo," you whispered. "Please, let me go."

  
He looked down at you and something flickered across his face, hesitation, perhaps, but it only lasted a fleeting moment. Then he secured his hold on your wrists, twisting them painfully.

  
"Ow, what the fuck! Get off!" You screamed at him, squirming wildly in his grasp. Your chest ballooned with panic as you realized Kylo knew he was hurting you, but didn't seem to care. When he didn't let go, you began to kick your feet, trying to move him, even just an inch.

  
"Good," he praised, "Very good. Keep trying," he breathed.

  
He was praising you, but it seemed like the more you moved, the tighter he held you. The panic sent you in overdrive. You leaned forward and tried to bite his hands, still holding your wrists. A scream tore from your throat as you struggled viciously against him. Beads of sweat formed on your forehead.

  
"Better," he said, his voice laced with approval. "I'm your enemy, and I want to hurt you. So hurt me first," he said, egging you on.

  
From how you were feeling right now, you almost believed him. At the moment, you feared him, hated him almost. You continued to flail your limbs below him, desperately trying to break free.

  
"I can’t!" you yelled, your face hot. Tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

  
"You can. Use this fear, this anger. Channel it," Kylo spoke fervently. "Close your eyes if you have to. Imagine Jawa. Imagine him trying to take what he wants from you. Threatening you. Now make him stop. Make him  _hurt.”_

  
Your eyes flew open at the sound of his name.  _Jawa._

  
You went cold. Bile rose in your throat. Your heart stopped, then pounded painfully in your chest. Through tears,  you pushed into him and screamed.

  
He took this as a good thing, praising you for your efforts. But inside you felt shattered, defeated. When he _still_ wouldn't let you go, you broke down. Letting your body go limp, tears streamed down your face until they turned into full-blown sobs. Your anger vanished.

  
Kylo slowly released you from his grip, detangling himself from you. He stood up and stepped away, hovering over you.

  
Rolling over on the mat, you brought your knees to your chest. Sobs tore from your throat as you were forced to think about Jawa, forced to think about what he put you through. What he did to Keykki. 

 

In this moment, you hated Kylo Ren.

  
"Scholar…" Kylo whispered, moving towards you.

  
"Don't." Another sob. "Leave me alone."

  
Silence. He didn't move, either. 

  
_"Please."_

  
"Let me," he started, shuffling, before clearing his throat. "Let me take you back to your quarters."

  
You shook your head _no._

  
"Please," he said, his voice quiet. You never imagined you'd hear the Supreme Leader speak so tenderly.

  
The tightness in your throat didn't allow you to speak. Not like you wanted to, anyways. 

  
Kylo didn't seem to take the hint. A brief moment, then he approached you, wrongfully taking your silence as a yes. He bent down and cupped his hands under your knees and waist, scooping you up. You clung on to him as he lifted you off of the ground, feeling lightheaded.

  
He stood up completely and repositioned your body in his arms. Heading to the door, you tapped his chest, stopping him.

  
"No, I can walk." You didn't meet his gaze.

  
Wordlessly, he bent down and planted you on your feet.

  
Your cheeks were hot, your face still wet from tears, and you knew your makeup was everywhere. All you wanted was to be alone. You stepped away from him, cleared your throat and readjusted your workout attire. "Thank you for the lesson today, Supreme Leader," you said, tilting your face up at him. "It'll be a hard one to forget."

  
You weren't sure, but you thought you saw him wince at your words. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it just as fast. You gave him a moment, waiting for an apology, but it never came.

  
_Not surprised._ One last glare, and you turned away from him.

  
Footsteps echoed behind you. “Wait,” he ordered.

  
You looked back at him. You tried your best to keep your voice even. “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

  
“I’m…” he trailed off, averting his gaze to the ground. He shifted his weight, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. He looked uncomfortable, and it was a sight you were not accustomed to seeing. He swallowed before he spoke next. “I will see you tomorrow.”

  
A tinge of sadness coursed through you. You gave him a swift nod, unable to force yourself to smile. _“Donec iterum,_ sir.”

  
_Until next time. Asshole._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to my friend @ghostwheeze for editing this chapter and making it 100x better ♥️♥️♥️


	8. The Shuttle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You board the Supreme Leader's shuttle for your next assignment. Both of you can't sleep and find yourselves in the common area at the same time.
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Brushin' my hair back, feelin' your lips on my cold neck. Magnetic everything about you; you really got me now. You do it to me so well. Hypnotic takin' over me, make me feel like someone else..._ /// [ Hypnotic. ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=WMyXu5nfSLicYtjj6eSOWw)

### Tell me I'm Wrong

  
“Dede!” You turned at the sound of your nickname, unsure of where it was coming from. “Dede, over here!”

  
Your eyes scanned Hangar Six, frowning. There was too much commotion for you to find the source of the yelling. You spun around, squinting like an idiot, until a Stormtrooper ran up to you, waving frantically. 

  
“Hey, Dede, it’s me, Kip!”

  
A smile broke out on your face. “Kip,” you breathed. “Sorry, didn’t recognize you in all that...stuff,” you said, gesturing at his armor.

  
He laughed. “Of course. My bad. So hey, how have you been? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  
A soft exhale left your lips. “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been so busy. Either with the General or…” you paused, a small frown tugging at your lips. “Or with the Supreme Leader.”

  
“Oh, no way, like training? I heard you-,” Kip paused, a small gasp emanating through his helmet. “Woah, check that out,” he muttered, shoving his blaster towards the shuttle behind you. 

  
You turned around, the sight causing your jaw to drop. The Supreme Leader was walking through the hangar, his cowl over his head and robes fluttering behind him. He was donning his usual all-black attire: textured tunic, black pants, and combat boots. Lightsaber at his side. Yet what caught your eye was the black and metal mask covering his face, making him look inhumane. Like a creature. 

  
You swallowed audibly. He looked _terrifying._ You had only heard about Kylo’s mask from the trooper’s on Vardos, and you thought it was just a myth. Watching him stalk through the crowd evoked a new type of fear in you. You shuddered, imagining training with _that_ thing.

  
“What is _that?”_ you asked, incredulous.

  
Kip shuffled his feet. “His mask. He used to wear it… but that was a long time ago. Huh,” he said, indifferent. “Anyways, tell me, how have-”

  
“Kp-374, to your station!”

  
You peeked behind him to see his squad leader looking in your direction.

  
Kip groaned. “Ah, I gotta go,” he said, walking backwards. “Any chance you can join us on our transport?”

  
You hesitated. “I mean, I have always gone on the Supreme Leader’s ship, but maybe…” you trailed off, risking a look behind you towards his shuttle. Your heart dropped. 

  
There he was, standing on the ramp, his mask directed at you. Like the asshole he was.

  
You turned towards Kip and shook your head. “Sorry, I’ll just have to see you on location. Get some rest, Kip!”

  
He waved and turned around, sprinting to the transport. You weren’t as enthusiastic about getting to your shuttle. Instead, you slowly put one foot in front of the other, thinking about your training with the Supreme Leader. He was much nicer to you the day after he made you cry- almost _too_ nice. He let you tackle him a few times, and when he tackled you, he always let you out of his grip immediately. Like he was afraid of setting you off again. He still kicked your ass, though. Unfortunately.

  
You were humming to yourself when a tall figure popped up in your peripherals. Peeking over, you caught a glimpse of the fiery red hair first, then the smug face of none other than General Hux.

  
You straightened your back, gravitating towards him. He looked at you, his lips twitching slightly, and you offered him a reserved smile. “Hello, General. I hope you had an excellent day.”

  
He approached you and matched your pace, peering down at you. “D-98. Glad to see you’re well. How was the first week of your self-defense lessons?”

  
_Truly terrible._ “Outstanding, thank you for asking.”

  
He gave you a curt nod and ascended the ramp. Following right behind him, you looked around, relieved to see the masked creature was nowhere to be found. Hux headed straight for the command room, not looking at you has he departed. He never engaged in small talk for longer than thirty seconds, and your time was up.

  
_Fine with me._  

  
Swinging your bag over your shoulder, you made your way to room six. The Supreme Leader’s ship was tiny- it’s intended use just for transportation, not comfort. You didn’t mind though; you almost preferred it. 

  
Just as you were approaching the door, Kylo exited his room at the end of the impossibly slim corridor. You quickly diverted your eyes and silently prayed that he’d leave you alone.

  
_So close._

  
“Scholar,” he said, his voice a deep rumble through his mask. 

  
_Yet so far._

  
You reluctantly paused, looking up the visor of his mask. After a rough week with him, he wasn't exactly your favorite person. Plus, the mask creeped you out. You fidgeted with your hands, trying to give him a smile. “Supreme Leader.”

  
“How’s your shoulder?” Even through the mask his voice sounded light, amused.

  
You narrowed your eyes at him. “Still hurts. How’s your crotch?”

  
There was a pause, like your question caught him off guard. “Fine.”

  
“Ah, that’s too bad. I’ll make sure to knee you harder next time,” you teased, readjusting the bag on your shoulder. “May I ask,” you said, stepping closer. “Why the…” you trailed off, gesturing your hands over his face. 

  
Kylo shifted his mask down and looked at his hands, opening and closing them. “I…”

  
The energy between you suddenly felt tense, thick. You shifted uncomfortably, thumbing his necklace around your neck. A few moments passed and you sensed he wasn’t going to respond. It was only until you reached to open your door that he spoke.  
  
  
“Someone once told me to let the past die,” he started. He lifted his mask to your face and clenched his fists. “It won’t.”

  
Your mouth opened, a small intake of breath rushing through your lips. _“Pati praeterita morietur,”_ you whispered. 

  
Kylo gave you a swift nod. His response led you to believe wearing his mask was an emotional decision. You had the urge to reach out to him, to comfort him. Why, you didn't know, exactly. It was just in your nature. You chewed on your bottom lip and took a tiny step towards him. 

  
“Ren! Where are you?” Hux’s voice boomed through the shuttle.

  
Kylo whipped his head towards the common room and you jolted back, breathing heavily. Without another word, Kylo walked past you, brushing your shoulder. You put your hand to your chest and felt your heartbeat thudding against your palm. 

  
You waited until you couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore before walking inside your room. Only moments after you got in, the shuttle hummed to life, rocking slightly as it lifted off the hangar. 

  
_Let the past die._  

  
Something teetered along the edge of your mind, trying to get your attention. You sat down on the bed, pulling your bag up with you. You wanted to find something, _needed_ to. Rummaging through your bag, you began to panic as you couldn’t find what you were looking for. And then your fingers found it- the smooth, unmistakable feeling of an obsolete material. 

  
Paper.

  
You pulled it out and clutched it to your chest, letting your bag fall to the ground. Leaning back, you tucked the pillow underneath your head and closed your eyes. You let your breathing steady before pulling the note from your chest, tracing your fingers over the messy letters written in Aurebesh.

 

_I will come for you, my love. And if the stars do not allow me to return, let the past die. I am so sorry._

  
You read the words over and over again, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You were six when your mother sold you to Jawa and his mistress, pocketing enough credits to feed her addiction. At least, that’s what they told you as you got older. Somedays you believed them and hated her for it. Others, you chose to believe that they were just lying.  
  
Tears slipped down your cheek. When you thought about it, you didn't understand why she'd ever _want_ to leave you. Your life with her was pleasant. Easy. Until one day, she said she was taking you for muja muffins, your favorite. She never had enough credits for sweets, so you remembered you kept thanking her, over and over again. 

  
_"Such a nice mommy,"_ you remembered saying, looking up at her with doting eyes. You couldn’t stop humming to yourself, skipping ahead of her to the sweets palace. She stayed back, watching you with sad eyes.

  
But when you got there, a tall, cowled man walked towards you. He grabbed onto your arm and yanked your body behind him, pawning you off to his mistress. You yelled for your mom. You cried. Kicked. But she just stood there, watching you as her heart broke in half. Sobs wracked her body, and then another man came for her. A faceless man in long, black robes, his eyes the only thing visible through his mask. She ran towards you and for a moment, you thought she was going to rescue you. But no. She gave you a kiss and shoved a letter in your hands, telling you she will come back. One day.

  
You didn’t understand. _“Mommy? Where are you going?”_ You had asked her, your bottom lip trembling. But it was too late. She couldn’t hear you. The faceless man had her and was pulling her away and she was screaming in agony. At the time, you thought he was hurting her physically. As you got older, you realized she was reacting to emotional pain. 

  
A muffled sob escaped your throat. Your mother, and now Keykki- it was all too much. You squeezed your eyes shut and turned on your side, clutching your knees to your chest, the letter crumpled in your hand. You let the sobs come freely now, letting the sadness consume you. Spending three quarters of your life with Jawa taught you to be cold, reserved. You learned to keep it all in. But sometimes, that little girl that loved muja muffins would show up and you’d have to let her in. If you tried to ignore her, she would pound on the inside of your mind until you broke, splitting your soul in half. 

  
So you let her in.

  
As you laid there, memories of your mother mixed with your most recent loss- your sister. Sorrow enveloped you, weighing you down, until you the soft movements of the ship lulled you to sleep. Time passed- how long, you couldn’t tell. When you woke up, your face was dry and the little girl had left you.

  
Yawning, you sat up in bed and reached for your datapad in your bag. You groaned when you saw the time. You were only on the ship for two hours and you had another three to go. 

  
_I need to get out of here.  
  
_

Quickly changing into more comfortable clothes, you crept out of your room, making your way to the cramped common area. Only two small lights were on- one in your corridor and another in the parallel hallway, where Hux stayed. You squinted in the darkness, forcing your eyes to adjust to the dimly lit common room.

  
Humming to yourself, you paced back and forth, feeling cooped up. If you were on the Finalizer, you’d be asleep. Alas, you were stuck in the middle of space on a tiny shuttle, creeping around in the dark.

  
“Dede?”

  
You froze. The only person that called you that was Kip, and he was on the other transport. Slowly, you turned around. A dark, tall shadow emerged from your corridor.   
  
  
You tilted your head to the side. “Supreme Leader?” You took a step towards him. “Why’d you call me that?”

  
Kylo snorted and walked past you, unfazed by the lack of light. He pivoted around the small area, seemingly scanning for a place to sit. He settled on a cargo box stacked against the wall and looked over at you, stretching out his legs before speaking. “Kp-374 called you that, so I assumed that was what you preferred.”

  
You frowned, crossing the small space to lean against the wall near the cargo. You could just barely see the profile of his face. “Not really,” you whispered. “I don’t know what I prefer. Sometimes I just wish...” you started, chewing on your bottom lip.

  
Kylo turned his head towards you, making it easier to see him. He was so close, only one cargo box separating you, you could reach out and touch him. “Wish what?” His voice was low, tense.

  
_That I was nobody at all._  “Nothing.” You shook your head. “So, I guess it’s safe to say you don’t sleep with the mask on?”

  
Kylo leaned back again, letting his upper body rest on the wall behind him. He returned his gaze in front of him, unamused, and crossed his arms.

  
“I guess that’s a no,” you muttered.

  
 A cold draft of air tickled your arms. The workout attire you had on was designed to keep you cool, not the other way around. Shivering, you wrapped your arms across your chest. “Couldn’t sleep?”

  
He nodded, tilting his head up. “You?”

  
“Nope,” you exhaled, sitting down on the cargo box next to him. Your thigh pressed against his as you sat. Neither of you moved away. Ever since the cantina, you daydreamed about scenarios like this. Even after your first day of training with him; even when you wanted to _actually_ punch him in the face. You still pictured being alone with him, being close to him. Exploring the connection you felt with him.

  
You peeked over at him and he was facing forward, his elbows on his knees. Like he was lost in thought. Delirium washed over you momentarily and you bit back a laugh. You couldn’t believe you were actually sitting here, thighs touching, in the dark. But here you were, just _existing_ with him, side by side. You weren’t nervous like you anticipated. There was something about being in the dark that made you feel more comfortable around him. It felt natural, like he belonged to it and you did too.    
  
You closed your eyes and let your back lean against the wall, pushing your thigh into Kylo’s. Not because you wanted his attention, but because he was taking up all the space and you wanted him to move his giant ass leg. 

  
The two of you settled in silence, the shuttle slightly swaying beneath you. You found that being next to him felt easy. Calming, almost. It was an odd sensation, like two friends finding comfort with each other after a long day. That tingling sensation was still there though- his proximity making your skin cells burn with anticipation, with desire. You did your best to shut it out, but the feeling became intoxicating. You had to do _something_ to take your mind off of it.

  
“Sir?” Your whisper broke the silence.

  
He hummed at you.

  
“Do you think the Umbarans will receive us well?”

  
There was a pause. “I don’t know.”

  
You looked at him in the dark, surprised with his honesty. “Why not?”

  
Kylo didn’t open his eyes. “They aren’t particularly fond of the First Order.”

  
You grimaced. “Not that that matters.”

  
Kylo tilted his head towards you. “What do you mean?”

  
“The natives on Scarif received us _very_ well. But you blew them up anyways.”

  
Kylo settled his head back against the wall and pursed his lips. “I didn’t personally blow them up. That was Hux’s division.”

  
“But you didn’t stop them,” you shot back.

  
Kylo remained quiet for a few moments before responding. “No. I didn’t, Scholar,” he murmured. 

  
You shifted on the cargo box so you could face him, your shoulder making contact with the wall. _“But why?_ I don’t understand. Please, help me understand,” you pleaded, a lump forming in your throat. Your vulnerable state earlier made the thought of Scarif feel real again, fresh. 

  
Kylo opened his eyes, the urgency in your voice causing him to give you his full attention. He mirrored your position, adjusting so he was facing you as well. “Tell me why I should have,” he challenged.  
  
By this time, your eyes had adjusted enough to see the expression on his face. He was watching you with fierce interest, his jaw tense. 

  
You gave him an incredulous look. “Because they were _people,”_ you said, your voice breaking. “That Twi’leki… she was just like me. Like you. She was alive and happy and she  _wanted_ to serve us. She deserved to live. And you _took_ that from her. From all of them.”

  
Kylo shook his head. “At times of war, you can’t get caught up on the individual, Scholar. It’s bigger than that. The First Order is _bigger_ than that.”

  
You shifted impatiently. “What war? A war insinuates _armed_ conflict between two parties. The First Order doesn’t have any opponents, you made sure of that. Hux _made sure of that._ They never had a chance. Nobody does. You blew up the locals on Scarif to eliminate cost, right? Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong.”

  
He didn’t respond. Simply watched. The only sound in the room was your labored breathing, strained with emotion. You silently cursed at yourself as tears started to stream down your face. “Tell me, Kylo. Tell me I’m wrong. _Please.”_

  
Kylo didn’t take his eyes off yours. “I can’t do that, Scholar.”

  
You crumpled into yourself at his words. Lowering your head, you brought your arms closer to your body. Your hand mindlessly reached for the pendant around your neck. Gripping it, you closed your eyes and tried to focus on the soothing movements of the ship. 

  
There was a rustling of fabric, and then, you felt his hands on you. Immediately your body responded. That creeping sensation in your lower belly. The goosebumps lining your arms. The hair on the back of your neck rising. Him. You felt _him._  

  
You raised your head and looked up at his face, his hands gripping your forearms. The light just bright enough to see the intensity in his eyes. His lips were sloped down sensually, partly open. Your chest began to rise and fall quickly, fresh tears still staining your cheeks.

  
His eyes darted around your face like he was searching for something. Tentatively, Kylo placed his rough, warm hand on your cheek. He used his thumb to collect your tears, brushing them off of your face. You closed your eyes and leaned into his palm, a small sigh escaping your lips. 

  
“Kylo, I-”

  
You jolted back as he cut you off, his mouth pressing against yours. It took your brain a moment to catch up with what was happening. But when you realized it, you leaned into him, moving your lips against his. Both of his hands were on your face now, keeping your head steady while his lips caressed yours. You felt his tongue trace your bottom lip and you shuddered against him, opening your mouth at the pressure. His tongue clashed with yours and you sucked at it gently, teasing him. Kylo groaned in your mouth, and you sucked harder, drawing your attention to his bottom lip. You moved your hands to his chest and slid them up to his throat, clasping your hands behind his neck.

  
Suddenly he pulled away, earning a small noise of protest from you as he did. 

  
“Shh,” he quieted you, pushing himself off the box and onto the ground. He grabbed your legs and pivoted your body so you were facing him. He was so tall, you were still at eye level even with him on his knees. 

  
Kylo looked down, slowly placing his large hands on your thighs as he did. He began kneading the flesh under his fingertips, gripping your skin before pushing them apart, allowing him space to move in between your knees. His wide frame forced your legs apart and you loosely wrapped them around his waist, pulling him closer. A burning desire rose in you and you moaned, reaching out and placing your hands around his neck again. You pulled his face to yours and took his lower lip into your mouth, sucking it softly. His hands stayed on your thighs, letting his hands explore, but never going too high. 

  
The burning sensation pooling in your lower belly only got worse as the two of you intertwined in the dark, breathing each other in. Kylo invaded your senses, penetrating them until all that existed was him. You could _feel_ him everywhere. From head to toe.

  
Without thinking, your hands slid down, letting them feel his chiseled chest below his black tee. You let them travel lower, and lower, until you found the elastic band of his joggers. You dipped one finger in, and then out, letting it snap against his waist. He pulled back, breathless, and you gave him a small smile. You leaned in to kiss him again but you were forced backward, your back connecting with the wall. 

  
Panting, you looked down at your arms, rendered useless against an invisible force. Against _the_ Force. With his mind, Kylo pinned your arms to your side, your back against the wall. You could barely move your head.

  
“Hey,” you protested. “That’s not-”

  
He hushed you again.

  
“But-”

  
“I said,” he growled, “ _be quiet.”_  

  
You gnawed on your lip, your breathing escalating at the thought of being pinned under the Supreme Leader. Helpless. 

  
His hands found your wrists and he leaned in, nuzzling his face into your neck. His hot breath tickled the sensitive flesh, eliciting chills. You tried to squirm at his touch but you could only move your head. He placed his lips on your neck, letting them drag slowly against your skin. He continued to move up and down, planting kisses all over your neck. Teasing you.

  
“Kriff, Kylo. Please…”

  
He pulled back, just for a moment, to look you in the eyes. They were sincere, probing, and his gaze burned right through you. You returned the look, your heart beating wildly in your chest. Before you could even speak, his lips were on yours, relentlessly attacking you with his tongue; sucking you, licking you, biting you.  
  
You inhaled sharply, your breathing sounding like desperate gasps against his mouth. Images of him crossed your mind, stoking the fire in your lower belly. You pictured him naked, in your bed, you straddling his hips, counting his freckles with your lips...

  
You had to break off the kiss, feeling dizzy from the lack of oxygen. “Kylo,” you panted, against his mouth. You still couldn’t move your limbs. “I think, I think we should stop.”

  
He pulled back, releasing you from this Force hold. Your body immediately slumped against the wall and you mindlessly flexed your hands. 

  
He was looking at you in a way you recognized - the same way he did when you wouldn’t let him walk you to your quarters. Like he was uncertain about himself. 

  
You quickly explained yourself. “I mean, I just don’t think now is a good time to do.... this. With the pilot right in there,” you said, pointing to the command room, “and General Hux _literally_ right there,” you said, gesturing towards the other corridor. “But I _want_ to, yaknow, if that’s what you want..” you trailed off, suddenly worried you were talking to much.

  
Kylo’s lip twitched up, just a tiny bit. He nodded once and stood up, offering his hand for you to take. You placed it into his, your head spinning, and let him pull you up. He was towering over you so you had to crane your neck up, trying to read his expression. You couldn’t.

  
His deep voice cut through the silence. “Goodnight, Dede.”

  
You playfully rolled your eyes at him. “Goodnight, sir.” 

  
Kylo didn’t make a move to leave, so you got on your tippy-toes and placed your lips on his cheek. He didn’t reach out to touch you, which you were almost grateful for. You were afraid of getting pulled into another one of his spells. 

  
Kylo cleared his throat and placed his hands behind his back, his stance relaxed. Waiting to watch you leave. It took you a moment to tear your eyes off of him, but once you did, you hurried back to your quarters, floating through the dark. Moments later you walked in and shut the door, leaning against it momentarily.

  
_What in the galaxy just happened?_

  
You weren’t sure what it all meant, if you were being honest with yourself. You didn’t know if he was just trying to comfort you and then it got carried away… or if this was going to be a common occurrence.

  
You smirked, pushing yourself off of the door. You definitely wouldn’t mind a repeat of _that,_ you mused.

  
Before plopping down on the bed, you saw your mother’s note crumpled on the ground. You paused, waiting for the overwhelming sensation of grief. You braced yourself but it never came. Instead, your body continued to hum, screaming at the absence of the Supreme Leader’s touch.

  
Bending over, you picked it up and stuffed it into your bag, not giving it another thought. 

  
_Pati praeterita morietur._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader finally got what she wanted. On a scale of 1-10, how complicated do you think shit is about to get? 🤪😉
> 
> (ooof, pls don’t kill me ily guys)


	9. The Shadow World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally arrive on the planet Umbara for your next assignment.
> 
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Soldier keep on marchin' on, head down til the work is done. Waiting on that morning sun..._ /// [ Soldier. ](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=nxE5lR5DQAKfHfyn5hRY_A)

### 

The Shadow World 

You clasped and unclasped your hands about fifteen times as you waited in the common area of the ship.

  
_Come on, keep it together._

  
Supreme Leader Ren stood across from you, unspeaking and still, his hands positioned behind his back. Besides his nod and your smile, the two of you haven't spoken since the night before. Since his tongue was inside your mouth.

  
You cleared your throat, placing your hands on your thighs to settle them. It didn't work. Mindlessly, you started to tap your fingers against your pants, humming to yourself in your head.

  
A deep, modified voice broke your focus. "Nervous, Scholar?"

  
You jerked your head towards his direction. _Yes._ "No, not at all. Just curious where Hux is."

  
"Tending to his hair, I have no doubt."

  
A tentative smile crossed your face. "I believe you," you said, still drumming your fingers. "Did you sleep well last night, sir?" 

  
He positioned his mask down towards your face. "No."

  
"How come?"

  
"I had some distractions."

  
You bit your lip, wishing you could see his face. "Me too."

  
He stepped closer to you, dropping his arms to his side. "Oh? Like what?"

  
"Mmm," you breathed, taking a step back. "For starters, I ran into someone in the dark."

  
Another step closer. "Ah." 

  
You instinctively took another step back, the wall connecting with your spine. The way he approached you reminded you of the training sessions he put you through. Like you were his prey.

  
He stood over you, the visor of his mask fixated on your face. Butterflies rose in your stomach at the proximity. You had the overwhelming urge to touch him, but the prospect of Hux walking in on the both of you made you nervous. 

  
Kylo didn't seem to have the same reserve. He removed his hand from behind his back, letting his gloved fingers trail down your face before tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. His voice seemed strained, even through the mask, when he spoke to you. "Good girls like you shouldn't play in the dark, scholar."

  
You blinked multiple times, your heart pounding in your chest. "Oh?"

  
"Oh."

  
Your voice was barely a whisper. "And why is that?"

  
He twirled a piece of your hair between his fingers before dropping his hand. "That's where the monsters live."

  
You licked your lips, taking a tiny step towards him. Keeping your eyes down, you placed your hands on his chest. "I didn't see any last night, sir."

  
His chest rose under your hands as he inhaled deeply. You lightly trailed your fingertips up his torso, taking delight in the erratic breathing your touch elicited.

  
"In fact," you cooed, "I haven't seen any monsters around here, at all."

  
His mask tilted down and to the side, right and left. Drinking you in. He placed a hand on your hip, his thumb digging into you as he spoke. "Clearly you're not looking hard enough."

  
You smirked. "I-"

  
Hux's voice snapped you out of your trance. "Ren, time to-"

  
Kylo backed away from you, clearing his throat. You felt a twinge of pain at the abrupt separation, your hip burning at the loss of contact. 

  
Hux paused in his tracks, raising an eyebrow. You held your breath momentarily. Thankfully, he chose not to acknowledge what he walked in on.  
  
"D-98, good morning."  
  
You straightened your back in his presence. "Good morning, sir."  
  
He looked down, smoothing out his already pristinely pressed uniform. "I trust you have read the briefing?"

  
"Always, sir."

  
"Excellent. Now, the Grandmaster looks intimidating, but we are not expecting any difficulty from him or the locals."

  
Kylo scoffed through his helmet. “Who’s _we_  General?”

  
Hux gave him a sour expression. "The Umbaran people have served the Galactic Empire for the entirety of their existence. They will unquestionably serve the First Order."

  
"They revolted against the Empire, once they realized doonium was profitable. What makes you think the First Order can waltz in and grab their most valuable resources?"

  
Hux waved his hand, dismissing him. "Captain Thrawn took care of that one, Supreme Leader. They have been compliant ever since."

  
“No, they’ve been _quiet_ ever since. Those are two different things."

  
Hux let out a slight, exasperated sigh. "This is why I requested your presence at the briefing, Ren. I don't want to explain myself again: the Umbarans _will_ submit to us." Hux turned towards you, the impatience evident on his face. "D-98, with me."

  
You took a step towards him, but Kylo obstructed your path.

  
"We don't need an interpreter for this meeting. She will stay on board."

  
If looks could kill. "As I said before, Supreme Leader, this is why it's important for you to _attend the briefings._ You would have found out, in fact, we might need D-98's assistance. She will be coming with me."

  
"Loatha speaks the common tongue. She is not needed."

  
Hux took a step towards Kylo, unintimidated. "She will face disciplinary action if she does not do her job. Is that what you want, Ren?"

  
Kylo's only response was to clench his fists by his side. He took a step forward, getting in Hux's face.

  
You intervened before he snapped his neck, slipping between the two of them. "I will go, and I will be fine, okay? I am well protected," you said, gesturing towards the troopers waiting on the ramp.

  
A smug smirk tugged at Hux's mouth. "See? Now, let's go." Hux walked down the ramp, the troopers following behind him.

  
The Supreme Leader slowly turned his mask towards you, still tense. "Stay behind me at all times." 

  
"Kylo," you said, lightly grabbing his arm. "Should I actually be worried?"

  
A significant pause, and then, "I don't trust them. Stay close."

  
You gulped. You expected him to soothe your worries, not exasperate them. All you could manage was a small nod.

  
The extra level of anxiety was something you could do without. Umbara was already intimidating enough without Kylo's warning. Called the "Shadow World" due to its lack of sunlight, the planet was in an unforgiving, perpetual night. To make visibility even worse, its surface was regularly covered by a dense fog. Even the lights placed outside couldn't help the average set of eyes see. The locals, Umbarans, were also known for being a tough, unwelcoming people. Rumored to be able to exercise mind control, everything about them creeped you out. 

  
You walked down the ramp, the collective sound of footsteps the only thing invading your senses. No signs of life. That was another unsettling thing- Umbara didn't have any wildlife. The only living species on the planet were the Umbarans themselves. This rubbed you the wrong way. What did they eat if they were the only lifeforms on the planet? For some reason, they didn't strike you as herbivores. 

  
You shuddered, scanning the area as you exited the shuttle. You couldn't see anything, despite it being the middle of the day. The only light came from a row of generators lining the landing dock. Other than that, absolute darkness. Even the factory that was supposed to be in proximity of you remained unlit.

  
A Stormtrooper jogged up to your side and nudged you with his elbow. You smiled and gave him a small wave, assuming it was Kip. His presence made you feel better. You wish you could reach out and touch him, speak with him, but you knew you had to remain quiet. The surrounding darkness did that to you.  
  
It felt like forever before a single Umbaran stepped into the light, his elegant, blue and gold robes fluttering at his feet. You frowned, realizing that if he was alone, your services were in fact not needed.

  
_Where are his confidants?_  

  
You continued to walk towards him, his tall frame still and unwavering. If it weren't for his pale skin and bald head, you would have assumed he was humanoid. Yet as you got closer, you observed his colorless eyes and gaunt, emaciated face and knew that he couldn't be human. Even with the generators, it was hard to see him, but you knew he could see you perfectly well. Umbaran's colorless eyes allowed them to see in the ultraviolet spectrum, giving them the option to see in the dark. 

  
You squinted at his face, frowning. He reminded you of something- a creature you once read about in a book as a child. Something about an ancient, man-like beast that burned in the sunlight, and drank blood to survive. Beautiful- yet in a lethal, terrorizing way. It was warm outside, but goosebumps lined your arms.

  
"Grandmaster Loatha," Hux arrogant voice carried in the dark. "Thank you for meeting us today."

  
The Stormtroopers encircled you, raising their weapons. Always ready. Hux moved forward, as did Kylo, placing his body in front of yours. You peeked around his wide frame, trying to get a closer look at Loatha. You shrunk back when you realized he was doing the same to you.

  
"May we discuss our terms somewhere more comfortable? Perhaps somewhere with more light?"

  
"No need to, General Armitage. We are happy to serve the Order." The sound of his pleasant, silvery voice made your skin crawl.

  
"We?" The rough voice that pierced your eardrums came from the Supreme Leader's mask. 

  
Loatha tilted his head towards Kylo. "Ah, Supreme Leader Ren. Forgive me," he said, bowing. "I didn't realize that was you under there."

  
"Where are your men?"

  
A small smile tugged at Loatha's lips as he lifted his hands, gesturing all around him. "They are everywhere, my lord." 

  
Kylo didn't respond, only widened his stance in front of you.

  
Hux cleared his throat. "To reiterate our intentions, we want to utilize your mining and refining sector here on Umbara. The First Order respects the Umbaran people, and if cooperation persists, we will reward you greatly."

  
You heard a small, musical laugh escape Loatha's lips. "Indeed, I'm sure you will. Just tell me what you need from us, General Armitage. We exist solely to serve you and the Order."

  
You couldn't see Hux's face from where you were standing, but his posture indicated he took the Umbaran's tone as a slight. 

  
Kylo urgently turned towards you. "We're done, let's go." He put his hand on your back, leading you away from Loatha. You stumbled over your feet as you turned around, the pressure on your back making you trip. Two Stormtroopers followed suit. Behind you, Hux continued to speak. 

  
"Fantastic. Pleasure doing business with you, Grandmaster. Let us go discuss specifics in-"

  
"Ah, first," Loatha interjected, raising his soft voice. "I will be taking the girl."

  
You stopped in your tracks, as did Kylo. You nervously glanced behind you.

  
For the first time since you've known him, General Hux hesitated. "There's been a misunderstanding, Grandmaster Loatha. The girl is not part of the deal."  
  
Your stomach dropped as you watched his lips twist into a sick grin. You looked up at Kylo, whose mask was fixated on Loatha. Suddenly, he whipped his head around, responding to sounds around you that you could not hear. He reached for his lightsaber, the visor of his mask still locked on things invisible to you. 

  
 "Oh, but she is now." A pang of dread shot through you at the sound of his vicious, sweet voice.

  
As if on cue, the generators made a loud humming noise as they shut off. You were left in complete darkness. Kylo gripped your arm and pulled you, running. For a moment, all was silent except for your shoes hitting the ground. 

And then, chaos.

  
The first explosion took place to your left, crumpling one of the Stormtrooper's transports into ash. You were knocked to the ground from the impact of it, blowing you and Kylo apart. Pain bit at your knees and palms as you scrambled to land on all fours. 

  
Your head spun. You tasted blood. Over the ringing in your ears, you could hear Hux yelling. "FIRE!" 

  
You blinked, rubbing your head. Footsteps ran all around you, coupled with blaster shots firing in the dark. A battle broke out above your head and you struggled to get up, to _move._ To where, you didn't know yet. 

  
But then you saw it. A brilliant, burning red streak of light breaking through the smoke. Kylo's lightsaber.

  
Hope swelled in your chest. You began to crawl towards him, your eyes locked on his lightsaber swinging in the dark, slaying the creatures of the night. 

  
_So close._

  
Another explosion happened near you, but not close enough to inflict damage. The smoke enveloped your senses. Though the troopers had lights on their helmets, you still couldn't see right in front of you. You could barely hear; a low-frequency ring hummed in your ear from the explosions. You felt helpless.  
  
You crawled, desperately trying to orient yourself towards the direction of the Supreme Leader's shuttle. Dirt invaded all of your senses as you clawed your way towards him. In your mouth, in your lungs. You coughed, your throat burning. 

  
“Ren, _retreat!”_ Somewhere in the dark, amidst the dense cloud of smoke, Hux called out for the Supreme Leader. 

  
You could hear a deep, modulated snarl come from the Supreme Leader, but you couldn't make out what he said.

  
"No, _leave her!"_ The General's voice sounded far away, farther than he was before. You knew he was at the shuttle by now, leaving you. Panic flooded your veins.

  
_No, no, no please don’t leave me._  

  
You tried to stand up but started coughing uncontrollably, the smoke filling your lungs. A voice of reason in the back of your head told you to stay low, so you obliged. You got on your hands and knees again, crawling towards the swaying light of Kylo's weapon.  
  
And then you heard it. Your _name._  

  
Not D-98. Or Scholar. Or Dede. Your real name; the name that claimed that little girl, fond of muja muffins. Your heart started to pump loudly in your ears. He wasn't leaving you, you realized, he was trying to cut people down to _get_ to you. 

  
Your momentum picked up as you made your way to him, tears blurring your vision.  _Almost there. I just need-_

  
You yelped as you felt two strong hands grasp your arms, pulling you backward. A scream died in your throat as you opened your mouth; the smoke was too dense to allow you to properly inhale. You couldn't see, you could barely breathe. Desperately, you tried to reach the pendant around your neck, but you were unable to move.

  
_“Stop resisting, you damn harpy,”_ the Umbaran hissed in his language. He tightened his grip on you, making you squirm and yelp out in pain. 

  
You kicked your feet and twisted in his grasp. "Let go of me!"

  
He tightened his hold on you, digging his impossibly thick fingers into your skin. Your body convulsed as you tried to gasp for clean air. It didn't come. 

  
The Umbaran continued to drag you through the dirt, away from the fires. Away from the shuttle. Squinting, you saw Kylo's lightsaber swinging in the smoke, but he was too far away. Too many assailants. 

  
_He can’t get to me._

  
Dread flooded through your veins, but soon it was replaced by something else. An alarming serenity. You felt your eyelids get heavy, your struggle to breathe becoming less of a battle. You felt… warm. Like if you just let go, you would be comfortable again. You leaned into the feeling, the pain too much to bear.

   
You heard that same, small voice in the back of your head. Faint, but present. _Fight, you have to fight._

  
You roused at this- just for one, desperate moment. Dry heaving drastically, attempting to expel the smoke in your lungs, you ripped your arm from the Umbaran. You weren't sure how you did it in your weakened state, but you did. Lurching forward with all your force, you tried to free your other arm. Your attempt proved to be ineffective. With your one free hand, you didn't hesitate to grab the pendant around your neck, clutching it like it was your lifeline.

  
_Kylo._ You forced everything you had left into saying his name. _Kylo, Kylo, I'm alive. Help me._

  
The Umbaran growled and cursed at you before bending down and ripping your arm back into his grasp. You called out in pain again, your joints making a sick popping noise as he secured your arms. 

  
You started to cry, defeated, as he dragged you away. Your back made contact with cool, rough metal and you knew you were being brought aboard their transport. _This is it. I'm going to die here._  

  
You gasped for air once more, your vision blurry. This time, you would let yourself succumb to the warm, false sensation of comfort. You hung your head and your muscles went limp. A heavy blanket of darkness covered your body, muffling your senses. You welcomed it.

  
Until you felt it.

  
The chills. The hair tickling the back of your neck. The deep sense of awareness in your belly. Despite the pain, the overstimulated state of your body, you felt it. You felt _him._

  
Kylo Ren. He was coming for you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dun. what's gonna happen to reader y'all?


	10. Politics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grandmaster Loatha visits your cell, shedding light on his master plan before leaving you to rot. After being isolated for so long, you begin questioning your own reality. An unknown, dark figure pays you a visit and you prepare to meet your maker.
> 
>    
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Everything is closing in, light is growing dim. Feels like everything is closing in. There's no escape..._ /// [ Closing In.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=nxE5lR5DQAKfHfyn5hRY_A)

### Politics

You didn’t know how much time had passed since the large, foul Umbaran dragged you into the darkness. Even though your cell had a window with bars, the sun never rose, so you had no method to measure time.

  
Your only interaction in the past however long had been wordless. Visitors came and went in the dark, silently leaving rations on the ground. Each time, you asked them where Loatha was, and what they were going to do with you.

  
At this point, you didn’t even know if you were going to be rescued.

  
You shuddered, remembering the vulnerability you felt when your captor wrapped his hand around your pendant, stealing Kylo’s crystal. Your security blanket. Without it, you had no way to communicate with anyone outside of your cell. Instead, you were forced to wait in silence, only able to wonder if you’d make it out alive. How would Kylo ever manage to find you?

  
You laid sprawled out on the ground, as much as the chain around your ankle would allow. Memories whizzed through your mind, replaying your capture, including the night before in the shuttle. Kissing the Supreme Leader felt so far away, almost like it never happened. You absentmindedly reached for your pendant, frowning and cursing when your fingers didn’t connect with the necklace.

  
Screeching metal ripped you from your thoughts. You’d been here long enough to recognize the sound of your cell door opening now, but something was different. Instead of leaving food and disappearing as per usual, the door simply locked again, the click echoing in the heavy silence. You shrunk back against the wall. Your eyes had adjusted to the darkness in the cell long ago, but you could still barely make out the figure standing there, quiet as a statue. Just… watching you.

  
Eventually you couldn’t take it anymore.

  
Your voice cracked as you spoke, throat dry. “Who are you?”

  
“Ah,” the man mused, his voice slicing through the shadows like a knife. “How inconsiderate of me.”

  
There was a low humming sound, and suddenly the cell flooded with light. You squinted, your eyes burning at the adjustment. Before you stood Grandmaster Loatha.  
  
  
You blinked multiple times before managing a whisper. “Why am I here?”

  
“To serve us in our cause, of course,” he said, opening his arms in a grand gesture. He eyed you for a moment before a frown tugged at his lips.  
His hand disappeared behind his back, unclipping something from his belt. He walked forward, bowing elegantly to place a canteen at your feet. “You sound awful, sweet child. Water will help.”

  
You eyed the canteen. You were parched but didn’t trust the Umbaran.

  
A flicker of understanding crossed his face. “Poison is not considered an acceptable method to us Umbarans, I assure you. If we kill you, you will know what’s happening to you.”

  
His words cut through you. _“If we kill you…”_ He spoke with such indifferent confidence, showing no emotion for ending your life. You looked down, the pressure building in between your eyes.

  
Tentatively, you grabbed the canteen. Your shaky hands twisted off the cap and you brought it to your lips, sucking down the water hastily. It dripped down your chin, soaking through your blouse. You shuddered as the dampness chilled your skin.

  
Loatha tsked. “So frightened.”

  
You looked up at his massive form, flinching. A pair of colorless, crystal clear eyes bored into you. “Well, I _am_ your prisoner.”

  
Loatha let out a soft sigh, smoothing his robes and taking a few steps towards you. “I do apologize for the way Damien handled you that day. It wasn’t supposed to be _such_ a struggle.”

  
You scoffed, wincing when your throat throbbed in protest. “You _attacked_ us, and kidnapped me. How else would that have gone?”

  
“I admit, originally I thought we could use you to peacefully negotiate with the First Order. A dense, foolish plan - I see that now,” he said, his hand thoughtfully stroking his chin. Sharp nails scraped along his smooth, pale skin.

  
If you weren’t so weak, you’d laugh. _“Peacefully?_ Did you forget the part where you blew up our Stormtrooper transport?”

  
Loatha’s pale, angular face lit up with amusement. “A mere show of power, sweet girl. Politics.”

  
You gritted your teeth. The pet name grated your ears. “This isn’t politics. You just started a _war_ with The First Order, Grandmaster.”

  
He cocked his head. “Did we? I’m sure you noticed we didn’t target the Supreme Leader’s shuttle, sweet one. Just an empty transport, is all.”

  
You shook your head back and forth, the motion making you dizzy. You needed more water, but you weren’t about to give Loatha the satisfaction. “This won’t go the way you planned. They will not take this lightly.”

  
“Ah. Look at you, so confident with the ways of diplomacy. Did they teach you these lessons in your little linguistics classes?”

  
Your temper flared. “Why yes, Grandmaster. I attended _the_ Imperial Academy on Vardos. I know a thing or two about diplomacy.” You tried your best to keep the contempt out of your voice. He was taunting you, belittling you, but you were in no position to speak back.

  
“A true scholar then,” he said, his lips twisting the words caustically. Your heart sunk at the sound of Kylo’s nickname for you.

  
“Let me tell you, little girl, that the First Order has quite the appetite for violence. Luckily for them, so do we. They would benefit much more by working _with_ us instead of trying to own us.”

  
You pulled your knees to your chest. “A foolish plan. You have no idea what you’re up against.”

  
A dark chuckle escaped his lips. “On the contrary, the First Order has no idea what _they’re_ up against. We have been here much longer than them, sweet girl. We have technology that not only surpasses theirs, but can also only be understood by an Umbaran.”

  
You closed your eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. “You’re overestimating your own value, Grandmaster. The First Order is capable of anything. The Supreme Leader can do _whatever_ he wants, _whenever_ he wants. You nor your people are a match for him. He possesses more power than you can even imagine.”

  
Loatha tsked, clasping his elegant hands behind his back. “Our planet has natural defensive abilities than even a Sith lord cannot penetrate,” he murmured. “Our people have evolved into quite a resilient species. There is no place in the galaxy like Umbara, like the Shadow World. I’m sorry to say, my dear, the Supreme Leader and his little General have truly underestimated us.”

  
You shifted impatiently, tugging at the chain around your ankle. “Then why bother with an attack in the first place? Why not just offer your allegiance and work with us?”

  
Loatha began to pace the small space in your cell, speaking fervently. “We tried using our words. They shut us down. And what, they expected us to _submit?_ To roll over on our backs? No,” he said, his lips pressing into a thin, taut line. “We needed to assert ourselves as a considerable threat to gain their respect. Taking one of their own,” he said, gesturing to you, “enforced that. A show of power, as I recall telling you already.”

  
“That will never work,” you whispered.

  
“Oh?” Loatha paused, raising an eyebrow at you. “You’re here, aren’t you?”

  
Doubt trickled into your mind at your own words. You ignored it. “That’s because they don’t care about me, that I’m here. Not because you’re more formidable than our forces.”

  
Loatha cocked his head again, his pale, chilling eyes fixated on your face. “On the contrary, I believe the Supreme Leader cares for you deeply, my dear. Which was quite surprising to us, as you can imagine,” he mused, pacing again. “When we heard about the attacks on Scarif, reports included a sighting of a girl, being whisked away in the Supreme Leader’s arms. A young girl with a fair face, and an extraordinary gift with words.” He paused, his eyes looking through you, unfocused. “Ah yes, surprising indeed. Yet quite useful, as you could imagine.”

  
Your stomach twisted at his pleasant, harmonious tone. He seemed utterly pleased with himself. “If you think the First Order, or the _Supreme Leader_ cares about me, you’re _wrong._ You heard Hux when I was taken. They don’t care. Their last interpreter was violently murdered.” Your voice cracked. “They _don’t care._ You’re sadly mistaken.”

  
Loatha glided forward, his movements impossibly elegant and sharp. He crouched, settling mere inches from you. You shrunk back, and your spine connected with the cool, damp stone.

  
His eyes ground against your very soul. “You’re a terrible liar, dear. I saw the way the Supreme Leader cut down my men, trying to get to you. No point in denying it.”

  
You tried to hold his gaze but failed. Thoughts of Kylo’s mouth on yours invaded your mind, eliciting a crimson color to spread across your cheeks despite yourself.

  
You flinched as a papery hand lifted to stroke your face. “Ah, there it is,” he murmured. “My beautiful, fragile weapon.”

  
Emotion squeezed your throat. “You’re not going to win.” You clamped your jaw shut, attempting to stop it from trembling as tears burned your eyes.

  
“Oh? Your confidence in them is endearing, sweet girl. But sadly misplaced. We pushed them back with ease - the _mighty_ Kylo Ren and his army. And not to mention, we stole their precious interpreter from right beneath their noses,” he breathed, brushing a tear off your face.

  
You recoiled at the touch, anger simmering beneath your skin. You lifted your chin and met his gaze. “The First Order has the technology to obliterate an entire planet. Any day now, and we will all be blown to bits.”

  
A cruel, silvery laugh emanated from his throat. “Oh child, there you go again, assuming you know what you’re talking about.” He shifted his weight, settling down in front of you. He sat in a meditation pose, perfectly at ease. “They,- no, _you_ need Umbara. We have a resource that does not exist anywhere else: doonium. And you need _us_ to manipulate this resource. There isn’t another species in this galaxy capable of our abilities.”

  
You observed his face, and you realized he was telling the truth. You had heard Hux at the briefing explain the irreplaceable value of doonium, and the significance of Umbaran’s handling it themselves. Doonium was such a temperamental metal, placed in such an isolated area, that only those used to Umbara’s harsh, unique ecosystem were able to mine it. Legend says the Empire learned that the hard way.

  
Panic settled in your lower belly. It didn’t matter what they did, or what they planned to do with you. The First Order needed them and couldn’t retaliate. By the way Loatha was staring at you, he knew that _you_ knew. So what exactly did they need you for?

  
You frantically batted away the tears falling from your eyes. “I just… I don’t understand how I fit into this. Please,” you begged, “let me go.”

  
Loatha clucked his tongue. “I can’t do that, sweet girl. You’re part of the plan. A plan that will succeed with or without you.”

  
Your heart leaped in your chest. “But if you don’t need me, then why keep me here? Please,” you pleaded, your voice barely a whisper. “I’m begging you.”

  
Loatha took your chin in his cold, slender fingers. “You’re just here to further solidify their cooperation. Think of it as… insurance. Don’t take it personally, dear.”

  
Your chin trembled in his grip. “And if your plan doesn’t work?”

  
“Then we make the First Order hurt. We make your _Supreme Leader_ hurt.”

  
A fierceness broke through your despair. “You will never kill the Supreme Leader, _Grandmaster._ He will tear you apart, limb by limb,” you hissed.

  
Fingernails bit into your skin and you yelped, squirming to get away.

  
“Shhhh, quiet now, girl,” he hushed you, using his hold on your chin to pull himself closer to your face. You flinched as chilled breath ghosted over the shell of your ear.  
  
“You’re misunderstanding me, child,” he whispered. “It _would_ be foolish to believe we could kill the Supreme Leader without taking tremendous losses. Awfully risky. No,” he cooed in your ear, and a shudder trickled down your spine like ice water. “Why would we do that, when killing you would hurt him much more?”

  
You ripped your face away from him, looking him in the eyes.“If that’s the case, why haven’t you killed me yet?”

  
Loatha smiled, displaying vibrantly white, sharp teeth. “Because our plan will work, my dear. One day we will all be fierce allies,” he said, trailing his finger down your cheek before dropping it. “But if not - if their egos fail them - well, at the very least you will serve as bait, before we take you away from him. Forever, this time.”  
  
Tears pressed against your eyes again. “You are grossly mistaken if you think they’ll come back for me.”

  
“You and I both know that’s not true, sweet child.” Loatha stood up gracefully, his robes fluttering behind him. The cell door screeched open and he called out to you, his voice soft yet full of malice. “Now, we wait.”  
 

**\---**

And wait you did. Time continued to tick by, unmarked by sunsets or sunrises. Loatha had been your last visitor. It felt like a lifetime since you’d seen another living being. They stopped bringing food. They stopped giving you refresher privileges. You came to the conclusion that they forgot about you, leaving you to die.

_“Ooohhhh, little ol’ Tibbana man, getting high in Cloud City...”_

  
You turned on your side, laughing maniacally at the sound of your own voice. You had tried embracing the silence for a while, but that only made things worse, made the worries in your mind go haywire. So you decided to sing.

  
_“He spent all his credits on a girl with stars in her eyes, what a pity...”_

  
You sang into the darkness, sometimes belting the words, other times mumbling incoherently. Sometimes you thought you were singing aloud but really it was just in your head. Consciousness ebbed and flowed, your mind teetering on the edge of madness.

>   
>  You bolted upright, strangled sounds of sobbing pulling you from your daze. Rubbing the drowsiness from your eyes, you stood up, confused when your ankle was no longer attached to a chain.
> 
>   
>  “What in the galaxy?” you mumbled to yourself.
> 
>   
>  “Come here girl,” Jawa growled, an ominous sound echoing in the dark.
> 
>   
>  Sweat prickled your forehead. You couldn’t see him, but you could sense him. Blindly, you walked forward towards the sound of crying.
> 
>   
>  You lost your footing and tumbled forward, yelping when the floor tilted beneath you. Panic set in as you slid down into the darkness. After what felt like a lifetime, the floor evened out and you came to a stop.
> 
>   
>  You scanned the room as a light slowly filled the room. Two figures materialized in front of you, making your heart skip a beat. Jawa stood over your only source of sanity, Keykki.
> 
>   
>  You scrambled to your feet. “Wait,’ you pleaded, putting yourself between them. “Please, I-”
> 
>   
>  “Silence,” he growled, planting his hand on your chest and shoving you hard.
> 
>   
>  You fell back, yelping as you went down. By the time you got up, Jawa had already pulled Keykki into the next room.
> 
>   
>  “No!” you screamed, lunging for the door. It clicked and your heart dropped. It was too late; he had already locked you out.
> 
>   
>  Jawa sang merrily on the other side of the door, unfazed. _“Ooohhhh, little ol’ Tibbana man…”_
> 
>   
>  _Smack._ Another scream.
> 
>   
>  Your fists pounded the door, yelling until you no longer could.
> 
>   
>  “Take me instead, please! Don’t do this!”
> 
>   
>  A guttural scream ripped from Keykki as Jawa did what he did best. You collapsed on the ground, bringing your knees to your chest. You sucked in air as your dream state faltered, your body falling through the floor. Keykki’s screams echoed in your ears as you landed suddenly in your childhood home.  
>    
>  Before you was a woman similar to your mother, sitting at the dining room table. Across from her was a towering, faceless figure.
> 
>   
>  You squinted through your tears “Mom?”
> 
>   
>  You outreached a hand, trying to lean against the wall to steady yourself. Your heart skipped a beat when your hand connected with the cool stone, the rough texture exactly like you remembered it.
> 
>   
>  _Is this real?_
> 
>   
>  Goosebumps lined your arms, the frigid air biting your exposed skin. Your hand trailed along the wall, your feet moving timidly beneath you. The voices coming from the woman and the man were too quiet for you to hear, distorted.
> 
>   
>  You squinted again, the light dimming as you approached her. Frustration settled in your chest. The closer you got to her, the farther away you felt. Like reaching her was unobtainable.
> 
>   
>  “Mom?”
> 
>   
>  Her face whipped towards you and you stumbled back, clutching the wall for support. It _was_ your mother, young and beautiful and just how you remembered her. Hope swelled in your chest. Your feet picked up, and you jogged towards her in the neverending room.
> 
>   
>  “You’re alive,” you breathed. She smiled that sad smile, and you had to stop, emotion ballooning in your chest.
> 
>   
>  You blinked away the tears and suddenly, your vision rippled in front of you. Rubbing your temples, you shut your eyes tightly, feeling dizzy. Somewhere outside you heard Keykki scream. A low growl invaded your eardrums, reverberating around your skull and sending a shudder through your limbs.
> 
>   
>  You wrapped your arms around your body and opened your eyes. In front of you was your mother, old and weathered. A frown tugged at your lips at the transformation. She was in a dark cowl, half of her face hidden. You called out to her, but she didn’t respond.
> 
>   
>  You took a tiny step towards her, your vision distorted, fragmented. The light above her flickered endlessly, adding to your disorientation. The faceless man across from her raised his voice, causing your mother to jerk back, her cowl falling down.
> 
>   
>  Your stomach twisted as her face came into view. She was missing an eye - swollen, angry scar tissue wrapped over the socket where her eyelid should be. Her skin looked paper-thin, cracked, and distressed from living a life of labor. She was rocking back and forth, muttering something over and over again.
> 
>   
>  Your name.
> 
>   
>  Across from her, the man straightened, agitated at her lack of response. Terror flooded your veins as he removed his hood. _Loatha._ His face twisted into a grin as he glared down at your mother.
> 
>   
>  You ran to her, the space finally closing between the two of you. You threw yourself in front of your mom, knees skidding on the hard ground, and sealed your eyes shut to avoid meeting his lifeless, mesmerizing gaze. Large, ice-cold hands seized your upper arms.
> 
>   
>  “Look at me, _girl,”_ he spat. His voice sounded deeper than usual, distorted. A low growl vibrated in his chest, and you cried out, thrashing against him. The deafening snarl got progressively louder, and his grasp got tighter, his fingernails digging into your flesh. The growl got so loud, to the point of pain, that you jolted away from his touch, falling backward. The relief only lasted so long, however.
> 
>   
>  The ground beneath you rumbled, throwing you off balance. You opened your mouth in a silent scream and prepared for impact.
> 
>   
>  Instead, you plummeted into what felt like a bottomless pit of water, and you were sinking, _fast._ Loatha was sinking with you, his eyes glowing underwater. You desperately kicked your feet, trying to get to the top.
> 
>   
>  Musical, spine-chilling laughter echoed in your mind, followed by a soft whisper. _“Look at me, sweet girl. Look at me...”_
> 
>   
>  You thrashed against him violently, pain shooting through your body as you felt your restraints tug at your ankle, tethered to the bottom of the sea. Panic seized your limbs. Bubbles broke the surface as the last of the air escaped your lungs. You opened your mouth to scream again, your senses stifled by the immense pressure crushing you from above. Yet you could still hear Loatha’s viciously sweet laughter as it slithered into your mind.
> 
>   
>  Darkness dotted your vision until your eyes focused on something dancing along the surface. A brilliant, red glow, stark against the darkness. Under the sea, a modified voice called out to you.
> 
>   
>  _“Scholar.”_

A strangled cry wrenched itself from your throat as you woke. You spent a few moments gulping down air as your heart pounded so hard it threatened to break through your sternum. You thought you heard a _thump,_ but you couldn’t be sure. Your pulse rushed too loudly in your ears.

  
A few moments passed, and this time, you were sure you heard commotion outside of your cell. A quiet groan, then another loud _thud._ You held your breath and heard a low, electric hum.

  
Fear crawled down your spine. You expected to see Loatha walk into your cell at any moment, ready to execute you. His voice echoed in your mind, making your skin crawl. _“Look at me girl.”_

  
Your heart stopped when your cell door swung open. You shrunk back, wanting nothing more than to hide from the Grandmaster.

  
Except... you couldn’t see anything. Not until your eyes adjusted. There must have been a light on somewhere outside because you caught a glimpse of a masked, black figure slipping stealthily in the room.

  
You leaned forward, squinting in the dark. Your voice trembled, more fragile than glass. “Who are you?”

  
The masked mass didn’t say anything, he only repositioned whatever he was holding in his hands. You squinted again. It was some type of curved blade.

  
You scrambled backward again, retreating towards the wall as far as your chain would let you.

  
“Don’t come near me,” you warned, your voice cracking.

  
The masked thing hovered in the corner, silent. It didn’t make any move to approach you, but it didn’t leave, either. Another _thud_ crashed outside of your cell, accompanied by a muffled gasp. Swift, heavy footsteps filled the corridor.

  
A light turned on in the corridor, flooding your cell with a warm, yellow glow. Your eyes darted to the hulking mass in the corner, and your stomach churned at the sheer size of him. He was wearing all black robes and a mask similar to Kylo’s, but without a visor. The blade sat idly in his hands. The worst part was, he simply continued standing there, looking down at you.

  
You closed your eyes and ducked your head between your legs. Humming to yourself, you began to count down from ten in your head.  _Ten, nine, eight…_

  
“Scholar.”

  
Every cell in your body froze. You slowly lifted your head up, tears streaming down your face. In front of you stood Kylo Ren, masked and wide stanced, his tall frame almost too big for the cell.

  
“Supreme Leader,” you whispered.

  
He didn’t speak, only twisted his neck to the left, then the right, before rolling his shoulders. You pushed yourself up with trembling hands and crossed the space between the two of you, your chain grating against the ground as you did. You paused before you made contact with him, still unsure if he was real. He stepped forward, his breathing labored, and outreached a gloved hand for you to take.

  
“Kylo,” you cried, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck and bypassing the hand altogether. He squatted slightly, allowing you to jump up and wrap your legs around his waist. You held onto him tightly, weeping as he wrapped his arms around your frail body.

  
“Shhh,” he soothed you through his mask. It probably shouldn’t have brought you any sort of comfort, but you couldn’t help but feel safe, more relaxed than you’d been since you’d last seen him on the shuttle transport.

  
You pulled back, a blubbering mess, and brought your hands to his mask. You stroked it as he repositioned you in his arms. You clamped your legs around his waist, unwilling to untangle yourself from him.

  
“You came for me,” you gasped. You leaned forward and planted a kiss on the side of his mask. You didn’t stop there. The lack of food, water, _contact,_ had made you weak, delirious. You leaned in and kissed all over his mask, leaving trails of glistening tears across the metal.

  
You glanced at the other masked man as he exited the cell. An exchange of words took place out in the corridor, confirming that Kylo was with more than one other person. You wanted to ask, but you were afraid you’d wake up from a dream if you spoke too much. Footsteps pounded through the hallway, and then, silence. But this time you weren’t afraid of the silence, because you had _him._

  
You held onto him tighter, resting your chin on his shoulder. A hand left your back, and it found the chain anchored to your ankle. A sharp tug and a grunt from Kylo, and the chain clattered to the floor.

  
You moved back to peek at his mask. “How did you-”

  
“The Force,” he said. He repositioned you in his arms, cradling you. “Hold on to me.”

  
You eagerly obliged. Slipping one arm around his back, you let your other hand grip his shoulder. Kylo strode through the cell door and into the dimly lit corridor. The warmth of his chest and the subtle rocking of his movements intensified your fatigue. You closed your eyes and slowed your breathing, relaxing for the first time since you’d been tossed in that cell. Even as you made it outside into the darkness, you felt so at ease with him. Safe.

  
You nuzzled your face against his chest. “Did you kill him?”

  
A beat. “Not yet.”

  
Your fingers tightened around his shoulder. “Where is he?”

  
“Don’t be afraid,” he said.

  
Your eyes flew open. “Kylo, what’s going on?”

  
His chest rose as he took a deep breath. “We have a long way to go.”

  
“But you got to me. What else do we need to do?”

  
Another pause. “We have to make it back.”

  
Uneasiness tightened like a fist around your heart. You glanced up at him and then frantically scanned the area around you. It was pitch black outside and eerily silent, the only source of light coming from a single generator up ahead, like a homing beacon.

  
“Kylo-”

  
Your breath caught in your throat as a group of men emerged from the shadows, positioning themselves underneath the generator.

  
Silhouetted against the thick, dark fog, each of them looked more massive than the last one, their garb as dark as the night sky on Umbara. They all had masks, similar to Kylo’s, with unique, brutal weapons by their sides. It looked like they belonged here in the Shadow World, their stance exuding confidence and terror. Yet the man carrying you continued toward them. You gulped.

  
“Kylo,” you whispered, shaking. “Who are they?”

  
The group of men simultaneously got down on one knee.

  
“My knights.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.  
> 


	11. Indestructible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to stay calm while Kylo Ren and his knights attempt to save you from the Shadow World.  
>   
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Are we the hunters, or are we the prey? This is a wild game of survival... ///_ [ Game of Survival.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=TmrstsI5RDmyJx-CsGWEFw)

###  Indestructible

“Your _knights?”_ Your mouth hung open in disbelief.

  
He strode towards them. “Yes.”

  
“Since when did you have _knights?_ And where were they when we were attacked?”

  
A beat. “Not now, Scholar.”

  
“Okay,” you mumbled. You kept your eyes locked on them, their imposing, hulking forms outlined by the generator. “Where is everyone else? Stormtroopers? Hux?”

  
“Up ahead. About eleven kilometers.” Kylo set you down, holding on to you until he presumably believed you were stable enough to walk. “Follow me.”

  
You frowned. “We are _walking?”_

  
Kylo didn’t slow his pace. “Yes. For now. Speeders are up ahead.”

  
Fear trickled through your veins. You would rather he continued to carry you, but you knew that was a high maintenance request. Your eyes scanned the cramped, dimly lit area. It was just the eight of you in a vast, damp clearing.

  
_No backup._

  
The reality of your situation started to sink in. The high of being rescued had worn off, and all that was left was fear. All-encompassing, debilitating fear.

  
You urgently weaved through the ambling knights, grabbing Kylo by the arm. “What about Loatha and his men? They must know you are here.”

  
“They might.” Kylo looked down at you, his deep voice reverberating through his mask. “But we will take care of them.”

  
“But Kylo,” you said, fervently. “It’s a trap. They’re expecting you. I’m the bait.”

  
Kylo broke free of your grasp and continued to move forward. “I know.”

  
You scrambled after him, your voice high with emotion. “You _know?_ Then why are we here, without backup? Kylo-”

  
An exasperated grunt came from his helmet. Irritated. “What is it that I told you, that day I found you lost in the sanitation sector?”

  
You narrowed your eyes. “I wasn’t _lost._ I was-”

  
“Exploring. Right. Do you remember what I told that day, Columbus?”

  
You snorted. “Really? Is that my new nickname? You know he is just a myth, in a galaxy far, far away, right?”

  
No answer.

  
You crossed your arms and followed after him. “And yeah, for the record, I do remember what you said to me that day. You made fun of me for being lost.”

  
Kylo paused and turned towards you; you had to stop abruptly to avoid running into him. “So you _were_ lost.”

  
You detected a hint of amusement in his tone, but you didn’t share the same sentiment. You threw up your hands. “Seriously? Yes! I was lost! Now, can we _please_ focus on what’s on hand? I’m really trying to avoid being Loatha’s midnight snack here,” you hissed, placing your hands on your hips.

  
“That day you were _exploring,_ I told you to worry about your job, and I’ll worry about mine. That hasn’t changed.”

  
Tears threatened to fall. “That’s easier said than done, Supreme Leader," your voice cracked. "I'm just scared, okay? They could be _anywhere.”_

  
Footsteps echoed behind you, and you turned to see his knights following, their weapons in hand. You shrunk back towards Kylo as they surrounded you on all sides. The only source of light came from the lights tied around their belts- not too bright, but enough for them to see. The fact that you couldn’t clearly see their masks made you even more uneasy. They just looked like tall, faceless creatures.

  
A hand grabbed your arm, and you jumped, your heart nearly bursting out of your chest. The Supreme Leader spoke to you with a softer tone. “They are no match for us, scholar.” He gave your arm a squeeze before letting go and continuing through the forest. “Stay close.”

  
You wanted to believe him, but after spending God knows how long in that cell, you still couldn’t quiet your anxious brain.

  
A faint nudge to your back and you were forced to march forward, carefully stepping around fallen branches and overgrown vegetation. You weren’t given a light of your own, but the collective warm glow from the knights and Kylo provided just enough for you to see. The ground was damp and littered with tree branches, leaves, and foliage. The coldness of the night seeped into your bones.

  
It felt like miles that the eight of you weaved through the forest, your anxieties growing with every step you took. You finally broke the silence, your voice barely a whisper. “How much farther?”

  
“Not too far.”

  
You gnawed at your lip, unsatisfied with the lack of details. You didn’t like being kept in the dark, literally and figuratively. “Will you at least tell me the plan?”

  
“Yes. The plan is to get out of here.”

  
“I know _that._ I’d just like to know how far until we reach safety. I don’t think that’s-”

  
_“Stop talking.”_

  
Your breath hitched at his harsh tone. As grateful as you were for the rescue, this was _not_ how you expected him to treat you. Especially after that night on his shuttle. “Did you know, Supreme Leader, you catch more flies with honey? You could at le-”

  
A hand covered your mouth from behind, and a deep voice spoke in your ear. “Silence.”

  
You tried to move, tried to protest, but a knight had you in his grasp. And then you heard it, what _they_ heard. Footsteps.

  
You swallowed the lump forming in your throat and squeezed your eyes shut. Images of Loatha visiting your cell coursed through your mind. _“Look at me, girl…”_

  
Slowly, the hand uncovered your mouth. Not that it mattered. You wouldn’t be able to speak, even if you were allowed to. You were frozen in place.

  
A low noise erupted behind you as a laser axe hummed steadily. A click here, a thud there. The knights were readying themselves for battle.

  
In front of you, Kylo’s lightsaber roared to life, it’s red blade crackling in the darkness.

  
You closed your eyes and started to count in your head. _Ten, nine, eight..._

  
A composed, slightly amused voice broke through the silence. “There will be no need for that, Ren.”

  
Your eyes flew open. “General Hux?”

  
“Ah, D-98. Happy to hear you’re still alive.” He stepped into view, smoothing out his uniform and scrunching his nose in distaste. It was apparent that the General did not like the outdoors, nor did he seem to care that you were indeed alive. After all, he instructed the Supreme Leader to leave you the night you were taken.

  
You bit back the bitter taste in your mouth. “Thanks to the Supreme Leader.”

  
Hux set his gaze on Kylo. “Ah, yes. We are all grateful for the Supreme Leader’s efforts.” Sarcasm dripped from every word.

  
“You’re not supposed to be here,” Kylo growled. He did not lower his lightsaber.

  
The General pursed his lips and clasped his hands behind his back. “Well, we have a small problem, Ren.”

  
Kylo finally sheathed his lightsaber. “What _problem?”_

  
“The shuttle. The entire system is offline.”

  
You expected Kylo to lash out, to yell at Hux. Instead, what followed was much worse.

  
Silence. The only sound was the wind rustling between the trees. No wildlife. The air felt thick, _smelled_ thick. Like it was going to rain at any moment.

  
Kylo rolled his shoulders, clenching and unclenching his fists. The knights repositioned all around you, like they were aligned with their master. You shuddered.

  
Finally, he broke the silence. “You came all the way here, just to tell me that the system is… offline.”

  
Hux raised his chin. “No. We were searching for the disruptor device. I found it just as pertinent to inform you- so here we are.”

  
“Instead of getting the system online.”

  
“What do you think we are doing out here, Supreme Leader?” Hux retorted, impatient. “The Umbarans- they have cloaked their device, so we must manually find it.”

  
“You’re telling me that these savages have the technology to disable an Upsilon-class command shuttle?” Even through his mask, Kylo’s voice sounded flat, daunting.

  
Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. “Again, wise leader, if you had attended the _briefing_ you would have learned that the Umbarans do possess superior technology in _some_ areas.”

  
Kylo plunged forward at Hux, lifting his hand to form a fist. “Enough about the briefing.”

Hux did not cower. The two men engaged in a stare off before you took a tiny step forward, calling out to them softly. “It’s true. Loatha told me.”

  
Hux glared at you. “Told you what, girl?”

  
“That Umbara has natural defense abilities, General. And that they also have advanced technology at their disposal.”

  
Raindrops began to fall, making wet plopping noises against the leaves above you. You rubbed away the droplets that reached your face.

  
“He was telling the truth. And now we are stranded, _Supreme Leader._ All because of your fondness of the girl,” Hux said, his voice icy cold. Rain fell into the General’s face as he turned towards Kylo. He didn’t even blink the droplets away. “Now come, we must search for their disruptor.”

  
Dread poured over you. Hux was blaming _you_ for this mess. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and disappear.

  
Kylo slowly lifted a hand, his mask still fixated on Hux’s face, and gestured with two fingers. Immediately, the knights behind you moved forward, brushing past you as they went.

  
You almost expected them to seize Hux, based on the tension in the air and the palpable hatred between the two men. Instead, they walked past them, a group of speeders coming into view as their lights illuminated the forest.

  
“We aren’t doing anything until D-98 is on the shuttle.” Kylo slammed into Hux’s shoulder as he walked by him.

  
Hux clenched his jaw at the impact. “A shuttle that is not _operable._ Supreme leader we must-”

  
_“Leave.”_

  
You watched, shaking from the now torrential downpour, as Hux pressed his lips into a thin line. Disdain colored his face.

  
“Scholar,” Kylo called out. “Come.”

  
Shielding your face from the rain, you jogged towards him and his knights. You stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do next.

  
“Lights off.”

  
A collective affirmation echoed through the group of warriors. Kylo climbed on the bike and leaned forward, grabbing the handles. He turned his head towards you. “Get on.”

  
You swallowed audibly. You’ve never been on a speeder bike before, and especially not one in the complete dark, on a hostile planet. But it was better than walking, you mused, so you forced yourself forward and got situated behind him.

  
Kylo fumbled with the light on his belt and speeder, and then immediately, you were enveloped in complete darkness.

  
“Hold on to me,” Kylo demanded.

  
The speeders roared to life around you and you eagerly obeyed. “Kylo,” you whispered. “How will we be able to see?”

  
“We won’t.”

  
Your heart stuttered. “But-”

  
Kylo revved the engine. “We can sense it. _Tighter.”_

  
Without warning, Kylo pressed on the gas, and it felt like you left your stomach back where you started.

  
“Oh my stars,” you cried. You pressed your face against his back and squeezed his torso tighter.

  
One second, you were idling on the back of the speeder. The next- you were whipping through the dark like you were in a race. And you hated it.

  
Kylo’s chest rumbled with a chuckle under your fingers. If you weren’t so worried about dying, you would have told him to shut up.

  
Clutching onto Kylo while the bike leaned right and left, zipping through the forest, you tried to focus on the warmth radiating off of his body. You smooshed your face into his back even harder, humming to yourself.

  
_If I can survive Loatha, I can survive a damn speeder bike._

  
Raindrops assaulted your face as he maneuvered seamlessly through the forest. You couldn’t see, but if you could, you assumed it would just be one giant _blur._ Just as you were getting accustomed to the movements, Kylo picked up the pace and you lunged forward in the dark. A small noise of surprise tore from your throat at the incredibly fast, rocky movements on the speeder. He was going up, down, side to side, all within seconds, all without seeing a damn thing.

  
The sound of the other bikes around you buzzed in your ear. At one point, a speeder got so close to you, you could feel the wind rush into your face as it zipped by. You closed your eyes tighter and imagined that you’d collide with another bike at any moment.

_Show offs._

  
And then something miraculous happened. It stopped. You quickly sucked in a breath of air, your heart racing in your chest.

  
Slowly, carefully, you opened your eyes, one at a time. More wind, more raindrops whipped at your face as the other speeders came to a still all around you.

  
“You can let go now, Scholar.”

  
You stepped off, your body protesting as you did. You just needed to rest. Thankfully, in front of you was Kylo’s shuttle, surrounded by Stormtroopers. Right next to it was a massive transport- heavily guarded as well. It looked like they were ready for a war. You gulped.

  
“Come.” Kylo strode past you, the outline of his large frame illuminated by the row of generators surrounding the ships.

  
You didn’t need to turn around to know that the knights dismounted their bikes and readied their weapons. You could hear them dispersing around the area, their boots smashing into the mud. That, and the relentless rainfall, were the only sounds in the otherwise quiet, eerily still meadow. A group of Stormtroopers patrolled the area, yet- no sound. Like everyone was muted.

  
A chill invaded the back of your neck. You hurried after Kylo, your eyes fixated on the back of him. You were surrounded by people, yet you still felt alone, vulnerable.

 _Loatha got me once in a crowd of people,_ you thought, _he could do it again._

  
Kylo’s boots slammed against the ramp as he entered his shuttle, snapping you back into reality. You ran up after him, trying to match his pace.

  
“Stay here.” Kylo gestured towards the common area. He reached behind him, unclasping his cloak, and wrapped it around your shoulders. Before you could even blink, he started to head down the ramp again.

  
You stepped after him, panic in your voice. “But... but what happens next?”

  
Kylo paused, clenching his fists by his sides. “We need to find whatever is causing the interference.” He tilted his head to the side, his back still towards you. “I will come back for you.”

  
The thought of him leaving so soon after he saved you made you panic. What if he _didn’t_ come back? What if Loatha came back first? You nearly collapsed with fear. You bit back tears, your eyes fixated on him. “But, Supreme Leader-”

  
He turned his body entirely towards you. There was a moment of silence as he stared at you, tears streaming down your face. _“You are safe. Everything will be okay.”_

  
A warm, safe feeling seeped into your bones. His voice echoed in your mind, and your body let go of the tension it was holding. “I am safe. Everything will be okay.”

  
He grabbed the lightsaber on his belt, turning to leave. “Be back soon, Scholar.”

  
You nodded, pulling his cloak tighter around you. You scrunched the fabric under your chin and sat down, huddling to stay warm.

  
Rain battered the shuttle and the ground outside- a deafening sound that you felt in your core. You remained where Kylo left you for quite some time, sitting in a feeling of warmth and contentment. You thought about going to your quarters, to lay down, but you wanted to be ready in case your attacker came back. You found a box cutter amongst one of the crates and you grabbed it, slipping it beneath Kylo's robe.

  
_Just in case._

  
You were so warm and calm that you almost dozed off. The rain was persistent, and in a way, soothing. You repositioned on the crate, letting your back slouch against the wall. But then you heard it.

  
You knit your brows together. _Thunder?_

  
You desperately wanted to believe it was just the weather, but a part of you knew it wasn’t. Fear started to grow in your lower belly, cracking the warm, false security blanket that Kylo wrapped you in.

  
Another low rumble came from outside. And then, the blaster shots erupted. Grunts and shouts followed. You sat there, frozen.

  
_They are here. Loatha is here._

  
You could almost hear your false sense of comfort shatter. Instinctively, you reached for the missing necklace that was supposed to be around your neck. Even without it, you began to call out for Kylo in your head. You chanted his name over and over again, waiting for that feeling. That warm, acute feeling of _him._

  
It never came.

  
A strangled scream came from the bottom of the shuttle, followed by a loud _thud_ as a body hit the ramp. A moment later, another _thud._

  
You lunged onto your feet, blood rushing to your head. You couldn’t control the jerky, shaky movements of your body as you teetered towards the ramp, trying to see who had fallen. The Stormtroopers patrolling the ship had massive, powerful weapons. There’s no way they could have been taken down. You told this to yourself, over and over again, as you finally made it to the mouth of the shuttle. And then your heart dropped.

  
Two Stormtroopers laid at the bottom of the ramp, blood oozing from their helmets. Their specialized weapons laid next to them, useless. A pang of sadness pierced through you as Kip crossed your mind.

  
_Please don’t let that be him._

  
The battle cries outside diminished. All that remained was the rain, pounding on the shuttle and flooding the ground. Washing away the blood.

  
You stood there, immobilized, unsure of who gained the upper hand. And then a dark, cloaked mass stepped over the Stormtrooper’s bleeding bodies, pounding his way up the ramp.

  
You stumbled backward, your eyes glazing over with fear. _Loatha. He has come for me._

  
You looked desperately around the shuttle, looking for somewhere to run. You tried to inch towards your quarters, but the man took two steps in that direction. You moved towards Hux’s quarters, and he followed. You swallowed. _There’s no way out._

  
With calm confidence, the man took off his cowl. You blinked a few times. The man beneath was far worse than Loatha.

  
It was Damien. The massive, grubby Umbaran that dragged you away the first time came back for you.

  
“Hello, little girl.”

  
“Don’t come near me.” You stumbled back. “Or else.”

  
His lips curled over his teeth. Whether he was smiling or growling, you couldn’t tell. “Or else what?” He took a small step towards you, taunting you.

  
“Or I’ll kill you,” you said, revealing the small blade in your hand.

  
The Umbaran stopped to laugh. A hearty, deep laugh. When he was done, those colorless eyes settled on you. “Stupid, little girl.”

  
You made a small prayer to the stars, wishing that Kylo would come up that ramp and save you. Yet Damien continued to walk towards you, and nobody came up the ramp. The color drained from your face.

  
He closed the space between the two of you at an unbelievable pace. One moment, your hand was outstretched, ready to lash out at him. The next, he was bending your wrist back in a painful way- forcing you to drop it.

  
You cried out as the box cutter dropped to the floor. Suddenly, his arms were wrapped around you, like you were trapped in a steel cage.

  
“Get off of me!” You yelled at him, thrashing your body against his. He only tightened his grip on you. Panic threatened to consume you, but then a voice echoed in your mind.

  
_“He’s going to take what he wants from you. Do something about it.”_

  
You stilled, the lessons you learned with Kylo shuffling through your head. You took a deep breath and then leaned down, forcing Damien to move with you. Your mouth found the hand that was securing you and you sank your teeth into him, locking your jaw around his hand.

  
Damien called out in agitation but didn’t let go of you. “You stupid bitch,” he growled. “Let go!”

  
You didn’t. You knew the actual bite wouldn’t make him release you, but his attempts to get you off of him would give you an opportunity. A scenario that you practiced with the Supreme Leader countless of times.

  
Your teeth pierced into his skin and he tightened his grasp on you, putting an unbearable amount of pressure on your ribcage. Despite the pain, you did not relent.

  
It was when you tasted blood that the Umbaran hissed, repositioning an arm to grab a fistful of your hair. He successfully yanked you back, and you didn’t hesitate to capitalize on his loosened grip on your torso. The moment your mouth disconnected from his hand, you shoved your elbow into his gut.

  
He grunted but didn’t lose his grasp on you. Instead, he wrapped your hair around his hand, causing you to cry out. He yanked your head against his chest and leaned down, speaking lowly in your ear. “You’re not getting away this time, harpy.”

  
One arm still loose, you reached behind you, clawing at his stomach. Your arm twisted painfully, limited by his grasp, and somehow found his groin. You viciously grabbed at him, using your nails to dig into his flesh.

  
An extreme yell tore from his throat, telling you that you had found what you were looking for. You twisted your hand around, pulling as hard as you could.

  
Damien made strange, breathless noises as you continued to twist and yank on his manhood, your fingernails easily piercing the light material of his pants. He yelped, pushing you off of him, and your palms connected with the ground as you fell. You grabbed the blade off the ground and quickly scrambled to your feet, panting.

  
“You fucking cunt,” he rasped, hunched over and grasping his crotch. Despite the pain, he was still stumbling towards you.

  
_Now or never._

  
You lunged forward, thrusting the blade into the closest spot you had access to. The box cutter sunk into his arm and he threw his head back, yowling in pain. You tried to run past him, but he planted a hand on your chest, flinging you back against the wall.

  
Your eyes got wide as you watched him arch his back, grabbing the handle of the blade. Like it was nothing. One tug and he pulled it out- a dark red, almost _black_ gleam of blood coating the blade.

  
“You’re dead,” he spat, his face distorted in pain and hatred.

  
He made heavy steps towards you and you shrunk back against the wall, trapped. You shut your eyes in anticipation, your heightened senses attuned to all that was around you.

  
Rain. So much rain. Shouts. A single blaster shot. A low hum. A familiar sound, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Then another hum, like a collective force vibrating outside of the shuttle. Footsteps. And then _thud._

  
You opened one eye, expecting to see Damien readying himself to cut you open.

  
Instead, in front of you was one of Kylo’s knights, his curved blade dripping with dark, viscous blood. You blinked rapidly at the sight of Damien’s head rolling across the floor. Bile rose in your throat.

  
“Oh my stars, oh my stars,” you whispered, doubling over.

  
A voice pulled you out of your own head. “You’re okay.”

  
You peeked up at the knight, his faceless mask focused on you. It was similar to Kylo’s helmet, yet there wasn’t a visor and was marked by a grid pattern. If he didn’t just save your life, you would have assumed he was a monster.

  
Your eyes wide, your lip trembling, you nodded at him. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The smell of Damien’s blood invaded your nostrils, making you light-headed. The floor swayed beneath you, your head spinning.

  
The knight held out his hand for you to take. Seeing double, you grabbed onto him, leaning into his side as he escorted you out of the shuttle.

  
Troopers were running around frantically, tending to their fallen comrades, carrying them back to their transport. Hux and Kylo were nowhere to be found.

  
Blinking rapidly, you took in the bodies littered on the ground, gleaming under the generators. Stormtroopers were victims, too, but mainly men in intricate robes laid slain on the ground. You squeezed your eyes shut, swallowing the lump in your throat.

  
A low voice spoke in your ear. “You’re okay. He’s coming.”

  
Your head was still spinning. All you could do was nod.

  
A few moments passed and out came Kylo and five of his knights, their weapons bloodied. Hux emerged moments later, his hair disarrayed and his face smudged with dirt. If you weren’t so sickened, you would have laughed at the sight.

  
You shakily stepped forward, breaking free from the man holding you.

  
“Master Ren,” the knight said, getting down on one knee.

  
Kylo walked past his kneeling knight and straight to you. He placed one hand on your hip, the other cupped your face.

  
“Scholar,” he said. You leaned into his palm, a feeling of ease spreading through your bones. You were surrounded by death, but all you could feel were Kylo’s hands on you.

  
“How sweet,” Hux hissed. “So sorry to interrupt your little moment, Supreme Leader, but we aren’t out of the woods yet.” Hux grimaced and briefly scanned the area. “Literally.”

  
He kept his hand on you for a moment longer, and you wished more than anything his mask wasn’t on. You just wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips once again.

  
Tears fell from your eyes, adding to the wetness from the rain. You had so much to say but didn’t have the energy to do it. “Kylo-”

  
“Hello again, friends.”

  
Your blood turned to ice in your veins. _Loatha._

  
Tall, elegant men slipped out from the darkness from every angle.

  
Kylo immediately detangled himself from you, placing his body in front of yours.

  
“Shiro, take her.”

  
Rough hands grabbed onto your shoulders, and suddenly you were being dragged up the ramp again.

  
“Wait-“ you cried, desperate to stay by Kylo’s side. Even if it meant facing Loatha.

  
Shiro wouldn’t allow it. He marched you up the ramp, situated you in the common area, and cleared out the rooms in the shuttle.

  
His boots clanking against the floor, he glanced at you and raised a finger. “Stay.”

  
You nodded fervently. His mask stayed focused on you a moment longer before exiting the shuttle, his weapon sitting heavily in his hands.

  
You counted to three before bolting off of the crates, eager to watch what was going on outside. Crouching down, you could only see bits and pieces; your view was obstructed by Shiro’s hulking frame guarding the ramp.

  
You were, however, able to see Loatha. He was speaking softly and using elegant gestures with his hands, completely at ease even in the sea of dead bodies. You had to lean forward, on your hands and knees, to hear over the rain.

  
“-as I’ve told you before. We would make great allies, you and I.”

  
Hux’s boots came into your view. “A curious way to start an alliance, don’t you think?”

  
Loatha smiled, causing the hair on the back of your neck to rise. “Intentional, of course. Now you know the true extent of an Umbaran’s power. Of the Shadow World’s _power.”_

  
“Enough,” a deep voice growled. Kylo came into view, pushing towards Loatha.

  
He stepped back, putting his hand up. “Ah, if you kill me, Supreme Leader, you will never find a way off this planet.”

  
“You’re so right.” In a blink of an eye, Kylo ignited his lightsaber, swinging at the nearest Umbaran. He split him in half.

  
Within seconds, Kylo’s knights lurched into action, including Shiro. The sound of their weapons coming into contact with his men filled the air.

  
Kylo pushed forward, his stance low and tense, as he sliced through the armed Umbarans. The way he moved was ruthless, intense. From what you could see, it didn’t matter what Loatha’s men were armed with. Kylo approached them with fearlessness, pushing towards them without hesitation. Each swing of his lightsaber was filled with natural poise, purpose.

  
You lost sight of him, and a few of his knights came into view. You remained glued on all fours, your mouth hanging open in shock. Watching them fight was like watching a synchronized performance. They worked together side by side, their large, imposing bodies somehow moving effortlessly and with grace.

  
One knight’s weapon, a battle axe, had somehow been knocked from his hands. He was caught in a wrestling match with another man, their builds similar in size. He was fighting with his fists and forearms, attempting to disarm him. You blinked, and suddenly the Umbaran’s head was ripped from his shoulders. Shiro, the knight that had saved you too, had cut off his head with his curved blade.

  
You clutched your stomach, unable to watch as the blood spewed from his carotid artery. The dead man's body crumpled to the ground. You turned your back from the fight, focusing on your breathing. Sounds of struggle continued from outside.

  
A few moments later, a defeating silence filled the air. All except for one voice. “A fierce component, you are.”

  
_Loatha._

  
Your body tensed at his light, silvery voice. So pleasant, so polite. Even as his men were slaughtered before his eyes.

  
At the sound of Kylo’s lightsaber turning off, you bent down to watch as much as you could.

  
Loatha was on his knees, staring up at the Supreme Leader. Kylo rolled his shoulders, his arms inflated by his sides. Tense. He began circling Loatha, his mask pointed down as he walked around him.

  
“Supreme-“

  
Loatha’s quite literally ate his words, courtesy of Kylo Ren’s fist. He pounded into him, his knuckles making deep, brutal sounds as they connected with his flesh. You flinched back in horror as blood splattered from his mouth, his nose. Deep, vicious grunts reverberated from Kylo’s mask as his fist continued to assault Loatha’s face once again.

  
Even after he collapsed, Kylo crouched and secured his hand around his neck- keeping him in place to continue the beating.

  
A dispassionate voice called out amongst the grunts. “Ren.”

  
It was as if Kylo couldn’t hear him. His arm coiled back, gaining momentum to drive his fist through Loatha’s face.

  
_“Ren!”_

  
One last exaggerated hit and Kylo dropped Loatha's limp body to the ground. Breathing heavily, he straightened his back and stood over the twitching, sputtering Grandmaster. Your stomach reeled at the sight.

  
Hux twisted his lips into a thin line. “Do you think you got him?”

  
Kylo slowly lifted his mask towards Hux, his breathing still labored. With a crack of his neck, he swiftly turned away, passing through his bloodied knights.

  
“Burn him. Burn them all.”

  
One of his knights stepped forward, unhinging his massive weapon. With a click, flames spewed out, coating Loatha from head to toe. He turned towards the other bodies, setting them on fire, casually. 

  
Blood-curdling screams filled the air. Loatha didn’t even sound _human,_ you thought, but instead like a dying animal. He writhed in pain for a few seconds longer, his screams turning into guttural whimpers. His skin crackled and popped, and you had to look away, the bile threatening to rise again.

  
Hux stepped around the burning bodies, unfazed. “Ren, the disruption-”

  
“The boy knows where it is.”

  
Kylo stormed up the ramp, his gloves dripping blood. Instinctively, you gave him space, pressing your back against the cold metal. He passed you without saying a word, kicking Damien's head out of the way as he did. You winced as you watched him storm towards his quarters, his energy ripping through the small shuttle like a locomotive.

  
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and looked down at your trembling hands. You blinked away the emotion that was trying to overcome you. _It’s over. You are safe._

  
A voice from below pulled you from your thoughts. “You,” Hux demanded. “Come here, boy.”

  
You squatted to see who Hux was talking to, your eyes struggling to focus through the smoke. The smallest of Loatha’s crew, probably not even a day over twenty, emerged from the darkness, stumbling to his feet.

  
“Who are you?”

  
The Umbaran boy trembled, his colorless eyes filling with tears. “Rhyk Zarr.”

  
Hux frowned in distaste. “Rhyk, go tell your friends what you saw here tonight. And that I expect them to assemble an extraction team to retrieve our doonium _at once._ Do you understand?”

  
Rhyk nodded frantically. “Yes, sir.”

  
“Excellent. Be sure to mention that we will be taking 100% of profits earned until the Umbarans can be trusted again,” he said, attempting to clean off the mud from his uniform. “And make no mistake, _Rhyk,_ we will bleed your resources dry and reduce Umbara to ash if I suspect any foul play. Do I make myself clear?”

  
Another nod.

  
“Excellent. Now direct us to your device. I have a cat to tend to.”  

\-----

An hour later, you laid in your tiny bed, waiting for the shuttle to be brought back online. You were almost asleep when you heard a quick knock on your door.

  
“Come in,” you called out, sleepily rubbing your eyes.

  
In came Kylo, his mask off. Your heart swelled at the sight.

  
“Hi,” you breathed. You sat up, dangling your feet off the side of the bed.

  
His eyes darted around the room until they settled on you. Wordlessly, he crossed the cramped space and squatted at the edge of the bed. His thick, black hair was unkempt. The bags under his eyes were darker than usual, his skin an unhealthy shade. Like he hasn’t been sleeping.

  
“Kylo-” you started, softly.

  
“Hold your hair up.”

  
You tilted your head to the side, eyeing him curiously. “Why?”

  
His eye twitched. “Please.”

  
Slowly, you obeyed. You held your breath as Kylo reached both hands behind your neck, letting something drop heavily on your chest.

  
You looked down and smiled. _The kyber crystal._

  
“Where-”

  
“Loatha.” After clasping the necklace together, Kylo placed his hands on either side of you.

  
You dropped your hair and grabbed the crystal. “I thought it was destroyed with him,” you whispered.

  
“It’s indestructible by fire.” A single finger lifted your chin up. “Luckily, he was not.”

  
Tears formed in your eyes but you resisted, digging your fingernails into your palm. “Thank you.”

  
A curt nod from him, and his eyes trailed down to the finger under your chin. He cocked his head to the side, his jaw tense.

  
Your breathing quickened as his finger outlined your jaw, continuing his path until his index finger settled behind your ear. Slowly, but firmly, Kylo splayed out his entire hand, his thumb on your cheek and the rest of his fingers on the side of your neck. He lightly stroked your face with his thumb, his other fingers digging into the sensitive flesh.

  
You lifted your head, giving him better access to your throat. You kept your eyes on his face while he tightened his grip on you. Your breaths were shallow, uneven. If someone walked in, they might think that Kylo had you in a chokehold. But no. He was simply caressing you, perhaps the only way he knew how.

  
“Kylo,” your voice broke.

  
His eyes met yours and your heart nearly split in half. He looked sentimental. Raw. _Broken._

  
He swallowed, dropping his hand. “Scholar,” he murmured.

  
Your voice was barely audible. “What is it?”

  
His eyes roamed over your face. You thought he wasn’t going to respond, but then, a hoarse whisper escaped his lips. “I thought I lost you.”

  
You bit your lip, your eyes locked on his. You cupped his face gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  
You leaned in, yearning to press your lips on his. But then, right before your eyes, the emotion drained from his face. All that was left was the impassive, stern mask he wore so well. Like he was afraid of something. Like he was afraid of _you._

  
He broke eye contact, leaning forward to grab the blanket by your feet. “Get some sleep.”

  
You frowned, your eyes lingering on him before laying your head down on the pillow.

Kylo placed the blanket over you and crouched down, planting a kiss on your forehead. He spoke against your skin. “Goodnight, scholar.”

  
You closed your eyes at the feeling. “Goodnight, Supreme Leader,” you whispered. He lingered momentarily and you breathed him in. Once he straightened his back, you pulled the blanket over your shoulder, watching him slip out of your quarters.

  
Moments later, the shuttle hummed to life. You fought off sleep, your mind reeling with the sadness you saw in his eyes. Absentmindedly, you grabbed the pendant around your neck and an odd, comforting feeling swept over you. Unrelenting drowsiness took over, overpowering your intention to stay awake.

  
Exhausted, you did not dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is already in the works. thank you for reading!
> 
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.


	12. She's Fine, General

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On your way home, you find yourself restless on the Supreme Leader's shuttle. Much to Kylo's dismay, you make a new friend in the common area.  
>   
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me. Talk some sense to me..._ /// [ I Found.](https://open.spotify.com/user/o8tlixcpqbggl1wict0gq8tot/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=1_vmWCNPT2mQ2Usqr3Y-Eg)
> 
> Chapter warning: PG-13 (ish?) sexual content. thank you @ghostwheeze for being the best beta in the world <3

### Don't Hold my Hand

Sleep didn’t last for long.

  
Once you roused, you couldn’t fall back asleep. You didn’t know how much time you had left on the shuttle, but it didn't matter; you had to get out of this room.

  
A quick scan of your quarters and your eyes landed on the most beautiful sight. Your overnight bag.

  
“Oh, thank the stars,” you murmured to yourself.

  
You rummaged through the bag, grabbing the light exercise wear you had originally packed for your downtime on the shuttle. It was a relief to strip out of the grimy clothes you’d worn during your time as a prisoner. In a way, it helped shed the memory of that eternal darkness, and the cold concrete cell, and Loatha’s eerie voice.  
  
You put the fresh clothes on in a daze, unable to believe it’d all started only a week ago. _Feels like an eternity._

  
You slipped out of your room, goosebumps lining your arms. You squinted in the dark as you made your way to the common area. Just like last time, the space was impossibly dim, with only two small lights in either corridor.

  
Your eyes immediately focused on the hulking figure sitting down on a crate, and for a moment, your heart soared.

  
_Kylo._

  
And then something, or _someone,_ rather, twitched on the floor to your right. Your eyes slowly adjusted, revealing six massive figures in the cramped common area. A few on the ground, sitting or lying down, and a couple sitting on the cargo boxes.

  
_Uh, no._ Slowly, you backed up, keeping your eyes locked on the figure on the crate. That _definitely_ wasn’t Kylo.

  
A deep voice spoke in the darkness. “D-98.”

  
_Ah, kriff._

  
“Um,” you squeaked. “Yes?’

  
A beat. “Do you need anything?”

  
You frowned. “No, I just…” You trailed off, unsure of what you needed.

  
_Kylo. I need Kylo._

  
“Can’t sleep?”

  
You sighed. “Nope.”

  
“You’re not alone.”

  
You paused. Something about his tone piqued your interest. His voice was gruff, deep. Guttural. Yet something else was there too - a kindness. Welcoming, almost.

  
You fidgeted with your fingers, unsure of what to do next. You didn’t want to retire to your quarters, but you didn’t want to sit with a bunch of scary ass warriors, either.

  
And just like he read your mind, he spoke up. “We don’t bite, you know.”

  
For some wild reason unbeknownst to you, your feet carried you _towards_ the dark, imposing men crowded in the small area. You were acting braver than you felt.

  
Squinting, you focused on the man that was sitting on a crate, his body turned towards you. You had to carefully step around the other knights on the floor, their faces hidden under their cloaks. Two other men sat on cargo boxes, yet they were leaning against the wall, presumably asleep.

  
You sat down on the crate and shivered. There was a noticeable draft in the center of the common area.

  
“Here.” A large hand thrust a mass of black fabric at you.

  
You reached out, tentative. “What is it?”

  
“What do you think it is?”

  
Your cheeks darkened at the tease, and you shook out the fabric to see it was a wool blanket. Wrapping it around your shoulders, you peeked up at him. Then you immediately averted your eyes again.

  
Kylo’s knight was leaning in towards you, his forearms resting casually on his thighs. His proximity wasn’t what made you look away, though. In the limited light you caught a glimpse of his face and much to your surprise, the man was _beautiful._

  
“Thank you,” you whispered.

  
The man extended his hand. “I’m Shiro.”

  
You removed your hand from under the blanket, placing your hand in his. “Hi, Shiro.”

  
“I’m the one that cut Damien’s head off,” he said casually. “You’re welcome.”

  
Your stomach dropped as you remembered his severed head rolling across the floor. The floor of the very room you were in. You looked around, practically able to hear the skull crashing to the ground.

  
“Don’t worry,” he interjected. “We removed it and sanitized the area before we got... rolling,” he grinned, amused with himself.

  
_Not funny._ You’re not sure what face you made, but it must have shown how sick you felt.

  
“Sorry,” he muttered. “Too soon.”

  
“Yeah.”

  
Shiro leaned in closer. “How do you feel now?”

  
You tried to smile. “Fine.” You paused, feeling awkward. “How… are you?”

  
He made a clicking noise with his tongue. “Great. Just wish I had a bed right about now.”

  
“Ah, I’m sorry,” you mused. “Why didn’t you get on the Stormtrooper transport? That thing is _huge_ and I heard the bunks are comfortable.”

  
“The transport, with all those ‘troopers? Nah.” He shook his head. “We don’t play nice with others.”

  
You cocked your head to the side. “Oh? But I thought you said you don’t bite?”

  
A low chuckle emanated from his chest. “You’re just getting special treatment because you’re Master Ren’s girl. If you were anybody else, though…” he trailed off, using his hand to slice his own throat.

  
You laughed quietly, relaxing your stance around him. Letting your guard down. A warmth fell over you at the way he called you Kylo’s _girl._ “I’m not sure if that’s what I am,” you whispered. “It’s all very… new.”

  
Shiro knit his brows. “Of course you are.”

  
You tried to contain your giddiness. “Oh?”

  
The knight outstretched his arms, gesturing all around. “We’re here, aren’t we?”

  
“Yes, but-”

  
“We saved you. _He_ saved you. Do you know how much Master Ren must like you, if he even bothered to come back at all?”

  
Your brows pulled together. “Well, yeah. But I _work_ for them. I mean, _with_ them, side by side. I just assumed the First Order took care of their own.”

  
Shiro shook his head. “No. They didn’t do that for Jeyne.”

  
You stilled. “The last interpreter, you mean.”

  
“Yep.”

  
You leaned forward, your voice hushed. “What happened to her?”

  
“Captured, like you. Only… the First Order didn’t save her.”

  
You gnawed at your bottom lip. “A friend of mine said she was tortured. Dismembered. And it happened under mysterious circumstances. Do you know anything about that?”

  
Shiro grimly nodded. “Dismembered, yes. And I suppose it was _mysterious,_ because they wouldn't say who took her. Or why. All I know is, they weren’t on a hostile planet. She just… disappeared.”

  
A pit formed in the bottom of your stomach. _This poor girl._ “Why didn’t they go looking for her?”

  
He shrugged. “Not sure. Master Ren doesn’t talk about it. Besides,” he said, lowering his voice, “she showed up dead three days later, anyways.”

  
You shuddered. “That’s terrible.”

  
“Yep. Brutally tortured. But they called it an ‘accident' and moved on, so here we are,” Shiro said, stretching out his legs in front of him. He nudged one of the sleeping knights as he did, causing the black mass to shift on the ground.

  
“Shiro,” a disgruntled voice whispered in the dark. “If you don’t get your filthy _kriffing_ foot off of me, I’m going to set it on fire.”

  
“Woah there, Kane. Nobody likes a sour puss.”

  
Kane sat up and you instinctively jerked back. The man was _huge._

  
“Call me that again, Shiro.”

  
Shiro raised his hands in defense. “I’m just calling it how it is,” he taunted, his position relaxed. He looked at you. “Right, D-98? Wouldn’t you say Kane over here is being a sour-”

  
Shiro was cut off as a small box flew from a shelf and collided with his head. It made a solid _thud_ noise as it whacked into him and toppled to the ground.

  
Eyes wide, you looked at the knight on the floor, who was just setting his hand back down in his lap. You fidgeted in your seat, not particularly keen on the idea of being caught between a Force match.

  
“Hey,” Shiro grunted, rubbing his head. “Master Ren said we’re not allowed to use our powers _against_ each other. He doesn’t like that.”

  
“I’m sure if Master Ren knew you were chatting up his girl _right under his nose,_ he wouldn’t like that either,” he whispered vehemently. “And might I add, we are trying to _sleep_ here,” he said, this time directed at you.

  
Your mouth felt dry. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

  
Shiro lifted his hand, quieting you. “No, don’t apologize, Dee.” He stood up, his massive frame towering over you. “Come on, we can finish our conversation in your quarters. _Away_ from all this negativity.”

  
_Dee?_ Before you could object, Shiro had walked past you, and right into your quarters.

  
_Oh, kriff._

  
You were frozen in place for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. " _Right under his nose."_ You didn’t think much of it, but maybe Kylo _wouldn’t_ like you talking to his knight in an intimate setting.

  
You stumbled through the small space, planning on telling him you wanted to sleep. When you opened the door, Shiro was looking down at a piece of paper in his hand.

  
_My mom’s letter._

  
You snatched it from him, silently cursing yourself for not realizing it fell on the ground. “Please don’t touch my things,” you said, your face getting warm. You moved around him to stuff it back into your bag.

  
Shiro reached out and lightly touched your shoulder. ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pry. And I’m sorry about… you know.”

  
You turned around to face him and had to step back. He was looking down at you, his blue eyes locked on your face.

  
He was stupidly attractive, but it didn’t give him an excuse to read your personal stuff. You crossed your arms. “About what?”

  
His jaw tensed and he leaned against the wall beside him. “About what happened to you, as a child. About your mom and… Jawa.”

  
Ice trickled through your veins and you struggled to speak.“How do you know that name?”

  
He tilted his head. “What do you mean? I thought you knew that I knew, since the recon he assigned us…”

  
You blinked at him. “What?”

  
He shifted his stance. “He didn’t tell you?”

  
“Tell me what?”

  
“Oh, Kriff,” he breathed, running his hands through his hair. “Forget I said anything.”

  
You stepped closer to him, shaking your head. “No. Tell me.”

  
Shiro put his hands up in defense. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything.”

  
You put a hand on your hip. “Well, you did. So spill.”

  
Shiro put his hand in his face. “Master Ren is going to kill me,” he mumbled.

  
“No, _I’m_ going to kill you if you don’t tell me what you’re talking about. What recon?”

  
Shiro looked down at you, a small smirk on his face. “You? Kill _me?_ I’d like to see you-”

  
“Shiro!” you hissed.

  
“Okay, okay, fine,” he said, exasperated. “Ren... sent us to Vardos. To search for Jawa.”

  
Your jaw dropped. _“What?_ Who?”

  
“All of us.”

  
“Kylo too?”

  
He shook his head. “Just the six of us.”

  
“Oh, my stars.” You grabbed onto your pendent, idling playing with it. “Why?”

  
Shiro gave you an odd look. “Gather information on him. Such as reconnaissance implies.”

  
“Yeah, but _why?”_

  
He shrugged. “Ren wants him.”

  
You didn’t understand. “Wants him… for what?”

  
“To take care of him, Dee. Take him out.”

  
_“Take him out?”_ you repeated, astonished. Suddenly, you felt a headrush come on, and you had to sit down. You plopped down on your bed and wrapped your blanket around your shoulders.

  
Shiro shifted his stance, still standing, and looked down at you. “I thought you knew.”

  
You stared blankly at your hands, unfocused. _“No,_ Shiro. I literally just found out you existed _yesterday._ I had no idea you, or Kylo for that matter, wanted to take Jawa out.” You met his gaze. “Why would he do that?”

  
Shiro looked confused. “Dee, do you know _anything_ about the Supreme Leader?”

  
You blinked. “Yes.”

  
“Then why are you asking that question?”

  
“I-” you started. You couldn’t finish that thought; you were speechless.

  
Shiro’s expression softened. He gestured towards the chair. “May I?”

  
You nodded, pulling the blanket closer around you.

  
He sat down in the chair and struggled to get situated. You glanced over at the commotion, distracted. There he was, a giant figure dressed in all black, trying to smoosh into a dainty, little chair. He looked ridiculous.

  
You couldn’t help but laugh.

  
He cocked his head, a small smile on his lips. “What’s so funny?”

  
You covered your mouth, trying to muffle your giggles. “That chair,” you breathed. “It’s too small for you.”

  
He smirked, looking down. “Well,” he said, shrugging, “if I fits, I sits.”

  
You threw your head back and laughed. Deep, _authentic_ laughter, your grievances temporarily forgotten. Every time you looked at him, you’d laugh even harder, unable to contain yourself. Eventually, Shiro joined in, his deep chuckle echoing in the room. You weren’t expecting the terrifying, masked warrior to have _this_ much of a sense of humor.

You weren’t sure if he was always this funny, or if he was just trying to cheer you up. Either way, you enjoyed his company.

  
_Thud._ Your breath caught as the door swung open, the handle hitting the wall as it did. Kylo loomed in the door frame, his eyes locked on Shiro.

  
The warmth drained from his knight’s face. “Master Ren.”

  
He didn’t respond. Instead, his jaw locked and his nostrils flared. His gaze burned a hole through Shiro.

  
You gulped. _Oh, hells._

  
“We couldn’t sleep,” you blurted, trying to diffuse the chaotic energy in the room. “I’m sorry, did we wake you?”

  
He ignored you. “Shiro, it’s late. You must be exhausted.”

  
The knight gave him a curt nod and glanced at you. “Beat.” He pushed himself off the chair and crossed your tiny room, trying to get out.

  
Kylo didn’t move.

  
You cringed at the scene unfolding before you. They stood there, eye to eye, identical in build and stature. Tension built as they glared at one another, neither of them blinking. You could quite literally feel the testosterone in the air. Almost taste it.

  
Finally, Shiro cleared his throat. A long moment later, Kylo stepped into your room, brushing against his knight’s shoulder as he did. Shiro darted through the door, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

  
Kylo directed his gaze to you.

  
“Hi,” you breathed, wiping your hands on your pants. Nervous. “How are you?”

  
Piercing eyes glared at you. Unblinking. You didn’t need to be Force sensitive to feel his anger. “You should be sleeping.”

  
You began to fidget, you couldn’t help it. You could barely find your voice. “I could say the same about you.”

  
He stepped forward- just once, and the door softly clicked behind him.

  
You jolted back at the shift in energy. Kylo seemed to take up the entire room. Your stomach twisted into painful knots as you _felt_ him- his anger, his presence. It filled the room, it filled _you._

You looked down, trying to focus on your breathing. You hated the effect he had on you.

  
“Scholar.” His baritone voice got your attention. _Demanded_ it.

  
You met his gaze, feeling like a coward. Like you did something wrong. You watched, anxious, as _he_ watched you. His eyes dragged down your body. Leisurely. You shuffled at his gaze; those hands in your lap wouldn’t sit still.

  
“Come here.”

  
You swallowed. He sounded _pissed._ You tentatively slid off the bed and planted your feet on the ground. He didn’t say anything when you approached him. Those deep, brown eyes just stared at you.  
  
You shuffled your feet, heat rising to your cheeks under his gaze.  
  
“Shiro,” you whispered. “I can tell you don't like me talking to him.”

  
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?” He pivoted, and you moved with him, in sync.

  
He took a step forward and you instinctively stepped back. Then he took another step. And another. Your feet moved back without thinking about it. One more step towards you and you tried to inch away, but your back connected with the door.

  
Everything about him in this moment screamed predator. The way he moved you against the wall, violating your personal space. The way his fists clenched by his side. His immense, broad shoulders heaving with his slow, controlled breaths. His possessive gaze, lazily drinking you in. That gleam in his eyes, reeking of danger.

  
You swallowed. “Yes. And I don’t…” you trailed off, biting your lip. “Why?”

  
Kylo tilted his head slightly and raised his hand to your face. His fingertips brushed against your cheek as he tucked a stray hair behind your ear. “He’s dangerous,” he murmured.

  
Your lashes fluttered at the touch, your voice barely audible. “He seems funny. Tame, even.”

  
Kylo moved his hands to yours. “He annihilated countless Umbarans last night. Enjoyed it.”

  
You took note of the edge in his tone and then realized something. “Um, Kylo, didn’t _you_ annihilate countless Umbarans last night?”

  
His hands started to trail up your arms, and you couldn’t think straight. That deep voice penetrated the silence. “Yes.”

  
You blinked rapidly, trying to focus. But his hands were running up and down your arms, eliciting the chills that spread across your arms, across _everywhere._ You felt your nipples harden in response.

  
“Then...by that logic,” you breathed, unsteady, “shouldn’t I stay away from you, too?”

  
Kylo stepped closer to you, his chest against yours. The door creaked as he pressed you against it. He had you trapped. And the look on his face said he knew it, too. Smug, satisfied.

  
One hand slid around your waist, the other found that sensitive spot behind your ear. He splayed his hand out on your neck, his thumb resting on your cheek.  
He tilted your head, giving him better access to your throat. He leaned down, his lips brushing against your ear. “I would advise that, yes.”

  
Your heart was going to burst out of your chest, you were certain. Small, jagged breaths tore from your lips. Your body was raging, on fire, and Kylo was holding the match. You knew you should have felt afraid, should have pushed past him. Heed his advice. Instead, every cell in your body vibrated, hummed at his proximity.

  
And you wanted more of him.

  
You didn’t think. Throwing your hands around his neck, you got on your tippy toes and crashed your lips against his. You didn’t hesitate to suck his bottom lip, pulling it between your teeth. You whimpered at just how soft his lips felt, warm. _Delicious._

  
Kylo responded aggressively, a low growl vibrating in his chest. Your back slammed into the door as he pushed you forward, a sound that surely woke up the entire shuttle.

  
Kylo’s tongue assaulted yours, and you felt your knees buckle. _Oh my stars._ If you were in control of your mouth, you’d cry out. But he had your mouth trapped and the only thing that existed was Kylo- his hands in your hair and his tongue dominating yours. Your breathing became wild, your unrestrained desire spilling out of you through small, pretty gasps against his mouth.

  
You let your hands explore his body, not letting one inch of him go unexplored. His thick, wavy hair, his face, his neck. His broad, muscular shoulders and chest. His presence dominated your senses, suffocated them.

  
Kylo’s hands slithered down your frame, rubbing and claiming every soft curve of your body. You wiggled against him, wanting those rugged hands to tear you apart. His mouth still on yours, he found your hands resting on his chest, holding them sweetly.

  
You frowned. You didn’t want him to be sweet. You wanted him to tear your blouse off like a savage and ravish you against the fucking wall. You wanted those large, rough hands to grab and squeeze at your breasts, pull at your nipples until you cried out his name. You wanted him to man handle you, not hold your hand.

  
“Kylo,” you panted, against his mouth. “I want-”

  
He didn’t let you finish your sentence. Two massive hands clamped down on yours before thrusting them against the wall, pinning them above your head. When you resisted, he only pressed his body against yours, immobilizing you. He pulled back and looked down at you, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

  
He had you, and he knew it. _Loved_ it. Loved the sound of your soft whimpers. The sight of you writhing against the wall, your eyelids half closed, face contorted with desire. Your scent, invading his nostrils, intoxicating him. He loved it, and you knew it.

  
You gave him a slow, lazy smile, your chest fluttering up and down sensually. You rocked your hips forward, your smile deepening as you felt the hardness swelling in his pants, dying to be free. Oh, the things you would do once you set him free. You licked your lips and ground harder against him.

  
He grunted, a deep, guttural sound, before leaning down to attack your neck.

  
Kylo sucked and lapped at your neck with his tongue, making wet, sloppy noises as he trailed up and down. His teeth grazed the sensitive flesh and he bit down, _hard._ His grip tightened on your wrists as he held your flesh between his teeth, torturing your soft skin with sharp, delectable bites.   


  
“Oh gods,” you moaned.

  
The sounds coming from your lips were animalistic. You wanted to touch him, _needed_ to. You squirmed, trying to break free from his grasp, pushing against the hold he had you in. Kylo would have none of it. He promptly shoved them back into place and towered over you, panting.  
  
A low growl tore from his throat. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  
A smirk played across your lips. "Nowhere. I-"  


  
A tap at the door. “D-98, are you alright?”

  
_Oh, kriff._

  
The two of you stared at one another, your chests colliding as you both took shallow, quick breaths. A distinct heaviness hung in the air between your hot, aching bodies. Intimacy. Passion. _Want._

  
Another knock on the door.

  
You had to open it, you knew. Even though all you wanted was to attack Kylo’s mouth, breathe him in. Taste him.

  
You put your finger to your lip and gestured for him to scoot away so you could open it. Begrudgingly, he obliged.

  
You slowly opened the door, just a smidge, and peeked out. “I’m fine, General. Thank you.”

  
“Ah, very well,” he said, smoothing out his uniform. “I heard a loud bang, and some grunts. Wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  
Much to your chagrin, Kylo yanked the door open and stepped forward. “She’s fine, General.”

  
Hux looked at you, then Kylo, then back to you. A flash of understanding flickered across his face. “I see.”

  
You wanted to melt into the floor, your cheeks burning as bright and red as his hair. _Damn you, Kylo._

  
Kylo, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy this. He walked around you, shoulder checking Hux as he did. He disappeared into his quarters, leaving your body humming for more. Begging for it. You frowned, tugging at the sleeves of your shirt.

  
Hux blandly spoke to you as he ambled back to his side of the shuttle. Bored. “Prepare for landing, D-98.”

  
You nodded. The lights turned on in the common area, and you blinked as your eyes adjusted. Kylo’s knights rose to their feet, stretching out the kinks from sleeping on the floor. They looked massive, much too big to fit comfortably in such a small space. Each of them had distinct armor, you could see that now, each of them an impressive specimen.

  
You absentmindedly watched them until your eyes caught one of them looking at you. Shiro.

  
Tall, impossibly strong build, with bright blue eyes. Stunning. And the _complete_ opposite of Kylo.

  
You smiled tentatively at him, and he responded with a curt nod. His gaze lingered on you, his face colored with curiosity. Amused, almost. Like he knew a little secret that you didn’t.

  
Kylo returned from his room and Shiro broke his focus, looking away quickly.

  
You cast your gaze towards Kylo. The faintest of smiles touched his lips, so faint you weren’t sure if it was just a twitch or not. You sucked on your lower lip, wishing that you were sucking on his instead.

  
“Scholar,” he purred. The sound of his low, seductive voice rattled you to your very core. He gave you one last look before storming past you, his boots pounding heavily against the floor as he made his way to the cockpit.

  
You leaned against the wall, your head spinning. You weren’t sure what this meant going forward, what it meant to be _his girl,_ as Shiro put it. But you did know one thing.

  
Kylo Ren had just made it very clear to you and everyone around him: you were _his._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kill me i live for dominant kylo ren lmao lmk what y'all think <3
> 
> PS [ this ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51956704#workskin) chapter of Kylo's Knights coincides with the last few chapters ;)


	13. Helplessly His

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After you return to the Finalizer, you have to convince Kylo to train you again. Turns out, you had no idea what you were getting yourself into. 
> 
>   
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/52755187) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I survived through rainstorms, sandstorms. I fought the war, now it's time to go home. Let me tell you, I'm ready to fly._ /// [ Journey (Ready to Fly) ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=MGeUk06TRoiHV_c_V9tRCw) (I made a lil companion playlist for this fic, check it out!) also...

### 

Helplessly His

“Perform the test, _now.”_

  
You winced and looked down at your hands, pulling at a loose thread on your hospital gown. The Supreme Leader, well, _your_ Supreme Leader was in no mood to take _no_ for an answer.

  
“S-sir, I, I-”  
  
Kylo reached for his lightsaber, and Dr. Zhee scrambled backward, toppling over the tray of medical instruments. Two heavy footsteps towards him and the poor man almost passed out.

  
“Kylo,” you called across the room, your soft voice a sharp contrast to the anger radiating off him.

  
Dr. Zhee glanced at you and back to the black mass towering over him, panicked. “Sir, please. I don’t-”

  
A gloved hand shot out and took hold of Dr. Zhee’s poor, unsuspecting throat. You could hear the leather grow taut over Kylo’s knuckles.

  
“Kylo, _enough.”_

  
He tightened his grasp, you assumed. Dr. Zhee’s mouth open and closed like a fish out of water, his face a pretty shade of purple.

  
_Oh for fuck’s sake._

  
“Kylo!”

  
Kylo whipped his head towards you, like he forgot you were there. With a twitch of his lip, he let go of Dr. Zhee, who sunk to the ground with a thud. Kylo’s eyes never left your pleading, tense face. He crossed the room with quick, powerful strides and took a seat on your hospital bed.

  
You closed your eyes, letting out a tired sigh.

  
“What is it? Are you in pain?”

  
Your eyes opened at the sincere concern lacing his tone. His eyes darted across your face, his tension palpable. The smallest of smiles tugged at your lips.

  
_So attentive._

  
You glanced across the room as the poor, shaking Dr. Zhee scrambled out of the room.

  
_A little too attentive._

  
You placed your hand on top of his. “Look, Kylo,” you started, taking your bottom lip between your teeth. You didn’t know how to tell him this without hurting his feelings.

  
“I appreciate all you’ve done for me this past week, since I’ve gotten back. Since _you_ saved my life,” you gave his hand a tight squeeze. “But you can’t keep killing my doctors, okay?”

  
He looked down, his lower lip jutting out. Like a puppy that got caught doing something naughty. A massive, terrifying, _dangerous_ puppy, cloaked in all black. Ruling the galaxy.

  
“I didn’t kill them,” he mumbled. Eyes still cast down.

  
“Well, Dr. Zhee was one shade of purple away from meeting his maker. Dr. Pai lost a hand, and that male nurse might never walk again. And those protocol droids, I mean-”

  
“Droids aren’t people,” he interjected, defiant. Ignoring the fact that he did, in fact, still dismember a person.

  
“I- okay.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Look, I’m _fine,_ okay? Just a little dehydrated and malnourished. A few bruises here and there. I don’t need any more tests.”

  
Your reasoning fell on deaf ears. “Dr. Zhee just said Vitamin D Deficiency could be a concern, for those not accustomed to Umbara.” He lifted a hand to your face and lowered his voice. “For those that are fragile,” he murmured.

  
His softened tone pulled at your heartstrings. _Oh, seven hells._

  
You leaned into his hand, placing yours on top of it. “Kylo,” you smiled, patient. “I live on the _Finalizer._ And I barely got sun on Vardos. My body has adapted to live without the sun by now, I promise.”

  
Those warm, brown eyes bored into yours. He didn’t look convinced.

  
You didn’t let him argue. “Now, when can we start training again?”

  
He pulled his hand away, settling both of them on your forearm. “When you’re ready.”

  
You gave him an eager smile. You figured it was easier than telling him you were _this_ close to losing your shit here in the medbay. “Perfect. I’m ready right now.”

  
He stood up and pressed his lips into a thin line. “No,” he said, shaking his head.

  
You threw your hands up. “I am fine, Supreme Leader. Besides, after what happened, don’t you think I should be training even harder?”

  
Pacing the room, he glanced at you. “I will keep you safe.”  
  
You cocked your head to the side. “But what if you aren’t there? Don’t you want me to me prepared?”  


  
A flicker of doubt crossed his face. _Got him._

  
“And more training with you, the most powerful man in the galaxy, would ensure that I could handle another Loatha if need be.”

  
Kylo bared his teeth at the sound of your captor’s name. “You will never be put in that situation again.” His pace picked up, his fists clenched. “I won’t allow it.”

  
A warmth spread across your chest. “I know. But it wouldn’t hurt, you know?” You tore off the blanket and stood up, your feet pattering against the cool floor as you met him in the middle of the room.

  
You intercepted his pacing, trying to calm him down. “Kylo,” you muttered, running your hands up his arms. His chest rose and fell rapidly.

  
You looked up at him through your lashes. “Will you do something for me?”

  
He didn’t hesitate. “Anything.”

  
Your stomach did small flips at that single little word. Hearing it wasn’t even the best part- you _knew_ he would do anything for you. You realized that the second Shiro told you he went after Jawa- something you have yet to bring up to him. Timing wasn’t right, nor were you prepared to have that conversation.

  
“Then trust me,” you cooed. “Trust me when I say I’m fine. I’m ready to train. I _need_ to train. So put me back in, coach.”

  
He watched you like you were the only thing that existed in the galaxy and that deep, tantalizing feeling penetrated your senses. A tingling sensation, starting in your fingertips and shooting down to your toes. A warmness, a fire, that filled you to the brim. The hair on the back of your neck stood up straight.

  
You blinked, clearing your throat. You’d never get used to him, to the intoxicating, untamed man that was Kylo Ren.

  
The way he was looking at you told you he knew that, too. Helplessly his.

  
His lips twitched up, just the slightest. “Two hours, sector 45B.” Kylo leaned down and gave you a kiss on the forehead. Your body screamed in protest when he abruptly turned away, taking his leave. He looked back at you, giving you a wicked half-smile that nearly stopped your heart. 

  
“Get ready for me, Scholar.”

**\---**

All it took was a shower and a change of clothes, and you were ready for him. Well, as ready as anyone _can_ be for the Supreme Leader. At the moment, though, you were feeling pretty victorious.

  
“I win,” you panted, straddling Kylo. A grin split across your face.

  
That deep, baritone voice rumbled from his chest. “That’s because I let you.”

  
You narrowed your eyes. _“No,_ I kicked your ass. And you’re salty about it.”

  
Kylo moved his hands from behind his head and placed them on your hips. His eyes gleamed with that wickedness you knew so well. “Oh?”

  
You bit your lip. “Yes.” 

  
His thumbs dug into your hip bones. “Hm,” he hummed, his eyes traveling down your body. He tightened his grasp on you and pushed your hips down onto his.

  
Your mouth dropped open into a little _o_ as he started grinding your body against the firmness swelling in his pants. Wide-eyed, you watched Kylo suck on his bottom lip, a low, guttural groan emanating from his throat. The hardness rubbing between your legs suddenly became _very_ hard to ignore.

  
_Oh, stars._

  
“Kylo,” you warned, “people are _right_ outside! We can’t be doing this.”

  
“No?”

  
“No,” you hissed.

  
Your heart stuttered when he gave you a sinister smile. He lifted his hips off the ground and pressed into you _hard._ A hand moved from your hip, up your stomach, and cupped your breast. You threw your head back, a small moan escaping your lips.

  
“It sounds like you’re enjoying yourself, Scholar,” he breathed. He dropped his smile and looked at you with that serious, deadpan face. He didn’t stop grinding against you, the wetness pooling between your legs.

  
_Fucker._

  
You wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him you were in the _very_ public training area aboard the Finalizer’s gym. That anyone could walk in at any moment. But he had a death grip on you, stroking you in all the right places. And you just couldn’t help yourself.

  
You began rotating your hips, grinding slowly against him, falling in sync with his movements. You slithered a hand up his cuffed, black t-shirt, enjoying the way his hard, impossibly toned chest felt beneath your fingertips.

  
You picked up the pace, grinding against his lap, whimpering as he teased your sweet spot.

  
“Oh my stars,” you rasped.

  
Kylo watched you like a hawk, his jaw tense, nostrils flared, eyes wild.

  
He had you pinned down on his groin, working him with a firm, steady pressure. You closed your eyes and tilted your head back, your lips parted. Nothing else mattered, nothing else _existed,_ in the moment. Just you, him, and the friction between your hot, sweaty bodies. All you could think about was stripping his clothes off so you could taste him, feel him, fuck-

  
“Found them!”

  
You yelped, tumbling off Kylo faster than lightspeed. It didn’t matter, though. Shiro’s grin suggested he knew _exactly_ what you were doing moments ago. The two other knights ignored you, their expressions unreadable.

  
In the heat of the moment, you had failed to notice the sound of the doors opening. 

  
Your cheeks burned, your heart pounded. Quite frankly, you wanted to disappear into a deep, dark abyss and never return.

  
“Master Ren,” they said, in unison. They got down on one knee.

  
You stood up, as did Kylo. You clasped and unclasped your hands, you pulled up your leggings, readjusted your bra straps… you did _everything_ but look at the men stealing glances at you as they stood up.

  
You didn’t need to look at them, however. You felt them. Their presence, coupled with Kylo’s, was enough to suck the air right out of a room. Their energy, their _power_ had a stifling, penetrative effect.

  
And you wanted nothing more than to leave.

  
“Shiro,” Kylo drawled. Utterly oblivious to your discomfort. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

  
The amusement drained from the knight’s face as he looked at Kylo. “Mika fell ill last minute, Master. He sent me in his place.”

  
Kylo put his gloves on, taking a generous amount of time focusing on each finger. “Interesting that he didn’t ask my permission first.”

  
Shiro remained a statue while the others shuffled. “I can leave, if you’d like. I can see if he's feeling better.”

  
Kylo shook his head and walked past him, checking his shoulder as he did. “You’ll have to do.”

  
Shiro shot you an excited look and you immediately looked away, clearing your throat.

  
_Damn him._

  
Your cheeks were on fire. “Um, Kylo. What’s going on?”

  
He didn’t turn to you, but his knights did. The two men on either side of Shiro were just as tall, just as large. They each had dark hair and even darker eyes. Intense, brooding features. Attractive, but not in the striking way such as Kylo and Shiro. It took you a moment to realize they were twins.

  
Kylo grabbed some mats and hauled them over his shoulder. “We are training.”

  
You frowned. “We were training before.”

  
Shiro laughed, but the knight next to him jabbed an elbow into his ribs. He quickly disguised it with a cough.

  
Kylo ignored them. “I’ve decided to alter my methods.”

  
You raised a brow at him. “As in, I have to fight off _you_ and your knights?”

  
The mats hit the floor with a loud _slam._ “Yes.”

  
You threw your head back and laughed. “What in the world makes you think I’m kriffing capable of that?”

  
He tsked at you. “You’d be surprised at your own strength, Scholar.”

  
“Okay, well, there’s four of you... but you’re all three times my size. Which basically means it’s one against twelve.”

  
Shiro lifted a finger and started counting the men in the room. He cocked his head at you, amused. “Huh. How did you get that number?”

  
You narrowed your eyes at him. “I’m being hypothetical, genius.”

  
Shiro raised his hands. “Woah, now, that’s a big word.” He cracked a slow, lazy smile. “Not everyone is a scholar, ya know.”

  
_“Enough.”_ Kylo’s tone reverberated through the room like the crack of a whip.

  
Kylo glared at him and Shiro attempted to look serious. The moment he broke eye contact, Shiro settled his gaze on you, a wicked gleam in his eyes.

  
You promptly ignored him.

  
“Kane, I want you and Zakra to flank D-98 on either side. Shiro, sit this one out.”

  
Your eyes got wide. “Uh, what do I do?”

  
“Fight back.”

  
You frowned. “I don’t know how to.”

  
“I will be teaching you, guiding you the whole way. But first, we need a baseline.”

  
Your heart dropped. The last time he got your baseline, you left in tears. Your tongue suddenly felt too big for your mouth. You struggled to swallow, your mouth dry.

  
Kylo sensed your anxiety. He took a step towards you, his voice low. “You were right. We need to put you through more rigorous training.”

  
All you could manage was a weak nod.

  
Kylo’s face softened. “You’re safe, Scholar.” His eyes lingered on you before he stepped back. “Always.”

  
It wasn’t a lot, but his words helped take off your edge. Just a bit. All you wanted to do was roll around with him again, feel his hands on you. You didn’t know _this_ was on the agenda.

  
Kane and Zakra rolled their shoulders, their necks. Jumped up and down. Readying themselves. You crouched in response, your heart fluttering in your chest. The air felt heavy in the room.

  
After an agonizing few moments, Kylo lifted his hand. “Attack.”

  
You backed away, and the twins followed suit. Shiro rubbed his hands together off to the side, eager. Excited.

  
You, on the other hand, felt lightheaded.

  
Kylo watched you with those intense eyes. That baritone voice rattled you to your core. “Brace yourself, Scholar.”

  
You yelped as the massive, powerful warriors pounced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/52755187) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one. 
> 
> also...  
>  **THANK YOU.**  
>     
> thank you for the subscriptions… the bookmarks… the kudos (just hit over 300! what!!)... the comments… all of it! I was not expecting my lil story to be even remotely popular. the engagement is the only reason I have motivation to continue, so thank you, scholars, for the support and love <3.  
> 


	14. Batuu Bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro feels left out during your training, so Kylo finds a way to include him. Afterwards, a visitor surprises you in your quarters. General Hux calls a meeting to discuss your new assignment.  
>   
> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/52755187) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Vanish into the night with me, we're raising heartbeats. Feel the power arrest me, like shadows on concrete. Gotta get away, gotta escape from the daylight... ///_ [ Fear on Fire. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=vjtDC9a2QVaSN6MYJE9QAg)  
>  
> 
> Pls note: Kylo’s POV uses she/her pronouns. “you” felt too weird.

### Batuu Bound

You couldn’t move.

  
If you could, you would skip the hell outta here and never look back. Preferably somewhere with a hot shower, and muja muffins. Lots of muja muffins.

  
Alas, Kane and Zakra had other plans. Brutal, immobilizing, _unforgiving_ plans.

  
“Ahhhhgggggghhhhh,” you protested, attempting to twist from Kane’s grasp.

  
Kane had both your arms pinned behind your back, while Zakra was in front of you, dodging your kicks.

  
“Good,” Kylo praised, watching you intently. “If you can deliver a blow to your front assailant, you will have a better chance of escaping the one behind you.”

  
“Ugfhhhhhhhauuuh, kkkkaaaaaaaaarrrr.”

  
Behind Kylo, Shiro laughed. “What language was that?”

  
One quick, silencing glare from Kylo and the smile on Shiro’s smile shriveled right up. It wasn’t until Shiro broke eye contact that Kylo looked back at you.

  
“Kane, let her go.”

  
He obeyed. You instantly keeled over, panting. “Oh, seven hells.”

  
The twins backed off, stepping off the mat and leaning against the wall.

  
Kylo walked over to you but addressed his knights. “Next. Zakra, I want you to pin her to the mat. Kane-”

  
“Oh, come on,” you groaned, peeking up at him. “Zakra is like a kriffing mountain. I’d rather...not.”

  
Shiro stepped forward. “Master Ren, I can do it.”

  
Kylo ignored him. “Scholar, you’re almost done. Just a few more scenarios.”

  
“Oh _come on,”_ you whined, straightening your posture. “I already tried all _six_ of the elbow strikes, the two different bear hug attacks, and the side headlock maneuver. I failed _all of them,”_ you said, placing your hands on your hips. “What else do you need to test to get my baseline? I _suck._ The end.”

  
Kylo’s lip twitched, just a fraction. “You’re learning.”

  
Your bottom lip jutted out. “No, I’m failing.”

  
“The best lessons are learned through failure. Have patience.”

  
You threw your hands up. “Thanks for the wisdom, Yoda.”

  
Kylo narrowed his eyes at you. He gestured toward the mat you were standing on. “Zakra, approach.”

  
You glared right back at him. “Really? Again?”

  
Zakra took slow, menacing steps towards you.

  
You sighed, and you softened the edge in your tone. “Can I try with someone else? Like,” you bit your lip, hesitating, “with you, maybe?” Your voice was soft, embarrassed. You hated sounding so _needy,_ especially in front of his knights. But you really doubted your ability to handle the damn boulder twins again.

  
Kylo didn’t respond, but his expression softened.

  
Shiro piped up. “What about me, D-98?” He grinned at you and you scowled. “I promise to go easy on you.”

  
You glared at Shiro. “No. You’re just as bad.”

  
Shiro frowned. “How would you know?”

  
“Because I do. I know-”

  
Kylo lifted a hand, silencing you. “Okay, Scholar. We’re finished for today.”

  
You let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

  
Shiro groaned. “Aw, no fair. I didn’t get a turn to play with our Scholar.”

  
_Our?_

  
Kylo slowly turned his head towards Shiro, his jaw tense, fists clenched. Zakra and Kane shifted their feet, looking away.

  
Shiro flinched at his gaze. “I mean, D-98, Master."

  
Kylo fumed, his eyes wild.  
  


_If looks could kill._

  
Shiro cleared his throat. “Master Ren.”

  
You intercepted, attempting to save Shiro’s life. “You heard the Supreme Leader. We are done for the day.” You approached Kylo, putting your hand on his chest. “Kylo, why don’t you walk me to my quarters?”

  
Kylo grabbed your hand on his chest, his eyes never leaving Shiro. “Actually,” he drawled, “we have one more maneuver to practice. Shiro, you’re up.”

  
“Yesssss,” Shiro whispered. “Where do you want me, Master Ren?”

  
Kylo nodded to the center of the mat. “Here.”

  
Shiro eagerly obliged. He ignored your glare and gave your hand a gentle squeeze before dropping it.

  
You steadied your breath. “What am I practicing?”

  
“The groin kick.”

  
Shiro’s face paled. “Oh, come on. That’s not-”

  
A venomous glare from Kylo and Shiro shut up, leaving a pouty, disappointed look on his face.

  
Kylo gave you the come hither motion and had you stand right in front of Shiro. You peered up at him, his blue eyes burning into you. You swallowed and looked down.

  
_When he’s not joking around, this guy is kriffing intense._

  
“Ahhh, wh-what am I doing exactly?” you stuttered, and hating yourself for it. Shiro’s proximity sucked the confidence right out of you.

  
Kylo relaxed his stance and secured his hands behind his back. “Kick him.”

  
You nervously glanced at Kylo. “Like… in the…” you trailed off, gesturing to your own groin area, suddenly embarrassed.

  
A ghost of a smile touched his lips. “Yes, Scholar.”

  
Shiro groaned. “Yep. Right in the balls,” he said, crouching slightly, putting his arms out in defense. “Come on, I’m ready for ya.”

  
That low, baritone voice. “You will not intercept her efforts.”

  
Shiro straightened his back and frowned, twisting his head to look at Kylo. “What, Master?”

  
“You heard me.”

  
You knit your brows. “But… but nobody is holding me back. How is this self-defense?”

  
A beat. “We are testing your aim.”

  
Shiro relaxed his stance and turned back to you, dejected. He rolled his shoulders and put his arms out.

  
“Let's get this over with,” he breathed, closing his eyes.

  
You glanced at Kylo, then back to Shiro, then Kylo again. Shiro was a pain in your ass, but you didn’t want to _hurt_ him.

  
“Go ahead,” Kylo cooed, encouraging you.

  
“Yeah, any day now,” Shiro interjected, opening one eye.

  
You frowned. “I don’t-”

  
“Either you do it, or I give you a demonstration. Pick one.”

  
Shiro opened both his eyes and looked at you, panicked. “Do it.”

  
You took your lip in between your teeth and nodded. It made sense that he’d rather have you do it.  _For obvious reasons._

  
Closing your eyes, you let out a rush of air and thrust your foot forward, connecting with his groin.

  
_Whack._ Shiro groaned and grabbed his crotch, his jaw tense. He keeled over and you covered your mouth with your hands. You didn’t even hit him _that_ hard but he looked ghastly pale.

  
Kylo beamed at you, extending his hand for you to take. “Great aim, Scholar.”

  
You walked around Shiro and placed your hand in Kylo’s. You nodded towards Shiro and whispered. “Will he be okay?”

  
Kylo shrugged and dragged you towards the door, walking past his other knights.

  
“Don’t worry about me,” Shiro called out. He stood up straight and paced the room, waddling. “Just gotta walk it off.”

  
You grimaced. “Sorry,” you murmured.

  
“Nonsense,” Kylo said, voice rough. “All part of your training.”

  
Kylo turned towards Kane and Zakra. “Clean up. Come back tomorrow, same time.”

  
“Yes, Master Ren,” they spoke in unison.

  
“Yes, Master,” Shiro called out, with effort.

  
Kylo threw daggers at Shiro and held the door open for you. You threw one last apologetic look at Shiro and dipped outside, Kylo following close behind you.

  
The two of you walked through the common area of the gym, weaving through the various First Order officers. 

  
You stole a glance at Kylo, the agitation radiating off of him. “What was that all about?”

  
Kylo looked straight ahead, his lips pressed into a hard line. “A lesson.”

  
You played with the waistband of your leggings. “I already knew how to kick, though.”

  
Kylo met your gaze. “I didn’t say the lesson was for you.”

  
_Ah._ You nodded, slowly. “Shiro is awfully…”

  
“Obnoxious?”

  
You smirked, bumping into his shoulder as you avoided a sweaty gym dweller. “Well, yeah. He’s so different from your other knights, from what I can tell. Why does he get away with it?”

  
Kylo paused for a second, nodding at an officer that greeted him. Walking _anywhere_ with the Supreme Leader was like a whole kriffing event.

  
Once you both exited the gym, Kylo picked up his pace. “Don’t let the others fool you. They can all be childish. Shiro just doesn’t have a filter.”

  
You looked up at him, trying to match his strides. Though his face was stern, you sensed something else in his tone. _Affection?_

  
“Ah,” you mused. “But you don’t stop him from not having a filter. So… does that mean Shiro is your favorite?”

  
Kylo looked at you, taken aback. “No.”

  
Both of you turned a corner, walking towards the turbolifts.

  
You pushed a little further. “But he gets away with a lot, wouldn’t you say? He just talks… _so_ much.” You shook your head. “I’m surprised you haven’t killed him,” you muttered.

  
Kylo placed a hand on your back, guiding you into the turbolift. He pressed his sector, then yours, and settled his gaze on you. “Shiro is my best fighter. He’s just as ruthless as he is a pain in my ass,” Kylo paused, his eyes wandering around the turbolift. “As much as I hate to admit it, I need him on the battlefield.” He sighed. “Unfortunately.”

  
You smiled, just a little. “Hm. Okay.”

  
Kylo looked at you. “What?”

  
Your smile deepened. “Nothing.”

  
Kylo turned his body towards you. “Scholar.”

  
You peeked up at him and realized you didn’t have a choice.

  
You rolled your eyes. “Fine. It’s just…” you trailed off, licking your lips. “You guys remind me of brothers. It’s kinda… cute.”

  
Kylo blinked. “Oh.” He repositioned towards the doors again, rolling his shoulders.

  
You glanced at him, worried you upset him. But no. It was something else. Kylo looked _shy._

  
You cleared your throat, your heart fluttering in your chest. _How endearing._

  
The two of you settled in a comfortable silence as the turbolift thrummed below your feet. A few moments later, a _ding_ rang in the air and Kylo grabbed the datapad from his pocket. He looked down, making a small sound of disapproval.

  
“Hmm?”

  
“Briefing tonight.”

  
Your forehead creased. “What? I thought Hux said our next mission wasn’t for a few weeks.” 

  
Kylo frowned down at the datapad, flicking his thumb through the text. “Bacta assignment has been postponed. We're traveling to Batuu, instead.”

  
You tilted your head. “Batuu? Where's that?”

  
The turbolift doors opened and Kylo tore his eyes from the datapad. He leaned down, planting a kiss on your forehead. "Far away."

  
You smiled, looking up at him. “Okay. See you tonight?” 

  
A hand brushed your face, tucking a hair behind your ear. He stepped backward, out of the turbolift, and fixed his gaze on you. Stance wide, shoulders relaxed, hands behind his back. Drinking you in as the doors began to close.

  
That low, thick voice sent goosebumps up your arms. “Scholar.”

  
**\---**

  
You had _just_ gotten out of the shower when you heard a tap at your door. 

  
_Dinner. Perfect timing._

  
Until last week when you were on bed rest, you had no idea the Finalizer had meal service. You had to get used to the luxury, just like everything else about your new life. 

  
The knocking got louder. 

  
“Ah, kriff,” you muttered. You wrapped the nearest towel around you and jogged to the door, chills lining your arms. 

  
The knocking turned to pounding. 

  
“Oh my stars, what a bossy droid,” you muttered. “I am _coming!”_

  
You ripped open the door, fully expecting to see a droid holding your dinner. 

_  
Wrong._

  
Well, _half_ wrong.

  
Someone was holding your dinner alright, but it wasn’t a droid. It was the Supreme Leader.

  
You swallowed thickly. “Um, hi.” 

  
Kylo searched your face, the corner of his mouth twitching up just a fraction. His eyes flickered down your body, so quickly you thought you had imagined it. But that gleam in his eyes told you otherwise. 

  
“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  
You blinked and looked down at the towel covering just your midsection, water still dripping from your hair. It took you a second to realize that _of course_ he knew you’d be showering after training.

_  
The motherfucker did this on purpose._

  
Warmth crept up your neck and reached your cheeks. You gave him a weak smile, trying to pretend it didn’t totally and completely terrify you that the only thing between you and Kylo fucking Ren was a thin, soaking wet towel. 

  
“Not at all.” _Of course it’s a bad time, but you knew that._ “Please, come in.”

  
Kylo smirked. That minuscule, yet so deliciously sinful smirk. The one that said, _“you’re mine, and I dare you to tell me otherwise.”_

  
Kylo breezed past you and your mouth gaped open. His presence immediately made your quarters look _tiny._

  
You bit your lip, hovering by the front door. Kylo crossed the room and sat at your kitchen table, his back to you. He leaned back, placing his hands on his neck, stretching. His arms swelled with the movement, his muscles rippling and nearly bulging out of his training tee.

  
_Oh my stars._

  
You needed to sit down before you passed out, but... You. Couldn’t. Stop. Staring.

  
That punishingly low voice. “Scholar?”

  
You cleared your throat. “Mmm, yes?”

  
Kylo tapped on the tray in front of him, snapping you out of your trance. “Meeting is in an hour. Aren’t you hungry?”

  
_Starving._ “A little,” you breathed. A second longer of ogling and you jogged past him to get into your room. “Be right back!”

  
You towel dried your hair the best you could, brushed it out, and slapped on some moisturizer. You eyed your First Order uniform for the briefest of moments, but chose the sleek, red robe instead.

  
You smirked. _Two can play this game._

  
Kylo eyed you as you entered the kitchen area, his face an unreadable mask. You averted your eyes, afraid you’d burn up again if you held his gaze.

  
Sitting across from him, you reached for the platter in front of Kylo.

  
He moved it out of your reach.

  
You looked up at him and frowned. “Hey,” you pouted, “what’s that for?”

  
“I didn’t get a thank you for delivering your dinner.”

  
You blinked. You searched his face for a trace of humor, but there was none. Those deep, brown eyes were locked on you, his gaze perfectly composed.

Watching you.

  
You started playing with your fingers under his gaze. “Oh, I’m sorry,” you muttered. “Thank you for bringing me my dinner.”

  
“You’re welcome.” Kylo didn’t move to pass you the platter. “But that’s not what I was looking for.”

  
You knit your brow, sucking on your bottom lip. _What in the universe is he looking for?_

  
Kylo cleared his throat and you peeked up at him. His arms were outstretched, his eyes locked on yours.

  
A smile spread across your face. _He wants a hug. How sweet._

  
You pushed yourself off the chair and took a few steps towards him. You leaned down, encircling your arms around his neck. Thick, strong arms wrapped around you and twisted you around, pulling you down onto his lap.

  
You yelped in surprise as he secured you on his lap, your back to his chest. You desperately pawed at your robe to keep it closed. A low, throaty chuckle tickled your ear.

  
“I see you’re regretting the robe.”

  
Your cheeks burned the same color as your robe. _Damn him._

  
Your voice sounded strange, high pitched. “No, I just didn’t want to get my uniform dirty.”

  
He hummed in acknowledgment. “This could get dirty, too. You should take it off.”

  
“Uhm, I-” _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._

  
Kylo pulled you tighter against him, gliding his fingertips from your hip towards your lower belly. You tensed, and after a moment, he pulled back.

  
“Perhaps another time.” He pulled the tray closer to him and grabbed the fork, spearing a carrot.

  
Kylo pivoted your body, ever so slightly, putting your weight mostly on one leg. He leaned forward and craned his neck to the side so he could see what he was doing.

  
“Come on Scholar.” His other hand gripped your hip again. “Aren’t you hungry?”

  
You nodded weakly.

  
“Then open.”

  
Heart pounding, hands sweating, you opened your mouth. He slid the fork in your mouth and you closed your lips around it.

  
You chewed and swallowed the carrot, your stomach rumbling. Kylo pierced a piece of potato and brought it to your lips. You took it in your mouth, scarfing it down.

  
It was _delicious._ So delicious, you almost forgot you were sitting on the Supreme Leader’s lap. Being fed dinner.

  
You hummed and squirmed in his lap, opening your mouth for more. “Ahhhh.”

  
Kylo made a noise of amusement and speared another carrot. He brought it to your lips and you bit it off, ravenous.

  
“Mmmm.”

  
Kylo dropped the fork. Two massive hands cupped the side of your neck for a brief moment before gathering the hair out of your face.

  
You stilled, midchew, as he gathered your damp hair and let it tumble down your back. One hand hovered in your hair, the other traveled back down to your hip. You could see him cock his head in your peripherals, his eyes on you.

  
You swallowed and cleared your throat. You picked up the fork and knife, tentatively cutting through the chicken breast.

  
You brought a bite up to your mouth, chewing slowly, all while Kylo’s hand gripped your hip like his life depended on it.

  
_Yep, that’s gonna bruise._

  
“You look so pretty like this,” he murmured.

  
You stopped midchew, and met his gaze. Dark, sinister pools of honey watched you. You quickly swallowed the food in your mouth.

  
“Thank you,” you breathed. You hadn’t realized how _close_ his face was to yours. You felt lightheaded.

  
Kylo tilted his head at you. “Wet, not put together,” he mused. The hand in your hair massaged your scalp. “Disheveled.”

  
You shivered, the touch giving you goosebumps. You looked down at your robe; you didn’t think you were _that_ much of a mess. “Gee, thanks.”

  
You were surprised when Kylo laughed. A rare, _genuine,_ laugh.

  
“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” he murmured, his fingertips kneading your scalp.

  
You tilted your head back, leaning into his hand. “Mmm.”

  
He leaned in to whisper in your ear. “It’s a compliment. Your beauty is effortless.”

  
You were putty in his hands. Bright red, stuttering putty. “Th- thank you.”

  
Kylo hovered by your ear before placing a single kiss on your neck.

  
“Eat,” he said, lips moving against your sensitive flesh.

  
You didn’t respond, just leaned against him harder. He dropped the hand from your hair, released your hip, and pulled his lips away from your neck.

  
You frowned and twisted around to look at him. “Hey.”

  
He nodded to the table. “Eat.”

  
You hesitated, thinking about attacking him with your lips instead. Those serious eyes and locked jaw said he’d have none of that, though.

  
With a defeated sigh, you pushed yourself off his lap and plopped down in the seat next to him. You clutched at your robe, pulling it closer to you.

  
Kylo pushed the tray in front of you. “I didn’t say you had to get up.”

  
You cut a piece of chicken and mumbled at him. “Couldn’t concentrate.”

  
You didn’t have to look at his face to know he was amused with how flustered you were. “Fair.”

  
You looked down and focused on finishing your dinner. You thought about how weird this would be just last month, before you were _his._ The Supreme Leader in your quarters, watching you eat dinner in just a robe.

  
_Such madness._  
  
But now, it felt so natural, so _comfortable,_ \- even just sitting together, silent.

  
You peeked up, and Kylo was looking down at his hands, splayed out on his thighs. Content, pensive.

  
You nudged his foot under the table. “Did you already eat?”

  
Kylo met your gaze and nodded.

  
“Good.” You gave him a small smile.

  
Kylo glanced at your tray. “Finished?”

  
“Mhm.” You clutched your stomach. “Delicious. Thank you.”

  
Kylo pushed himself out of the chair and you craned your neck up at him. Moments like these, looking up at him towering over you, reminded you just how kriffing _tall_ the guy was.

  
He grabbed the tray and you reached for it, shaking your head. “No, I’ll take care of it. But thank you.”

  
Kylo firmly pulled it out of your grasp. “Go get dressed. I’ll see you in thirty.”

  
You sighed, standing up to give him a kiss on the cheek. He gave your forehead a kiss and turned towards the door.

  
You watched him leave, a part of you disappointed that he didn’t carry you to your bed and rip your robe off with his teeth.

  
He turned around, gave you one last glance, and left your quarters.

  
_Perhaps another time._ ****

**\----**

Kylo exited D-98’s quarters, dinner tray in hand. The second he saw someone in the corridor, Kylo shoved the tray into their unsuspecting hands.

  
“Here.”

  
Kylo didn’t stop to hear the Stormtrooper’s reaction. He moved through the halls of the Finalizer like a locomotive. A black, _prowling_ locomotive that demanded attention, respect.

  
He would have stayed with D-98 and walked to the briefing with her, but he forgot he had some important business to tend to. Business she couldn’t know about. Not yet.  
  
_Jawa._

  
Thanks to Shiro, she knew about the assignment he gave his knights. But she didn’t know what he planned on _doing_ with the information they collected.

  
Anger coursed through Kylo at the thought of the dirty, miserable bastard. Debilitating, _suffocating_ anger. His heart raced, his breathing escalated. His hands twitched and he was forced to make a fist, or else he’d blow a fucking hole through the wall. He didn’t even look at the officer’s or ‘troopers paying their respects. Tunnel vision.

  
Kylo made an abrupt turn, his robes flowing behind him. He halted in front of the turbo lift, slamming his fist against the controls. It obeyed, and he stepped in, scowling. The lift hummed all around him, vibrating through him with the rage that flowed through his veins. He stood perfectly still, his eyes locked on the doors in front of him. It needed to fucking open before he forced it to.

  
With a ding, he arrived at his destination. Kylo stormed out of the turbolift and into the corridor leading to his quarters. Two of his knights were waiting for him.

  
“Master Ren,” Jaek and Akai said in unison, getting on one knee.

  
Kylo did not have the patience for their formalities. “Up.”

  
The knights sprung to their feet. Jaek glanced at Akai before rolling his shoulders and looking at Kylo.

  
“We confirmed that his mistress has died, Master.”

  
Kylo nodded. “And the girl?”

  
Akai shifted his stance. “We spotted her multiple times, always by his side. Unwillingly.”

  
Kylo clenched his jaw. “How old?”

  
Akai continued. “Young. Eighteen, maybe. Malnourished, bruised.”

  
Kylo’s nostrils flared, his eye twitched. He had an overwhelming urge to smash someone’s face in.

  
“And Jawa?”

  
“Confirmed junk trader by day,” Akai started, glancing at the knight next to him.

  
“Confirmed human trafficker by night,” Jaek finished, pushing his dark curls out of his eyes.

  
Kylo saw red. He started pacing in front of them, his breathing escalated.

  
To think that _his_ Scholar was in the hands of a man like that...

  
Akai crossed his arms over his chest, his dark eyes fixated on Kylo. “What’s our next move, Master?”

  
Kylo grit his teeth, his boots pounding against the floor. He didn’t know- not yet. He had to think of the most thorough way to make Jawa suffer.

  
Kylo tore away from them, back towards the turbolift. “We destroy him.” He paused, shoulders tense, fists by his side. “Wait for my command.” ****

**\-----**

Kylo could see his Scholar before she saw him, instantly brightening his mood. The anger was still there, simmering beneath his skin. Running through his veins. But she took that edge off, brought him peace.

  
He looked her up and down, admiring her figure. She looked so professional in her First Order garb, from head to toe. Those heels, that skirt. Her usually chaotic hair pulled so tightly into a bun. Those little hands, clasped behind her back. But they wouldn’t be there for long, he knew. She could never keep them still for more than a few minutes.

  
It did something to him. _She_ did something to him. Something he couldn’t ignore. He would know- he _tried_ ignoring it, ignoring her. After the attacks on Scarif, he distanced himself. Gave her space. Gave _himself_ space, only keeping tabs on her from a distance.

  
The kyber crystal hanging around her neck ensured that. The one she was now toying with, mindlessly twisting it between her delicate fingers. Much to his surprise, she never took the thing off, strengthening their connection. She didn’t know it but, it served as a looking glass into her feelings, her thoughts. Turns out, she thought about him _a lot_ after that night on Scarif.

  
That’s why, when Captain Phasma got assigned to train her for self-defense, he knew he had to step in. To put it mildly, he would have killed the seven foot tall chrome beast if she didn’t give up her position. Self-defense lessons served as the perfect opportunity. He could keep her close, keep an eye on her, all while keeping it _professional._

  
A small smirk played across his lips. Ten minutes into their first training session and he knew that the professionalism wouldn’t stick.

  
He had to have her, to protect her. His little Scholar.

  
Like she knew he was watching her, she turned her head, instantly smiling when she saw him.

  
He strode over to the entrance of Hux’s office, next to her, and looked her up and down. “You look lovely.”

  
She looked down, her lashes fluttering at the compliment. The color returned to her cheeks. “Thank you.”

  
Kylo averted his gaze and nodded towards the door. “After you.”

  
She walked in front of him, a breeze of something sweet wafting in his face.

  
Delectable, intoxicating. Just like her.

  
General Hux gave them a smug smile when they entered the room, those green eyes shining with pride.  
  


“Excellent. Right on time. Please, take a seat,” he said, gesturing for them to sit down.

  
Kylo took the seat closest to the door, and his Scholar sat next to him. Kylo caught a small look of annoyance cross Hux’s face at their proximity.

  
_Poor, lonely bastard._

  
“The bacta assignment is being postponed. We have something much more important to tend to,” Hux said, basically grinning.

  
Hux placed his hands behind his back as a holoprojection flickered on. "Batuu."  
  
  
Kylo’s eyes darted at his Scholar, whose eyes were wide, unblinking, as she watched the images of Batuu flicker across the screen. Lush, green, mountainous.

  
_She’s still used to Vardos._

  
Kylo shifted in his seat. She was used to that cement, that hard lifestyle. To Jawa, the human trafficker.

  
How she was still so _soft,_ he couldn’t fathom. She still had that pretty blush on her cheeks that crept down her neck. Her little hands sat clasped in her lap, her hair neatly arranged in a tight bun. A stark contrast to her bouncing up and down on his lap, opening her mouth to be fed.

  
Kylo swallowed.

  
“Batuu- a once thriving, significant trade port. Now reduced to a criminal's hub, crawling with smugglers and low-lives. Rumor is it's run by the infamous crime boss, Oga Garra," Hux snorted, unimpressed. "However, she isn't of our concern. Zena Alitar, however..." Hux trailed off, flicking his wrist to project a dark, grainy photo of a masked figure. 

  
Hux beamed at the image. "Zena is a Resistance fighter, confirmed by our allies in the Outer Rim. We believe she is working on recruiting people for their pathetic, little cause. If it weren't for my tireless determination to bring down the Resistance once and for all, we might have never found her."  
  


Kylo couldn't help it. He scoffed, loudly, and Hux whipped his head at him. D-98 shrunk in her seat.

  
Those green eyes nearly burned a hole in Kylo, his voice viciously pleasant. "Do you have something to say, Supreme Leader?" 

  
Kylo showed no expression. "Yes, actually. Where do you want your gold star?"  
  


Hux fumed, his face turning as red as his hair. 

_  
There goes that vein again._

  
"If you think I'm such a joke, Supreme Leader, you are more than welcome to _leave."_

_  
_ Kylo crossed his arms, deadpan. "Fine. No sticker for you."

  
Hux's whole body went rigid, his expression stone cold. Kylo returned his glare, unblinking. _I could do this all day._

 _  
_ "General Hux," a soft, pleasant voice pierced the air. "It's rather impressive that your efforts lead us to the Resistance fighter. But might I ask, how do I fit into this?"

  
Kylo glanced at his Scholar, effortlessly manipulating Hux into believing she admired him. Hux shifted his attention to her, eating up her compliment like a starved man.

  
_Pathetic._

  
"Why, you're the biggest piece of this puzzle, my dear."

  
Her nose scrunched adorably, her brows knitting together. “M-me?” she stuttered, shifting in her seat. “I’m just an interpreter. What will I be doing with this… Zena Alitar?”  
  


Kylo kept his eyes locked on her. The way she was looking at the General with those big eyes and rosy cheeks made her look so sweet, so innocent. His polar opposite. 

  
Hux clasped his hands behind his back and took a few steps towards his Scholar. “Do you remember the day I interviewed you, D-98?”

  
“Yes, General.”

  
Hux clicked his tongue. “Then do you remember our conversation about your responsibilities?”

  
A beat. “Yes, General.”

  
Hux raised his brow. “Then you should have no problem recalling that your position requires _unconventional_ duties. Such as blending in with a local population, gaining their trust, and-”

  
“-getting close with the Resistance spy. To uncover the rest of them, to locate who sent her,” she said, a frown on her face. She glanced up at Hux and immediately added, “sir.”

  
_No doubt my mother is behind this._ Kylo stiffened, the leather growing taut over his knuckles. _Another problem for another day._

  
A small smile crept onto Hux’s face. “Very perceptive, D-98. Our last interpreter wasn’t as sharp as you.”

  
Kylo watched as she suddenly looked down, clearing her throat.

  
_That’s right. She knows about Jeyne._

  
Hux continued to drone on about the assignment while Kylo kept his eyes on her face. He didn’t have to mind probe her to know that mentioning Jeyne made her unsettled- he could feel the anxiety rolling off of her.

  
_For fuck’s sake. I need to put a muzzle on Shiro._

  
“...vital for the First Order to infiltrate the local scene. Ren, what do you think?”

  
Kylo tapped his fingers on the table. “Excellent.”

  
The General’s lips pressed into a hard line. “Were you even listening to a word I just said?”

  
Kylo repeated Hux’s words in a deep, monotone voice. “It’s vital for the First Order to infiltrate the local scene. Ren, what do you think?”

  
Hux gave him a look. It was his signature, cautionary look. The one that said, _“I fucking despise you.”_

  
The corner of Kylo’s lips twitched up, just a fraction. He _lived_ to see that look on Hux’s face. He tilted his head at the General and gave him the _“I fucking despise you, too,”_ look.

  
“Then you agree, D-98 must be sent to Batuu without us.”

  
Kylo glanced at his Scholar, who was watching him, nervous. An expression he didn’t like seeing on that little face of hers.

  
He grit his teeth. The way General Hux oozed smugness from every pore- well, Kylo wanted to break his thin, pasty, _worthless_ neck.

  
Kylo pushed himself off his seat and stood up. “Unacceptable.”

  
General Hux straightened his back. “D-98 must remain undercover while stationed in Batuu. That means she needs to rid herself of any and all distinctions associated with the First Order. She must _blend_ in.” Hux waved his hand to project various Batuuan’s, dressed in earthy, flowy fabric. “Now tell me, Ren, how will she do that if the _Supreme Leader_ is by her side?”

  
Kylo nodded towards the projection, displaying a Batuuan with a scarf wrapped around his head. “I will wear my cowl. I'll fit right in.”

  
Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. “Supreme Leader,” Hux interjected. “Don’t be _difficult._ The risk of being identified in Batuu is far too risky. We will comprise the entire operation if you arrive prematurely. You need to have _patience."_

  
Kylo leaned forward and planted his fists on the table, glaring at Hux. Patience wasn't in his vocabulary. “We will not risk D-98's safety again. She needs my protection.”

  
Hux narrowed his eyes. “If you’re so worried about our interpreter’s safety, send your knights with her. Just have them keep their arsenal at home, and dress them in less conspicuous clothing.” His eyes drifted around the room and he pursed his lips, thinking. “A different shade of black, perhaps.”

  
An image of Shiro gazing at Scholar crossed through his mind, those blue eyes watching her every move. His knight would be more than happy to jump at the opportunity, Kylo knew that. To keep her company, make her laugh. Protect her. To do the things that were _his_ responsibility.

  
Kylo clenched his jaw. The idea of Shiro, or _any_ of his knights watching his Scholar, without him, was unacceptable. Shiro, Mika, Akai- it didn’t matter which one went with her. They _all_ found her appealing. 

  
He glanced at D-98, then back to Hux. A coldness seeped into his bones and the rage that was simmering below the surface threatened to boil. He had to leave before he released that anger in front of his Scholar, before it was too late.

  
“I’ll be joining her. End of discussion.” Kylo walked out of the room, his robes flowing behind him. After Loatha, he would never leave her side again.

  
Hux called after him. “You cannot go to Batuu, Ren! I won’t allow it!”

If Kylo didn't feel like snapping someone's neck, he would have laughed. 

_You won't allow it? Cute._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ This](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/52755187) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one. 
> 
> AND FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE: kylo feeding scholar dinner. you're welcome.  
> 
> 
> [credit.](https://www.deviantart.com/ghelp0)


	15. Normalcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You feel overwhelmed your first day on Batuu. Kylo tries to give you a sense of normalcy, but not without consequences.  
> 
> 
> _I waited so long for something sweet like this. It's where I belong, beside you in blinding bliss. ///_ [ Daydream. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=fTNNG7vTTYa-UuxVmG1ZZA)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/53503252) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.

### 

Daydream

It had only been an hour on Batuu, and you already felt in over your head.

  
“D-98,” Hux sighed, rubbing his temples. “Allow me to explain your backstory. Again.”

  
You readjusted your stance, hands clammy. You glanced around the shuttle before clearing your throat. “Thank you, sir.”

  
“You are a traveler seeking temporary employment to repair your ship. Your accommodations will be in Peka, the remote community outside of Black Spire Outpost, where you will be employed,” Hux drawled, slowly pacing back and forth. He stopped to put his hands behind his back, his eyes locked on yours. “You may use your real upbringing, to keep things simplistic. Though, I shouldn’t have to tell you not to mention your employment with the First Order.”

  
“Right.” You nodded. “And my interpretation services…?”

  
Hux pursed his lips, his eyes drifting around the common area of the ship. He looked awfully put out by answering your questions.

  
_“As I said,”_ he patronized, “you will be engaging with many different species, speaking various languages. It is your job to blend in as much as possible. I suppose-”

  
Hux abruptly stopped, his eyes following a fly buzzing around his head. The smallest of frowns tugged at his lips as it landed on his arm. His back impossibly straight, he lifted his arm to assess the tiny insect. It felt like minutes had passed as Hux watched the fly, crawling around his sleeve.

  
You nervously tugged at your Batuuan style attire, the loose-fitting clothing making you feel out of place. When you looked back up, Hux had his hand hovering over the fly before he brought it down, making a loud smacking noise.

  
You watched, fingers twirling a piece of fabric on your scarf, as he slowly lifted his hand. Out came the fly, buzzing around him at a furious pace.  
  
Hux took a deep breath and stepped towards you, the lines on his face etched with disgust.

  
“As I was saying,” he said, brushing off his forearm, “I _suppose_ it’s appropriate for me to say you will have to be a chameleon. Blend in- find a sense of comradery with whomever you find yourself with. That includes conversing in their language, D-98.” Those green, cold eyes bored into you. “Understood?”

  
You swallowed. “Yes, sir.”

  
“Very well. We should expect-”

  
Footsteps pounded up the ramp, pulling Hux’s attention away from you. Two knights sauntered in the common area, their dark clothing a stark contrast to the green forest surrounding the shuttle.

  
“General,” Shiro said, nodding at him. Jaek sauntered in behind him, settling into a confident, hulking position.

  
Hux straightened his back. “Ah, you’re here. Excellent. I-” Hux paused, frowning. “You were instructed to wear local clothing, or at least _attempt_ to look like a Batuuan.”

  
Shiro smiled and lifted his arms. “We are, right, Jaek?”

  
Jaek gave a grim nod, eyes on Hux.

  
Shiro’s smile deepened. “See? I’m a Batuu, he’s a Batuu. It’s all good.”

  
Hux’s jaw clenched. “It’s _Batuuan._ For heaven’s sake, don’t say that in public.” Green eyes looked them up and down, followed by an impatient sigh. “You are both wearing black _battle_ attire. You look like you always do.”

  
Jaek crossed his arms across his chest. “So what you’re saying is-”

  
Shiro chimed in. “-we look good?”

  
Shiro remained deadpan, while a wide, humorless grin settled on Jaek’s face. You shuffled your feet.

  
“I-” Hux stopped himself, rubbing his temples. “D-98,” he started, closing his eyes. “Please explain to them their role in this.”

  
You looked at him, surprised. “What? _Me?_ I don’t even know what their role is,” you said, brows knit. “Kylo said they weren’t coming.”

  
“Oh, seven hells,” Hux murmured. “This is a disaster.”

  
You bit your lip. “Hux-”

  
Shiro interjected, eyes locked on you. “We’re coming alright,” he said, grinning. “All because of you.”

  
You narrowed your eyes at him but otherwise ignored his crudeness. “Where’s the Supreme Leader?”

  
“Dunno.” Shiro shrugged and looked at Jaek. “Jaek?”

  
Jaek set his piercing blue eyes on you, unsmiling. Coupled with his black hair and pale skin, he made you feel a little unsettled. You shrunk back, just a bit. _This one is scary._

  
“Master Ren is scanning the perimeter with the others, searching for illegal encampments. He will arrive shortly.”

  
A vein protruded from Hux’s forehead. “Why wasn’t I involved in this?”

  
Jaek glared at him. “It didn’t concern you.”

  
Hux’s nostrils flared. “This is _my_ operation. Everything concerns me, boy.”

  
Jaek took a heavy step towards the General. “Boy?”

  
Hux looked him up and down. “Yes.”

  
A dark, cruel laugh emanated from his throat. Combat boots stalked towards Hux. “You’re gravely mistaken, General.”

  
Shiro rolled his eyes and grabbed Jaek’s shoulder. “Alright big guy, back off. That one is off-limits.” A shake of his head. “Damn. For _everything_ you got going on in that head of yours right now.”

  
Jaek shrugged Shiro off, but he didn’t advance on Hux.

  
Hux raised his chin and sniffed, offense oozing from every pore. Jaek’s lips twisted into a predatory smirk. The General eyed him and took a step back.

  
“Jaek,” Shiro hissed. “I don’t want to see _that._ Knock it off.” He whacked him in the back of the head.

  
Jaek turned on Shiro, grabbing his arm, shoving him. “Then get the fuck out of my head,” he growled, “before I make you.”

  
Shiro smiled before shoving into him, making Jaek stumble back. The two of them began wrestling, grunting as they thrust against one another.  
  
You cringed and inched back, attempting to stay out of the way.

  
Hux scoffed. “Bunch of wild dogs.”

  
Shiro stopped, head locked by Jaek, to look at Hux. “Hey, I heard-”

  
You heard Kylo before you saw him, as did the others. Shiro and Jaek immediately dispersed, getting down on one knee. “Master Ren.”

  
Hux sighed. “Impeccable timing, as always.”

  
He ignored them, eyes locked on you. “Scholar.”

  
“Hi,” you breathed. Lightheaded.

  
Hands found yours. “Are you ready?”

  
You gave him a weak nod.

  
Kylo searched your face before gesturing behind him, outside the shuttle. “What do you think of Batuu?”

  
“Um-”

  
You heard a smack and glanced over at the knights. Jaek released his hands, his eyes following the fly that fell to the ground.

  
You looked at Hux, who was glaring at Jaek. You avoided Shiro, who was looking at you with that wicked gleam in his eyes. You gulped. The shuttle suddenly felt very small. “It’s…”

  
You couldn’t focus.

  
“Batuutiful?” Shiro offered, grinning at you behind Kylo’s shoulder.

  
You felt a sense of calm wash over you. You tried to suppress a smile. “It _is_ beautiful,” you breathed. “We haven’t been to Black Spire Outpost yet, but Peka is lovely.”

  
Kylo squeezed your hands. “Good.”

  
Hux cleared his throat. “If you’re quite finished, we have matters to tend to, Supreme Leader.”

  
Kylo ignored him, turning to his knights. “Shiro, Jaek.”

  
They spoke in unison. “Yes, Master.”

  
“Take the speeders into Black Spire Outpost with the others.”

  
“Yes, Master.”

  
“And wherever D-98 is,” he said, directing his gaze on you. He kept his eyes locked on yours as he addressed them, voice low. Sending shivers down your spine. “You will follow.”

  
Hux made an irritated noise. “Supreme Leader,” he lectured, “your knights cannot simply _follow_ D-98 wherever she is. They will draw too much attention.”

  
Kylo ignored him again and nodded down the ramp. “Go.”

  
“Yes, Master.” Both knights turned towards the ramp. Shiro winked at you, while Jaek threw one last glance at the General.

  
Hux let out a slow breath and muttered to himself. “Why do I even bother?”

  
“With what, my General?”

  
“Speaking.” Hux’s eye twitched, his voice eerily calm. “My wishes have been-”

  
Kylo turned entirely towards the General, clasping his hands behind his back. Completely at ease. “Your wishes are not my concern, General.”

  
Hux’s jaw tensed. “That may be so, Supreme Leader, but this is _my_ operation,” he spat, “and if these men ruin-”

  
Kylo outstretched a hand, balling it into a fist. “These are _my_ men, General. You should be thanking me.”

  
Hux raised a brow. “And why is that?”

  
“They will be keeping our interpreter safe. Like you suggested in the first place.”

  
Hux shifted impatiently. “I mentioned involving a few of them. Not _all_ six of them.”

  
One curt shake of his head. “They work best as a team.” Kylo turned back towards you. “Scholar, have you eaten?”

  
You were caught off guard. “Uhh-”

  
“Oh for goodness sake, Ren, we must-”

  
Kylo lifted a hand. With a twist of his wrist, Hux was muted, clutching at his throat.

  
You eyed Hux, his face turning bright red. “Um, Kylo?”

  
He didn’t even blink, his face unreadable. Looking right at you. “Food. Have you had it?”

  
Hux gasped, his face a deep purple color. You gave Kylo a clumsy, desperate nod. “Yes, yes! Now please let go.”

  
A few agonizing moments later, his hand dropped. Across the shuttle, Hux heaved forward, coughing.

  
You blinked rapidly. Moments like these reminded you that Kylo could snap your neck with a flick of his wrist.

  
_Seven kriffing hells._

  
You gulped, looking up at him. But his eyes were locked on the General.

  
“You were saying, General?” Pleasant. Casual. Daunting.

  
Hux, teary-eyed, raised his head.

  
_If looks could kill._

**\----**

As you found out, the plan for the day was to, well, _not_ have a plan. Your first assignment on Batuu was just to get acclimated, to explore your surroundings, by yourself.

  
Well, by yourself _and_ the six personal bodyguards lurking in every corner.

  
Actually, make that seven.

  
You had to admit, at first you were anxious that the Knights of Ren were joining. You shared the same sentiment that Hux had: they would give your real identity away.

  
Yet, somehow, the six knights blended into the surrounding seamlessly. Much to Shiro’s dismay, they did ultimately dress in more Batuuan style clothing, albeit a little less colorful than usual. It turns out, there actually _are_ different shades of black. Besides the time spent in the Den of Antiquities, you could never quite see them out in public. But if you did, they were busy engaging with a local or simply… existing.

  
Seeing them in casual clothing, roaming populated streets, _not_ killing people… well, to put it mildly, it was fucking _weird._

  
Kylo, unfortunately, had a harder time staying in the shadows. He didn’t seem to want to exercise his ability to blend in. Or _behave_ for that matter.

  
There were a few times that you were afraid he would actually reveal himself and blow the entire operation. You could just picture him slicing a poor, unsuspecting local in half with his lightsaber. Or choking them. Or killing them just because.

  
At one point in the day, you basically had to throw your body in front of the little old woman helping you pick out boots in Black Spire Outfitters. She shoved you out of the way, and well, it turns out the Supreme Leader didn’t like that. You watched, in slow-motioned-horror, as he strode down the stone path, coming right for her.  


  
You didn’t even know he was _there._ Alas, there he went, storming towards both of you in his brown cowl.

  
Your heart had stopped.

  
Instinctively, you almost called out his name but had to bite your tongue. You remembered, just in time, that his assigned name on Batuu was Drox.  
  
So, grabbing your pendant, you tried communicating in your head.

  
_I’m fine, Kylo,_ you thought, _coming in here will only make things worse._

  
Surprisingly, Kylo stopped, sensing your distress. He then disappeared from sight, presumably to cool off, though his absence didn’t make you feel unsafe. The knights were around you, _somewhere._ While in the antique store, you heard Kane tell Zakra to set up a perimeter- so they were taking care of you. 

  
Two plainclothes Stormtrooper’s joined in too, though their job wasn’t to protect you. Hux sent them out in hopes of getting a lead on the spy, Zena. It took you a moment to recognize him in plain clothes, but one of the ‘troopers was your friend, Kip. The two of you shared a smile but were unable to catch up. Instead, he gave you a small nod towards the cantina, and you nodded back, confirming that it was _way_ overdue for that drink.

  
From there, you walked from shop to shop, asking about employment opportunities. You almost grabbed Kip and went into the cantina right then and there, but by the end of the day, you were _exhausted._

  
That’s why, when you shuttled back into Peka from town, you wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed.

  
You walked up the pathway, covered in foliage, that led to your log cabin. Down a steep hill, miles away, you could see a cluster of huts housing local Batuuan’s, but other than that, Hux had you placed in an otherwise isolated area.

  
You knew that the shuttle was parked somewhere in the mountain range, hidden from plain sight, but you had no idea _where_ they were.  


  
The knights were placed in various accommodations, but you were left in the dark about their whereabouts. And Kylo said he would _“always be near,”_ but you still didn’t know _where_ that would be. He hadn’t told you yet.

  
Subconsciously, you grabbed the pendant around your neck. You just wanted to see him, to be near him. You sighed, your boots making a squelching noise as you stepped into a muddy puddle before opening your door.

  
Your accommodations were small but cozy. You had a small living area with a table and chairs, a refresher, and a single door that led to a minuscule bedroom.  
You stripped off your layers of clothing, discarding your muddy boots by the door.

You looked around your quarters, the dim light casting an orange glow amidst the small space. It was beautiful- serene - but being here made you feel so _alone._

  
Your life with the First Order was more than you could ask for, but a part of you yearned for the normalcy that the locals on Batuu had. A simple, carefree lifestyle. With a sense of community- _even_ if that community was full of smugglers and outlaws. So far, Batuuan's seemed fine- just a little rough around the edges. Normal, almost. Like they had mothers that didn't sell them to an evil man.

  
Out of nowhere, you felt like you were going to cry.

  
Your feet pattered against the wood floor as you got to your bedroom door, your heart set on getting under the covers and sleeping.

  
...Only to find an enormous, black mass waiting for you.

  
“Ahhhh, oh my stars!” You jolted back, your head knocking into the doorframe behind you. _Whack._

  
“Ah, man,” you groaned, grabbing your head. “That’s gonna bruise.”

  
An arrange of emotions crossed Kylo’s face. Originally he seemed mischievous, then amused, then his face darkened, eyes searching yours. He must have sensed your sadness.

  
He crossed the room and grabbed you, pulling you against his chest. “What’s wrong?”

  
You closed your eyes. “I… I-“

  
Hands found your head, rubbing the spot that you bonked on the doorframe.

  
“Scholar?”

  
“I…” You broke down.

  
Wordlessly, Kylo picked you up and carried you to the bed. He gently set you down, grabbed a blanket, and placed it on top of you. The bed sunk with his weight as he climbed in next to you, positioning himself so he could pull your back to his chest.

  
Warm arms wrapped around you. Soft lips fluttered by your ear. “Talk to me.”

  
You blabbered at him. “I just… sometimes, I don’t know,” you hiccuped, “want things to be... normal? I mean, I like being on the Finalizer, wi-with you, and Hux, I mean, wait, not Hux, but as an interpreter an-and, you know-”

  
From behind, Kylo ran his hands up and down your arms. “Breathe,” he cooed, “just breathe.”

  
You took a deep breath in and let a shaky breath out. You felt _ridiculous,_ but you knew you couldn’t ignore this part of you when it tapped on the inside of your mind, begging to be let out.

  
So you let it out.

  
You told him about your day in Black Spire Outpost- even though he saw a lot of it- and how you felt overwhelmed with your task. That you are terrified of being caught, or worse - letting Hux down.

  
You cried even harder when you told him about your mom, and how you don’t know what happened to her. And that you blame yourself for what happened to your chosen sister, Keykki. You asked him about Jawa, to which he responded that he was _“taking care of it.”_

  
How he was doing that, you didn’t know.

  
That led to you do something you have never done before- tell him the full extent of what happened to you under Jawa’s supervision.

  
Kylo listened intently. You could feel him tense when you spoke, but he focused on you by stroking your arms, your head, your back. Eventually, you didn’t have anything left to say, and you slumped against him, exhausted.

  
Time passed as you laid in his arms, a calmness spreading over you like a blanket. You couldn’t tell if it was his natural effect on you, or if he was coaxing you into relaxation with the Force, but you didn’t care to ask. For the first time all day, you felt at ease.

  
You were almost dozing off when Kylo gently detangled yourself from him, sliding off the bed.

  
“Come.” That demanding, baritone voice.

  
You sat up, sniffling. “What do you mean?”

  
Kylo opened your closet and rummaged inside. “We are going out.”

  
You blinked. “Out?”

  
Kylo emerged with a sweater. “Yes, Scholar. Out.” He tossed the coat on the bed. “Put this on.”

  
You pawed at the fabric, frowning. “I don’t understand. We can’t be seen together.”

  
Kylo repositioned, impatient. “I will wear my cowl. Now come on.”

  
You didn’t budge. “But Hux-”

  
Kylo snorted. “Hux is a twat.” He outstretched his hand to you and softened his tone. “Scholar, come here.”

  
The faintest of smiles reached your face. “Where are we going?”

  
Kylo gave you a sinister smile. “I’m taking you on a date.”

**\----**

Walking through Black Spire Outpost with the Supreme Leader- _in plain kriffing sight_ \- felt like a dream.

  
An exciting, _normal_ dream that you didn’t want to wake up from.

  
The two of you got off the shuttle from Peka, landing in the heart of Black Spire Outpost. Locals surrounded you, seemingly not paying any attention to your presence. Some of them walked quickly- aggressive, almost- while others ambled around without a sense of urgency. Like you saw earlier, most of the locals had mismatched, flowy attire on. They seemed to blend in with the landscape with their soft, earthy tones.

  
Batuu itself was always beautiful- mountainous and lush. But at night time, it felt _alive._ People were everywhere, the upbeat energy nearly palpable.  
  
You immediately felt better.

  
The vibe didn't hurt, but also, Kylo was doing everything he could to treat you like _his_ girl. He kept his hand on your lower back, slightly pushing you in the direction he wanted you to go. 

  
You wanted to protest, to tell him _you’re_ the one that should be showing _him_ around, but you didn’t exactly hate how his fingers dug into your skin. In fact, you kept your pace slow- knowing that the more listless you acted, the more firm he’d be with you.

  
Just the way you liked it.

  
“Scholar.” His lips moved by your ear, his rumbling voice raising the hairs on your neck.

  
You wet your lips, eyes straight ahead of you. “Yes?”

  
Fingers dug deeper into your spine. “What do you think you’re doing?”

  
His question sounded like a warning. You peeked over at him, eyes wide, innocent.

  
“Oh, nothing _too_ special,” you teased, “just on a date with the Supreme Leader.”

  
“Ah.” He hummed in acknowledgment. “I’m afraid we will never get there at the pace you’re going.”

  
“Oh?” You made exaggeratedly slow movements, cocking your head at him. “You mean like this?”

  
Kylo stopped in his tracks. He raised a single eyebrow. “Yes.”

  
You smirked. You could tell a small part of him was _actually_ irritated, but it only encouraged you more. “Hmm,” you mused, twirling around, aimlessly moving about. People walked around both of you, standing in the middle of the road.

  
Kylo didn’t pay them any mind. He placed his hands behind his back, stance wide. 

  
You looked him up and down. You weren't used to seeing him in anything but black, but you definitely didn't hate the change. His navy blue tunic, brown pants, and boots made him look so _ordinary._ But knowing who he really was gave you a sense of excitement you couldn't explain. 

  
You sucked on your bottom lip, trying to get a better look at him. His brown cowl covered most of his face, but you could see his strong jawline and that sensual slope of his lips.

  
You smirked. You danced and traipsed around in different directions, all the while he glared at you with those brooding eyes. Dangerous, powerful. Tempting.

  
A grin split across your face. He did look _so_ excruciatingly attractive when he looked at you like that.

  
“Scholar,” he warned. “One more twirl, and I will throw you over my shoulder.”

  
The grin faltered, and your heart fluttered at his tone, just a little.

  
You blinked, looking up at him through your lashes. A whisper passed through your lips. “That would be quite tragic, Supreme Leader.”

  
Kylo’s lip twitched. Stance wide, hands unmoving. Watching you. “Indeed.”

  
Maintaining eye contact, you placed your foot out in front of you, and slowly twirled around, giggling.

  
Brown boots beelined it to you.

  
One second, you were giggling at him, the next- you were hoisted over his shoulder, your entire upper body dangling over his shoulder.  
  


“Oh my gods,” you gasped, the blood rushing to your head, “put me down!”

  
Kylo repositioned by wrapping his arm around the backside of your knees, keeping you situated over his shoulder. The other hand traveled to the backside of your thigh. You squirmed as he rubbed your skin through your pants before giving you a small tap.

  
You jolted your head up as far as you could lift it. “Ow! What was that for?”

  
Kylo started to walk forward, towards the bustle of the main street. Various bystanders continued to walk around the two of you, completely ignoring the fact you were draped over him like a doll.

  
He didn’t flinch as you pounded your fists on his back. You hesitated, however, when a hand slid up the backside of your thigh, grabbing your ass.  
  


You froze, your hands gripping onto his waist to stop yourself from swaying. “Ky-”

  
Fingers kneaded your cheek before giving you another quick slap- this time, on your cheek.

  
You yelped. “Kylo!”

  
Another smack, voice void of emotion. “Who’s Kylo?”

  
You writhed against him, but his arm held you completely immobile. “I mean… Dox?”

  
Another slap. “Try again.”

  
“Ow, what the kriff!” you whined, trying to bat his hand away but failing.

  
Another slap. “That’s not it either. Don’t you listen at the briefings?”

  
You laughed so hard you snorted. “Oh, my gods... Ky- I mean-”

  
Smack.

  
“OW! Aaghhdkaaarr,” you groaned. 

  
Slap. “That’s not even a name.” His fingers twitched on your backside, and you scrambled to recall his assigned name.

  
You felt his hand lift, ready to smack you again, when you remembered. “Ahhhh- Drox! It’s Drox!”

  
Fingertips landed back on your stinging cheek, but this time to massage it. “Very good,” he murmured.

  
You let out a sigh, your head lolling with his movements. Blood rushed to your head- though even if you weren’t upside down, you assumed your cheeks would be bright red after _that_ encounter.

  
You tapped his back. “Okay, _Drox_ can you please put me down?”

  
No response. Just those boots assaulting the pavement as he carried you away.

  
You tapped harder. “Helllooooo,” you said, giggling. “Come on, where are we going?”

  
“The cantina.”

  
You knit your brows. “What? Ky-, I mean, _Drox,_ you hate bars.”

  
A beat. “Tonight, I don’t.”

  
A warmth spread across your chest. _He’s doing this for me._

  
You stopped resisting, accepting your fate. You sighed, watching the stones beneath his feet pass you by. “When will we be there?”

  
“Now.” Kylo stopped, grunting, and set you down. You clutched onto him as you regained your balance.

  
Your head spun, both sets of cheeks were red. You couldn’t help but laugh, looking up at him. “What was _that_ all about?”

  
He raised a brow, eyes locked on yours. “Something long overdue.”

  
You had to break eye contact as he gazed at you. Looking around, you realized he had carried you into a narrow alleyway. Behind you was a single door, piles of trash, and a defunct protocol droid with a missing arm.

  
You whipped your head to the side and looked across the street. Blue lights illuminated the outside of the cantina, loud music blaring from inside. People meandered in and out, stumbling as they went. If you were alone, you would have felt afraid, but being with the Supreme Leader in such a new, _vibrant_ place made you feel giddy.

  
You didn’t want this daydream to end.

  
You looked back up at him and got on your tippy-toes, trying to reach his lips. You were _this_ close to reaching him when a loud thrum erupted from behind you.

  
Kylo immediately placed you behind him, his hand reaching for his lightsaber, concealed under his tunic.

  
You stumbled back, confused, and tried to peek over his shoulder.

  
In the dim light, you saw a tall, hideous alien species emerge from the door. The giddiness you just felt dissipated, the energy shifting to a heaviness you almost couldn’t stomach.

  
You didn’t know who this Blutopian was, but you did know one thing.

  
Your dream had quickly become a nightmare.

  
You didn’t have to be Force-sensitive to feel the sense of danger budding between the Supreme Leader and the alien.

  
Time felt like it stopped. The steady breeze stopped rustling your hair, the noise from the cantina seemed to fade away. The blue-tinted lights illuminating the stone structures flickered off and on until they turned off completely. Despite the warmth of your sweater, an acute coldness seeped into your bones.

  
Tension hung in the air, so thick you could feel it. Clutching onto Kylo’s arm, you had to remind yourself to breathe. You thought this moment would go on forever, until the creature cocked its head, eyes locked on Kylo.

  
A slow, sardonic smile split its face in two. Their whole body jiggled as it chuckled- a vicious, low sound.

  
_“Leave your laser sword out of this,”_ they warned in Huttese, “Kylo Ren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOO KRIFF scholar’s first date gets ruined by some fat evil (?) [ alien. ](https://www.wdwinfo.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/star-wars-galaxys-edge-databank-oga-garra-ver.jpg)
> 
> See, I told you being the object of kylo ren’s affection would be anything _but_ simple.
> 
> [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/53503252) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.


	16. Oga's Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your night comes to an unexpected conclusion.  
>   
>   
> 
> 
> _Baby, you can't stomp me out. You know, you can't even slow me down. You know, I spread this wild around. So if you shoot, you better shoot me now...///_ [ Stomp Me Out. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=HEP7amoySK24Q3oWLuTVDQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CH WARNINGS: bloody violence.**

### 

Oga's Lair

_“Leave your laser sword out of this,”_ they warned in Huttese, “Kylo Ren.”

  
The massive, disgusting Blutopian stepped into the alleyway, and four beast-like, grimy men slithered out behind her, twirling their weapons gracefully in their hands.

  
Kylo whipped his head at each of them, crouching. His hand twitched by his lightsaber.

  
“Take that thing out, boy, and I will introduce you to the rest of my associates.” You flinched. Its voice was coated in a thick, guttural accent.

  
Light footsteps padded behind you. You turned your head to see five more aliens blocking the exit of the alleyway, grinning. You stepped closer to Kylo, peeking over his shoulder. Another group of assailants hovered at the very end of the alley.

  
You were both gravely outnumbered.

  
Your heart quite literally skipped a beat. A grating, deafening sound rung in your ears. A cold sweat broke out on your forehead.

  
_This is it. We’ve been caught._

  
He stepped back, and you followed, clinging on to him like he was your lifeline. Your back connected with the cool, stone wall behind you.

  
Your mind raced to the knights. _Are they here? Did they know we were coming to town? Could Kylo communicate with them?_

  
Naively, you grabbed the pendant around your neck- your emblem of safety, your security blanket.

  
With one hand gripping your thigh- the other flew out, Kylo’s palm twitching slightly as he positioned it near its face. “You will let us leave.”

  
A moment of silence. And then, laughter.

  
It cackled, then drawled in Huttese. _“Your wizard powers don’t work here, Supreme Leader.”_

  
You stiffened, your mouth hanging open in a small _o._ You had no idea that certain species could be kriffing _immune_ to the Force. You weren’t sure if Kylo knew this. Terrified, you tried to speak.

  
“Kylo-” you whispered, “they’re immune.”

  
His response was directed at the Blutopian. “Not to my lightsaber.”

  
Another cackle. “You could be right, boy,” it gurgled, “but your little girlfriend isn’t immune to our blaster shots, you see.”

  
Kylo shuffled, bringing his body closer to yours, placing your back directly against your chest.

  
The creature continued. “While I don’t disbelieve that you could ultimately leave here unscathed-” it paused, bringing its thick, meaty claws to rub its chin, “-I _am_ afraid I can’t say the same for that pretty little thing clinging to your back right now.”

  
You shuddered.

  
“Even you, the _mighty_ Kylo Ren, can’t kill _all_ of us while ensuring her safety.” That slow, vile smile chilled you to your core as it poked their head to the side, looking at you. _“Isn’t that right, little girl?”_

  
You swallowed. It wasn’t wrong.

  
Kylo’s fingers dug into your skin. He growled at the alien, his tone deep, dangerous. “What do you want?”

  
The creature lifted its monstrous claws and looked side to side at their companions. “Why, to chat, is all.” It turned its massive body to the side, gesturing inside the door. “After you.”

  
You held your breath. Kylo tilted his head, looking behind the Blutopian at the group of men waiting for them. Still crouching, he looked behind him, sizing up the men on _that_ side, too.

  
You looked up at his face, terrified. The expression on his face confirmed what you already knew.

  
Both of you were trapped.

  
It reiterated this. “There isn’t another way, I’m afraid to say.” One last glance before it turned around. “I will wait for you inside.”  
  


The alien pushed through its men and back inside. Kylo didn’t look at you, his eyes locked on the men holding their impressive weapons. “Don’t leave my side, Scholar.”  
  


You gulped, your voice just a whisper. “Okay.”  
  


Kylo led the way through the door, shoulder checking the guards as he did. You tiptoed behind him, your eyes glued to his back. Music filled your ears. Upbeat, rhythmic music with a strong bass that you felt in your chest.  
  


You refused to look around you, but you could see bodies moving around you in your peripherals. _A lot_ of people.  
  


Your hand shot out to grab Kylo’s, and he gave you a tight squeeze. You followed him up a steep, spiral staircase. The hairs on the back of your neck rose as footsteps followed you.  
  


Within minutes, you were led inside a dimly lit, massive room, with extravagant decor and furniture. Your eyes widened as you saw an entire wall of different creature’s heads hung up in a line.  
  


_Seven kriffing hells. Is that my fate?  
_

You approached a desk, and looked down as you almost tripped. Below your feet was a massive, furry, brown rug. You tilted your head to the side. Something about it looked so _familiar,_ like something you've seen before. 

  
_Is that a-_

  
A loud thud caught your attention.  
  


The big, sloppy alien took a seat across from you in an oddly shaped stool- lumpy, almost, and covered in different colored fabrics.

  
A loud grunt originated from under the creature, and you gasped as you watched it sway slightly on the chair.

  
You felt sick. The chair looked odd because it was a _living thing._

  
Your face must have given you away as you stood there, frozen, eyes locked on the poor unfortunate soul positioned below its enormous backside.

  
The creature looked at you casually. “A well-deserved punishment.” It rocked back and forth, and the humanoid yelled out in protest. “Isn’t that right, Harold?”

  
A strangled, muffled cry. “Yes, ma’am.”

  
You looked up at Kylo, who was watching the alien with a grim expression.

  
A loud clap brought your attention back to the creature.

  
It motioned for you to sit, gesturing to the red velvet chairs on the other side of their desk.

  
You hesitated, looking up at Kylo again. Waiting for direction. His eyes were locked on the creature, his stance wide. On edge.

  
“Sit, sit,” it assured, waving a giant paw.

  
You shakily obliged. Kylo did not sit.

  
The creature sighed. “Sit down, you big oaf. I don’t want to break my neck just looking at that handsome face of yours.”

  
“I’ll break your neck for you,” Kylo hissed, spit flying from his mouth.

  
Footsteps advanced behind you. You turned, your eyes widening when the creature’s men stepped towards Kylo, weapons in hand.

  
Kylo didn’t break eye contact with the alien. You glanced up at him and tugged on his sleeve. A dry, hoarse whisper passed through your lips. “Please.”

  
He blinked, meeting your wide, terrified eyes. His face softened, staring at you, and he begrudgingly took a seat.

  
“Excellent,” it wheezed. It looked at you, then back to Kylo before clasping its thick digits under its slimy appendages drooping from its face. “So, tell me, what brings you to the edge of the galaxy?”

  
You peeked at Kylo, who answered immediately. “Just visiting.”

  
The creature shook its head. “Do you know who I am, boy?”

  
Kylo bared his teeth. “A dead nobody, if you don’t tell us what you want.”

  
A deep, throaty chuckle. “So much anger in this one,” it said, gesturing at Kylo. “I like it.”

  
You watched as the alien stroked its appendages, making them wiggle back and forth. It winked a beady eye at Kylo.

  
_This thing is trying to fuck my boyfriend._ You grimaced. _Gross._

  
You cleared your throat, while Kylo remained silent, still.

  
“Well, if you’re not going to ask, I’ll tell you.” The thing sat up taller on its human chair, eliciting a groan. “I run this place, boy. Black Spire Outpost is _mine._ Batuu is _mine._ Along with anyone, and anything, that steps foot in here. My name is-”

  
“Oga Garra,” you whispered, looking up at her. “The infamous crime boss that runs this place.”

  
Oga stopped, cocking a bushy eyebrow at you. “Very good. I can see why they call you Scholar.”

  
A demand from Kylo. “How do you know that?’

  
Oga chuckled and placed her hands on her belly. “I know everything. Which is why I know the real reason for your visit.” Those meaty fingers started to tap on her stomach, sending ripples of movement across her entire torso. “To find that Resistance spy.”

  
Your mouth dried up. You looked down, playing with your fingers. Heat traveled up your neck to your face. Somehow, you couldn’t help but feel like this was _your_ fault.

  
Kylo tried to speak, but Oga cut him off in Huttese. _“Save it, Jedi killer. I know the truth.”_

  
Kylo leaned forward, eye twitching. “So you’re a Resistance sympathizer?”

  
Oga sat forward, her hairy elbows thudding on the desk as she did. Another grunt from her chair.

  
She flashed him a toothy, vicious smile through her appendages. “I’m a credits sympathizer.”

  
You blinked. This changed things. Somehow, courage came spilling out of you, despite your shaking hands. _“How much?”_

  
Kylo whipped his head at you. You weren’t sure if he could speak Huttese or not, so you elaborated.

  
You cleared your throat. “How much for you to look the other way?”

  
Oga stroked those tendrils. _“A hundred thousand credits.”_

  
Your mouth dropped.

  
_“And a night-”_ she paused, as her long, split tongue came slithering out of her mouth, _“with your beloved Supreme Leader.”_

  
This time, your jaw hit the floor. You spoke in the common tongue, your voice raised. _“Excuse me?”_

  
Kylo looked at Oga, then back to you. “What did she say?”

  
Your face turned beet red. Your chest pounded in your chest. Not because you were afraid, but because you were fucking _pissed._

  
You ignored Kylo’s pressing gaze. You gave Oga a firm shake of the head. “No fucking way.”

  
She lifted her hands and repositioned in her chair, the poor humanoid squealing under her enormous weight. “Then I’m afraid we don't have a deal.”

  
The sound of weapons clattering filled the room. You didn’t have to turn around to know her men were itching for a fight.

  
You bared your teeth. “The Supreme Leader would split you in half before touching you.”

  
She smiled. “Split me in half? Why, that’s exactly what I want him to do, little girl.”

  
Your chest heaved, you glared at the ugly fucking alien that was so smugly looking at you. Beside you, Kylo repositioned.

  
One glance at his face and you knew he _knew._

  
You’ve never seen Kylo look so _embarrassed_ before. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”  
  


“I am not-” Oga started, dipping as her chair legs buckled beneath her. She scowled, nudging him with a dirty boot. _“Harold, if you drop me, I will make a rug out of you, just like that sleazy ass Wookie.”_

  
You slowly turned your head down, to that rug you _knew_ looked familiar. A sick feeling pooled in your lower belly.  


  
A cry. “Yes, ma’am.”

  
You cringed. _Hell exists in galaxy's edge, and I'm in it._

  
She scooted on the back of the humanoid and set her eyes on Kylo. “One hundred thousand credits, and a night with you, boy. That’s my offer.”  


  
Kylo’s face darkened. “No.”

  
Oga smacked her lips, impatient. “Yes.”

  
Fists clenched, voice tight. “No.”

  
She eyed him for what felt like an eternity. One gesture of her hand and the men behind both of you advanced.

  
What happened next happened very, very quickly.

  
One moment you were sitting, the next, Kylo somehow got you out of your seat and had you positioned behind him. Oga sprung to her feet and the human chair whimpered and scrambled to stand up, running for the door.

  
One of Oga’s men, eyes still on you, pointed his blaster at the poor man. 

  
It only took one shot. With a yell, he crumpled to the ground.

  
Your fingers dug into Kylo.

  
A rustle of fabric, and then a low hum erupted in the room. You peeked over his shoulder, his red, unstable lightsaber reflecting in your eyes.  


  
He tensed, crouched, as the group of men advanced, all holding various weapons. Knives. Blasters. You forehead creased.. _Is that a fucking flame thrower?_

  
“Kylo _Reeeeeeeeenn,”_ Oga taunted from behind him. “Think about your precious scholar.”

  
Kylo snapped his head at her, baring his teeth. He spoke two words filled with absolute fucking malice. “I am.”

  
With a grunt, Kylo Force propelled you back, and you yelped, your body crashing into the wall behind Oga’s desk.

  
You got on the floor, ducking by the desk, as shots were fired at Kylo. Oga scrambled to position her wide body behind an alcove, situated across from you.

  
The loud hum of Kylo’s lightsaber swinging in the air mixed with the piercing sound of blaster shots. You got on your hands and knees and peeked around the desk.

  
In the center of the room, you caught Kylo making a claw with his hand, thrusting it towards the wall behind them. Once clench of his hand and the windows shattered, blowing glass on the assailants.

  
Your mouth hung open as all the tiny pieces stayed in the air, floating.

  
Kylo twisted his hand around incessantly, and the glass formed into a spinning, vicious vortex that blew through the room, attacking Oga’s men. A mini tornado of glass obliterating everything and anything it came into contact with.

  
Jaw dropped, you clambered back, terrified of getting cut to shreds. Kylo, on the other hand, advanced _closer_ to the kriffing glass storm. Through the yelps, blaster shots rang out, and Kylo effortlessly deflected them, spinning his lightsaber one-handed and with grace.

  
For a moment, you thought everything would be okay. Kylo was taking down all her men like it was a game. A sense of pride flowed over you.

  
Until you saw a dark figure loom over you in your peripherals.

  
Hands shot down, grabbing onto your shoulders. You yelped, trying to twist from their grasp. You pivoted your head around to see a massive, cloaked humanoid, grinning at you with cracked teeth.

  
“Get off of me!” you yelled, attempting to deliver a blow with your elbow- just like Kylo taught you.

  
It was of no use. He was too strong; he pinned your back to his chest, a blaster pointed at your head. Off in the corner, Oga caught your eye, laughing boisterously at the scene unfolding before her.

  
Silence filled the room before thousands of tiny shards of glass hit the ground. Your eyes found Kylo’s, and your heart soared. The pendant around your neck felt warm, giving off a pleasant, tingling sensation that seeped into your core. 

  
Kylo was looking at you, standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by all the men he destroyed. Breathing heavily, bottom lip wavering. Not a scratch on him.

  
He raised his lightsaber, looking down the length of it with one eye. “Let her go.”

  
The man laughed and looked at his boss. “Oga- your orders?”

  
Oga stepped out from the nook area, putting her massive paws on her hips. “Kill her.”

  
Before Kylo could react, before you could really _think,_ words blew through your lips.

  
“Wait,” you panted, “please, _wait.”_

  
Beady eyes found yours.

  
You spoke to her in her language. _“Two hundred thousand credits, plus a ship, plus First Order protection.”_

  
Oga scoffed. _“Those Buckethead’s are useless. No deal.”_

  
You vigorously shook your head, the barrel of the blaster nudging your temple as you did. “No. We have trained men with far superior skills than your average Stormtrooper,” you explained, licking your lips. In your peripherals, you could see Kylo making small, stealthy steps towards you.

  
You continued to blabber at her. “And _far_ superior than the men you have employed. Trust me.”

  
Oga rubbed the musky, spongy tendrils on her face. “Two hundred thousand credits. Two ships. And twenty men.”

  
You glanced at Kylo, trembling. “Supreme Leader?”

  
His dark eyes were fixed on Oga, seething. He gave her one curt nod.

  
Oga laughed. “Excellent! Excellent. Bryx, let our friend go.”

  
Bryx immediately let you go, and you scrambled away towards Kylo. You ran to him, and he opened an arm, allowing you to nestle against him.

  
You wrapped your arms around him and clutched onto him for dear life, breathing in the scent of him. Sweat, blood, _power._

  
Bryx sniffed. “Aww, how cute. Such a-”

  
Still holding you against him, Kylo pivoted forward and flung his lightsaber across the room with a loud whirring sound.

  
A sickening thud hit the ground. Wordlessly, you peeked over to where Bryx was standing.

  
His body was still there, alright- he was just split in fucking half. Smoke rose from where the lightsaber seared his stomach, his innards oozing out onto the floor in a wet, viscous flow.

  
With an outstretch of his hand, Kylo’s non-ignited weapon flew back in his hands. He casually sheathed it.

  
“Make that twenty-one men,” Oga called out, nonchalant.

  
You pulled away from Kylo, afraid you were going to vomit all over him. You tried to walk towards the back wall, but shards of glass littered the ground, covering the bodies of Oga’s men.

  
You closed your eyes and tried counting to yourself, desperate to calm down. _Ten, nine, eight-_

  
Arms engulfed you. “Scholar. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

  
You clutched onto him, gasping.

  
An irritated gurgle from across the room. “We get it. You’re in love.”

  
Kylo let go of you with one last squeeze and stomped over to Oga, stepping over her dead men as he did.

  
“Tell me why I shouldn’t end your miserable life right here and now,” he spat, meeting her eye to eye.

  
Oga grinned. “Trust me when I say that my men’s loyalty would follow me to the grave, Supreme Leader. You and your team wouldn’t make it out of here alive.”

  
His hand hovered over his lightsaber, his fingers twitching. “I don’t believe you.”

  
Oga pushed pashed him, unperplexed. She stroked her appendages as she took in the damage Kylo inflicted. She spoke deeply in her thick accent. “Then do what you must, Kylo Ren.” Her eyes drifted around the room, her back still to him. “Just know that if you do, you’re directly putting your girl in harm’s way.”

  
His boots pounded on the ground, his hand never leaving the hilt on his belt.

  
She cleared her throat, hocking a wad of spit to the ground. Seemingly ignoring her impending death.

  
“And not to mention, you’d be losing a great ally.” She turned her massive body towards his, giving him that disgusting grin. “I know where the Resistance spy is.”

  
Kylo fumed at her. His eyes darted to your face, then back to Oga. “Tell me now.”

  
Oga waved a hand at him and bent down to open a drawer in her desk. She rummaged for a moment before setting a glass of whiskey and two glasses on the tabletop.

  
Humming to herself, she poured two glasses, lifting one up towards Kylo.

  
He glared at her.

  
With a sad sigh, she twisted her head at you. “Bookworm?”

  
You knit your brows, and she exclaimed, slapping her thigh. “Ah, I mean, student.”

  
Kylo spoke through gritted teeth. “Enough.”

  
Oga ignored him, eyes locked on you. She waved the drink in the air. “Well?”

  
You narrowed your eyes. “Scholar.”

  
“Same difference.” She shoved the glass in your direction. “Drink?” 

  
You gawked at her. Here she was, surrounded by _her_ dead men, offering two enemies a drink. If you weren’t so terrified of her, you’d be impressed.

  
“No, thank you.”

  
She shrugged, downing the whiskey with one gulp. She immediately poured another while speaking to Kylo. “Okay, Supreme Leader. I give you until the end of the week to meet my demands.” Another swig of her drink. “Then, I will direct you to that little spy you’re lookin’ for.”

  
A deadly silence filled the room. You shifted, the dark energy around Kylo nearly palpable.

  
Voice low, dangerous. In control. “How do I know I can trust you?”

  
Oga ogled at him, seductively running a fat finger around the rim of her glass. “I do just _love_ it when you talk to me in that husky voice of yours.”

  
Kylo blinked, his unreadable mask faltering for a fleeting moment. He shifted uncomfortably, as did you.

  
For the first time ever, you mused, you were angrier than Kylo Ren.

  
_This is not how tonight was supposed to go._

  
Oga continued on, shameless. “As for trust, well, whenever credits are involved, Oga Garra is the most trusted Blutopian in the galaxy.” She gave him a slimy grin.

  
Kylo glared at her, presumably trying to read her authenticity. Meanwhile, Oga sat there on her desk, throwing back whiskey like water.

  
You cleared your throat.

  
Kylo glanced at you before looking at Oga, giving her one curt nod.

  
Oga set down the glass and clapped. “Excellent, excellent! So we have a deal, Supreme Leader?”

  
A beat. “Deal."

  
**\----**

A heavy silence hung around the two of you as you walked back through town.

  
You peeked up at him, his face mostly hidden behind his now bloody, brown cowl. “Are we going back to the Finalizer?”

  
He didn’t look at you. “No.”

  
“But-”

  
_“No._ We will not be intimidated by some back-alley sea slug.”

  
You nodded, directing your gaze ahead of you.

  
More silence ensued as you walked all the way to the shuttle. Despite being grateful you were still alive, a part of you still felt _sad._ You had come into Black Spire Outpost on a date, and well, it ended in a blood bath.

  
When you took this job, you had no idea _this_ was what your life would become.

  
You sighed, situating yourself in a window seat of the shuttle.

  
Kylo sat down next to you, his thigh pressing into yours as he did. You glanced at him. His face was unreadable. Quiet, stoic. As always.

  
You took another deep breath and pressed your body into his. You felt his eyes on you, but you didn’t look up. Instead, you placed your hand on his thigh, giving him a light squeeze.

  
An arm slipped around your shoulders, while his warm, calloused hand intertwined with yours.

  
You closed your eyes, leaning into his chest. Your face smooshed against him, the two of you settling into a comfortable silence.  


  
Before you knew it, you had dozed off.

  
“Scholar.” A low, warm voice pulled you from your slumber.

  
“Hmmm?” you hummed, looking around the shuttle with bleary eyes.

  
“We are here.”

  
You yawned, looking outside. Kylo was waiting for you in the aisle, hand outstretched for you to take. But you stopped.

  
“Kylo,” you said, brows knit. “This isn’t my stop.”

  
He repositioned his feet, impatient. “We aren’t going back to your cabin.”

  
You looked up at him and tilted your head. “Why?”

  
His jaw tensed, his eye twitched. Something told you he wasn’t happy with what he was about to say.

  
“To ensure your protection...” he started, grimacing, “we will be sleeping elsewhere.”

  
"Oh. Where?" 

  
A moment of hesitation. "With my knights. In their cabin." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oga is all of us trying to get @ Kylo. dont even deny it. 
> 
> lmao. lmk what you guys think! also, come bug me on [ Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lunaxxx-ao3) bc I want to fangirl with you over kylo and all things Star Wars.


	17. The Knight's Cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a fun time with the knights. And an even better time with Kylo.  
> 
> 
> _So please could I be selfish with your body? 'Cause I don't think I could share you with nobody. Oh, when I have you, I'm gonna brand you with my lips. And all of the world will know that you're mine now...///_ [ Tied Down. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=8kbi8b0IRhW8WNbqWT2HZw)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings: SMUT (without super XXX language, to include as many readers as possible. read TVD for the raunchy stuff.) 
> 
> the first half is fine though, so readers avoiding sexual content can still enjoy this chapter ♥️
> 
> [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/53503252) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.
> 
> PS: I personally recommend these two stories: [ Tethered ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626050/chapters/51568999) and [ Excessive Training. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19353301/chapters/46043863)

### You're Mine Now

_Well, this is awkward._

  
You stood hovering by the front door, playing with your fingers. Moments before, Kylo walked you up the path that led to the knight’s cabin, tucked between trees and small body of water. Only to find a group of very surprised knights. 

  
Actually, to say Kylo took them by surprise would be an understatement. 

  
“Master Ren,” their low voices chorused in the cramped living area, stumbling to get down on one knee.

  
You peeked up at Kylo, whose eyes lazily trailed around the room.

  
Upon rising, Kane cleared his throat, grabbing as many empty bottles as possible to quickly dispose of them. The others took note of _Kylo_ taking note, and followed Kane’s direction. The place was a _disaster._

  
Kylo raised a hand. “At ease.”

  
The knights stopped, glancing at each other. They looked as unsure as you felt.  
  


You peered at them, intrigued. Something looked _different_ about them. They all looked massive, per the usual, dressed in all-black casual clothing. But something was off and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it.  
  


A beat, and then, loudly, and without warning, Mika belched.  
  


An awkward silence followed, until Zakra jabbed an elbow at him.   
  


“Oh,” Mika scrambled, “excuse me.”  
  


Then you realized why they looked different: they were less on edge. Red cheeks, glossy eyes, less refined body movements.  
  


They were drunk.   
  


You tensed and looked up at Kylo, waiting for his reaction. _Is this allowed?  
  
_

You were surprised to see when the slightest of smirks touched his lips. “Where’s Shiro?”  
  


Right on cue, a toilet flushed in the back of the room, and a door banged open. Heavy footsteps came booming down the corridor and an even louder voice called out. “Okay assholes, I’m ready. Who wants to get FUCKED at dejarik?”  
  


“Shiro,” Kane replied, voice tight. “We have company.”  
  


“Huh?” Shiro suddenly came into view. “Oh, kriff.”  
  


You shifted next to Kylo, suppressing a smile. The look on his face was priceless.  
  


“I mean, Master Ren,” Shiro said, sloppily getting down on one knee. He lost footing as he did, slightly swaying side to side. His eyes darted to your face, and his eyes lit up. “Dee.”  
  


“Hi.” You gave him a small wave.   
  


Shiro remained on the ground, looking at you, with a wide grin on his face.  
  


Kylo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Stand up, Shiro.”  
  


“Yes, sir.” Shiro obeyed as gracefully as he could. “What’s going on, Master? Are we needed?”  
  


A nod. “Yes.”  
  


Zakra spoke up. “Anything.”  
  


“Oga Garra.”  
  


You shifted next to him, still on edge after the night you two had. Sensing your discomfort, Kylo looked down at you, and a hand found your lower back. “But we will discuss later.”  
  


You smiled at him and silently gave him a _thank you.  
  
_

He looked back to his knights. “For tonight, she needs shelter.” Kylo gently pushed you forward towards them. “And our protection.”  
  


They nodded, silent. All eyes on you.   
  


You looked at each of their faces, trying to get a feel for the mood. Shiro was still standing by the narrow corridor, with Zakra and Mika standing near him. Jaek and Akai, the unfriendly ones, were gathered on the floor in front of the table, hovering around the outdated game of dejarik. Kane was frozen in the small kitchen area, bottles in hand.   
  


Nobody said anything, so you awkwardly spun around, looking at the entirety of the cabin. To your left was a ladder, presumably leading to a loft area. A roaring fire filled the fireplace below it. Your eyes traveled over a shelf embedded in the wall, heart thudding.   
  


_Oh my stars._ The knight’s helmets were lined up in a row, almost like they were on display. Their massive, intimidating weapons laid nearby, some placed on shelves, some placed on the floor. The sight of them so casually discarded on the floor made you feel uneasy.  
  


_Thousands of lives have been destroyed at their hands.  
  
_

You cleared your throat, trying to bury your anxiety, as you looked behind you near the door and Kylo. Six pairs of boots laid on the floor, in a row, with black coats folded below them.  
  


You blinked, that uneasy feeling in your stomach intensifying. They were right there, by the entrance, for a reason.   
  


To be prepared for anything- or anyone.  
  


Boots pounded across the floor, pulling you from your trance. Kylo passed the table and took a seat in a chair, in the corner of the living area.   
  


Kane peeked his head out from the kitchen. “A drink, Master?”  
  


Kylo gestured towards you. “She needs one more than I do.”  
  


A nod. “D-98?”  
  


“Um,” you bit your lip, looking at Kylo. His gaze remained fixated on you, unblinking. You weren’t feeling comfortable enough to accept the offer. _How does one casually drink with a bunch of killers?  
  
_

That deep, demanding voice. “Get her one.”  
  


“Yes, Master.”  
  


The other knights didn’t move, didn’t resume their activities. The small cabin was filled with tension, a heaviness sitting on your shoulders.  
  


Your fingers wouldn’t sit still, your discomfort amplifying with every passing second. You were trying very hard to appear fascinated by the architecture of the wonky cabin, looking up at the high beams and its overall unrefined charm. You were so used to the sterile architecture of the Finalizer, and all things First Order, that the earthy, wooden cabin almost set you on edge.  
  


Kane maneuvered through his brothers to give you a bottle of something fizzy. You thanked him, frowning a bit as you grabbed the bottle. It smelled weird.  
  


Kane wordlessly held out a bottle to his master, off in his corner, but Kylo didn’t take it.  
  


A beat. “Do you have anything stronger?”  
  


Across the room, Jaek sprung to his feet. “Absolutely.”  
  


A few moments later, Jaek returned with a bottle of whiskey. He set down a glass on the small table next to Kylo and poured him a drink.  
  


Without saying a word, Kylo grabbed it, sitting back in his chair, as Jaek assumed his seat on the floor again.  
  


You sighed, feeling a little more comfortable seeing Kylo at ease. Looking down at his glass, Kylo twirled the whiskey around before slowly taking a sip.  
  


You did the same. Tentatively, the knights picked up their drinks, too. You looked around at them, curious. There was a noticeable shift in energy around them- a calmness that was rubbing off on you.  
  


_Almost.  
  
_

You played with the crystal around your neck. This was the first time, you mused, that you’ve seen the knights in this light. Relaxed, together, in a social setting. Not patrolling the area or keeping you safe. Or killing people.  
  


You glanced at Kylo again, who was lost in thought, not focusing on anything in his corner. A part of you wanted to sit next to him, to talk to him, but you could tell he needed space.   
  


And besides, you wanted to try and end the night off on a positive note. A _normal_ note. So you took a big gulp of your drink and made an effort.  
  


“Hey,” you said, sitting on the ground in front of the wooden table. “Did you say you were playing holochess?”   
  


You looked around at them, not asking anyone in particular. A silence hung in the air until Akai cleared his throat.   
  


“Yeah.” He ran his hand through his black, curly hair. Piercing eyes remained on you, unblinking. “But I won’t play with you.”  
  


You blinked, slowly. Rejection rang in your ears. You hated how a redness crept up your cheeks.  
  


“What he means is,” Shiro interjected, heavily taking a seat across from you, on the floor. “He’s too chicken shit to be your opponent.”  
  


Akai gave him a tight, humorless smile. “No. What I meant was, I don’t want to hurt her feelings when _I_ obliterate _her_.”  
  


A warning. “Akai.”   
  


You kept your eyes on Akai, a slow smile touching your lips. You understood what he meant now.  
  


“No, it’s okay, Supreme Leader,” you murmured, voice dripping with honey. “I can destroy your friend Akai here in his sleep.” You fluttered your lashes at him. “If he’s not too afraid to face me, that is.”  
  


Those ocean eyes gleamed at you. “Bring it.”  
  


The two of you engaged in a stare-off. Across the table, Shiro pouted. “Hey, I wanted to play.”  
  


Akai pushed the holochess disk towards the center of the table. “You’ll play the winner.”  
  


A sigh as he pushed himself off the ground. “Fine.”  
  


You broke eye contact with Akai to smile up at Shiro. “I look forward to our match, Shiro.”  
  


A collective laugh filled the room. “Damn,” Mika spoke up. “I like you, little interpreter. Putting Akai in his place.”  
  


You smiled at the big brute, a warmth spreading in your chest. You peeked to your right to check on Kylo, and your smile deepened.   
  


He was staring at you, drink in hand, sitting in the chair. Brooding, intense. You vaguely acknowledged that Shiro took a seat next to him. You were too busy drinking in the sight of Kylo. Something stirred in your lower belly. Everything about him looked _regal.  
  
_

His body language, his undeniable presence that sucked the air out of the room. Still dressed in his Batuuan clothing, yet still oozing dominance even without the black attire.  
  


You cocked your head at him, returning his intense gaze. You appreciated the dim, orange glow that illuminated his striking features, highlighting every curve of his face. That strong, prominent nose leading down to his sensual, full lips. Freckles splattered across his face like stars.  
  


Your eyes found those long, slender fingers idly rolling his drink in his hands. Calm, in control. Exuding power without even speaking, without even _doing_ anything.  
  


And it all hit you in the face at once. _That man is fucking mine.  
  
_

A deep, sinister voice pulled you out of your own head. “D-98.”  
  


“Yes,” you said, clearing your throat, looking away from Kylo. Suddenly you felt like you could breathe again.  
  


Akai was looking across from you with one eyebrow raised. “Ready for me?”  
  


You chuckled, your attention entirely on him now. “Yes, sir,” you teased, giving him your most innocent smile.   
  


As the two of you played holochess, you gradually felt better. Akai wasn’t as scary as you thought he was, nor was Jaek. At one point in the night, it was both of them against you, while Kane crouched over your shoulder to try and give you input. You didn’t need it, though.   
  


You didn’t know if it was the alcohol, or just the exposure, but you found yourself much more comfortable around the warriors. Not only that, you were _enjoying_ their company.  
  


Mika was funny, and so was Jaek, surprisingly. But more in a dark, witty type of way. But most of all, you appreciated Zakra the most: the quiet, simple one. He was sweet, and mild tempered, despite his thick build, towering height, and giant ass mace. He reminded you of Kip.  
  


“Seven fucking hells,” Akai hissed, standing up abruptly. Next to him, Jaek laughed, looking at you. “No one ever beats Akai, Scholar. Good job.”  
  


You beamed at him. “Thanks, Jaek.” You smiled up at his fuming best friend. “And nice try, Akai. You gave it your all.” You took a noisy sip. “All three times.”  
  


He mumbled something incoherent at you, so you lifted your drink up at him, grinning. “Cheers.”  
  


Somehow, throughout the entire night, drinks just kept appearing next to you. You’d finish one, set it down, and by the time it was Akai’s turn again, a full bottle would be next to you.  
  


You didn’t ask questions, though. You sipped away all you wanted. Which is why when you finally tried to get up, your head was spinning.  
  


Jaek lifted a brow at you from on the floor. “You okay there?”  
  


You vigorously shook your head. “Mhm.” You looked around the room, embarrassed. “Ah, where are the others?”  
  


Jaek sat forward, resting his forearms on his knees, relaxed. “They went to bed a while ago.”  
  


“Mm.” You tugged at your sweater sleeves, looking for someone you wanted to see the most. A quick turn of your head, and you found him.  
  


_Kylo._

  
There he was, sitting in his chair, doing something unbelievable.  
  


Smiling.  
  


Slouched in his chair, drink in hand, having a quiet, _peaceful_ conversation with Shiro.  
  


You put your hand over your chest, watching him in awe. You’ve never seen him so at ease before.  
  


Shiro, grinning, leaned into Kylo’s ear and whispered something, to which Kylo laughed at.  
  


_Laughed.  
  
_

The widest, stupidest grin found your face, your body buzzing with warmth. Two of the most fearsome men in the galaxy, sitting side by side, sharing a joke. Like old friends.   
  


Eyes found yours. Slowly, Kylo took a sip, before jerking his head back. “Scholar,” he murmured. “Come here.”  
  


Cheeks warm, movements lazy, you floated in his direction. The alcohol was making you feel warm, content.  
  


Your feet carried you in front of Kylo, Shiro to his right. You gave them a sweet smile, clasping your hands in front of you. “Mmm, yes, Supreme Leader?”  
  


A demand. “Have a seat.”  
  


You hovered above him, and glanced at Shiro, frowning. There was no seat.  
  


Glancing between the two of them, you bit your lip, unsure of what he wanted from you.   
  


“Um, I- where?” you stuttered.   
  


Shiro smirked before flicking his eyes down your body. He met your gaze again, his expression full of mischief. You looked away, flustered.  
  


Both of them were looking at you, a wicked gleam in their eye, as you stood over Kylo. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that Shiro was rubbing off on Kylo.   
  


You gulped. _That can only mean one thing: trouble.  
  
_

Wordlessly, Kylo put down his drink on the side table and opened his arms.   
  


You didn’t hesitate.   
  


Suppressing your excitement, you climbed on his lap and sat sideways, swinging your legs over his. Your foot nudged Shiro’s knee as you did, and you smiled at him as you rested your head on Kylo’s chest. “Sorry.”  
  


Shiro took a slow sip of his drink. Voice low, husky. “That’s okay, Dee. I know what you were trying to do.”  
  


Kylo’s hands tightened on you, situating you against him.  
  


You sighed, your body melting into Kylo’s, as you addressed Shiro. “Oh?”  
  


“Yes. You want a foot massage.” Shiro put his drink down, leaning in towards you. “Kylo, may I rub your girl down?”  
  


You stilled, utterly terrified. You knew Shiro liked playing games with you, but he’s never been so _forward_ about it. Especially not when his Master was literally inches away.  
  


Much to your surprise, Kylo didn’t react. Instead, he locked his arms around you, tugging you as close to him as possible. He nestled his face in your neck, inhaling deeply.   
  


“Go ahead Shiro,” he breathed, his hands starting to roam. “If you want to die.”  
  


You giggled, his hands tracing patterns on your waist as one hand slid up your thigh. For a second, you forgot Shiro was right next to you, and that Akai and Jaek were now playing holochess.  
  


For a second.  
  


“Aw, come on, Kylo. You know you’d get a turn, too.”  
  


_Kylo?  
  
_

Those lips fluttered against your neck. “Touch _me,_ Shiro, and I absolutely will kill you.”  
  


A tsk. “I’d like to see you try.”  
  


You pulled away and looked at Kylo, trying to gauge his reaction. He met your gaze, his face expressionless. The usual.  
  


But the fact Shiro wasn’t _dead_ told you all you needed to know. He was indeed the favorite.  
  


A hand brushed a hair out of your face, eyes locked on yours. “Silence, Shiro.”  
  


Shiro laughed. “Whatever you say, boss. Or, we can duel it out, like the good ole times.”  
  


This caught your attention. “The good old times?” You looked at Shiro, then back at Kylo. “When was that?”  
  


“On Yavin. Before the academy. Before Kylo...” Shiro stopped, clearing his throat. “Before everything else.”  
  


You weren’t Force-sensitive, but you could feel a heaviness between them, bogged down from their complicated history. You knew what he was going to say. _Before Kylo Ren was…Kylo Ren.  
  
_

Kylo pawed at his whiskey, throwing it back in one gulp. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the headrest.  
  


His hand slid between your thighs, stopping right before the center of your legs. The other gripped your waist like his life depended on it. “It’s up to her if she wants a foot massage or not.”  
  


Your heart dropped, looking at Kylo with your jaw to the floor. _What in the world is happening?  
  
_

Shiro gave you a wicked grin. “Dee?”  
  


“Ummm. Uhh-”  
  


Kylo’s fingers pressed into you, eyes still closed. Calm, possibly a bit drunk. “You deserve to relax. He won’t touch anything but your feet.”  
  


You pressed yourself closer into him, eyes on Shiro.   
  


He was looking at you with that wicked smile as his hands raised in surrender. “Like I said, I don’t bite.”  
  


You hesitated. It _did_ sound amazing, and the fact that Kylo welcomed it just blew your mind. But there was one problem.  
  


“No thanks,” you said softly, shaking your head. “I hate my feet.”  
  


Shiro threw his head back and laughed. “That’s absurd.” He put his hands out. “Let me see those toes, girl.”  
  


You shrunk in closer to Kylo, who was drawing small circles on your side. “Mmm. No.”  
  


With one eyebrow raised, Shiro addressed his master. “Kylo?”  
  


One amused look at you, then a nod. “Yes.”  
  


Shiro lunged for your feet. You shrieked as he got a hold of them, his grasp unescapable.  
  


Holding onto Kylo, you thrashed your legs, attempting to break free. But it was useless.  
  


Firmly keeping you in place, Kylo chuckled. You nudged him. You just _knew_ that Shiro rubbing off on him would be trouble.  
  


Fingers started to press into your heel and you stilled. _Oh.  
  
_

It _did_ feel wonderful.  
  


And it felt wonderful the entire time. The three of you fell into a comfortable silence. Shiro working on your feet, Kylo resting with his eyes closed, still, besides the occasional twitch of his hands on you.  
  


At one point, Akai and Jaek left to go to their rooms, cloaking the room in a blissful silence. Coupled with the massage, your cozy spot, and the soft rain pattering against the cabin, you almost fell asleep.  
  


Until Shiro started to tickle you.  
  


Laughing, you tried to jerk your feet out of his grasp, but he grabbed your ankles. “Ah, ah, ah.”   
  


You pouted, trying one more time to twist free of his grasp. “ _Please,_ I _hate_ being tickled.”  
  


Shiro tightened his grip on you. “I won’t tickle you, then. Promise.”  
  


You narrowed your eyes at him, and he responded with a smile. A _deceivingly_ sweet smile.  
  


For the first time in a little bit, Kylo stirred. “Enough, Shiro.”   
  


With a glance at his master, Shiro obeyed, his fingers moving from your ankles to resume your massage.  
  


Kylo’s hand shot out to the side table and twisted the cap off the whiskey bottle. With a slight turn of his head, he filled his glass.  
  


You scrunched your nose as he brought it to his lips, right above your head. “That smells disgusting.”  
  


Shiro snorted. “You’ve never had hard liquor before?”  
  


“I have,” you said, defensive, “just haven’t had a lot in a few months. Since Scarif.”   
  


He nodded, jaw tense, blue eyes full of sympathy. “I’m sorry, Dee.”  
  


You had to look away. _Seven hells. He’s stunning.  
  
_

Kylo spoke softly to you after a sip. “Do you want a taste?”  
  


You thought about it for a moment before nodding, your hair falling in your face as you did.  
  


With one hand, Kylo collected your hair, gently twisting it around his palm. With a slight tug, he tilted your head back, leading the glass to your lips.  
  


Your breath hitched in your throat, time seemingly slowing down. Eyes finding Shiro’s, your lips parted as Kylo pressed the glass against your mouth, simultaneously tugging on your hair again to position you how he wanted.  
  


Your cheeks burned. Something about this intimate moment, being tenderly touched by both of them, felt... intoxicating. Forbidden. _Dangerous.  
  
_

You wiggled in his lap, opening your mouth so he could pour the whiskey down your throat.  
  


_Oh, fuck me.  
  
_

You did everything in your power to not spit it back up. You swallowed, begrudgingly, and couldn’t help the sour expression you made.  
  


Shiro chuckled, and Kylo’s hand dispersed into your hair, giving you a gentle scalp massage. “No more whiskey for you, Scholar.”  
  


You closed your eyes, leaning your head back into his palm. “Mmm.”  
  


Shiro increased his pressure, his thumbs digging into your pressure points like a pro.  
  


You melted into him, your eyes basically rolling to the back of your head. A silence fell over you three like a blanket, the only sound in the room your occasional soft sighs.   
  


Kylo’s fingertips were rubbing all the right spots on your scalp, while Shiro’s hands deftly worked the bottom of your foot.  
  


Fingernails dug into your scalp and your lips parted, your fingers clasping onto Kylo’s shoulder.   
  


This only encouraged him further.  
  


Repositioning you so you were steady without his support, Kylo moved both of his hands to your head, sending you into complete and fucking bliss.  
 

You licked your lips as his fingertips kneaded your temples, your scalp, your neck. Your eyes were shut but his erratic breathing told you he was enjoying it as much as you were.

  
You were in heaven.

  
Slowly, tenderly, hands brushed past your ankles, moving to your calves. A shuffle of fabric, a tickle of cold air, and Shiro’s hands started to massage your bare calf in long, sensual strokes. 

  
The pressure on your head, coupled with the firm hold on your calves, was almost enough to melt you into a pile of putty.

 _  
Oh fuck._ You moaned. 

  
It took Kylo approximately .5 seconds to safely secure you on your feet before attacking Shiro. There was a thundering crash as Shiro flew across the room, his back connecting with the wall.

  
You stumbled back, jaw dropped. Kylo was stalking towards a now immobile Shiro, pinned in the corner of the room. His moments were quick, stealthy. Terrifying.

  
It was like watching a hunter and his prey. 

  
Shiro cleared his throat. “Master-“

  
A snarl. “You crossed a line.”

  
An outstretched hand, and Shiro’s face crumpled in pain. “I’m sorry.” He stole a glance at you. “I-

 _  
“Don’t look at her,”_ Kylo growled, closing in to grab a fistful of Shiro's shirt.

  
You stepped back, scared shitless, as he pulled Shiro towards him just to slam him back into the wall. His fists tightened around his shirt, the whiteness of his knuckles visible from where you were standing. 

  
His tone sent icy chills down your spine. “Stay. Away. From. Her.”

  
Shiro’s jaw tensed. “Master Ren,” he started, voice tight. Controlled. “You gave me your permission.”

  
The two of them engaged in a stare off for a moment of excruciating silence. Until Kylo attacked.

  
With a sickening _thud,_ his fist connected with Shiro’s jaw. 

  
Kylo released him, aggressively pushing away from him and turning in a small circle, rolling his shoulders. 

  
Slowly, Shiro rubbed his jaw, tilting his head to the side. He bared his teeth, showing the blood collecting in his mouth, before spitting on the floor. He glared at his master, his back impossibly straight and jaw tense. Eyes absolutely fucking wild.

  
Kylo stopped moving, closing in on Shiro again. You couldn’t see Kylo’s face, but you imagined his face was etched with rage. 

  
You gulped.

  
With one calculated step, Shiro stood chest to chest with Kylo, gaze unwavering. Kylo stepped even closer. 

  
Shiro spoke through tight lips. “Anything else, Master?”

  
You watched, heart pounding, as Kylo clenched and unclenched his fists by his side. 

 _  
“Yes._ Never touch her again.”

  
Shiro’s nostrils flared, but he didn’t say a word. Another moment of glaring at each other and Kylo whipped his head around to you. 

  
“Upstairs. We are going to bed.”

  
You nodded eagerly, hands shaking. The masculine energy in the room was suffocating. You would sleep outside if it meant escaping it.

  
Making yourself as small as possible, you inched past the fireplace. You glanced at them one last time before clutching the ladder, your back to them. 

  
A moment of agonizing silence. 

  
And then, fighting words. 

  
“Goodnight, Dee.”

  
A deafening thud. Grunts. A colossal crash. 

  
By the time you snapped your head around, Shiro and Kylo were about to kill each other. 

  
And all could do was watch, helpless.

  
Shiro ducked as Kylo tried to deliver a blow. Kylo spun around, unfazed, and Force propelled him back, sending him flying into a small table.

  
Heavy footsteps echoed in the small cabin as he beelined it for Shiro, who was just gaining his footing after his tumble.

  
You blinked. They moved so quickly, so stealthily, you couldn’t keep up. Somehow Shiro recovered from his crash and was now crouching as they circled around each other, tense.

  
Shiro slowly raised his hands. “Kylo-"

  
“It’s Master,” he spat, _“know your place.”_

 _  
“Master._ Enough. I hear you loud and clear.” A nod toward you as they continued to circle each other. “So does she.”

  
There was no hesitation. An outstretched hand and Kylo pulled Shiro into his grasp, fingers wrapping around his throat. 

  
Shiro’s face turned a deep red as he glared at his master, his arms by his side in an unnatural way, insinuating that Kylo had him Force pinned. 

  
Words dripping with malice. “This isn’t Yavin anymore.”

  
You watched, wide eyed, as his hand restricted Shiro’s throat in a sickening way. You stepped forward, timid. “Kylo.”

  
He didn’t turn towards you, but his words cut you like a knife. _“Stay out of this.”_

  
You winced, tears threatening to fall.

  
Kylo stayed focused on Shiro. “This is your last warning.” 

  
Thrusting him back, Kylo let him go. Shiro immediately steadied himself, calmly refilling his lungs. Stance wide, chest heaving, watching his master like a hawk. 

  
He wasn’t speaking. Wasn’t telling him he understood, that he’d obey. If anything, it looked like he was going to fucking _pounce._ You nearly imploded with anxiety. 

 _  
_ “Kylo, _please.”  
  
_

Kylo focused on you, eyes wild, voice raised. “I _told_ you to stay out of this.”

  
You couldn’t help it. A single tear rolled down your face, and you quickly batted it away, turning your back to him.

  
The sound of a door opening echoed in the cabin, followed by heavy footsteps.

  
It was Mika. “Master?” A beat. “Everything okay?”

  
You couldn’t see him, but you could picture his face behind your eyelids. Livid. “Go back to bed, Mika.” A shift of fabric. “We are done here.”

  
Rough hands grabbed your waist. “Up.”

  
Nodding, you clutched onto the ladder, but lost your footing. Before you could steady yourself, Kylo aggressively twisted you around and hoisted you over his shoulder. 

  
Your arms dangled over his back and you desperately clutched on to him, nervous, as he scaled the ladder one handed, with your body draped over him like a towel.

  
With a grunt, he climbed into the loft. You watched his boots cross the small area before he abruptly flung you off his shoulder onto the bed. 

  
You yelped, your hands splaying out to steady yourself. Kylo remained hovering over you, face unreadable. The dim lamp across the loft was outlining his massive frame, swelling with deep inhales as he towered over the bed.

  
“Kylo,” you whispered, voice wavering.   
  


You didn’t know what to expect as he stood over you, watching you with those dark, unreadable eyes. But you weren’t expecting _this.  
  
_

Wordlessly, Kylo leaned over, yanking your sweater up to expose your lower belly. With deft fingers, he found the buttons on your pants, and quickly undid them.   
  


You watched with wide eyes as he grabbed onto each side, pulled them down with a grunt, and threw them across the room.  
  


His hands found your ankles, his gaze lazily drinking you in. With the lightest of touches, his fingers trailed up to your calves, going up and down.  
  


You stared up at him, legs splayed, chest heaving, waiting for his next move. A wave of emotions coursed through you. Passion. Want. _Fear.  
  
_

You could _feel_ his aggression, and something told you he wanted to take it out on you in the only way he knew how.   
  


“Scholar,” he murmured. Hands on either calf. “I want you.”  
  


You swallowed the lump in your throat. _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck._ You could only manage a whisper. “I, I want you, too.”  
  


Those eyes found yours and you sunk back into the bed, overwhelmed. His presence was intoxicating.  
  


“Oh?”  
  


You nodded meekly.  
  


He pursed his lips thoughtfully, looking back down at his hands on your ankles. Without warning, he gripped onto them, pulling you to the edge of the bed. He pushed himself between your legs and dipped down over you, his body slamming into yours.  
  


One hand found yours and he lifted it above your head, intertwining your fingers together. The other one wanted to explore.  
  


Taking his time, he followed the curve of your body, chills lining your arms as they trailed along the slope of your waist.  
  


He got to your hip and grabbed hold of it, pawing at your flesh. Your breath hitched in your throat, your back arching as you pushed your hip into his hand.  
  


In one graceful motion, Kylo pulled back and took hold of your ribcage to position you higher up on the bed. The mattress whined as he quickly followed, his body hovering over yours. Lips found yours, softly, and his tongue traced your bottom lip.  
  


You moaned into his mouth, sliding your hands up to wrap them around his neck. He pulled away, panting, as he continued to explore.  
  


Nudging your head gently to the side, exposing your neck, Kylo nipped at your throat, alternating between soft kisses and tender bites. His hand slid across your stomach, and you froze as it slithered up under your sweater.  
  


Hesitant touches played right above your belly button. Now fully sucking your neck, Kylo crawled them up a little bit further, tickling you with his fingertips.   
  


Between pants, you started to giggle.  
  


Kylo’s lips moved against your skin. “Hmm?”   
  


“Ticklish, remember?” you breathed, squirming as those touches didn’t give up.  
  


Kylo pulled his hand away, peering down at you with an intensity that gave you butterflies.   
  


You shifted slightly, responding to his ever-changing energy. Your body suddenly felt hyperaware of his, that deep sense of awareness building in your belly.   
  


You recognized the all encompassing feeling. It was _him.  
  
_

“Kylo,” you whispered, “I-”  
  


A hand found your face. You closed your eyes as fingertips trailed down your eyelids, your nose, to your lips. His calloused hands were a stark contrast to how softly he was touching you.   
  


“Scholar,” he murmured.  
  


A shaky sigh. “Yes?”  
  


“You’re _mine.”  
  
_

The sound of his voice, so deep, yet so strained with emotion, reverberated right through you. Goosebumps lined your arms. Heart palpitations screamed in your chest. You forgot to breathe.  
  


_Oh my stars.  
  
_

You wanted to say, _and you’re mine,_ but you forgot how to speak.  
  


It didn’t matter, though. Kylo wanted something else from you.

  
His hand grabbed your face, keeping you in place as soft, supple, _greedy_ lips found yours. His tongue clashed with yours, assaulting your mouth with a passion that you could taste.

  
You responded eagerly, desperately, and tilted your hips to the side, grinding against his.

  
Abruptly, Kylo tore his lips from you. He positioned upright, his weight resting on his knees. 

  
You propped yourself up on your elbows, panting. “What’s wrong?”

  
“This.” Rough hands tugged at your sweater. “This needs to come off.” 

  
“Kylo,” you whispered, as he pulled it off your body, “I, ahhh.”

  
You lost your train of thought. Now exposed, he was caressing your every curve, your every angle. Lips traveled across your chest, his hand traveling behind your back to unclasp your bra.

  
He spoke between kisses, his lips fluttering against your sternum. “Yes?”

  
With a tug, he pulled your bra off, forcing you to reposition your arms. Shakily, you settled them above your head, cheeks burning. You’ve never been _this_ exposed to a man before. Well, not a man like Kylo, at least. 

  
His lips attacked your neck, traveling down to your chest. His hand found your throat, and you stilled momentarily, images of him choking Shiro still fresh in your mind. His fingers pressed into your flesh, sensually squeezing it.

  
“Relax,” he cooed, slowly detangling his hand off your neck. You let out a breath as he found the crystal dangling on your chest, playing with it between his fingers before rolling it against you.

  
Chills shot through your body, the coldness of the crystal seeping through your skin. You writhed below him, your body coming alive with every passing touch. Sensing your increasing passion, Kylo’s hands immediately closed in on you, palming and massaging your breasts. 

  
Your breath caught in your throat as his lips found your nipple, taking it between his lips, sucking lightly. You threw your head from side to side as he sucked harder, his hand squeezing and pawing at your other breast. With a groan, Kylo tore his lips away, gathering your other nipple in his mouth, switching. 

  
Breathing heavily, your hands found his hair, and you grasped and pulled at his soft locks, unable to sit still. You didn’t want this moment to end.

  
Abruptly, Kylo pulled away, eliciting a small whine of protest. Sliding down, he trailed kisses down your stomach as he got to where he wanted to go.

  
You squirmed as he firmly grabbed each hip with those massive hands of his. Using his face, Kylo nudged each side of your thigh, silently asking you to open your legs further for him.

  
Trembling, you obeyed, unsure of what was going to happen next.

  
You stilled as he began sucking your inner thighs. “Kylo.” A shaky breath blew through your lips. “Wait. They will hear us.”

  
He spoke between kisses. “No. They will hear _you,”_ he muttered, tongue tasting your skin.  

  
Without moving his lips, a finger dipped in beneath your pantyline, playing with the fabric on your hip bone. 

  
You rolled your hips at the touch, wetness pooling between your legs. “Wait, Kylo-”

  
His hands stopped and he looked up at you. “Tell me to stop and I will.”

  
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” you whispered, meeting his burning gaze. “I’d just be mortified if they knew what we were doing.”

  
He paused, a vacant expression flooding his face.

  
“What are you-”

  
He hushed you before continuing. “They’re asleep.” A beat. “Well five out of six are.”

  
“Who is awake?”

  
An impatient response. “It doesn’t matter.”

  
“Well, what if he hears us?”

  
He blinked. “He might.”

  
You gnawed on your bottom lip. You were terribly conflicted. Half of you wanted him to stop, knowing that you were in an _open_ room in a _tiny_ cabin with all _six_ of his knights. The other half of you wanted him to tear you apart, make you come undone underneath him. Preferably over and over again.

  
Kylo took your hesitation as a no. Silently, he crawled off of you, turning his back to you as he walked over to a dresser.

  
You watched, pouting, as he took off his boots and some of his layers. He set them down, grabbed a folded blanket, and made his way to you. 

  
He sat near the top of the bed and patted next to him, telling you to come next to him. With a heavy sigh, you crawled up towards him, wrapping your hands around your bare chest.

  
He put the blanket around you and pulled you into him, holding onto your body tightly. You settled against him, disappointed that his hands weren’t ripping you apart.

  
You looked up at him and he met your gaze, his deep brown eyes boring into yours. 

  
As conflicted as you were, you didn’t think you’d be able to fall asleep after _that._ Your body wouldn’t stop humming, wouldn’t stop begging for his touch.

  
Heart racing, you made up your mind.

  
You climbed on top of him, straddling his waist, and immediately bent down to take his bottom lip into your mouth. His hands didn’t hesitate to find your hips, planting you firmly down onto his groin. You moaned, tongue clashing with his, as you started to grind on top of him, moving your hips in slow, firm circles. The hardness growing in his pants pressed against you in the most _delicious_ way. Whimpering, you put all of your weight into him, grinding against it.

  
Kylo broke the kiss, grunting. 

  
The slightest of smirks touched your lips. Kylo’s eyes darted across your face before a hand found your lips, outlining your lips. 

  
His voice was like music to your ears. “Scholar.”

  
With a yelp from you, Kylo quickly flipped you over on your back. Air blew through your lips as you propped yourself on your elbows, watching Kylo pull his shirt over his head in one graceful movement. His perfectly toned, massively built body made you feel self conscious. 

_  
He looks like a kriffing statue._

  
An impatient statue. Kylo forced your legs open, attacking your inner thighs with his mouth again. You breathed heavily, trying to wiggle away from the sensitive touches. 

  
Kylo had none of that. Fingers dug into your flesh. “Don’t move.”

  
But you couldn’t help it. You whimpered, you cried out, you mewled as his lips came into contact with everywhere _but_ where you wanted them. He was driving you fucking wild.

  
Kylo pulled away from you. “I said,” he growled, _“don’t move.”_

  
A heavy hand settled on your stomach, clutching at your skin. You thought he was attempting to hold you down, but you soon realized what he was doing.

  
He put you in a Force hold. 

  
“Oh, fuck,” you moaned, quietly. After all, you didn’t want an audience.

  
Fingers hooked under your pantyline, and slowly, _so_ slowly, Kylo pulled them down. Over your hips, down to your knees, and all the way to your ankles. He casually pulled them entirely off, eyes roaming your body.

  
Your cheeks burned. _The Supreme fucking Leader of the galaxy is looking at me like I’m a god damn snack._

  
If you could move, you’d try to hide your sex and your breasts- even though they were _just_ in his mouth. But something about his gaze made you feel completely exposed, vulnerable. 

  
After what felt like an eternity, he finally broke the silence, slowly leaning over the lower half of your body. 

  
Hands massaged your hips. Lips fluttered near your sex as he inhaled deeply. “You’re stunning.”

  
You couldn’t speak. Couldn’t _breathe._ Couldn’t-

_  
Ahhh._

  
As it turns out, you could no longer think. Kylo had found your sweet spot, lapping at you with his tongue in slow, tantalizing licks. 

  
“Oh my fucking stars,” you breathed, rendered completely immobile from the Force. You wanted to move, to push your hips into his face, but you were tied down with invisibile restraints. 

  
“Kylo, please” you cried, eyes shut tight.

  
He hummed against your clit, sending a wave of pleasure through you at the new sensation. You wanted nothing more than to move.

  
“Please,” you panted, “please let me go.”

  
He responded by feverishly attacking your sweet spot, moving his tongue side to side in rapid, yet precise, movements. 

  
Slowly, you felt your limbs unfreeze from the Force hold, and you immediately brought your hands to his hair.

  
Kylo grunted into your wetness, and you lifted your legs off the bed, wrapping them around his neck. He responded by digging in even further, taking your sensitive bundle of nerves into his mouth and sucking it entirely.

  
You couldn’t stop the moan that escaped your lips. You arched your back, pressing into his face, and thrashed your head back and forth as your leg started to shake. 

  
Still licking at you relentlessly, Kylo’s hand ventured up and found your breasts, squeezing and tugging at them with fervor.

  
You let your hands find his, holding onto them as he violated your breasts, his tongue sliding deliciously up and down your sex. You whimpered, and he responded with a grunt, pulling his hands away to find the innermost part of your thighs. His fingers dug into your skin to pull you apart,  exposing you wide open.

  
You twitched uncontrollably as he attacked your clit again, the new angle sending tendrils of pleasure down your spine. 

  
As you got closer, thoughts coursed through your mind of Kylo placing you on his lap, forcing you to accommodate his length. Your walls clenched at the idea. You needed to be filled, needed _him._

  
Without letting your clit go, Kylo brought his fingers to your slit. You moved your legs off of his back, opening them for him, as he teased your entrance.

  
“Oh fuck, _please.”_

  
A guttural noise came from his throat as he slipped a finger inside of you, slowly at first, to test your limits. You began rocking up and down, encouraging him to pick up his pace, and he eagerly obeyed. 

  
Lapping furiously at you, he slowly slid in another finger. 

  
It was in this moment, with your body tensing and twitching under Kylo’s manipulation, that you knew you couldn’t be quiet.

 _  
At least I tried._ You violently thrashed as he picked up the pace. _Kinda._

  
For the briefest of moments, the only sound in the room was Kylo’s wet fingers slamming in and out of you as your mouth hung open, your face crumpled in pure fucking bliss.

  
And then your orgasm hit. Strange, animalistic noises tore through your lips as the overwhelming sensation spread from head to toe, making your body convulse and writhe against his mouth.

  
He didn’t relent, didn’t let you go, even as you moaned and thrashed and came undone at his mercy, hands pulling at his hair shamelessly. 

  
“No more,” you pleaded, trying to escape his grasp. 

  
Taking his time, Kylo slipped his fingers out and let go of your clit with a wet smacking noise.

  
You jolted back, goosebumps covering every square inch of your body. Eyes half closed, panting, body still humming from your orgasm, you tensed as Kylo gracefully situated himself between your legs. 

  
You felt it before you saw it. You quickly inhaled as Kylo placed the head of his cock at your entrance, pressing into you steadily.

  
You threw your head back. “Ah, Kylo-”

  
One thrust, and he was filling you up entirely.

  
You met his gaze, jaw slack and eyes half closed. He groaned, chest heaving dramatically, as his fingers twitched on your hips.

  
He wasn’t moving- letting you adjust, you assumed. But little did he know you were waiting for this moment for a _long_ fucking time.

  
Biting your lip, you rotated your hips down, then up, then back down, forcing him to move in and out of you.

  
Jaw tense, nostrils flared, Kylo closed his eyes. You picked up your movements, shuddering as you felt every inch of him inside of you.

  
“Kylo,” you moaned, placing a hand on his arm. _“Fuck me.”_

  
His eyes shot open and he looked down at you with a look that could fucking kill.

  
You smirked. _Good._

  
One second he was completely still, watching you. The next he was pounding you.

  
You couldn’t even catch your breath. Kylo’s lips were suddenly on yours, tongue forcing its way in your mouth as he dipped down deeper inside of you.

  
You sobbed into his mouth as he railed into you with powerful thrusts, the bed shaking violently below you. Your fingernails dug into his back and you dragged them down, unable to keep your hands still.

  
With a hiss, Kylo pulled away, slowing his rhythm. Hands trailed down your body as he looked down, watching his cock disappear inside of you.

  
The way he groaned made your walls clench. “Ah. You’re so fucking tight.”

  
Your breathing escalated, you brought your hips closer to his, letting him sink in deeper. You clenched even tighter, and he grit his teeth as a hand shot out to grab your throat.

  
“Tease,” he hissed. 

  
His movements picked up again, and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. A part of you remembered that his knights were downstairs. “Wait,” you breathed, “the bed.”

  
Kylo shot you a look. “What about it.”

  
You patted it, uselessly. “It’s creaking.”

  
An irritated look. And then, staying inside of you, Kylo pulled you up, situating his knees on the bed. In one fell swoop, he stood up with you in his arms.

  
You clutched onto him, terrified. “Kylo, what are-”

  
Hands traveled to your backside, either cheek, and started to move you up and down.

  
Oh.

  
Kylo picked up the pace, slamming you on down on his cock without mercy, splitting you wide open, as he fucked you standing up.

_  
Oh._

  
Hands wrapped around his neck, you leaned forward, your lips finding his shoulder. You planted passionate kisses across his skin, taking extra time on his scars. You tried your best to stay quiet, but he was working you relentlessly, filling you up and holding you at the same time with an impressive ease. 

  
A few steps forward and Kylo placed you on the dresser, never slipping out of you. Panting, you placed your hands behind you to steady yourself as he pulled on your legs. 

  
Kylo thrust into you with such force, your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Your lower belly tensed as that familiar feeling started to build. Kylo’s jagged breathing, his merciless pumps, told you he was close, too.

  
“Oh, kriff,” you mewled, your whole body being rocked back and forth as he stretched you out.

  
Kylo’s eyes met yours, his lower lip trembling, his muscles flexing and rippling below his skin as he tightened his hold on your hips. His gaze traveled to your bouncing breasts, and his nostrils flared, his lip twitching.

  
Besides the wet pounding noises between the two of you, the only sound in the room was both of your heavy breathing. He didn’t need to say anything though, his face said it all. And you wanted to bring him there.

  
“Kylo,” you purred, “fill me up.”

  
He closed his eyes, his fingers gripping onto you in a death hold. His strokes intensified before they became irregular, his torso crumpling forward as a strangled groan blew through his lips. 

  
You felt a warmth spread inside of you, filling you to the brim. You rocked below him, milking him for every last thrust he could manage. 

  
Firm hands shot out to still your body. With a sigh, Kylo loosened his grip on you, pulling out of you with one slick, wet movement. 

  
You shivered at the sensation, your body screaming in protest at his absence.

  
Wordlessly, Kylo scooped you off the dresser and carried you to bed. You wanted to go to the bathroom, to clean up, but the second your head hit the pillow, you were fucking _exhausted._

  
Without your permission, your eyes closed. There was shuffling in the room, a click as the light turned off, and a heavy blanket was placed over you. 

  
The bed creaked as Kylo climbed in next to you, his arms immediately enveloping around you.

  
Lips found your forehead and you smiled ear to ear, unable to contain it. “That was…” you trailed off, speechless.

  
He squeezed you against him, silent. The warmth from his body, the energy between you two, brought on a deep sense of contentment that hummed through your veins. 

  
You were about to fall asleep at any moment.

  
It was then, when you were safe and sound in his arms, that something roused you. “Kylo?”

  
Hands twitched on you. “Baby?”

 _  
Baby?_ Your heart soared at the pet name, and you almost forgot what you were going to say. No one has ever called you _that_ before. “Uhh, I…”

  
A chuckle. “Tell me.”

  
You swallowed thickly. You weren’t sure where this was coming from, but it was suddenly commandeering your mind. “Will you tell me about the good old times?”

  
He stilled. “No.”

  
Your lower lip jutted out. “Why not?”

  
“It’s irrelevant.”

  
You shuffled against him. “I don’t think it is.”

  
No response.

  
After a few moments of silence, you pushed a little further. “I guess, I just want to know…”

  
A soft sigh. “Yes, Scholar?”

 _  
Here goes nothing._ “What made you seek out the dark side?”

  
A beat. “I didn’t.”

  
You sat up in bed, twisting to see his expression in the dim lighting. “Then-”

  
Kylo brought a hand to the side of your face, cupping it. “The darkness sought _me_ out.”

  
Your stomach dropped. _Oh._

  
“You’re upset,” he murmured, fingers now outlining your jaw. “Don’t be.” 

  
He wasn’t wrong. “But… you seemed so relaxed tonight, earlier. Carefree. _Light._ Don’t you miss that?”

  
He blinked. “No.”

  
“But-”

  
His tone darkened. “Scholar.”

  
Your lashes fluttered at him. “Yes?”

_  
"Pati praeterita morietur.”_

  
Let the past die.

  
You held his gaze. A part of you wanted to dig deeper, to unravel the mystery that was Kylo Ren. But you knew he wasn’t going to give you anything else tonight.

  
Dejected, you fell back into his arms, snuggling against him. Kylo’s hand situated around your waist, lightly pressing at your skin. 

_  
This will always be enough._

  
The two of you fell into a soothing silence, coaxing your heavy eyelids to flutter down until they were closed entirely. 

  
With one last sigh, you leaned into him, ready to sleep. You drifted off, your body humming blissfully in Kylo’s arms. 

 

**\----**

Kylo, however, was nowhere near sleep. 

  
He glanced down at his Scholar, curled up in his arms. Dead asleep on his chest.

  
A warmth flooded his senses. He never knew he would find anyone like _this._ She was more than he could have ever asked for, more than he _deserved._

  
Losing her was the only thing in this universe that terrified him.

  
He held onto her, pressing her closer to his body. He wanted nothing more than to focus on this moment, on her. On the gentle swell of her chest as she inhaled. The soft sigh as she exhaled, her long lashes fluttering against his ribcage.

  
But sleep wouldn’t come anytime soon.

  
He was tired, yes- but a strong, inflamed energy pulsed through his veins, disturbing his opportunity for sleep. Disturbing his moment with _his_ girl.

  
Instead, the Force flowed through him- no, not flowed- it _raged_ within him. Ripe of angst, conflict, and jealousy. 

  
Kylo didn’t need to explore the connection to know where it was coming from. There was no need to tug on that tether to find what, or _who,_ was on the other end of it. 

  
Shiro.

  
Originating from that single, lonely knight, sitting up in his bunk bed, emotions suffocating _his_ chance of sleep, too. Wishing he was the one holding the purring, sleeping girl in his arms, keeping her safe. Keeping her satisfied.

  
Fucking Shiro.

  
The jokester of the group- yet the deepest thinker. His best fighter, yet most sympathetic. His best friend… yet the _biggest_ pain in his ass. Someone that would die for him, but always wanted whatever Kylo had. Similar in almost every way- something his Scholar picked up on, too.

  
A potential threat.

  
Kylo wrapped his girl into his arms even tighter, pressing her little body into his. Anger simmered underneath his skin, feeding the very cells in his body- _manipulating_ the very cells in his body.

  
Making his presence known, Kylo asserted something down that tether, leading right to Shiro.

_She is mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you’re thinking: is this bitch on birth control???? 
> 
> the answer is yes and yes it’ll be discussed. For some reason I hate when writers gloss over that fact bc I’m always stressin hardcore like OMG SHE GONNA HAVE BABY
> 
> ALSO: as TROS is out and wreaking havoc, please know that fixated (and TVD) will keep on going on in it’s own lil world. I will not be following in canon's footsteps (not like i really do, anyways). kylo/scholar forever guys.
> 
> As for discussion: comments are OPEN to discuss TROS spoilers. SO BE WARNED. SPOILERS MIGHT BE IN THE COMMENT SECTION. **DO NOT CLICK COMMENTS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THEM.**
> 
> Ok great thanks byeeee
> 
> PS [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/53503252) Kylo's Knights chapter coincides with this one.


	18. I Love You, Goddammit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo brings you coffee from Kat Saka's Kettle (pictured below). Later, the knights offer some valuable information about the Resistance Spy.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _I've looked a long time to find you. I drifted through the universe, just to lay beside you. Anywhere you want me to take you, I'll go- yeah. But there's things about me that you just don't know._  
>  _If I told you where I've been, would you still call me baby? And if I told you everything- would you call me crazy? ‘Cause baby I'm a dark star. ///_ [ Dark Star. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=xARYsxXzSHuq5Qv-XQZvHA)

### I Love You, Goddammit

You stirred, reluctantly, as a loud _bang_ pulled you from unconsciousness.

  
A low, disgruntled tone. “Ow.” 

  
You opened your eyes, squinting, to see the Supreme Leader rubbing his head, scowling at the low beamed ceiling.

  
You glanced around, a brilliant orange glow flooding through the loft windows. By the time you looked back at Kylo, he had those dark eyes fixated on you.

  
“Good morning.”

  
You blinked, brain still foggy. “Morning.” A rustle of the comforter as you sat up, yawning. “Is your head okay?”

  
An irritated hum as he strode over to you. 

  
“Sorry.” You gave him a weak smile, eyes dropping to the mug in his hands, the smell of coffee filling the room. “What time is it?”

  
“Six AM.”

 _  
Gross._ Another yawn as you pawed the sleepiness from your eyes. “Why are you up so early?”

  
“We have a meeting with the General. Besides, it’s nice getting up at this time.” A slight shrug, then he offered the cup of coffee. “Earlier, even.”

  
“Yeah, if you’re a psychopath,” you mused, gripping the mug from him. You looked down, the steam from the cup of coffee warming your bones. You vaguely remember putting your sweater back on in the middle of the night, but the loft was still chilly. 

  
You took a deep inhale. “Wait. Is this the Batuuan Brew I saw at Kat Saka’s Kettle?”

  
“Yes.” Kylo shuffled, a look of something rare flicking across his face. _Is that embarrassment?_

  
“I'm not even going to ask how you knew I wanted this." You offered him a smile, your heart full. "This is so sweet. Thank you.”

  
Hesitation, then, “I also wanted to bring you breakfast, but my knights only have a lemon in their kitchen.” He took a seat on the edge of the bed. “And something that looks like a radish.”

  
You raised a brow at him, trying not to laugh at the way he looked _so_ serious. “Something that _looks_ like a radish, but isn’t?”

  
“Yes.” A dire nod. “Knowing them, it could be poisonous.”

  
This time you couldn’t stop the laughter from boiling over. “Oh, Kylo,” you beamed, enjoying the taste of his name on your tongue. “It’s quite alright. The coffee is a pleasant surprise.” 

  
You took a sip, content, until your brain fully woke up. _Oh fuck. The knights._

  
Your knuckles turned white as you gripped the mug. “Um, Kylo?” 

  
“Hm?”

  
You leaned forward, whispering. “Where are they? Your knights?”

  
Kylo mimicked your body position, lowering his voice. “Why are we whispering?”

  
You darted your eyes left and right. “Because of what happened… you know, last night.”

  
Kylo blinked. “What happened last night?”

  
You ran your tongue along your bottom lip, trying to read his face. _Is he fucking with me or…?_

  
Kylo pulled back nonchalantly, and scooted closer to you. “I am fucking with you.” His eyes gleamed with wicked amusement that you did _not_ appreciate. “And don’t worry about it, Scholar. They didn’t hear a thing.”

  
You narrowed your eyes. “How do you know?”

  
“Because I know.”

  
“Hm.” You looked down at your cup, watching the steam rise to your face as you mumbled. “Well, where are they?”

  
“On a run.”

  
You scrunched your nose up in distaste. “Like ...for fun?”

  
A chuckle. “Yes, Scholar.”

  
“Hm. Another psychotic tendency.” You took a noisy sip. “I see a pattern here with you guys.”

  
You looked up at him, amused, only to quite literally feel the color drain from your face. Kylo was watching you with a penetrative gaze that stopped your heart. 

  
You swallowed. You’d never get used to his drastic mood swings. “What is it?”

  
Kylo abruptly broke eye contact, looking down at the mug in your hands. His lips pressed together, jaw shifting tensely, before letting out a ragged breath.

  
You set the cup down on the side table and moved closer to him. Grabbing his hands in yours, you lightly gripped onto them. “Kylo?” You kept your voice low, soft. “What’s wrong?”

  
Swallowing, Kylo grabbed onto your hands and flipped them upwards, exposing the sensitive, innermost part of your wrists.

  
You watched, engrossed, as his fingertips tickled the sensitive flesh, outlining your blue and purple veins. 

  
“You’re so soft,” he muttered, eyes still locked on your hands in his. “So gentle. Warm. Tender. _Light._ ” He shook his head sadly. “My polar opposite.”

  
You stilled. Something felt _off._ “Ky-”

  
He sharply raised his head. “I don’t get it.” He released your hands, placing his on his thighs. Staring at you with those deep, glazed over eyes. Full of mesmerizing richness, yet somehow void of substance. Of feeling. Like he was holding back from something. Like he was holding back from _you._

  
A severe uneasiness trickled to your lower belly, forming a pit. You licked at your dry lips. “What do you... not get?”

  
The hardness in his eyes seemed to settle onto his face, too. “Why do you like me?”

  
You jolted back, sincerely confused with his question. “Why wouldn’t I like you?”

  
Kylo clenched his jaw. “That wasn’t a hypothetical question.”

  
You blinked at how quickly he went from joking to _this._ The uneasiness in your stomach turned to dread.

  
You slowly nodded your head, trying not to show your mini, internal panic attack.

  
You chose your words carefully- slowly, and with intent. “You’re… kind,” you started, eyes drifting down as you gathered your thoughts. “And funny, but I don’t think you even know that you are. And smart, _really_ smart. And wise, and a strong leader,” you nodded thoughtfully, making eye contact again. 

  
“Yet, you’re soft and caring. At least, when you’re with me. And so attentive to my needs. And you make me-” you had to stop, forced to swallow the stubborn lump that was forming in you throat. “You, you make me feel safe.”

  
The air between you felt so dense, you were sure your chest would collapse from the pressure. Those fingers wouldn’t sit still in your lap.

  
Kylo’s eyes shot back and forth across your face, lips pressed into a hard line. “You think… I’m _kind?”_

  
You snorted. “That’s what you got from all that?”

  
“I’m not kind.” He shook his head vigorously. “In fact, I’m the furthest thing from that.” He pushed himself off the bed and made tight circles around the room. He repeated himself, like he couldn’t believe his own ears. “I’m not _kind.”_

 _  
Well, that escalated quickly._ “Kylo, please talk to me. What in the galaxy is going on?”

  
He picked up his pace, fists clenching by his side. “I’ve done bad things, Scholar, _horrible_ things. Things you wouldn’t believe even if I told you.”

  
“Then _tell_ me,” you pleaded. “Kylo, please, sit down. Just talk to me.” 

  
Kylo glanced at you, but didn’t need to say anything. The look he gave you said _no fucking way._  

  
“That’s fine, then don’t tell me.” You shifted, antsy. “Kylo, all that matters is the person you are now. You’re _good._ I have seen it with my own eyes.”

  
Kylo finally stopped, standing in the middle of the room, glaring at you. You offered him a small, timid smile and patted the bed.

  
“Come sit with me-” you hesitated, unsure of using the pet name he called you last night. But it felt right, so you took a chance. “Baby.”

  
Time passed as his massive, dark figure, emanating pain and conflict and doubt, hovered in the center of the room. The next words out of his mouth hit you like a fucking train.

  
“You’re so good.” A beat. “I don’t deserve you.” 

  
A mortified whisper. “Stop that.”

  
No response. Just terrible, overflowing energy that threatened to drown you. You felt like you were going to be sick.

  
Eyes cast down, you waited. Waited for him to tell you he was just feeling off, that this didn’t mean anything ultimately.

  
Instead, the opposite.

  
“I’m a… bad guy, Scholar. This doesn’t feel right. _We_ don’t feel right.”

  
You let his words wash over you, let them sink in. A new sensation replaced your panic.

 

Anger.

  
You stood up, seething. “What the _fuck?”_

  
Kylo stepped back. 

  
You stepped closer to him. “You are just _now_ deciding to tell me this. After last night, of all times?” 

  
Kylo looked at you, openly surprised. He put his hands up, a way to subdue you, you assumed. “Scholar-”

  
“No. Hold on- I asked you a question. Now answer me.” 

  
He blinked. “I didn’t mean...” he trailed off. 

  
For the first time since you met him, the Supreme Leader was speechless.

  
You threw your head back, laughing a terrible, humorless laugh. “Oh my _god._ You didn’t mean to what? To conveniently  _fuck_ me before deciding we don't _feel_ right?” You shook your head. “That’s messed up.”

  
Pain flickered across his face. “I just… meant, I don’t deserve your affection. You are so good, so innocent. And I am not.”

  
“Okay, but you _knew_ we were different from day one. But you decided to tell me after last night?” 

  
Silence.

  
You continued, fuming. "I know you _knew_ I didn't go around murdering people for fun. So what did you  _do_ that suddenly makes us incompatible?" You threw daggers at him, unable to contain your bitterness. “Tell me, Supreme Leader, what changed? Did you slaughter a village last night while I slept? Skin a cat alive? Or, I know- you finally lost your shit and murdered Shiro in his sleep, didn’t you? Took a big ol’ hack at his head with that scythe of his, hm? _Hmmm?_ ”

  
Kylo didn’t have an answer. Whether he didn’t know or was too taken aback by your assertiveness, you didn’t care. You needed to know if this was over before it even started.

  
You balled your fists, your fingernails digging painfully into your palms. Closing your eyes, you prepared for the worst. “Just tell me the truth. You don’t like me anymore- you don’t care about me? Just tell me.” Your bottom lip wavered. _“Please.”_

  
A deep, baritone demand. “Scholar, _look at me.”_

  
You did, tentatively, to see Kylo’s nostrils flared, his eyes wild with emotion. “That’s not at _all_ what I’m saying.” He took a quick step towards you, his lips anxiously fluttering against each other. He swallowed. “I, I have never been so afraid of losing something in my entire life,” he whispered. “I only mentioned this because I am afraid of hurting you. Of _corrupting_ you.” 

  
You stilled, your anger losing its edge as you absorbed his words. Taking a deep breath, you lifted your chin, clasped your hands together, and spoke with as much dignity as you could manage. 

  
“I am a grown woman, Supreme Leader. I know you think I’m soft, and sweet, and timid, but that’s just a small part of me. I have seen things. Terrible things. I have been _through_ terrible things.” An unwelcome, strained sigh tore through your lips. “I am not this naive little girl that doesn’t understand what I’m getting myself into. I have seen the violence the First Order perpetuates firsthand, and I know _your_ role in that. I have heard stories, _terrifying_ stories about you and your past.”

  
Kylo’s eyes shot to the ground as you said this, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek. You took a soft step in his direction.

  
“Yes, I have an idea of what you’re talking about. You think I haven’t heard the stories? I lived on Vardos, for fuck’s sake,” you laughed, throwing up your hands. “All my classmates at the Imperial Academy- it’s all they talked about. All that raw, untamed power- they wanted to be you. They respected you. They _feared you._ ” A beat. “But I’m still here. And stars, I’m not even asking you to _change._ And whether that makes me a fucking idiot, or a hopeless romantic that is hellbent on seeing the good in you, well- quite frankly I don’t care. I am _still_ _here._ And it’s exactly where I want to be.”

  
Kylo met your gaze. Chest rising, hands relaxed by his side. That devoid expression gone. And in its place- astonishment. Vulnerability. _Warmth._  Like your words were breathing life into him. 

  
It’s all you needed to see. “Now come over here and kiss me.” Your hands trembled as you stubbornly placed them on your hips. “Because I _love_ you, goddammit. The good parts, _and_ the bad.” 

  
The Supreme Leader has never moved faster.

  
One moment, you were standing across from him, head spinning and heart pounding. The next, you were quite literally being suffocated to death by his embrace.

  
“Kylo,” you squeaked. “Can’t. Breathe.”

  
He immediately let go of you. But by the time you could even take a deep breath, he crouched down, grabbed onto your waist, and hoisted you over his shoulder.

  
“Ahhhh! What in the actual- _ooof,_ ” you cried, your back connecting with the bed. You had about .002 seconds before he was hovering over you, propped up on one elbow, holding your face with his free hand.

  
“I love you, too,” he murmured, eyes burning right through you.

  
You swallowed thickly. “Yeah?”

  
A slow, half-smile. “Yes.”

  
Sliding your hand up from below him, you reached his face, tracing his scar. You leaned in to kiss him, but he spoke before you could.

  
“I’m sorry.” A thoughtful pause. “For putting you through that.”

 _  
Ah._ Your head hit the pillow again, and your finger found the sharp angle of his jaw. “Don’t be. I und-”

  
A swift shake of his head. “No. I heard you when you said I make you feel safe. That I am attentive to your needs.” He paused, wetting his lips. “I _do_ know your needs, Scholar. Safety. Stability. _Consistency._   And I pulled that out from underneath you. Simply because what Shiro said got under my skin, and-”

  
You blinked, your body tensing. “Wait, what does Shiro have to do with this?”

  
“It doesn’t matter.” Kylo pressed closer against you, impatient. His gaze on you intensified. “Look, my point is, I should have never done that. I should have processed my feelings, my _fears,_ before scaring you like that. It wasn’t fair, especially after last night, and I am sorry.”

  
You laid there for a moment, trying to process his words, but you were struggling to do so. Kylo has never talked so openly before, you mused, let alone talk that _much_ at one time, for kriff's sake. 

  
It was refreshing. You swallowed that lump in your throat again, overcome with emotion.

_  
He never ceases to surprise me._

  
“Kylo,” you murmured, “thank you. For the apology. For communicating with me. For being so... _human.”_

  
The same emotion from earlier crosses his face. _Embarrassment._

  
You smiled, bringing your head off the pillow to give him a soft kiss.

  
Kylo responded with intense enthusiasm.

  
His body pressed into yours as he grunted against your mouth. His hand traveled from your face past your neck, down your arms, until he found your waist. He gave you a tight squeeze, his tongue tracing your bottom lip.

 _  
Oh heavens._ You weren’t prepared for this. 

  
You pulled away, panting. He didn’t care though- his lips found your neck, instead.

  
You turned your head, giving him better access, but still tried to organize your thoughts. “Kylo, ahh- wait, don’t we have a meeting with the General?”

  
A hum.

  
You tried to writhe away, but his hands wouldn’t let you. You tried nudging him with your elbow, but that didn’t work either. After all this time, you confirmed your theory: he was indeed made of tempersteel.

  
“Supreme Leader,” you breathed, “as much as I want to stay in bed all day, we have things to take care of.”

  
He gave you a disgruntled response. “Hux can wait.”

  
“But, _Oga._ We- _”_

  
Kylo growled into the softness of your neck. “Don’t say that name. Not now.”

  
His hand slid up from your waist to find your chest, exploring your breasts from over your sweater. They were rough and eager and demanding, and exactly like the Kylo Ren you were used to. 

  
You arched your back, moaning.

  
Without breaking contact with your neck, Kylo thrust his hand to your hips, yanking your panties off with one graceful tug.

  
You tensed as his hand found traveled up your thigh, his lips expertly sucking your neck. You wanted to get lost in his touch, but naturally, you panicked. “Wait, wait. What about your knights?”

  
A nonchalant response from Kylo. “That’s where they’re running.” Another lick. “The meeting.”

  
“Oh my stars,” you breathed, squirming as those fingertips continued to travel. “What a terrible means of transportation. I mean really, who wants-”

  
A chuckle tickled your collarbone. “Scholar.”

  
“Yes?”

  
Kylo pulled back, eyes locked on yours. “Shut up.”

  
A smirk. “Make me.” 

  
One brow arched, eyes gleaming- lips attacked yours.

  
**\----**

“Two hundred _thousand_ credits, two ships, and twenty men.” Hux raised a brow. “Did I hear that correctly?”

  
“Yes,” you answered, readjusting in the seat across from Hux, your pale yellow scarf fallen in your face as you did. “Ah, actually,” you frowned, fussing with the cowl, “twenty-one men.”

  
If you didn’t know any better, you’d say Hux looked amused.

  
“Supreme Leader, please enlighten me,” Hux said, straightening his back and looking at Kylo. “Is this Oga woman… insane, deranged? Or simply daft? 

  
“Both.” 

  
You glanced at Kylo, who was standing, rigid as hell, against the wall of their shuttle that served as Hux's makeshift office. While everyone else had to blend in, the General still donned his usual pristine uniform, his shuttle serving as a First Order base. You were somewhere in Peka, surrounded by trees, but you had no idea where you were in relation to everything else. If you had to find a way out yourself, you’d most likely perish.

  
“And these were her demands, _after_ she threatened the Supreme Leader and his…” Hux trailed off, glancing at you, before settling with, “...woman?” 

  
“Yes.”

  
Hux waved a hand. “Ren, do you want to kill her personally or shall I send my division?”

  
Kylo stepped forward, his brown cowl still something you had to get used to. And his navy blue tunic, and overall casual attire. You looked him up and down. 

 _  
Damn. He looks good._ A smile touched your lips. _I wonder if we have time for round two later._

  
His deep, severe tone pulled you from your dirty thoughts. “She has information on the Resistance spy. We need to extract that first.”

  
Hux blinked. “Okay. Extract it then,” he said, waving his hand to imply Force compulsion. 

  
You shot a glance at Kylo, then back to the General. “She is immune, sir.”

 _  
“Immune?_ Impossible. Only Hutts and Toydarians are capable of resisting Force powers,” he scoffed. “Not Blutopians.”

  
“It’s not because she’s a Blutopian. All of them were immune, or at least resistant.” Kylo shook his head. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  
Hux didn't care for an explanation. “Okay. So, we meet her demands. Receive the information. _Then_ kill her and all of her men.” 

  
“She has _a lot_ of men,” you interjected. “Aren’t you guys supposed to keep a low profile here?” 

  
Hux looked at you. Then to the Supreme Leader. “Ren. I will ask you again.” Tone light, disinterested. “Would you like to kill her yourself or should I send my division in?”

  
Kylo clenched his fists. “I’ll do it.”

  
“Ah, excellent. Moving on. Zena Alitar-“

  
“Wait, wait,” you called out, leaning in towards Hux. “Oga is the epicenter of Batuu. Taking her out will destroy their balance, their place in the galaxy.”

  
Hux looked offended that you thought he’d care. “And why is that _my_ problem, D-98?”

  
“Well, if she is killed, it will leave a rather large void in her place. That leaves room for someone else to swoop in. Someone worse than her.”

  
Hux’s eyebrow lifted. “Again. Why is that _my_ problem?”

  
You shifted, agitated. “Batuu, or in particular- Black Spire Outpost, is the central hub for misfits, smugglers, outlaws, and so on. Even you said so yourself. If-”

  
“The point, D-98.”

  
“The _point_ is, this place is crawling with just that- loners. People that fight for themselves. Under Oga’s jurisdiction- someone that fights for themselves, and credits, it will remain that way. But if we give someone else the opportunity to take the throne here, say- someone with Resistance ties, well, that can influence who these loners decide to support. And therefore be a direct threat to The First Order.”

  
Hux sighed, taking a heavy seat in his chair. “So what exactly are you suggesting I do, D-98?”

  
You chewed on your bottom lip, eyes drifting the length of his desk. You hadn’t thought that far.

  
“Because to me,” he continued, “it sounds like you want us to spare her life. Like you are personally invested in what happens to her.”

  
You jolted back. “On the contrary, General Hux, that couldn’t be further from the truth. That thing tried to _kill_ me last night.” You glanced at Kylo, who was peering down at you with curiosity in his eyes. “I’m just thinking logistically. It might be in the Order’s best interest to neutralize her at a later date.”

  
A silence hung in the air as Hux watched you. His expressionless face told you nothing- you couldn’t tell if he was mad or impressed with your input. 

  
Kylo, on the other hand, beamed at you. “She’s right, General.”

  
You smiled at his approval, looking down at your hands. 

  
“Hmmm,” Hux mused, tapping his fingers on his desk. “Perhaps we-”

  
An explosion of footsteps cut Hux off. 

  
Your head turned. Your jaw dropped. You immediately turned back around.

  
Because behind you, all six of Kylo’s knights came pounding up the ramp, glistening with sweat in their black t-shirts and joggers. Their skin flushed with just a tinge of red- like their two _hour_ run barely go their blood pumping. Chests swelling up and down with controlled ease. Arms ribbed with veins, their muscles rippling with the tiniest of movements. An impressive unit of men, no- _warriors,_ demanding attention with their presence. Distracting you, filling your senses, making you-

  
You cleared your throat and peeked at them again, attempting to control your thoughts. _Holy fucking hells. Get it together._

  
Hux wasn’t nearly as impressed as you. “Ah, would you look at what the cat dragged in.”

  
“Must have been one giant ass cat,” Shiro snorted, glancing at Hux. His gaze seemingly avoided you altogether, sending a pang of sadness through you. You definitely didn’t want to lose a friend over a  _foot_ massage. You took a mental note to ask Kylo about that later.

  
Kylo ignored both of them. “You’re late.”

  
Kane stepped forward. “Master Ren, we are late because we found something by the river.” 

  
Kylo took a heavy step towards them. “We already scanned the perimeters.” 

  
“Yes.” A grim nod from Kane. “They either just arrived, or moved their shuttle after our search.”

  
Hux stood up, walking around the small, temporary desk to stand next to Kylo. “Not possible,” he said, smoothing out his uniform and lifting his chin. “Our com-scans are fully operable, even in _this_ godforsaken part of the galaxy. The only arrivals thus far have been two Ronto Roasters shipments, and they landed at Docking Bay 5 in town. It-” Hux paused, moving his head from side to side before sniffing the air. “What in the outer rim is that _smell?”_

  
Kylo placed his hands behind his back, ignoring Hux. “So they knew to hide their transport from us.” A beat. “Interesting.”

  
“Yes. And it was an outdated BR-23 Courier shuttle, sir."

  
You tilted your head, trying to get a better view of whatever knight responded to him. You couldn’t see all of the knights through the backs of Hux and Kylo, but it sounded like Zakra.

  
Kylo sounded agitated. “Ah. The Resistance.”

  
Hux repositioned next to him. “Unlikely. Those long-range troop transports were mass produced while the _Galactic Republic_ still existed. Anyone can get their hands on a piece of junk like that today,” he said, unperturbed by the shuttle. “Ren. You seriously don’t smell that? It’s so very _ripe.”_

  
You sat up straight, speaking up from behind them. All the knights shuffled their feet, looking at you.

  
“Not necessarily, General, because after those shuttles lost their value, the Rebellion made a point to acquire as many as possible. Meaning-”

  
“Meaning, whatever wasn’t destroyed, the Resistance would now have their hands on it,” Kylo interjected, turning to the side to include you in the conversation.

  
You nodded, giving him a small smile. Those dark eyes stayed focused on your face. You weren’t sure what happened, but you were suddenly feeling more confident with speaking up- and you didn’t mind the attention. Based on the way Kylo was looking at you, he didn’t mind, either.

  
Hux pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a resigned sigh. “Fine. Say it is the Resistance spy. That doesn’t help us much- we already knew she was on Batuu.” He made an impatient gesture at the knights. “Unless you found something of importance?”

  
“Actually,” Shiro grinned, stepping past Kane and Zakra. The corner of your mouth twitched down when you noticed he had a busted lip.

_  
Kriffing hells, Kylo. That wasn’t necessary._

  
Hux squinted his eyes. “Ah yes, a crumpled up, wet, cargo slip with messy Aurebesh on it.” He looked at Kylo before looking back at Shiro. “How very helpful, indeed.”

  
Shiro rolled his eyes and thrust the receipt at him. “Read it.”

  
Hux pawed at the slip of paper and frowned before reading aloud. “Rising moons. Oga’s cantina. Girl with blue scarf.”

  
Hux read it aloud again, under his breath, while the knights repositioned in the cramped space. Jaek, Akai, and Mika leaned against the wall, while the others tried to stretch out without much luck. They simply didn’t fit.

  
Kylo faced his knights and nodded down the ramp. “Go. Wait for my command.”

  
The knights sprung to life, no doubt eager to get out of the tiny space. “Yes, Master.”

  
You watched after them, admiring their impressive builds, as they filtered out down the ramp. Kane turned back, hovering by the entrance. “Master. What about the crime boss?”

  
“She is being handled for now.” Kylo paused, looking at you. “But her time will come.”

  
A nod and Kane took his leave.

  
Hux, still looking at the paper, walked past you and sat back down at his desk. Kylo followed, positioning himself behind your chair. You tilted your chin back, head hitting his stomach, and looked up at him.

  
Hands settled on your shoulders and you grinned like an idiot, your mind reliving the events of this morning. _If only we could actually stay in bed all day._

  
Hux threw the cargo slip on the desk, smug. “Hm. Looks like we don’t need Oga’s information, after all, Supreme Leader.”

  
“Oh?” Deft fingers started digging into your shoulder blades. “And why is that, General?”

  
You basically purred at the touch. And you knew that tone, too. He couldn’t give fewer fucks about what the General had to say.

 

“We know where to find the spy,” he smirked, gesturing towards the note. He opened his mouth, but closed it just as fast. “Do you smell that?”

  
Deadpan. “Why no, General, I do not.”

  
“Exactly. Now that the knights are gone, my nostrils are no longer being assaulted.” Hux leaned back in his chair, looking pleased with himself. “Hm. I wonder if there's a correlation.”

 

Kylo sounded bored, his fingers now kneading your neck. “I will be sure to recommend them whatever feminine shampoo you use on that head of yours.” Kylo paused just long enough to get a reaction, but cut the General off when he tried to speak. “Sweetblossoms and sparkbee honey, right, General? The kind with tiny specks of glitter in it.” 

  
Hux did not look amused. In fact, he looked so annoyed that his jab backfired, you had to disguise your laugh with a cough. 

  
A glare. “If you’re quite finished, I have many things to tend to today.”

  
“Ah, yes. Your manicure at noon. How could I forget,” Kylo mused, perfectly composed.

  
This time, you couldn’t help it. You laughed openly. Earning a rather deathly glare from the General.

  
You sucked on your bottom lip and uttered an apology. “Sorry, General.”

  
A moment of silence between them, and then, Hux set those fuming eyes on you. “Once you’re done with your _massage,”_ he spat, “we will go to Oga’s Cantina, when the moons rise, looking for the girl with a blue scarf. This will lead us to Zena Alitar.”

  
“Mm, actually,” you mused, eyes threatening to roll to the back of your head at Kylo’s touch. “Rising moons is a common salutation between locals. It means ‘good evening’ or even ‘hello,' General.”

 

 _“Regardless,”_ Hux hissed, shooting you a nasty look, “this is a good place to start. Rather, a good place for you to start. I am sending you to the cantina tonight.”

  
This got your attention. You tensed, and Kylo dropped his hands, placing them on the back of your chair. “Okay,” you started, slowly, “by myself?”

  
Hux waved an agitated hand at you. “No. I am sending Kp-374 to accompany you. In plainclothes, of course.” 

  
Your jaw almost dropped. “Oh, Kip!” You couldn’t contain your excitement. “My stars, I love him.”

  
Kylo pulled back from behind your chair to slowly take a seat next to you. He was looking at you with that expressionless, guarded face.

  
“As a friend. Just a friend.” You cleared your throat. “He’s a great... friend.”

  
“How sweet,” Hux lips curled down into a sour grimace. He turned his attention towards Kylo. “I am assuming I can’t persuade you to sit this one out, and trust my division to protect our interpreter?”

  
Kylo’s eye twitched. “Your assumptions are correct.”

  
They held each other’s glare for a moment, the power struggle between them nearly palpable, before Hux sighed. “Fine. Perhaps your knights could stay in Peka, then.”

  
Kylo didn’t miss a beat. “Not a chance.”

  
General Hux pressed his lips into a hard line. “Don’t you think, wise leader, that after last night-”

  
Kylo abruptly stood up, towering over Hux. “Yes General, _exactly._ After last night, D-98 won’t be going into Black Spire Outpost without us.”

  
“Fine.” A taught response before standing up and turning his attention towards you. “D-98, l will be sending you a briefing that will include a current photo of Miss Alitar. Do be sure to check your datapad before the assignment.”

  
You got on your feet. “Yes, General.”

  
Hux placed his hands behind his back, cocky as ever. “Must I remind you that your job is to befriend this coniving, _treacherous_ human being. Do whatever you have to do ensure that happens.”

  
You bit your lip. “Yes, General.”

  
He looked you up and down, entirely ignoring the way Kylo was glaring at him. “Very good. You’re dismissed.”

  
You nodded at him. “Thank you, General.”

  
Kylo put a hand on your back, directing you to the ramp. “I will get the speeders ready. Wait inside for a moment, Scholar. It’s cold outside.”

  
You looked up at him, trying to resist the urge to kiss him. With a knowing smirk, his fingers dug into your back before pounding down the ramp.

  
You stood there, in a daze, watching him until he disappeared. _I still can’t believe that is my man._

  
A disinterested voice got your attention. “Oh, and D-98?”

  
You whirled around. “Sir?”

  
“You need an assigned name.”

  
You frowned. “Okay. Like what?”

  
Hux blinked. “I don’t have the faintest idea. You pick one.”

  
“Ah, okay. But, I don’t-”

  
Hux put a hand up to stop you, annoyed. “I’m sure you will think of something. After all, you have until the moons rise to decide.”

 _  
How very unhelpful._ You nodded, walking down the ramp when you heard the speeders roar to life. You didn’t have any idea what you wanted, but at least you had until tonight to decide.

_  
Until the moons rise._

  
You turned around, excited. “Got it.”

  
Hux cocked a brow. “Oh?”

  
“Yes.” You smiled. “Luna.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes her undercocver name is Luna dont @ me i can do whatever i wANT
> 
> PS get ready for the next… idk, 8 chapters because A LOT will be going down and propelling like every storyline in here forward. some resistance stuff, jeyne, Jawa, scholar's past, Kylo's past..
> 
> PS PS look out for the next kylo’s knights chapter coming next week. It will be based in batuu and will include the convo between shiro/kylo that prompted his mini freak out in the beginning of this chapter. 
> 
> PS PS PS. I will be making a handful of Scholar's necklaces and will be selling them (at cost- no profit on my end) to my lovely readers. I don't want to make money off ya, I just think everyone deserves to have lil kylo pendant around their neck. <3 stay tuned for details.
> 
> Alright til the spire or whatever BYE I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays <3


	19. The Cantina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You visit the cantina to search for the spy. Afterwards, you spend time with Kylo in his cabin.  
>   
> 
> 
> _Got me hoping you'll save me right now, your kiss got me hoping you'll save me right now. Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love. ///_ [ Crazy in Love. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=LouMDxeoQv2kOU7gPxSWKg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things:  
> 1\. BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING, LOOK AT MY KNIGHTS aND THEIR AMAZING [ PORTRAITS](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1atpuK9dTb7kByhonl6SNQRD3UbB04jGniQSQNSwch2o/edit) (if you haven’t already):  
>   
> 2\. Your bartender in this ch is an [ Ishi Tib ](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/8/8e/Ishi_Tib.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20080410124318)  
>   
> 3\. My super amazing friend @Raging_Nerd has blessed the Fixated universe with two (2) fics about our [bois ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22235308) and specifically, [ Zakra bb ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497373) so go check her stuff out!  
>   
> 4\. Md-670 is officially coming back, but much, much better (and dirtier). Get ready!  
>   
> 5\. **chapter warnings:** um, lots of plot stuff, with a second of angst, with fluff to make up for it. again: lots of stuff happening these next handful of chapters. I recommend reading the [ companion fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652591/chapters/51633016) too, for further insight.  
>   
> 6\. ok sry ill stop blabbing at you. enjoy ily!!

### 

The Cantina

Even with the dim lights and clouds of smoke, you could still spot Mika and Zakra from across the cantina.

  
Talking to each other, sipping at their drinks. Well, Mika was talking animatedly, and Zakra was smiling, nodding along. Like two friends hanging out and enjoying the DJ and lively atmosphere.

  
You fidgeted in your cramped, half-circle booth, darting your eyes left and right. You couldn’t see much through the crowds, but the rest of the knights were around you somewhere. Paired up in twos, dressed in casual Batuuan clothing. As for Kylo, well, he agreed to stay out of the cantina itself- only after you coaxed him into it. With the number of people packed in here, you assumed that at least _one_ person could pick the Supreme Leader out of the crowd. And it would only take one person to blow their cover.

  
“Drink,” came a powerful, grating voice. “What kind?”

  
You jumped, snapping your head up at the large, Ishi Tib alien towering over the booth. He looked like a mix of a bird and lizard, and had on all-beige clothing with a dirty, once-white apron. You have met Ishi Tib’s before, but this one looked mean spirited- rough around the edges. And, for the life of you, you could not take your eyes off the giant wart sitting between his eyes. _I think this is the ugliest thing I have ever seen._

  
Next to you, Kip cleared his throat. “I’ll have the gamorrean ale, and the lady will have the fuzzy tauntaun.”

  
The server grunted in response and waddled off, situating himself behind the large, rounded bar, set in the center of the cantina. 

  
“Thank you,” you breathed, shaking your head. You tilted your head to look at him, apologetic. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of tense, usually I’m not as…” you trailed off, playing with the pendant around your neck.

  
“Tense?” Kip’s blue eyes gleamed at you as he waved a hand. “It’s okay, I know our first time drinking together isn’t under the most… enjoyable circumstances. So, I’m sorry about that.”

  
“Sorry?” You knit your brows. “Why are _you_ apologizing? It’s hardly your fault, Kip.”

  
“I know.” He shrugged. “Still feel bad though.”

  
“Well, don’t.”

  
“Yes, ma’am.” His lip twitched up, just a bit, and you rolled your eyes. As you waited for your drinks, the two of you settled into a comfortable silence. Being with Kip was _easy._ Kind, patient, and the type of person you could just sit next to, simply _existing._

  
Until the big, ugly alien ruined it.

  
“Twenty-nine credits,” he snarled, setting the drinks down and sliding them over to both of you.

  
You went to grab some credits from your pant pockets, but frowned, remembering that you didn’t _have_ pockets. Or pants, for that matter- courtesy of Kylo. To offer a change of pace, he suggested that you wear something feminine, since you didn’t get to dress up much on the Finalizer. 

  
But when he set out a form-fitting, maroon dress that landed about mid-thigh, you laughed in his face. When you argued with him that it was a little too… _sexy,_ Kylo nodded and listened, and he agreed to compromise.

  
But in the end, you still wore the dress. Which led to this very valuable lesson: there was _no_ compromising with the Supreme Leader of the galaxy.

  
“Ah, fuck,” you muttered, as Kip tossed credits at the server. “Sorry Kip, I will pay you back, I forgot-”

  
Kip snorted, pushing your drink closer to you. “Luna, I’m going to ask you to do one thing,” Kip mused.

  
“Yes?”

  
“Kindly shut the fuck up.” He took a sip of his ale and smacked his lips. “Please and thank you, of course.”

  
You clutched onto your drink, chuckling. “Well, thank you. But I get next round.”

  
He raised a brow at you. “Oh? Really? Where are you keeping your money with a dress like _that?”_

  
Your cheeks burned. “I told him this was a bad idea,” you muttered, sipping the foam atop your drink. You jolted back, the froth immediately tingling at your lips.

  
Kip scooted closer to you. “No, no- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I think you look very… nice.”

  
You shot him a look, and realized he was the one blushing now. 

  
You smiled. “You look nice yourself, Kip.”

  
He looked down at his navy blue shirt and smoothed out his black pants. “Really? Aw, shucks. Thanks, Dede.” He nudged into you with his elbow. “Ah! I mean, _Luna."_

  
You snorted. “You’re fine, no one can hear you.”  
  


“Mmm. You never know,” he mused, bringing his glass to his lips. 

  
“You _are_ right, I guess. To be honest, you-know-who is probably listening in right now,” you chuckled.

 

Kip didn’t share the laugh with you. Instead, he put his drink down, his face an unhealthy shade of white.

  
You reached out to touch his arm. “Kip? What is it?”

  
He leaned in, whispering so low, you could barely hear him over the music. “Do you mean… the _Supreme Leader?”_

  
You nodded. “Yes, why?”

  
“Oh kriff,” Kip breathed, running his hand through his hair.

  
“Wh-what? Why? What’s wrong?”

  
“I just called you _pretty!”_

  
You knit your brows. “What? No, you didn’t. You said I looked nice.”

  
“Well, damn, I meant- I was _thinking_ it, and that’s bad too, isn’t it? Because he can read my fucking _mind?_ And if he is listening in, I’m just digging myself into a deeper hole, and I am _so_ sorry, I didn’t mean to say you look nice or even _think_ that you look pretty or, or notice your dress. It just looks so nice, you know, and it’s a beautiful shade on you, and oh seven hells, I need to shut up now.”

  
You blinked once. Took a second to process his words. And then: threw your head back and laughed.  
  


Kip wasn’t amused. “Yeah, laugh it up, but come tomorrow, my head will be on a spike.”

  
“Oh my gods,” you breathed, between laughs. “Kip. Do me a favor, please.”

  
“Sure, why not? Consider it my last deed before I’m hacked up into a million bits.” He pouted. “Kriffing hells.”

 _  
“Kip._ Kindly shut the fuck up.” You couldn’t wipe the lingering smile off your face. “Please and thank you, of course.”

  
He looked at you, waiting a long moment before speaking. “Does that mean he won’t kill me?”

  
You laughed again, the vodka warming your bones. “Kip. No. Please, _please_ just relax.”

  
“Okay, fine,” he muttered, sipping his ale. “What’s it like, anyways? Dating Ky- I mean...”

  
You helped him out. “Drox.”

  
“Ah, yes. _Drox._ What’s it like?”

  
You looked down at your drink, now half full, and ran your fingertip along the rim. 

  
What _was_ it like dating Kylo Ren? You didn’t know how to answer that right away. He was a complex man. Kind, to you at least, yet not with others- so you wouldn’t call him a kind man. Funny- but more accidentally than intentionally, so that wasn’t a good way to describe him. Protective and caring, yet sometimes a little possessive- and that could come off as dangerous. You didn’t mind, though. Kylo took care of you, something that you never expected to have. 

  
But you didn’t want to get into that with Kip.

  
“It’s… complicated. But overall I am very happy.”

  
“Yeah. I can tell.” Kip hummed, oblivious to _just_ how complicated it really was. “But come on, give me the deets, girl.”

  
You shot a glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Wait, what do you mean you can tell?”

  
“Oh. I just mean, I can tell you’re happy by the way you look at him and act around him. Doting eyes. Fidgeting hands. That small smile.” Kip paused, shaking his head. “That smile alone- it would make any man envious of what he has.”

  
You bit your lip, looking down. _Do I really look that crazy in love?_ The idea made you uncomfortable. Clearing your throat, you directed the focus on him. “Well, hey, what about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

  
Kip smiled sadly, looking down at his drink. “Nah.” He paused, tilting his head. “Well…”

  
You smiled, excitedly, and turned your entire body towards him. “Kip. You’re blushing. _Tell me.”_

  
“Oh, geez…” Kip ran his hand through his hair. “I like someone, but she doesn’t like me back.”

  
“Aw, I’m sure that’s not true, Kip. You’re a catch."

  
He looked up at you, shrugging his shoulders. “You think so?”

  
“Yes. I _know_ so. And any girl that doesn’t like _you,_ well, she is crazy.”

  
He laughed. “I wish that was the case, but Ava isn’t crazy.” His smile faltered and his shoulders dropped. “She’s just in love with someone else.”

  
“Psh. Just kill him,” you joked, waving your hand. “No biggie.”

  
Kip rolled his eyes and gave you a playful shove under the table. “Yeah, no biggie, let me just murder the General of the First Order army.”

  
You blinked. “Wait, _what?_ Someone likes… Hux? He’s so... robotic.” 

  
“Yeah, I don’t get it either. But she has been his stewardess for a while so, you know, maybe she sees a different side of him.”

  
“Stewardess?” You pursed your lips. _Isn’t that what droids are for?_ “Huh. Does he like her back?”

  
Kip shrugged. “Not that I know of. There’s a rumor going around that he prefers the company of men.”

  
“Hm.” You nodded slowly, sipping your drink. “That explains the sweetblossom shampoo.” 

  
Kip gave you a confused look. “Huh?”

  
“Nothing, nothing.” You reached out to grab his hand. “Anyways, I’m sorry Kip. But you’ll find someone- as I said, you are wonderful and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

  
Kip gave you a squeeze, his face etched with genuine kindness, tenderness. “Thanks, Luna,” he winked, “you’re the best.”

  
“Anytime.” You squeezed his hand back. “Now, let’s-”

  
Kip playfully narrowed his eyes at you. “Dede,” he whispered, “I know what you did there. You changed the subject when I asked about _Drox.”_

  
You pulled your hand back and placed it over your heart, mouth open with feigned oblivion. “Kip, what _ever_ do you mean?” You blinked at him a few times, for good measure.

  
He didn’t look amused. “Luna.”

 _  
Ah, fuck. Was it that obvious?_ “Fine,” you breathed. You took another sip of your drink. “What do you want to know?”

  
“Um.” Kip blinked. _“Everything.”_

  
“Okay.” A trace of a smile touched your lips. “We have been interested in each other for a few months now, but recently made it official. Just last night we...went on a date.” 

_  
Oh god._ You shifted, hopeful that Kip couldn’t see your cheeks burning due to the fact you almost just brought up your sex life.   

  
Kip looked at you, his hands raised in a _what the fuck_ gesture. “Luna. Details about _him._ Like, is he nice? Is he...normal? Does he make jokes, and talk, and I don’t know… do human things? Us ‘troopers are dying to know what he’s _really_ like. _”_

  
You threw your head back and laughed, a warmth spreading across your chest. “Yes Kip,” you murmured, _“Drox_ is nice, and normal, and he’s actually quite funny, too. But in a subtle way, if that makes sense.”

  
“Wow, that’s surprising,” Kip breathed, eyes drifting around the table, unfocused. “And what about the others?”

  
You tilted your head. “The others?”

  
“Yes, you know…” Kip trailed off, pretending to hold a large weapon as he hacked the air with it.

  
You giggled. “Mm. His six... friends, you mean.”

  
Kip put down his hands and joined in on the laughter. “Yes. What about them? Are they _normal?”_

  
You had to think about that one. “Hm. Yes, and no. They are definitely less scary once you actually talk to them, but at the end of the day, they could still snap me in half without blinking.” You shook your head. “But sometimes I forget that because in general, they are friendly.”

  
Kip raised a brow. “Friendly.”

  
You nodded. “And funny.”

  
“Friendly and funny,” Kip repeated, nodding to himself. “Wow.”

  
You suddenly shook your head. “But wait, Kip, that doesn’t mean they aren’t dangerous. So don’t tell your ‘trooper friends that-”

  
Kip held up a hand. “For the second time tonight, I’m offended.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice so only you could hear him. “I would never approach the Knights of kriffing Ren because you said they’re ‘friendly’ and ‘funny.’ I’m sure you just get special treatment- for obvious reasons.”

 

You shrugged. _True._

  
Taking another sip of your drink, you were sad to find out it was gone, even though the foam on top left your lips buzzing and numb. Wiping your mouth, you sat it down as you scanned the room, mumbling at Kip.

  
“Well, either way-” you stopped, your eyes locking on a girl with pale skin, dark hair, and a blue scarf framing her face. 

 _  
Oh, fuck._ “Kip, Kip, it’s her. The girl with the blue scarf.”

  
Kip nearly choked on his drink as you said this. Coughing, he put it down and followed your gaze.

  
“Rising moons. Oga’s Cantina. Girl with blue scarf,” Kip muttered. “Must be her.”

  
You nodded in agreement, eyes darting around the cantina to find the knights- your security blankets. Zakra and Mika were still in their seats, closest to you and the bar, while the others remained unseen.

  
“Wait, look-” Kip said, pointing to another woman weaving through the crowd. He frowned, glancing at you. “Blue scarf.”

  
“Oh come on,” you muttered, “how am I supposed to know which one she is?”

  
Kip shook his head, slowly. “Not sure. But only one way to find out.”

  
“That’s stupid. This is stupid,” you huffed, the vodka making you feel uncomfortably warm and borderline agitated. “Hux is stupid.”

  
Kip eyed you, a half-smile on his lips. “You okay there?”

  
You took a deep breath. “Yeah. It’s just- how does he expect me to find whats-her-face just because of some cryptic note? Blue scarf? I mean come on, we are on _Batuu.”_

  
“Luna.”

  
You continued to blabber, looking down at the table as you talked to yourself. “And you know, everyone here is in a scarf. It’s like their secret little dress code, or whatever, and-”

_  
“Dede!”_

  
You blinked. “What?”

  
“Look.” Kip nodded to the girl with the blue scarf at the bar, and next to her, another woman.

  
You stilled, narrowing your eyes, trying to get a better look. Dark, beautiful skin, short hair, and a rust orange scarf around her neck. You immediately recognized her from the briefing: Zena Alitar. 

  
Who you came here for, what this entire assignment was about. And yet, suddenly you felt like you couldn’t do this. Like you were way in over your head. That, and one little problem: your anxiety had you frozen in place. You were rather positive that you couldn’t unglue your ass from the booth if your life depended on it.

  
Vaguely, you noticed that Kip repositioned next to you. You swallowed thickly, eyes locked on Zena. It’s like everyone else disappeared around her. The room was loud- bustling with people, and the DJ droid was playing an upbeat song, and yet- you could barely hear it. Could only feel it. The bass thumping in your chest, and your rapid pulse, pounding in your ears.

  
“Hey,” came Kip’s soft, concerned whisper. “Dede. Are you okay?”

  
Unable to break your gaze, you whispered at him. “No.”

  
A beat. “What do you mean?”

  
“Kip, what if, what if I can’t do this?” You looked at him, terrified. “I know languages. I know words, and letters, and semantics. _This,”_ you emphasized, nodding towards Zena, “I have no idea how to do.”

  
“Hey, come on now.” A warm hand wrapped around yours. “Just go over there, and follow the plan. You can do this, okay? I believe in you. Just _follow the plan.”_

  
“Right. Okay.” You nodded desperately at him. “What’s the plan again?”

  
Kip chuckled, leaning in closer. “First things first, take a deep breath.”

  
You took a deep, shaky breath.

  
“Excellent. Now, the plan is to walk up, get yourself a drink, and then somehow interject yourself into their conversation.” He glanced over at them, laughing together at the bar, and back at you. “They look really approachable, and this _is_ a cantina, so a stranger talking to them won’t be weird. After that, just tell them your name and go from there.”

  
“Okay. Okay.” Another vigorous nod. “What’s my name again?” You were half kidding, but also, you wanted to hear it again. After all, the General wasn’t nearly as patient as Kip.

  
Kip didn’t seem to mind at all. “Your name is Luna, but you knew that. You’re just getting inside your head,” he pulled his hand away, winking at you. “But would you like a rundown of the rest of it?”

  
You looked at him and felt a smile touch your lips. _This man is so sweet._ “Yes, please.”

 

“No problem.” Another wink. “Now, the General said you _are_ allowed to tell them your real occupation- you are a master of linguistics, but your ship’s transmission failed just outside the Trilon sector. Luckily, you were able to coast into Batuu’s system, and that’s why you are here- to earn credits and repair your ship, so you can move on your merry way. Got it?”

  
You released your bottom lip from between your teeth and let out a deep sigh. You felt better- still terrified, but better. “Yes. Kriff, Kip, what would I do without you?”

  
He scoffed and grabbed ahold of his drink. “Lots of things. You’re entirely capable without my help. I’m just here for moral support.”

  
“Well thank you,” you mused. “Now I just gotta figure out how to weasel my way in.”

  
Kip pursed his lips. “Maybe you should order your drink right next to them. That’s an easy way to start.”

 _  
Sounds simple enough._ You stood up, your legs shaking and palms sweaty. “Right. Okay, good idea.” 

  
“Luna.”

  
You looked down at him. “What?”

  
“You don’t have any money.” He smirked and pulled out some credits to hand you. 

  
“Oh, right.” _Damn, get it together._

  
You picked them up and rolled them between your fingers. “Thank you, Kip. I really do owe you.”

  
He rolled his eyes. “Enough of that," Kip insisted. “Now go on, I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  
You gave him one last smile. _I don’t deserve a friend like him._

  
With a deep breath, you let your feet carry you towards the girl in the blue scarf and the Resistance spy. You were _just_ about to reach them when you chickened out and walked right past them, situating yourself on the other side of the bar, closest to Zakra and Mika’s booth.

  
Looking down at your boots, you squeezed yourself in amongst the crowded bar area, talking to yourself. _Order a drink. Interject yourself into their conversation. Tell them your name._ You nodded to yourself. _I got this, I got this._

  
“Are you deaf?” growled the server with the big ass wart. “Drink order. Now.”

  
You jumped, looking up at the angry alien. _I don’t got this._ “Um-”

  
A tap on the shoulder and a smooth, low voice caught your attention. “Excuse me, may I?”

  
You looked up, and up some more, to find Zakra standing next to you. 

  
You smiled nervously, inching over to allow space. “Sure.”

  
“Great.” He leaned down on his forearms, directing his attention to the server. “A white wampa ale for me, and ah, a…?” he trailed off, looking at you with a raised brow. 

  
“Yub nub, please.”

  
The alien looked at you, frowning. “You no like fuzzy tauntaun?”

  
You shook your head. “No. Made my mouth numb.”

  
His beady eyes darted to you, then to Zakra, then back to you, before giving you an unimpressed “Hmph.”

  
He turned around to make your drinks, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. A few minutes passed before you found your confidence to speak up. When you finally did, you kept your eyes on the back of the bartender, whispering to Zakra. “Is this allowed?”

  
“Hm.” He tapped his long fingers on the bar. “Yes and no. The redhead said no contact, but the man I answer to said yes- if you need us. So here I am.”

  
You bit your lip. _I want Kylo._ “Thank you, but-”

  
The disgruntled alien turned back around, drinks in hand. “Fifty-nine credits.”

  
Your mouthed popped open. _“Fifty-nine_ credits? Why so much?”

  
He shoved a bulky, brown mug at you. “Yub nub. Souvenir cup.”

  
You snorted. “What in seven hells is _that?_ Nobody needs a souvenir cup from a cantina. A regular glass is just fine.”

  
He grunted, shoving it towards you again. “Yub nub. _Souvenir cup.”_

 _  
Oh, this fucking guy._ You opened your mouth to tell him you don’t want it, but Zakra interjected. “Here,” he said, tossing him some credits. “Keep the change.”

  
Giving you both a toothy, disgusting smile, the bird-like alien walked away to help other customers.

  
“Thank you,” you muttered, picking up your excessive, gaudy ‘souvenir’ cup. But after you took a sip, you felt slightly better. It _was_ delicious. 

  
Turning outwards so your back leaned against the bar, Zakra mirrored your movements, ale in hand. 

  
“So,” you mused, speaking quietly, eyes forward, “what’s going on?”

  
Zakra took a sip of his beer. “Well, your mini panic attack hit me in the face like Akai’s mind grab.” He itched his nose. “So I had to help.”

  
You shuffled your feet. Naturally, your nerves were suffocating you. “Help? How? I have to approach them by myself.” 

  
Much to your surprise, Zakra chuckled next to you. A deep, lovely sound, that reminded you of last night. Playing holochess, with free-flowing alcohol, in a warm, safe cabin. Free of responsibilities. 

  
Responsibilities that were _way_ above your skillset.

  
Slyly, Zakra stepped closer to you, and his hand gently found yours. You looked down, confused. It was a nice gesture, of course, but holding your hand wouldn’t make you feel better- _especially_ because you weren’t supposed to be seen with him.

  
“Can you stop spinning out, for like, three seconds?” Another chuckle. “Take a deep breath, D-98.”

  
You spoke through gritted teeth, voice hushed. “Why? I don’t-”

  
“Scholar. _Do it.”_

 _  
Fine._ Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath, waiting. For what- you had no idea.

  
But then, you felt it. Warmth. It started out small, and only in your fingertips, but then he squeezed your hand and it shot up your arm and traveled to your chest. The warmth stayed there for a moment, gaining momentum from your quickened pulse, before sending tendrils in every direction of your body, filling you completely and spreading like wildfire. 

  
Warmth. Light. Softness. 

  
Not only that- the warmth had a _very_ familiar aftertaste. Almost as if Zakra tapped into your favorite things, and wrapped them around you like a blanket. 

  
It was new memories and old- everything at once and yet, no weight attached to keep you down. It felt like this morning in the loft. With the morning sun, peeking through the high ceiling windows, while Kylo handed you a cup of steaming coffee. It was love and comfort and safety, and everything that Kylo provided for you, blending seamlessly with old memories.

  
Like running as a child, still free, with grass between your toes and wildflowers in your hair. You were running so fast, but not away from anyone. No. You were running into your mother’s arms, a smile on her face as she kneeled down in her white summer dress, the sun catching the copper hues in her hair.

  
You waited for the pain of the memory, but it didn’t come. Instead, you never felt lighter, freer- like your feet weren’t on the ground. And you let these memories of running and muja muffins and singing with your mother carry you away and even though at times these memories felt bitter, right now, they tasted so, so sweet. 

  
And you suddenly have never felt calmer in your life. 

  
You took another deep breath, the weight and anxiety and stress of the night rolling off your shoulders.

  
Zakra let go, yet the feeling stayed there with you, deep inside. 

  
A smile touched your face and you let out a pleasant hum. “Thank you, I don’t know what you did, but I feel amazing,” you muttered, eyes still closed. 

  
A beat passed, and you opened your eyes to find that Zakra was gone. You turned your head around and frowned, looking for him. He was nowhere to be seen- the booth that they were sitting at earlier was now occupied by a group of Twi’leks.

  
You didn’t know if this would work, or if he could even hear you, but you tried anyway. _Thank you, Zakra._

  
The way the hair on the back of your neck rose, coupled with the chills on your arms, told you that he heard you. 

  
You smiled to yourself. His Force signature was much different than Kylo’s- gentler, in a way, but you could tell that the same energy flowed between them. 

  
Nerves completely gone, you took a swig of your cocktail and glanced over at your targets. They were sitting huddled together, excitedly whispering to each other with animated expressions. Your eye caught the empty barstool next to them and you didn’t think- you acted. 

  
Body buzzing with confidence, you weaved through the crowd of people and tapped the girl with the blue scarf on the shoulder.

  
She turned around in her barstool, and you offered a disarming smile, trying to look as innocent as possible.

  
You leaned in, your voice loud and clear over the music. “Hey, so sorry to interrupt, but, do you know where I can find someone named Cookie?”

  
On the other side of her, Zena leaned forward, putting her elbows on the bar. She looked you up and down.

  
The girl knit her brows. “Cookie. As in Strono Tuggs?”

  
You blinked. “Uh, sure?”

  
The girl pushed her black hair out of her eyes. “Has to be. There’s only one Cookie around here, and he’s the chef over at Docking Bay 7 Food and Cargo.” She glanced at Zena then back to you, smirking. “How come? Do ya need him to kick someone’s ass for you?”

 _  
So Dok-Ondar wasn’t bluffing about calling Cookie._ “Mm, no. I was told he was hiring, and that I could find him here.” You shrugged. “But I guess I got the wrong place.”

  
“Mm. Yep. Totally wrong.” She swirled her glass of wine. “You lookin’ for a job?”

  
You rolled your eyes and sighed, leaning against the bar. “Unfortunately.”

  
“Well, sit down,” she said, patting the barstool next to her. “I might be able to help ya.”

  
You actively had to try to _not_ look pleased with yourself. _That was easy._

  
You beamed at her as you slid onto the seat, facing both of them. “Oh, really? Where do you work?”

  
Zena snorted, interjecting herself in the conversation. “Caszandra doesn’t work anywhere. She’s just a scavenger.”

  
You glanced at her, then back to Caszandra, brows knit. “What does that mean?”

  
She threw a dirty look at Zena. “Excuse me- I _do_ work, thank you very much. I scavenge for things, make them into other things, and then sell said things.” She smiled, smug, and looked back at you. “And it’s Cass, by the way. And you are?”

  
“Hi, Cass.” You held out a hand. “I’m Luna.” You left your hand out, looking at Zena, and waited.

  
She looked at your hand, hesitating, before giving you a firm handshake. “Zena.”

 _  
I know._ “Lovely to meet both of you.” You gave her a squeeze, and pulled away, sitting up straight. 

  
Cass set her brilliantly blue eyes on you. “So, what brings ya to Black Spire Outpost? You’re not from here, I can tell.”

  
A frown tugged at your lips and you looked down at your dress, playing with the hem. “Is it that obvious?” you muttered.

  
“Yep,” she chirped, crossing her legs. “Not a bad thing, but you definitely got that off-worlder vibe.”

  
“Well, honestly- you aren’t wrong.” You sipped your yub nub, giving yourself a moment to get your story straight. You took your sweet time putting it back on the bar top before looking at them. “I just arrived yesterday and have been looking for a way to earn credits for my ship.”

  
Cass cocked a brow at you. “Oh? What happened?”

  
You lied through your teeth, and surprisingly, it didn’t give you a heart attack. “I was on my way to Coruscant and my ship’s transmission failed. Somehow, I was able to enter Batuu’s atmosphere safely and well, here I am.”

  
“Yikes,” Cass breathed, her face etched with pity. “So what are you gonna do?”

  
You shrugged. “Not sure, exactly. Salju at Black Spire Station said she can help me, but it’s gonna cost me _a lot_ of credits.”

  
Cass grimaced. “How much?”

  
“Three thousand, and I have half of that.”

  
Zena took a deep inhale. “Ouch. That sucks.”

  
You nodded. “Yeah, I-”

  
Behind you, the DJ screamed, and you nearly jumped out of your skin. You whipped your head around at him, eyes wide. 

  
The droid was moving his head from side to side, followed by what sounded like metal clicking into place.   
  


He spoke again, his voice high pitched and chipper. “Woah woah, sorry everyone, we’re having a little trouble in the cockpit!”

  
You knit your brows and looked back at Zena and Cass. “Cockpit?”

  
Cass rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. That’s just Dj-Rex. He used to be a pilot droid but crash-landed here years ago.”

  
“Huh. Interesting.” You didn’t find it _that_ interesting, but it was better than talking about your entirely imaginary ship. “If he was a pilot, how did he become a DJ?”

  
“Mubo over at the Droid Depot reprogrammed him to be one, but he sometimes misfires. He kept him for a while, but when he couldn’t pay a debt off to Oga… well, she snatched him up for her cantina,” she explained, nodding towards the droid. “And that is why we can’t listen to music without _also_ listening to the safety features of a Star Commuter 2000.” 

  
You sipped your drink, trying to act like hearing the name Oga didn’t make you terrified and angry at the same time. “Hm. That’s a unique backstory.”

  
“Mhm, I-”

  
Zena pretended to snore, and Cass gave her a playful look, nudging into her with an elbow. “Ha ha, very funny.”

  
Zena jolted ‘awake’ and looked around, pretending to be startled. “Huh, what? Where am I? I had this terrible dream where I literally _died_ from boredom.”

  
Cass narrowed her eyes at her. “It’s not my fault I’ve been on this planet my entire life. I just so happen to know _everything_ about-”

  
Zena interrupted, pretending to snore even louder, to which Cass huffed and grabbed her wine, scowling.

  
You laughed, and the two girls began to bicker back and forth again. Watching them, you realized they were already well acquainted, and that the note must have been old. You shifted, a bit of jealousy finding its way under your skin.

 _  
I miss Keykki._ You bit your lip. _And having girlfriends._

  
You glanced around the room, stilling when you realized that Shiro and Kane were visible from where you were sitting. You watched in horror as Shiro picked up an entire bowl of Batuu Bits and shoveled them into his mouth, enthusiastically chowing on them as some crisps came tumbling out onto his shirt. You grimaced and looked away, slightly disturbed. 

_  
Yeah, I definitely miss having girlfriends._

  
You directed your attention back to Zena and Cass, who were still poking fun at each other.

  
“No, no, no, you can’t say _shit_ about Oga. She keeps this place in check, and just because you’re an off-worlder-”

  
Zena cackled. “Yeah, and thank the stars for that. I couldn't stand living here permanently, you know, with all these rude,  _terribly_ dressed tourists, as you like to say."

  
“Oh come on, it’s true!" Cass threw up her hands. "Just today- I saw more of them. I swear, it's some type of weird cult. Why else would people _want_ to wear a tunic with a _mouse_ on it? I mean? It’s a rodent?” She shook her head. “I’m not trying to be mean, I’m _just_ saying it’s odd.”

_  
Huh. So I guess they really do have a secret dress code here._

  
Zena rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  
There was a small lull in the conversation as the girls took a sip of their drinks, so you leaned forward, eyes set on Zena.

  
“So,” you piped up, “you said you don’t live here permanently? Where are you from?”

  
Zena eyed you, hesitating, before giving you a curt reply. “Vardos.”

  
Your jaw just about dropped to the floor. “Wait, really? Me too.”

  
A small smile traced her lips. “No way.” Her smile dissipated just as fast as it came. “Wait, does that mean you’re with the Order?”

 _  
Kriffing kill me now. “_ What? No. Just look at me,” you chuckled, toying with your dress. “Does it _look_ like I belong with those dictatorial freaks?”

  
There was a moment of silence filled with tension as Zena looked at you. She was _truly_ considering your words. And you were doing everything in your power to hold on to the confidence that Zakra handed you, now slipping through your fingers.  

  
Cass was the one to break the silence. “Zena, _seriously._ You can’t actually think Luna is with the First Order. Just look at her, she’s darling.” She took a small sip of her wine. “Besides, you grew up on Vardos and _you_ got away from their grasp.”

  
Zena pursed her lips, her eyes drifting down before settling back on you. She nodded once, and with that, you seemingly gained her approval.

  
“Sorry,” she sighed, giving you a half-smile. “Happy to see you got out of that hellhole. How long were you on Vardos before you left?”

  
You stilled- you honestly had to think about that. You technically weren’t from there, but you had no idea what planet you were born on. “Twenty-something years. Then got a job as an interpreter and fled as quickly as possible.” You paused, but not long enough to encourage more questions. “What about you?”

  
Zena responded enthusiastically, telling you how she was almost forced into being a Stormtrooper as a child, but her grandmother fought back and somehow she escaped duty- as did her brothers. Though, in the end, it didn’t matter- her brothers willingly joined the Order at an older age.

  
A sadness enveloped you as she said this. If they joined the First Order, and were fighters, there was a good chance they were already dead. But Zena moved on quickly, talking about her cat named Fluf and how she couldn’t wait to leave Batuu and go see him again. She didn’t elaborate as to why she was here- but she didn't need to. Hux already told you she was here to recruit people for the Resistance.

  
You didn’t press- after all, the plan was to simply befriend her. Which you realized, as time went on, was really easy. She was funny, and witty, as was Cass. 

  
About an hour in of just chatting, you were enjoying yourself so much that you didn’t even realize that it was getting late. There was a brief pause in the conversation and you looked around, surprised to see that the crowds inside were starting to thin out. 

  
“Mm,” Cass hummed, setting down her empty wine glass. “Well, ladies, we should do this another time, but I have to go for now. I have plans with Benjymiin.”

  
Zena narrowed her eyes. “Cass, I _told_ you to stay away from that scumbag. He’s dangerous.” 

  
Cass shot a lazy glance at her, her lips twitching up into a small smile. “Yes mother.”

  
Zena frowned. “I’m being serious.”

  
“I know,” Cass sighed. She leaned in and gave her a hug. “But I promise I’ll be fine.”

  
Zena pulled away, lifting a finger. “If he tries any funny stuff-”

  
“I will promptly chop his balls off.” She nodded vigorously. “Don’t you worry.”

  
You laughed, pushing yourself off the stool. “Honestly, I should get going, too. Early day tomorrow looking for jobs.” 

  
Cass turned to you. “Mm. Okay, well, my offer still stands if you want.”

  
“Thank you, but scavenging sounds like a little _too_ much work. I am just a master of linguistics, after all.” _Not to mention, I’m lying through my teeth and don’t need employment at all._

  
“Fine.” She pouted as she repositioned her blue scarf around her face. Her hands smoothed out her grey top and dark pants. “Do I look okay?”  
  


You looked her up and down. “Yes, you look amazing.”

  
She grinned at you, and leaned in to give you a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”

  
You laughed, a warmth spreading across your chest. She was so lovely, as was Zena, and you had to repeatedly remind yourself of your true intentions. With a heavy heart, you watched Cass walk away, and you wondered if you'd ever seen her again.

  
Next to you, Zena yelled out. “Bye Cass!”

  
Cass turned around, and through the crowd of people, stood on her tippy toes to wave. “‘Til we expire!” and with that, she ran out the door and was gone.

  
You turned to Zena, tilting your head. “What does that mean?”

  
Zena rolled her eyes. “She means ‘til the spire- a way of saying goodbye here on Batuu. She’s just being a cheeky little shit.”

  
“Ah, got it,” you hummed, amused. “Well, I should go. Will you be here-”

  
“Hey, wait,” Zena cut you off, looking around before fixating her gaze on you. She hesitated for a moment, and then jumped off her stool to get closer.

  
Your heart beat just a little faster. “Yeah?”

  
She lowered her voice. “I might have a job for you, if you can promise me you’re trustworthy.”

 _  
Fuck._ You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Of course.”

  
She searched your face, her eyes darting back and forth before she gave you a single nod. “Okay. Tomorrow, at noon. Meet me outside of the Den of Antiquities. Do you know where that is?” 

  
“Mhm. I was just in there with-” You swallowed, stopping yourself from saying ‘ _with the boys.’_  

  
You coughed, trying to cover your ass. “I was just there with the intent of getting hired. But he wasn’t interested.”

  
“Well, I’ll hire ya.” She slowly cracked a smile and playfully punched your arm. “Great. This is _great._ I will see you tomorrow.”

  
You smiled back at her, and she grabbed her discarded scarf and started to walk away from you.

  
You twirled around, calling out to her. “Hey! Wait, will you tell me what it is?”

  
Still smiling, she shook her head. “Top secret stuff,” she called out, walking back towards the door. “Rising moons, Luna! See you tomorrow!”

  
You waved at her. “‘Til the spire, Zena!”

  
She gave you a brilliant smile before turning around and sliding out the doors. You immediately dropped your hand, and your smile. 

  
The hard part of meeting her was over, you mused, but now you had to juggle something even more complicated: not letting your feelings stop you from doing your job.

  
Nervously toying with the crystal around your neck, you let your eyes unfocus as you watched people stumble out of the cantina.

  
_I could really use Zakra’s hand right about now._

**\----**

“But I don’t want to let go,” you mumbled into Kylo’s bare chest, your eyes shut and arms wrapped around him. 

  
His heavy hand found your hair. A few sweet strokes and he detangled himself from you. “Get in bed, Scholar, and I’ll be there soon.”

  
You pouted, watching his feet carry him away in the _wrong_ direction. He should be walking to his bed right now, preferably with you dangling over his shoulder. 

  
Alas, life was unfair. At least you got to watch him walk away, you mused, as you admired the way his black sweatpants hung lowly around his hips, his back muscles flexing and rippling with each sway of his arms.

  
Yeah, life was definitely unfair.

  
A sad sigh, then you sauntered over to his bed. Kylo’s cabin was just one big open room, with a large bed at the end of it, a kitchenette on the other side, a fireplace in the middle, and a brown, frumpy looking chair. It was definitely odd seeing Kylo in such warm, _homely_ accommodations, since the Finalizer was so grand and sterile, but it wasn’t a bad look on him.

  
And when you thought about it, which much to your embarrassment you _couldn’t_ stop thinking about it- the idea of living here with him indefinitely, away from Hux and his Stormtroopers and the First Order, was a very lovely idea indeed. Hell, you’d even keep the brown, misshaped chair that probably used to be beige, if you were being honest with yourself. It had personality, much like everything else on this bizarre- yet charming, planet.

  
The only complaint you had about his accommodations was that it came with a large desk- AKA the current thing taking Kylo away from you AKA the bane of your existence. 

  
It was late, well past midnight, and yet- Kylo still had work to do. On top of your earlier revelation that he did not respond well to compromise, you also realized something else: the Supreme Leader was a workaholic.

  
You sighed again, but this time, with a dramatic edge to it. 

  
Kylo tsked at you from across the room. “Yes, Scholar. I hear you.”

  
You pouted. “But _do_ you?”

  
Kylo twisted his head around, his lip twitching up the slightest bit. “Always.”

  
You grinned at him. You’d never be this annoying if you didn’t think he’d receive you well, and luckily, he was in a great mood tonight. The news that Zena wanted to see you again, for “top secret” stuff, only meant one thing: you’d be getting the scoop on her Resistance base. Exactly what you came here for and _exactly_ what he needed you to do. So yeah, it was safe to say you could be a little needy tonight and you wouldn’t feel bad about it.

  
“Mm okay. Well, I’ll be here, all by myself, in this big empty bed,” you breathed, plopping back against his pillow. You rubbed the spot next to you. “Feel free to join me whenever you’d like.”

  
The sound of his chair moving told you he turned back to focus on his work. “Soon.”

  
You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, smoothing out your cotton pajamas. _I will just relax as I wait.  
  
_

Which sounded great in theory, of course. 

  
But the second you closed your eyes, Zena’s face flashed behind your eyelids. Her brilliant smile, her throaty laugh. She was a perfectly nice human being, and yet, you couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that you were aiding in her demise.

  
You swallowed, your fingers twiddling incessantly on your stomach as you tapped away with different paces, without rhythm. All over the place, just like your mind.

_  
I hope they don’t kill her._

  
Tap.

_  
But what else would they do to her? Keep her prisoner?_

  
Tap, tap.

_  
I mean, one thing I know is that they definitely won’t let her off with just a warning._

  
Tap, tap, tap.

_  
Maybe I can convince-_

  
“What’s wrong?”

  
Your fingers suddenly stilled on your stomach. “Why do you think something is wrong?”

  
“Because you’re anxious.”

  
“Kylo,” you mumbled at him, looking at the ceiling. “I’m literally _always_ anxious. And if I’m not anxious for a moment, I’ll start to get worried about why I’m not currently feeling anxious.” 

  
He hummed at you. “True. But this is louder than usual.”

  
Your fingers started tapping away again. “It’s that loud, huh?”

  
“Yes.”

  
You didn’t know what to say, so you kept quiet.

  
Silence hung in the air before you heard Kylo stand up and make his way over to the bed. You didn’t look at him as he sat down, eyes glued to the ceiling, but you felt the bed dip substantially as he sat down. 

  
“Tell me.”

  
“It’s nothing.”

  
Kylo was on to you. “Oh?”

  
“Yep.”

  
A large hand found yours, and you tilted your chin down to meet his gaze. Brown, penetrative eyes were focused on yours, giving you his undivided attention. 

  
“You have empathy, for the spy,” came that deep, baritone rumble. “I sensed your conflict from inside the cantina.”

  
You had to break eye contact, his gaze and words too intense, too accusing. _So he was listening._

  
“No, I...I don’t know.” You swallowed. “I guess I just wanted to know your plans for her, that’s all.”

  
He scooted closer to you. Voice deep, probing. “What would you do with her, Scholar?”

  
You shot your head up, looking at him. “What?”

  
He repeated himself, patient. “What would you do with her? If it were up to you.”

  
“Um.” You blinked, slowly sitting up in his bed, legs crossed beneath you. You weren’t expecting him to say _that._

  
“Well?”

  
Your brows creased. “I don’t know exactly what I’d do- if I’m being honest.” Your eyes drifted around the room before finding his. “But I wouldn’t kill her.”

  
Kylo’s lips pressed together, his jaw shifting. “You’d have her live, even though she’s a threat to the Order?”

  
“Well… I was thinking about something else, maybe. A truce, perhaps.”

  
He blinked at you. “A truce.”

  
“Yes. Maybe if the First Order stopped killing people, ya know, just for like, a little bit, then maybe… maybe they wouldn’t attack us anymore?”

  
Kylo shook his head. “They will always attack, Scholar. They are just as set in their ways as we are.”

  
“Set in their ways, right.” You bit your lip, looking down at your hands. “Okay.”

  
A finger found your chin, lifting it up to meet his gaze. “You have more to say. Go on.”

  
You wet your lips, looking away from him. You haven’t brought it up since the Resistance became a part of your assignment, afraid of how he'd react. But it was forefront on your mind now and you just couldn’t stop yourself, even though it was a potentially dangerous avenue. And honestly probably a terrible idea that you shouldn’t-

  
“General Organa,” you blabbed out, “she’s your mother, right?”

  
A beat. “Yes.” Kylo stiffened and sat up straight. “What about her?”

  
“Well, can’t you two _talk_ and come to some type of understanding? Even if she stays with the Resistance, and you the Order, I’m sure the two of you can find a solution. I mean, she is your _mother_ still. She has to care enough to-”

  
“No,” Kylo snapped, abruptly standing up, chest heaving.

  
You winced, the coldness in his voice cutting you deep. _Yep. Definitely a bad idea._ “Kylo wait, I’m sorry. I thought maybe it was a viable option, that’s all.”

  
“Well, you thought wrong,” he spat. “My mother doesn’t care about me. She never has.” He glared at you with those eyes, full of anger and tinted with something unfamiliar: pain.

  
He turned away from you, receding back to his desk, and you immediately wanted to melt into the floor. “Kylo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-”

  
He whipped his head around at you, nostrils flared and eyes wild. “That’s right. You don’t _know._ So don’t mention something you know nothing about.”

  
Kylo kept those dark eyes on you for a moment longer, your mouth open a small _o,_ before he heavily took a seat at his desk. 

  
You sat there, cross-legged, for a good thirty seconds before peeling yourself off of the bed, your limbs heavy as lead and cheeks stinging with his dismissal. 

  
You slowly inched towards his desk with your eyes locked on his muscular back, splattered with moles and twisted scars. He was hunched over his datapad, sliding through his files aggressively. You didn't know how to fix this, but you had to try.

  
Personally, you didn’t think your suggestion was _that_ crazy, but to his defense- he was right. You didn’t know anything about his relationship with his parents.

  
“Kylo,” you said, hovering in the middle of the room. Voice even and patient, despite your heart thudding out of your chest. “Can we talk?”

  
He didn’t look at you. “I need to review these files.”

  
“Okay,” you crooned. “I can wait.” The floor creaked slightly as you made your way over to the lumpy chair, off to the side of his desk. 

  
Besides a sharp glance at you and the forceful clearing of his throat, Kylo ignored you.

  
You sat down, looking into the crackling fire as the flames tossed a brilliant orange glow across your face. Without moving your head _too_ much, you peeked at Kylo. He was still hunched over, his fingers sifting through files on his datapad. His darkened mood rolling off of him in waves.

_  
Good job, you idiot._

  
You shifted, just a little, so you could continue to throw glances at him without being too obvious. Time passed- how long, you didn’t know, but eventually Kylo seemed to calm down. He didn’t speak, but his body language was less tense, and the energy in the room felt breathable again.

  
You would have stayed still, as to not bother him, but eventually, the seat cushion started to slide off so you had to stand up. Looking down, you frowned, noticing that a spring was popping out of the cushion.

_  
So that’s what that was._

  
With effort, you flipped the cushion around and took a seat again. You grunted, attempting to get comfortable again on what felt like a pile of rocks. 

 _  
Or wood? Is this thing literally made out of wood?_ For the life of you, you couldn’t sit still. The chair creaked and whined with the effort of holding you up, and you wondered if you were legitimately going to break it. _I mean, I have been eating a lot of pastries lately but this is just ridic-_

  
“We have a bed,” Kylo drawled, “I suggest you sit on that instead.”

  
You stilled, and slowly turned your head at him, guilty as ever. “Ah, yes. A bed- excellent,” you stupidly said, nodding your head. “I just thought I’d wait over here, you know, for when you’re ready to talk.”

  
Kylo idly tapped his fingers on the desk, his strong nose pointed down at the datapad. Dark lashes danced along his eyelid as he read over his files, giving you a distracted response. “I won’t be finished for a while.”

  
“That’s fine, that’s fine. I can wait. I am patient,” you rambled, your voice higher pitched than usual. “In fact, patience is my middle name, heh _._ ” 

  
He looked at you, his lips twitching down into a frown, before returning to his work.

_  
Oh my stars, you’re such an idiot. Shut up and give him some space._

  
You tried. You really did. But the silence started to bite into your skin, making you go crazy. You didn’t like that Kylo was upset earlier and that _you_ were the reason behind it. You just couldn’t handle that.

  
But you knew you should wait to approach him- at least until he finished his work. So naturally, you did what any other clinically insane person would do: you began to hum. 

  
Quietly, awkwardly, and to no particular tune. All while sitting on that brown lumpy chair, slightly rocking back and forth- even though it definitely was meant to be stationary- while you stared into the flames like a crazy person.

  
“Scholar.”

  
Your eyes found his in a heartbeat. “Yes?”

  
“Go to bed.”

  
You frowned. “No.”

  
He sighed. “I know you’re tired. Don’t be stubborn.”

  
“But I got that from you.”

  
He narrowed his eyes. “Sleep.”

  
You mimicked his tone. “No.”

  
His jaw flexed, his fists clenched on the table, Kylo’s eyes gleamed with danger. “Don’t test me right now.”

  
“Well, don’t tell me what to do.” A beat. “Please.”

  
Looking back at his work, he muttered at you. “That’s rich, coming from you.”

  
Your mouth opened, but you closed it just as fast. It took you a moment to realize he was talking about your suggestion involving his mother.

_  
So, he is still mad._

  
“Kylo.” You softened your voice. “I told you I’m sorry about that. I didn’t know.”

  
“I’m aware,” came his stubborn response. 

 _  
Oh, stars._ You were getting the impression that the Supreme Leader was the type of man that needed the last word in an argument.

  
You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the frustration rising in your belly. “You’re aware of what? That I’m sorry?”

  
Kylo still wouldn’t look at you. “That you didn’t know what you were talking about.”

 _  
Okay, now you’re just being a dick._ You threw your hands up. “It’s not my fault you won’t tell me anything about your past!” He looked at you, clearly startled by your outburst, but you cut him off before you he could respond. “If I had known it was such a touchy subject, I wouldn’t have suggested it.”

  
His lips pressed into a hard line. “Okay.”

 _  
“Okay?”_ you scoffed, annoyed. “That’s all you have to say?”

  
"Hm," he considered. “Yes.”

  
Huffing, you pushed yourself off the frumpy chair and stood next to Kylo, hands on your hips.

  
“Come on, Kylo. I understand I misspoke, but I didn’t mean to.” You stepped closer to him. “But it’s because I’m left in the dark about your history. Meanwhile, you know things about me that I don’t even know about myself, courtesy of your Force powers, or whatever,” you mumbled. “It’s not fair.”

  
He set his gaze on you, his eye twitching. “That’s not true.”

  
You crossed your arms. “It is.”

  
“Fine.” Slowly, Kylo stood up. Two powerful strides and he met you where you were standing, looking down at you. “What else do you need to know?”

  
You took a step back, swallowing. Even though he was shirtless, and in casual pants, Kylo still exuded a blaring authority that you could not ignore. His proximity sucked the confidence right out of you. “Well, for starters,” you whispered, looking down, “I would like to know about your family, so I can be sensitive to whatever your situation is.”

  
He spoke mechanically. “My mother is Leia Organa. My father: Han Solo.” He paused, eyes drifting to the floor before finding yours again. “And my grandfather is Darth Vader.”

  
You gave him a small nod. “I knew that,” you mused aloud, but quickly backtracked. “But thank you for telling me. I just mean, I have heard that before. But it was nice hearing it from you.”

  
He raised a brow at you. “Who told you?”

  
“My classmates from the Imperial Academy.” You smiled, nudging him playfully. “They all wanted to be you, remember?”

  
Kylo looked down, his jaw tense. You couldn’t put a finger on it, but his expression made you feel sad. Almost like he didn’t understand why anyone would want to be him. 

  
You reached out, collecting his hands in yours. “But hey, tell me about them at your own pace. Just please, please don’t be mad for what I said. I didn’t know any better.”

  
Two deep breaths and Kylo’s face softened. A single nod and he reached out, running his hands up your arms.

  
You leaned into him and pressed your face to his pale flesh, breathing in his scent. “Now that you’re not mad at me anymore, will you come to bed with me?” you mumbled.

  
Wordlessly, Kylo bent down and secured a grasp on your hips. Before you could even yelp, he had you strewn over his shoulder, your hands dangling over his back.

  
“Kylo!” you yelled, laughing nervously. “Put me down!”

  
He ignored you, his footsteps assaulting the creaking floor as he made his way to the bed. 

  
His fingers twitched into you, and you jolted, squealing. “I hate being tickled! Please, _please_ put me down!”

  
He stopped, humming at you. “As you wish.” He didn’t hesitate to hoist you back over, throwing you onto the bed.

  
You laughed, tension completely gone between you two, as he crawled in next to you. It took a grand total of two seconds to get comfortable in his arms, your head on his chest.

_  
I will never get used to this._

  
You thought maybe you’d fall asleep after a few moments, but that was a short-lived idea. Starting out casual, the conversation quickly turned serious. The two of you talked about your day tomorrow, and following up on your earlier question- his plans for Zena. He was being cryptic about the whole thing- intentionally, you assumed, but he did promise that he’d go ‘easy’ on her.

  
Whatever that meant.

  
Despite it being late, this launched the two of you into a civil conversation about the Resistance, minus his mother’s involvement, and the violent nature of the First Order. Even though you already sensed this, you realized that Kylo was much less bloodthirsty than General Hux, in a way. Less black and white, but instead, he seemed to reside somewhere in the middle- a grey area, perhaps.

  
But he still seemed to hold back from you- afraid of scaring you away, you assumed. Mindful of his anxiety earlier this morning, you reiterated your feelings about him. "Kylo, even though I don't know everything, yet, just know that I won't run when I do."

  
Your words hung in the air and Kylo took a deep breath, his broad chest swelling with emotion. He tensed, and you could tell he was debating saying something or not. You didn’t push, though; you knew it was hard for him to express his thoughts. So when he finally spoke, you just about melted into his arms.

  
“Please don't,” he whispered, with effort. “I need you.”

  
You pressed your face into him and tightened your hands around him. “I need you, too.” 

  
A few moments into soaking up the moment, you smiled to yourself, amazed that this is where you ended up. Just because the First Order needed a translator.

  
You couldn’t help but chuckle at the surrealness of it all. “Who knew this would happen? Ending up here, in your arms. In love. Simply because I was desperate enough to take a job with the big and bad First Order,” you mused, shaking your head in disbelief. 

  
He stiffened for a moment, and you were worried that you offended him again. 

  
“I didn’t mean-”

  
Kylo’s fingers drew soft patterns on your back. “No, no, I know,” he murmured. “I’m just curious- if you knew about the First Order’s practices, why did you take the position?”

  
A frown tugged at your lips. “You know why.”

  
And he was the only person that did. The knights knew about Jawa, but they didn’t know the _whole_ story. That Jawa kept a possessive grasp on you and Keykki, his ‘favorites,’ always threatening to use you, touch you, but never going through with it: a scare tactic to keep you obedient. And it worked.

  
Kylo tightened his grip on you, bringing his lips to the top of your head. He hovered there for a moment, and you closed your eyes, breathing the moment in.

  
“Besides,” you continued, voice soft, “I was getting sick of sleeping on the ground at the Imperial Academy. So I guess you can say, I chose a life with the First Order to get a good night’s sleep,” you chuckled, attempting to keep the mood light. 

  
Kylo pulled away, laying his head back on the pillow. “Hm. I don’t think I knew that part.”

  
“Mhm.” You repositioned on his chest, snuggling your face closer to him. “The night of the ‘accident,’ when Key-” you stopped, unable to bring yourself to say the words out loud. 

_  
When Keykki was murdered._

  
You cleared your throat, pushing it to the back of your mind. “I packed a bag and fled, and not knowing where to go, I went to my old campus. I snuck in the back and slept in the linguistics department- something Keykki and I used to do when things were bad at home.”

  
“Ah.” Kylo mused, his hand leaving your back to stroke your hair. “How long were you there for?”

  
“About a week. Instruction wasn’t in session, so it was easy,” you blinked, finding it hard to believe that this actually happened to you. “Then, Hux posted a listing and well- here I am.”

  
“Mm. Thankfully.”

  
“Yep,” you breathed, closing your eyes. 

  
Without warning, Kylo’s voice was firmer, more energized. “How big is your bed at home?”

  
You stilled. “Um, why? What does that have to do with any of this?”

  
Kylo was unfazed. “Your bed, Scholar. On the Finalizer. How big is it?”

  
You sat up on your elbow, looking at him. “Small, like a cot.” You frowned. “Why?”

  
Wordlessly, Kylo extended his arm and pawed at the datapad next to the bed. He ignored your pressing gaze as he typed, single-handedly, onto the screen.

  
A few taps later, and with a nod, Kylo looked at you. “Done.”

  
Brows knit, eyes squinted at him. “Um, Kylo, will you please tell me what just happened?”

  
He repositioned himself under you again, and placed his hand on your waist, looking at you from the corner of his eye. “I ordered you a new bed.”

  
You blinked. _“What?_ Why on earth would you do that?”

  
He gently tugged on your elbow, trying to get you to lie back down. Confused as all hell, you obeyed, and plopped back down on his chest. Once he was seemingly satisfied with your position, he wrapped his arms around you. “Well. You slept in a closet, on a mat, while you lived with Jawa,” he said, fingers twitching on your arm. You could tell he was exercising a lot of patience to say his name without reacting. “Then, you slept on the floor of your _academy_ during the worst week of your life. I’d say the least you deserve is a big, comfortable bed.”

 _  
Oh, my stars._ “Kylo. That’s so _sweet._ Thank you so much.”

  
He hummed at you.

  
“I mean, really, I am so grateful for the gesture. But you totally didn’t have-”

  
“Nonsense.” He adjusted your weight on him, just a bit, and settled his chin on your head. “Now, sleep. Big day tomorrow.”

  
You fell silent, nodding. Stress pricked at your senses, but you suddenly felt your fatigue catch up with you. You were almost asleep when Kylo’s whisper pulled you back into reality.

  
"Scholar?"

  
"Mm?"

  
A beat. "I'm sorry."

  
You opened one eye, half-awake, and mumbled at him. “For what?”

  
“For your past.” You heard him swallow. “I am no stranger to pain, and I hate that you aren’t either.”

  
“Thank you,” you whispered, finger tracing up his sternum. “I can handle it, you know, if you did want to tell me about yours.”

  
“I know you can.”

  
You peeked up at him. “Then…?”

  
Stubborn, as always. “Another time,” he murmured, placing a heavy hand on your head. “I promise.”

  
You sighed, letting him coax you back onto his chest, your eyelids already drooping. With the steady rise and fall of his chest and the promise of safety in his arms, you let yourself succumb to sleep.

  
Fingers playing with your hair, Kylo whispered to you- a faint, distant sound that tickled at your consciousness. 

  
“Sleep, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This just in: I am incapable of writing a chapter fewer than 10k words.
> 
> also, again, please excuse errors. gonna edit this again tomorrow. <3


	20. Free Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You meet with Zena and find out why she's really on Batuu. Kylo reveals the plans Hux has for the Resistance.  
> 
> 
> _I sold my soul to a three-piece, and he told me I was holy. He's got me down on both knees, but it's the devil that's tryna hold me down, hold me down. ///_ [ Hold Me Down. ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/147P3hWVsHgFMUVnZ2uvUG?si=benYXyqKRrSgG4_hu0vPOg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: scholar being sad, kylo being soft, lots of Zena stuff. plot-heavy. I suggest paying close attention, as we are building up to something quite big. 
> 
> I don't usually do this, but here are some fun visuals, since Batuu is a real place you can visit:
> 
> [Ronto Roasters](https://i.imgur.com/dExIFIJ.jpg)  
> [ Milk Station ](https://i.imgur.com/duKXxnE.jpg)  
> [ Marketplace](https://i.imgur.com/FvwgtcO.jpg)  
> [ Black Spire Station](https://i.imgur.com/1MOoFS7.jpg)  
> [ Your speeder](https://i.imgur.com/7KrJFTj.jpg) (from BSS)  
> [ Savi's Workshop ](https://i.imgur.com/gbDF5I8.jpg) (across from BSS- kinda)
> 
> sorry for the imgur shit, idk how to do it differently lmao. enjoy bbs

### 

Free Will

It was ten minutes past noon and Zena was nowhere to be found. You squinted up at the sky, the suns breaking through the clouds and warming your face. 

_  
Fuck. It’s hot._

  
Leaning against the stone wall, you readjusted your beige scarf- again. Next, you rolled up the sleeves of your brown blouse. You tried to sit still, for just a moment, but those anxious fingers of yours started to thrum against your denim pants.

  
A deep breath. You _hated_ waiting.

  
A few moments later and Zena’s shout pulled you from your miserably warm pity party. “Hey! Luna!” 

  
Placing a hand over your face to avoid the blaring suns, you smiled at her as she jogged over. “Bright suns, Zena.” You grimaced. “Literally.”

  
“Ha, ha. Sorry I’m late,” she breathed. “I woke up and realized that some things were displaced in my shuttle from yesterday. So I had to go through everything- just to make sure.”

  
“Oh, no way.” _That would be the knights doing._ “Was anything missing?”

  
“Yes and no,” she rolled her eyes. “Just some old receipts. Oddly enough, they didn’t take my credits.”

 _  
Of course not. They’re murderers, not thieves._ “Hm.”

  
“Which is a good thing, because I’m dying of thirst,” she said, fanning her face. “I’m gonna grab a blue milk before we head out, want anything?”

  
You hesitated. You saw locals drinking the colorful milks and they  _did_ look refreshing, but the idea of _blue_ milk seemed a little weird. But before you could respond, Zena smiled. “I’m getting you one.”

 

She turned away, but you called after her. “Wait, wait! Okay, I’ll take one. But maybe the green kind?”

  
Zena just laughed.

  
You tilted your head. “What?”

  
“You know how I know you’re new here?” she asked, walking backwards, smiling.

 

“How?”

  
“You want the green one.”

  
“Ha, ha.” You returned her grin. “Hey, I’m gonna run to Ronto Roasters, do you want anything?”

 

“Nah, not a fan of sausage- if you know what I mean.” Zena winked at you before turning around, jogging as she called out. “Be back soon, then we will head to the river!”

  
_The river?_ You chewed on your bottom lip. You didn't know you were going  _that_ far today. 

  
You turned around and ducked into the large, cement food place that locals seemed to like. The ceilings were overwhelmingly high, with a round work station in the middle of it all. A disgruntled alien was situated in the center, spinning a large ronto roast over a fire. The savory smell filled your nostrils, but you weren’t hungry- no. You just had to find Kylo before you left.

  
Which wasn't so hard to do. Even in his casual clothing, and the cowl covering half his face- he was just so _tall._ He stuck out like a sore thumb, even though he was standing in the very back, leaning against the wall, minding his own business.

  
You stopped. Seeing him like this was still something you had to get used to. Idle, casual. Just...  _existing._ It was weird. And you wanted nothing more than to march over there, rip that scarf off of his head, and press your lips against his.

  
Amongst other things.

  
Alas, there were too many locals buzzing about to elicit that type of welcome. Instead, you kept your gaze on him for a while longer before slowly turning around, pretending to stand in line for food.

  
As you glanced over the menu, you realized that Shiro was already in line near the front, a similar cowl to Kylo’s wrapped around his head. You couldn’t see his face, but you didn’t need to. None of the locals on Batuu had shoulders _that_ wide. The man looked like a tree trunk in a scarf.

_  
And of course he's here. Getting food._

  
Butterflies rose in your stomach when Kylo joined you in line, speaking in your ear with that rough, hushed voice. “Are you surprised?” 

  
You hummed at him softly. “Not at all.”

  
Kylo moved in closer- so close, you could feel the warmth from his chest on your back. He wasn’t supposed to be touching you, not in public, but it suddenly _felt_ like it. You had to turn around to see if he was, just in case, but he only raised a brow at you, his hands respectfully behind his back.

  
You frowned, scooting forward, and opened your mouth to whisper to him again, to tell him about your plans today. But you had to stop. This time, you were _sure_ you felt his hand on your lower back. Pressing his fingertips into your spine as he trailed up and up and up. Letting them glide up the curve of your back and all the way to your neck. Massaging you for a second until slithering up to splay his massive hand in your hair, tenderly grabbing a fistful of it and tugging your head back to expose your throat. Moving in closer so he could press you against his torso, while his other hand pawed at your hip, playing with the waistline of your jeans. All the while planting soft kisses up and down your neck, making you sigh such pretty noises right here and now, in broad daylight, in this crowded market.

  
Kylo cleared his throat. 

  
You snapped out of it. Heat rushed to your cheeks.  _“Drox._ Stop it.”

  
“Stop what?”

  
The two of you moved up in line again, whispering furiously at one another. “You’re putting things _inside_ my head.”

  
“Am I?”  
  
  
“You _are,”_ you hissed, “and we are running out of time. Zena will be-”

  
“Zena is four hundred yards away, approximately.” Kylo mused, casual as ever. “She is still in line.”

  
“Well.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “I don’t appreciate that, either way. Now I’m all flustered and you _know_ I need to focus.”

  
“Hm.”

  
You resisted the urge to turn around and smack his big, beautiful head. “As I was saying- _”_

  
“Luna.”

_  
“What?”_

  
A beat. “You’re quite adorable when you’re flustered.”

  
You stilled, hating the way your anger just dissolved when he called you adorable. You mumbled something incoherent at him.

  
A chuckle.

  
The line moved forward and both of you moved up, but still not looking at each other. Aliens and humans alike buzzed all around you- talking in passing, shouting, running. Tending to their day-to-day business, all the while their Supreme Leader casually stood in line for a weiner in a wrap. And siphoned suggestive images into his girlfriend’s mind.

_  
Just another day in paradise._

  
“So, Zena said we are going to her shuttle, by the-”

  
“I know.” A beat. “The others are already there.”

  
Your heart dropped. “Like… waiting for us?”

  
“No, Scholar, _”_ Kylo murmured. “In the surrounding forest. To keep you safe.”

 _  
Oh. Duh._ “Ah, okay.” You started tugging at your scarf. “Where will you be?”

  
“I will make sure you get there safely, then I need to tend to some business.”

  
“Oh?”

  
Kylo wasn’t in the sharing mood. “Yes.”

  
You frowned. “Okay, well-”

  
“She is coming back.” This time, Kylo _did_ touch you. Just a brief touch on the arm, unfortunately, as he got out of line and walked past you. “I’ll be around, Luna.”

  
You nodded and watched him turn away from you, your heart sinking just a bit. At the same time, Shiro got done with his order and got out of line, walking towards Kylo without looking back.

  
Sighing, you grabbed the pendant around your neck. Shiro had barely looked at you since the other night in their cabin- the night he fought with Kylo. At least _they_ worked it out, you mused, as you watched them walk side by side into the adjoining marketplace. But it still made you sad that you might have lost a friend over it.

  
“Next!” came a loud, grating voice from the other side of the counter. 

  
You were so lost in thought, you didn’t notice it was your turn. With an apologetic smile, you gave the employee a _nevermind_ gesture and got out of line, exiting out where Zena would be meeting you: only to almost run _right_ into her and the two milks.

  
“Ah! Fuck!”

  
You held up your hands in surrender. “I am _so_ sorry, Zena. I was just coming to find you!”

  
“You should be.” She pretended to scowl at you for a moment but grinned like an idiot a second later. “Ha, just kidding.” She shoved the green milk in your hands. “Hey, where’s your wrap?”

  
“Eh. Decided I wasn’t hungry enough to spend thirteen credits on it.”

  
Zena snorted, turning around to lead you down the stairs. “Welcome to my daily life here in Black Spire Outpost. Everything is wildly overpriced.”

  
“You can say that again.” You took a sip of your drink and made a small noise of contentment. You didn’t know what Zena was talking about- the green kind was _delicious. “_ Hey, how much do I owe you?”

  
Zena snorted, waving her hand. “Nothing, Luna. On me.”

  
“Are you sure?”

  
“Yep. Besides, we have a long trip to the mountains. Consider it a bribe.”

  
“If you say so,” you mumbled. “Well, thanks again.”

  
“Don’t mention it!” Looking both ways first, Zena hopped over the low gate that led into Black Spire Station. Rubbing her chin, she looked between two beat-up landspeeders.

  
You leaned against the gate, facing her, and sipped your green milk. “So, wanna tell me why we are at Salju’s garage?”

  
“To borrow a speeder, of course.”

  
You scrunched your nose. “But these ones are...broken, no? That’s why Salju is working on them?”

  
Zena cocked her head at you, a devious smile on her face. “Not broken. Just in need of some...TLC.”

  
She looked at the speeders again, milk in hand. One was an ancient, blue and orange X-34 landspeeder most commonly used during the Empire. The other, well, you had no idea what the hell that was. It looked like it was made of mix-matched, scavenged parts.

  
“Ah, this one it is,” Zena finally said, nodding towards the orange and blue speeder. “She’s old, and beat, but she'll get the job done.”

  
You watched, full of doubt, as Zena hopped in and attempted to start the ancient thing. It stuttered and whined but after a few tries, the engine roared to life.

  
“Thank the stars!” Zena yelled over the roar. She looked at you and grinned, wiggling her eyebrows.

  
But you didn't share her enthusiasm. You backed away when Zena slowly inched the speeder forward, maneuvering it outside of the gate. A cloud of black smoke filled the air, and you covered your mouth, coughing. The fumes were so dense, you couldn't even see the speeder as it approached you- you could only hear it.

_  
Honk._

  
You felt stupid for jumping at the sound, but to be fair, it was _ridiculously_ loud. And Zena was very much amused that she succeeded in scaring the shit out of you. 

  
Grinning, a wickedness gleamed in her eyes. “Get in loser, we are going to Peka.”

  
You smiled, rolling your eyes, and scrambled to get inside the passenger seat.

  
The ride was a long one due to the slow pace of the landspeeder, but the views didn’t disappoint. Away from the bustling town of Black Spire Outpost, Batuu was actually quite peaceful. Endless crops surrounded you on either side as you traveled through the farmlands, while lush, serene mountains awaited you up ahead. 

  
Zena didn’t tell you _exactly_ where her shuttle was located, but she didn’t need to. Thanks to the knights and their perimeter search, you knew that she was stationed by the river in the moutains- actually not too far away from Kylo’s accommodations.

  
So when you pulled up to a rusted BR-23 courier shuttle parked right on the river- just like the knights reported- well, you knew you arrived at your destination before she said anything.

  
“Home sweet home,” Zena chirped, looking at you as she turned off the ignition.

  
You looked around at the isolated, yet beautiful area. “Wow. This is stunning,” you muttered.

  
“Yep. It ain’t so bad. Just a few days ago I was out in the Galma settlement, but it got a little too dangerous for my liking. So, here I am,” she said, looking all around her.

_  
Ah. So that’s why they didn’t find her right away._

  
“Hm. I didn’t know Galma was dangerous,” you mused, watching Zena hop out of the landspeeder in one lithe movement. “Thanks for the tip.”

  
She winked at you and turned around to head to her shuttle. You tried to hop out as gracefully as Zena did, yet you failed- unsurprisingly. Standing up inside the old, creaky thing proved hard enough, but hopping outside of it was even worse. You scraped your hand on the unrefined door as you positioned a leg outside, and almost fell on your ass when you finally managed to get both feet on the ground.

  
Thankfully, Zena was already rummaging through her makeshift home, but a part of you knew that the knights were somewhere in the woods right now, cracking jokes at your clumsy expense.

  
Lifting your chin high, you ignored the heat pricking at your cheeks, and made your way to the courier shuttle. Which was a _massive,_ clunky thing, that probably  served as a ‘trooper transport once upon a time. The faded paint told you it was definitely from the Galactic Republic days. 

  
Stepping down the stairs, you called out into the clustered, dim space. “Wow. This thing is huge. And _ancient._ How did you come across one of these?”

 

Zena called out from somewhere in the outdated shuttle. “Couldn’t tell ya. It’s not mine, it’s my boss’s.” She quickly changed the subject. “Hey, are you sure you aren’t hungry? I have some leftover Outpost Mix, if you want some.” Zena emerged with a colorful bag of what appeared to be popcorn, a smile on her face. 

  
Even if it was just a way to distract you, you still found her laid-back and welcoming nature charming. “No, thank you.”

  
“Suit yourself.” Zena shrugged. “Have a seat.”

  
You turned around and eyed the only seat available- a booth off in the corner. The rest of the space was filled with cargo boxes, a sleeping bag, and other personal items of Zena’s. You tried not to look around _too_ much; you felt like an intruder in her private space.

  
You slid into the curved booth, positioned around a circular table, and let your hands rest in your lap. Your eyes followed Zena as she plopped down on the bench on the other side of the table, chowing down enthusiastically.

  
“So…”

  
Zena shoveled the last of the popcorn in her mouth. “Yeah?”

  
You blinked. “So, uh, what’s going on? What do you need help with?”

  
She eyed you, chewing furiously, before nodding once and standing up. “Right. I’ll be right back.”

  
You watched her as she disappeared into the back of the shuttle. A few loud clunks and a few moments later, she emerged with a large sack tossed over her shoulder.

  
With a grunt, she swung it over, placing it on the table in front of you with a loud _slam._ Grabbing the bottom of the sack, she yanked upwards, letting the contents spill out onto the table.

  
“Okay,” she breathed, putting her hands on her hips. “Here we are.”

  
You looked down at the pile of ancient texts, strewn across the table in all different shapes and sizes. Tentatively, you picked one up and turned it around in your hands. It was bound in leather, much like all of them, with an odd symbol on the front.

  
“Uh, Zena.”

  
There was a delay in her response as she took a heavy seat across from you again. “Yeah?” 

  
Your eyes found hers. “What in the outer rim am I _looking_ at?”

  
“Ancient texts. In old ass languages,” she said, casual as ever. “And I need you to read them for me.”

  
“Um, okay.” You frowned, opening the book to idly flip through the pages. “Sure. But do you mind telling me what this is for?”

  
A heavy silence sat between the two of you. You peeked up at her. She was gazing at you, similar to the look she gave you at the cantina. Like she was gauging your trustworthiness- testing you.

  
A test you did not pass. “Let’s just say it’s a personal interest of mine.”

  
Her vague answer and guarded expression made your heart sink. You thought you had earned her trust, but now, you realized that must have just been the booze talking. She wasn’t going to tell you what she needed, after all, but instead would have you translate the language and send you on your merry way.

 _  
I failed._ Your chest swelled with a deep inhale. _Fuck._

  
“I know what you’re thinking.” Zena smirked. “You came here, saw my beat-up ol’ shuttle, and you’re worried that I can’t pay ya. That must be why you look so nervous all of a sudden, right?”

  
You stilled. _Sure. That works._

  
“Sorry,” you breathed. Giving her your best embarrassed smile. “Yes, honestly. It’s just, my ship, I need-”

  
Zena held up a hand. “Say no more.” Pursing her lips, she looked down and searched her pockets. A moment later, and she tossed a small drawstring pouch at you.

  
“Five hundred credits. Half today, half tomorrow.” She draped her arms on top of the bench, sliding down and crossing her legs. “Does that sound good, Luna?”

  
“Yes, yes. Thank you, Zena, this helps a lot.” You pawed at the credits. “Same time tomorrow?”

  
“Actually, a little later, if that’s okay. I have to run a quick errand in the morning- but I’ll be back around two.” She gestured to the books and winked. “Now, I’ll leave ya to it.” 

 _  
Huh. I wonder if Hux knows she is leaving._ You nodded at her, smiling. Tentatively, you picked up a book and opened it. You pretended to scan the text for a moment, but really you were thinking of ways to pull more information from her. You had to get her to trust you, to-

  
Your eyes finally focused on the letters in front of you. _What in the actual fuck?_

  
“Hm. This is odd.”

  
Zena leaned forward. “What is it?”

  
“This isn’t just one language- it’s multiple.” You glanced up at her and tilted the book for her to see, sliding it to the middle of the table. “See this symbol here? That is Sith for _L,_ while the following letters are Aurebesh, Mando’a and ah, _Ubese-_ of all things.” You shook your head. “Amongst other truly _ancient_ languages, used in civilizations from distant galaxies."

  
Zena chewed on her bottom lip. “Like what?”

  
“Like this here,” you said, pointing to a phrase, “this is a language called Latin. A language constructed eons ago, by a primitive species that scholars only know a minuscule amount of information about.” You ran your finger down the textured paper, enamored by the letters and symbols. “See, look at this. This phrase- _ad astra per aspera-_ is Latin for _‘through adversity to the stars.’_ In their ancient culture, it is thought to mean that greatness awaits you, even if you’re facing hardships. However-”

  
“Luna.”

  
“-in this context, I believe the author of this text is using it in a literal sense since our civilization quite literally lives amongst the stars,” you rambled on. “Perhaps once I decode the rest, I can decipher the significance and-”

_  
“Luna.”_

  
You tore your eyes away from the book. “What?”

  
“What do you mean, ‘ _what?’”_ Mouth open, Zena gestured to the book and made a noise of incredulousness. “How in the _galaxy_ do you know all these things?” 

  
You looked down, suddenly self-conscious. “Ah, well, I studied this a lot."

  
Zena snorted. “I’d say so. You must have been one of those students that sat in the very front, and never missed a class, right?” She whistled, slumping against her booth. “Man, if only I cared enough to do that. Maybe I’d be half as smart as you.”

  
You smiled at her. “Oh, come on, you’re smart, too.” 

  
“Nope. I was too busy skipping class with my brothers,” she chuckled. “They _hated_ us. But they must have loved a scholar like you.”

  
“Nah.” You cleared your throat, returning your attention back to the book. “I wasn’t fit to be a soldier, so I didn’t win any favors. But I just did my own thing, and thankfully, they let me.”

  
“Hm,” Zena mused. Long fingers thrummed against the tabletop. “Were your parents like you, too? Do you come from some, like, lineage of brainiacs, or something?”

 _  
I wish I knew._ “No- well, I don’t know. To be honest...I didn’t have much family. Or friends. Or much of anything, really,” you murmured, eyes still scanning the letters. “This,” you said, gently lifting up the book, “was all I had.”

  
“I see.” Zena repositioned across from you, and you thought that would be the end of it. 

  
“Anyways-”

  
“What about now?”

  
You looked up at her, brows knit. “What do you mean?”

  
She leaned in again, her face serious and etched with an intensity that put you on edge. “Are books all you have now, too? Are you a lone wolf? Or do you have a family- blood or otherwise?”

  
“Um,” you paused, biting your lip. Of all the things you had to lie about, this one threw you off guard. You had to catch yourself from telling her the truth: _don’t worry about me, Zena, the Supreme Leader of the galaxy keeps me warm at night and his six blood-thirsty knights are circling your camp as we speak._

  
You cleared your throat, settling with _parts_ of the truth. “Well, I used to have someone I considered family. Not by blood, but she was like a sister to me.”

  
A beat. “Was?”

  
You offered her a nod.

  
Zena frowned. “What happened to her?”

  
The lump in your throat did not go down easily. “She was murdered,” you whispered, a sadness seeping into your bones as those words rang tragically true in your ears. You picked at the peeling symbol atop the book. “By a bad, bad man.”

 _  
“Luna,”_ she grabbed your hand, and you looked up at her, startled. “I’m so, so sorry. When did this happen?”

  
“Um. Kinda recently. I just haven’t… I haven't talked about it a lot, so- I don’t know. It feels weird saying it aloud.”

  
Zena squeezed your hand. “You don’t have to. But you _can_ talk to me. It might even make you feel better. Freer, almost, like a weight being lifted off your chest.” 

  
You searched her kind, empathetic face. Something changed in her. She was looking at you like she looked at Cass-like you were her _friend._ Like opening up to her gave her a reason to trust you.

  
Taking a deep breath, you spoke slowly, carefully. “We used to live with this man, a man that used to take ‘care’ of us. But he also hurt us a lot,” you pulled your hand away from hers, looking down as you toyed with your pinky finger. “There was this fight, I don’t even remember over what. But he was mad at us. He locked me in the closet, like he usually did, and she was screaming, but then- but then, she went silent. 

  
“By the time I got out of the closet, it was too late. His mistress- she was bad, too, but not as bad as him. She didn’t care for me, but she liked Keykki. In an odd, twisted way. Protected her from her lover, sometimes. So she was standing over Keykki, hysterically crying. Yelling at him over and over again, _‘what have you done?’_ ” You shook your head, as if the movement would clear the memory from your mind. “Last time I ever saw either of them, he was dragging Keykki’s lifeless body out of the house. And since then, I haven’t had anyone in my life to call family.” 

 _  
Until Kylo,_ you added, inside your head. But the thought didn’t help you at the moment, didn’t make you feel less cold. You just felt numb.

  
“Oh my god, Luna.” Zena’s mortified voice finally broke the silence. “I’m so sorry. What, what did you do?”

  
You looked up at her. “I ran. I ran and ran, and ran some more. I stayed at our old institution, the Imperial Academy. But in the linguistics department- you know which building I’m talking about, right?”

  
She nodded.

  
“Yeah. So I stayed there until I got a job offer a few months back. I was actually on my way to assist with an assignment when I got sucked in here.” You shrugged. “And the rest is history.”

 

"Wow," she breathed, shaking her head. “You speak about it so calmly, but I know you are hurting inside.” She blinked away tears. “I know, because you remind me of _myself._ I feel for you, Luna. _”_

  
“Thank you, Zena.” You gave her a sad, small smile. You didn’t want to dwell on your past- not while you were working, so you tried to move forward. “Now, shall we-”

  
“Wait- just wait.” She paused as she pushed herself off the seat and slid into your booth. She got inches away from you, and you repositioned so you were facing one another. 

  
“Look, I am so sorry about what happened to your sister. But Luna, do you believe in destiny?”

  
You cocked your head at her. “I’m not sure that I do.”

  
She leaned forward, grabbing both of your hands again. Squeezing them. “I didn’t. Not until recently. But I do now. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence we met.”

 _  
Oh dear, you are more right than you know._ “Oh?”

  
“Yes. You- a _master_ of linguistics, showed up here out of the blue after a series of terrible events. And yet, now you can help me do something that could change the _entire_ galaxy for the better.”

 _  
Ah, there it is._ “What, what do you mean?”

  
“I will tell you everything, Luna, but you _have_ to promise you won’t tell a soul.”

  
“I won’t.” You swallowed. “I promise.”

  
“Okay. Look. I’m with the Resistance, okay? And the General- she sent me here to get these old texts, and work on _decoding_ them. I thought it would be easy, but what the _kriff?_ It’s all in these old, complicated languages,” she gestured to the pile of books. “Honestly, I thought it was a lost cause. But then I met _you_ , Luna.” 

  
Heart thudding, palms sweating- you tried to act surprised. “Wait- the Resistance? Like, Rebel fighters?”

  
She nodded vigorously. “Yes, and you can _help_ us do what needs to be done- be the spark to light the fire that burns the First Order _down.”_

 _  
Well, this is awkward._ “Oh my stars,” you said, pathetically. “That’s...amazing.”

  
“Yes! Yes. And these texts,” she beamed, holding up a book, “are supposedly _filled_ with information about a very important crystal, Luna. It’s said to be diseased, but really, I think it's blessed. I mean, for star’s sake, this crystal can bring balance to the galaxy- _fairness_ to the galaxy, once and for all. That sounds like a blessing, if you ask me.” Keeping her eyes locked on you, Zena placed a book in your lap. “All I need you to do is read these texts, and tell me what they say about it.”

 _  
Interesting._ “Okay,” you said, slowly. You swallowed the grapefruit sized lump in your throat. “But first, I need more information to make sense of what’s in here. What do you already know about it?”

  
Zena let out a deep breath and batted her bangs out of her eyes. “Get comfortable. It’s a long story.”

  
You wiggled in your seat, uncrossing your legs. Nodding, you gave her the green light to continue.

  
You listened, intently, as she started from the beginning. She told you how the rest of the Resistance believed she was in Batuu to recruit people for their cause- just like General Hux thought, too. But in actuality, Zena was part of an elite team handpicked by the Resistance General herself to carry out a hush-hush operation. Their goal? To find this apparently ‘diseased’ crystal- a crystal with Force _siphoning_ powers, to be exact. Meaning, anyone that touched the crystal would be drained of their Force powers- possibly even to the point of death. It was generally thought to be a myth- until General Organa had enough reasons to believe it wasn’t.

  
And now, they were doing everything they could to find it.

 _  
“Wow._ I didn’t know something like that existed,” you breathed, running your hand through your hair. “But I still don’t understand- how will it bring...fairness to the galaxy?”

  
“Oh. I thought it was implied.” Zena blinked. “It will take General Organa’s son out of the equation. _”_

  
“Wait, what?” Goosebumps prickled your skin. “Her son?”

  
“Yeah.” A grim nod. “You probably heard about him at the Imperial Academy. He was once Ben Solo, but he goes by Kylo Ren now...or Supreme Leader.”

  
“Oh, yeah. Sounds kinda familiar.” You shifted in your seat, tongue coated in lead. “So, you want to uh, siphon his powers, or something?”

  
Zena nodded. “Yep. The General thinks it’s the last chance to save him. Apparently, the darkness is so deeply rooted in him, the only way to pull him out is by taking his powers altogether.”

 _  
Well, this just got even more complicated._ You felt dizzy. “Holy fucking stars.” 

  
Zena sighed. “Yeah. I know. Not an easy task, believe me, but we _have_ to try. And that starts with _you,_ Luna.”

 _  
Lovely._ “But, wait- isn’t it dangerous? What if it got into the wrong hands?”

  
Zena’s jaw clenched. “Yes, it’s believed to be dangerous. But that’s why she only trusted a few of us with this information. My team- Tibbia, Zeven, Jax- myself. A few others. Leia _knows_ we wouldn’t abuse the crystal if we found it. Meaning-”

  
“Meaning,” you interjected, scooting closer to her, “you wouldn’t try to kill her son.”

  
She gave you a curt nod. “Exactly.” 

  
You let out a deep breath, your gaze drifting around the room. A part of you knew you had to respond, to keep up your act, but your mind was reeling. 

  
This morning you woke up thinking that Kylo was basically indestructible. But now- now there was something out there that could threaten that. Could threaten him. And somehow you had to pretend that none of this meant anything to you on a personal level.

  
“Look, I can tell you’re overwhelmed. I’m sorry if I came on a little too strong, I’m just passionate about this, ya know?” Zena smiled. “And what happened to you, and your sister- I would do anything to take that pain away, Luna. But I can’t. All I can do is offer you a place to call home.”

 _  
Home?_ You didn’t understand. “I’m not sure-”

  
She held up her hand. “I know I’m not your blood, and kriff, you don’t even _know_ me. But I can tell you now- the General could use someone like you. And I promise you, she would treat you like family. She does that- somehow. She treats all of us like her own flesh and blood. And if you’re open to the idea, I want you to join our team.”

  
Oh. _Oh._ You did everything in your power to not completely lose your shit at this exact moment.  _The Resistance fighter wants me to join her team. The team led by my boyfriend's mother. To take down said boyfriend with some crazy ass magical crystal.  
  
__  
_ Since when did life get so complicated?

  
One breath. Two breaths. You smiled. “I, I don’t know what to say, Zena. I’m so honored.” Fingernails dug into your palm. “Like you said, I’m a little overwhelmed. I’m just a master of linguistics, after all. Maybe after I do some reading… we can talk about it?”

  
Zena nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. The thing about the Resistance is- there is _no_ pressure to join us. We believe in free will- something that doesn’t exist within the Order.” With a warm smile, Zena slid out of the booth. 

  
You frowned. _Do I have free will? Or am I blinded by love?_

  
She hovered over you. “Damn, you look a little pale there, Luna. I’m gonna grab you some water before we start. How does that sound?”

  
You weakly shook your head. “Great, thank you.”

  
Zena disappeared in the back, just long enough for you to compose yourself. You had a job to do, and you didn’t have time to spin out.

  
So that’s why, when Zena came back with your water, you gave her a cheery smile and enthusiastically dove right into the texts. Which, to be fair, wasn’t all _that_ hard to do. They were a fascinating glimpse into the past, albeit complicated, and satisfied the part of you that _needed_ stimulation. So it wasn’t surprising that you were barely burnt out after four hours, even though Zena was having a hard time keeping it together. She contributed less and less as time went on, but you didn’t slow down.

  
“So, nothing about the _exact_ location of the crystal, though I believe I’m getting warmer. In fact-”

  
Zena’s snore caught your attention. For a second, you thought she was just messing with you- like she did with Cass last night. But when she didn’t stir after a few moments, you realized she was actually asleep.

  
“Pssst. Zena.”

  
Nothing.

  
A beat. “Zena!”  
  
  
Her eyes flew open. “Huh? What? What’s happening?”

  
You couldn’t help but laugh. “Nothing. Good morning, sunshine. Sleep well?”

  
She licked at her lips, and looked around, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Damn. I’m sorry. How long have I been out for?”

  
You hummed at her. “Honestly, not sure. I’ve been talking aloud for quite some time, but assumed you were just silently taking it all in.” You shook your head, laughing. “Now I see you’ve just been sleeping.”

  
“Aw, man. I feel so bad.” She frowned, pushing herself off the bench. “I’m really sorry. I promise, tomorrow after I get back, I will make some Batuuan Brew and we can stay up all night. How does that sound?”

  
You excitedly tapped the books before standing up, too. “Sounds _great._ Looking forward to it. _”_

  
Zena yawned. “Come on, I’ll take you back into town.”

  
Exiting the transport, you took a deep breath, the fresh air filling your lungs. The river behind you was moving swiftly, the soothing sound a nice addition to the already peaceful area. Peering into it, you found yourself fixated on the river, the movement of the water tumbling over the rocks almost mesmerizing to you. In a way, you _empathized_ with the water- if that were at all possible. Because, you too, were being carried along in a current that you had no control over. Like Zena inadvertently pointed out to you- you lacked free will. Everyone that served the First Order did. Just like the water trapped in that stream. Moving along, at a pre-destined force, without any indication of where you’d truly end up, all the while-

 

“Fuck!” Zena’s yell served as one hell of a way to break your focus. 

  
You blinked at her. “Did I miss something?”

  
She gestured towards the now smoking landspeeder. “Yeah. The damn thing won’t start.” She shook her head. “I’m so sorry Luna. I can totally work on this, but it might take some time- if that’s okay?”

  
“Oh, yeah. Go for it.”

  
You looked up at the beautiful sunset, all three suns going down and creating a vibrant orange glow to coat the mountains like a blanket. You knew you had to get going, or else Kylo would come get you- even if that meant blowing his cover to Zena. But you also wanted to go, to go see him, and be with him and touch him. _That_ was something you had control over, and you’d take what you could get.

  
“Actually…” you started, looking towards the forest. “My settlement isn’t far from here. I can totally walk.”

  
Zena snorted. “No fucking way. Luna, you’ll get lost!”

  
You looked at her, giving her a warm smile. “No, I won’t. I promise. Look, I have a crazy sense of direction, too. I swear, I inherited it like I did my language skills,” you brushed off her concern, lying straight through your fucking teeth. You had a _terrible_ sense of direction, but you knew the knights were out there waiting for you.

  
She eyed you. “Are you sure?”

  
“Yep.” Another lie. “And I will see you tomorrow, yeah? Maybe I can just meet you here, instead.”

  
“Yeah, okay.” Zena shook her head, walking towards you. “Remember, later this time, okay?"

  
“Mhm. No problem.”

  
“Perfect.” Zena smiled and leaned in, wrapping her arms around you. You immediately reciprocated, reveling in the feeling of such a simple- yet comforting, gesture between two friends.

  
You tried to lean away, but Zena held on tighter. “Luna?”

  
A beat. “Yes?”

  
“Promise me you’ll think about it.” She pulled back to look at your face, gripping your arms. “My offer.”

 _  
I’m so sorry._ “I promise.”

  
The grin that split across her face almost split your heart in half. “Great. _Awesome.”_ Zena let you go, and sauntered back to the smoking landspeeder. “If you need me, I’ll be trying to fix this ancient piece of shit.”

  
You giggled and waved, wishing her good luck as you approached the edge of the clearing. The moment she looked away, you dropped your smile, a sadness enveloping you. You weren’t used to intentionally making empty promises. Nor did you like the taste of blatant lies on your tongue.

  
Stepping into the thicket of trees, you searched left and right, looking for the knights. It didn’t take long before Kane emerged, his face set in the usual stern expression he wore so well.

  
“Ready?”

  
With one last glance behind you, you nodded, and let him take you back to the man that felt like home.

**\----**

“Breathe, Scholar.” Kylo brushed a hair from your face. “You’re speaking too fast.”

  
You stilled. “Am I? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. It’s just- holy kriffing _stars_ Kylo. This diseased crystal- did you know about that?” You paused for half a second. “Don’t answer that. Of course you knew about that- why wouldn’t you? You know everything. And it’s _dangerous_ to you, so of course you’re monitoring that, right? But this crystal- the earlier texts mentions it was on the desert moon Jedha, where-”

  
“Where the Temple of the Kyber was.”

 _  
“Yes!_ Yes. Exactly.” You beamed at him. “See, I knew you knew everything.”

  
Kylo’s lip twitched up, just a bit. He began pacing back and forth in front of you, eyes unfocused as he seemingly spoke to himself. “Interesting. Kane just mentioned seeing a statue from there. I wonder if there’s any connection.” 

  
“Well, I don’t think so. Because I read this one book today, a book entirely in Sith, and it mentioned the crystal on the planet Krayiss Two, one of the five-”

  
“Sacred planets of the Sith, yes,” Kylo finished for you, distracted. “Hm.”

  
“Yes, exactly. So I need to do some more reading, but I have a feeling that’s a good place to start.”

  
“Indeed.” He looked at you suddenly, walking towards you with enough force to get your heart rate up. “What did you tell Zena?”

  
You flinched back from his intensity. “Nothing, Kylo,” you muttered. “I know better than that.”

  
His face softened, but he didn’t relax his stance. “I need to know everything else. Tell me.”

  
His intensity sucked the confidence right out of you. “I, um, I don’t know, there was so much. I need a second to gather my thoughts.”

  
Kylo shook his head, impatient. “That won’t do.” Another step towards you and he lifted his hand, placing it over your face.

  
You flinched back, unsure of what he was doing. 

  
Kylo dropped his hand, his lips fluttering against each other as his jaw tensed. “I won’t hurt you, Scholar,” he murmured. “It’s simply easier if I extract the information myself.” He stroked your face with the lightest of touches. “Is that alright with you?”

  
You eyed him for a moment, but nervously nodded, your lashes fluttering against your cheeks as you shut them. Your hands balled into fists and you felt your body go rigid, waiting for whatever the hell a mind probe feels like.

  
A hand grabbed your arm and you jumped back, startled. Kylo had moved closer; he was only inches away from you. He had his head ducked down, his deep brown eyes peering into yours. Watching you like a hawk. 

  
“You will relax,” came his deep, throaty demand. It poured over you like honey, seeping into your bones and taking the edge off your fear of his Force powers.

  
The muscles on your face relaxed, and you nodded, eyes locked on his. Mesmerized by the pools of onyx flecked with amber, so rich and so deep. You were so fixated on his eyes, you only vaguely saw his hand raise in your peripherals, pressing lightly against your temples. There was a slight tug at the infrastructure of your mind, and you winced, but otherwise it didn’t hurt.

  
Kylo’s eyes darted across your face, like he was processing copious amounts of information, but you had no idea what exactly he was accessing. To you, your day felt like one big blur, but it was clear that Kylo was dissecting it and breaking down the intel you collected. Quite literally reading your mind like you read the ancient texts.

  
Within seconds, Kylo dropped his hand, and with it, your trance was broken. “Wow.” You blinked, swaying on your feet. 

  
“Come on,” he cooed, “let’s get you to bed.”

  
You happily obliged, the events of your day catching up with your mind and body. Letting Kylo lead you to the bed, eyes half-closed, you yawned. The big, ugly kind that made your eyes water and jaw hurt.

  
Kylo chuckled. “Get in bed. I need to check my datapad, then I’m all yours.”

  
“Mmmkay.” Another yawn. You crawled into bed, basically moaning as your head hit the pillow. _So. Good._

  
You let your eyes close, and you were _just_ about to fall asleep when you felt Kylo getting into bed.

  
“Sorry,” he rasped. “I should have waited until you were fully asleep.”

  
You opened one eye at him. “No worries. Take care of your messages?”  
  


He hummed at you. 

  
If you weren’t so tired, you would ask him for an update on _his_ business, since he knew all about yours. But getting information out of the Supreme fucking Leader took _a lot_ of mindpower- mindpower that you did not have at the moment.

  
“Goodnight,” you whispered. 

  
Kylo leaned over to give you a kiss before laying on his back, his eyes focused on the high beamed ceilings. A flick of his wrist, and the light turned off across the room.

  
The dark room, only lit by moonlight, coaxed your eyelids down once more. You were tired, yet your mind wouldn’t stop buzzing. Naturally. Without your consent, your mind automatically replayed your day today- starting with your interaction with him at Ronto Roasters.

_  
Oh, yeah._

  
Your eyes shot open. “Hey, Kylo?”

  
He looked at you in the dark. “Mmm?”

  
You turned on your side, facing him. “Earlier today, those images- how did you make me feel something that wasn’t real?”

  
He chuckled, mimicking your position. “The Force, Scholar.” 

 _  
“Duh._ I knew that."You rolled your eyes. “But, I had no idea something like that was possible. How did you do it?”

  
You felt him shrug. “Practice.”

  
“Hm. So, you do it often, then?”

  
A beat. “Yes.”

  
You squinted at him in the dark, waiting for your eyes to adjust. “When? And with whom?”

  
Kylo shifted, throwing the comforter off of his legs. He didn’t respond.

  
“Kylo?” you whispered. “What is it?”

  
Finally, his deep voice filled the silence. “I don’t want to upset you.”

 _  
Ah._ You inched closer, placing a hand on his arm. “You won’t.” You gave him a squeeze. “Remember, you can tell me anything.”

  
The silence continued, and you thought maybe you wouldn’t get an answer after all. But then, following a sigh, Kylo spoke up. “I use a similar technique on prisoners- during interrogation.”

  
“Oh, okay. You mean, to get information from them?” 

  
“Yes.”

  
“Hm. Interesting.” You trailed your fingers up his bicep. “How would that upset me? That’s not so bad.”

  
“But it is.” His hand caught yours, gripping it tightly. “I terrorize them from inside their own minds, Scholar.”

  
Oh. _Oh._

  
“Oh,” you said, pathetically. 

  
Kylo let go of your hand and placed them above his head. You felt the energy shift in the room to something different, something darker, and you regretted bringing it up.

_  
Fix this, dumbass._

  
“Well, that's just your job, right? As Supreme Leader. So I get it," you backtracked. "But hey, what about pleasant images? Say, for example, can you bring me to my happy place?”

  
Kylo made a small noise of acknowledgment. 

  
You smiled, plopping back down next to him. Closing your eyes, you blindly offered him your hand. “Okay, ready. Make me see pretty things.”

  
There was a low chuckle and a shuffle, and Kylo placed his hand on yours. After today, you knew he didn’t _need_ to touch you to get inside your mind, but you just wanted an excuse to hold his hand.

  
A warmth spread through your body, but otherwise- nothing. You opened your mouth to bug him, but suddenly, you were in the meadow from your home planet again. The one with the wildflowers and the bright sun, catching the copper in your mother’s hair.

  
You gasped.

  
It was just like you remembered it. It felt similar to what Zakra did for you last night in the cantina, but this- this felt _real._ Kylo was weaving a beautiful web in your mind and it was identical to the sweetest moments you’ve ever lived. _Better,_ even. The air smelt of dirt and grass and in the distance you could hear your neighbors giggling and running through the very same field you were squishing your toes into. Birds chirped all around you, hidden in their nests, while insects buzzed through the air. You spun around, wildflowers braided into your hair, your dress flying up and fluttering at your knees, and laughed and laughed until you couldn’t breathe.  
  
  
It truly was your happy place.

  
A small part of you- the _present_ part of you, knew that if you stayed too long in this field, you would find the memory of your mother. She would be happy and smiling and _whole_ again, and when it was time to open your eyes again, it would open up those wounds you so desperately tried to keep bandaged. In your happy place, your smile faltered- just a bit.

  
Calloused fingers found your face, pulling you gently out of your own mind. “Scholar,” Kylo murmured. “Come back.”

  
You slowly opened your eyes. Blinked a few times. And smiled at the man you loved, the moonlight casting an intense shadow across his face. “That was lovely.” 

  
His eyes explored your face, but otherwise, he was silent.

  
“Except,” you breathed, laying back down next to him. “One problem.”

  
Kylo sounded skeptical. “Oh?”

  
“Mhm.” You giggled, looking at him from the corner of your eye. You nudged an elbow into his ribs. _“You_ weren’t there.”

  
Kylo’s lip twitched up a fraction, and he slipped an arm underneath you, bringing you closer to him. You snuggled your face against his bare chest, your arm wrapped around his waist. Once both of you were settled, he loosely placed his arms around you entirely, his chin resting on your head.

  
“Next time, then.”

  
“Mmm,” you mused. You yawned against his chest before mumbling almost incoherently. “Oh geez, I should sleep. I have a late night tomorrow, too.”

  
“You don’t actually.” Kylo’s hand on your waist drew small patterns along your skin. “You aren’t seeing Zena tomorrow. You are done.”

  
You lifted your head off his chest. “What? I thought I told you, we are meeting again to keep reading the books.”

  
Kylo stroked your hair, directing your head back down. “Not anymore. That errand she mentioned- it’s to return to her base for supplies.”

  
You froze on his chest. “How do you know?”

  
“Jaek and Akai- they hung back after the others escorted you here. They listened in on her conversation.” 

  
“Oh.” Your mind was racing, and you couldn’t pinpoint why. You should be _relieved_ that your job was done. And yet, you couldn’t help but worry. “What, what did you decide to do?” You swallowed. “For punishment.”

  
A beat. “After we follow her to their base, she will be dealt with accordingly. They all will.”

  
You let out an agitated sigh, your fingers tapping on his sternum. “I know. But how?”

  
“It doesn’t concern you,” he said, flatly.

  
You pushed yourself off his chest, on your elbow again, and looked down at him. “Kylo. I have just spent _hours_ with Zena extracting information for you. For the First Order. _Of course_ this concerns me.”

  
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Kylo’s lips pressed together before giving you a sharp nod, reiterating his apology. “And we thank you for your efforts. But-”

  
“Kylo.”

  
He held your glare, unspeaking, before letting out a resigned sigh. “The General- his approach will upset you.”

  
“You're right. But I'd rather not be surprised.”

  
He frowned. “We will be eliminating their base.”

  
“I figured as much.” You nodded. “So-”

  
“And their entire system- whichever one that may be.”

  
You stilled. “The entire system?”

  
A curt nod.

  
“Kylo, wait. You don’t mean, like, an _entire_ system and all its inhabitants, right?” You shook your head in disbelief. “You must mean, just the planet with the Resistance base, and then, _if_ more bases are found, those too? Right?”

  
“No, Scholar.” Kylo sat up in bed with you, his eyes never leaving your face. Watching you, dissecting you. It was rather dim in the room, but you knew he could see you perfectly. “I meant what I said.”

  
Your jaw dropped. “That’s impossible.”

  
“No, it’s not.”

  
You stared at him, incredulous. “You mean to tell me, the First Order has a weapon to take out entire _systems_ from the galaxy?”

  
Kylo swallowed. “Yes.”

  
You vehemently shook your head. “What? I mean, kriff, I know the First Order is technologically advanced, but there’s _no_ way you guys can take out an entire system, right?” He didn’t respond, just looked at you, and you started to babble, panicked. “No, _no._ No fucking way. The last thing like that was the Death Star, and that could only destroy one _planet_ at a time, not an entire system! And that, that’s not fair, all those innocent lives, I mean, what’s even the point of that?” Chest heaving, eyes wide, you stared at Kylo. Waiting for a response. 

  
“It is possible. And it is happening.”

  
Your lower lip started to tremble. Voice as fragile as lace. “But why?”

  
Kylo scooted closer to you, his hands finding yours. Clutching onto them as he bent his head down, getting on eye level with you. “Scholar, look at me.”

  
Sniffling, you met his gaze. 

  
“This war has gone on long enough. I wish there was a different way- but there isn’t. Taking out their base, their planet, and their _system_ would send a message. A message that will end this- once and for all.”

  
Tears freely fell down your face. You had so much to say, but didn’t have the energy to say it out loud. But you wanted to tell him how you felt. That taking out an entire system potentially filled with civilization was not simply a ‘message.’ It was cruel, and inhumane, and made you feel sick to your stomach.

  
But you bit your tongue. It was clear his mind was made up, and even if you _could_ persuade him, you’d have to find a way to change Hux’s mind, too.

  
“Scholar?” His hands ran up your arms. “Say something, please.”

  
You started to shake, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I just don’t understand. I get why you need to take the Resistance out, but everyone else?” Your wide, terrified eyes found his expressionless face. “I just- I don’t understand,” you repeated, helpless.

  
Kylo nodded. “I know.”

  
The two of you sat in silence- your eyes filling with tears as they remained unfocused, looking down at your hands, while he stared at you.

  
Time passed- you don’t know how long, and eventually your eyelids began to get heavy, a yawn passing through your lips. Utterly exhausted- physically and emotionally.

  
Silently, Kylo slid down onto his back and opened his arms. Without making eye contact, you crawled next to him and assumed the position you were in before- your head resting on his chest.

  
Warm arms immediately enveloped you. You thought it would make you feel better, but instead, it made you feel worse. How many lovers would go to bed together, just like this, only to be blown to smithereens just so Hux could get his  _message_ across? How many children would get tucked in tonight by their mothers, only to never see them again?

  
Clutching onto Kylo, a new wave of sobs hit you. A deep sigh, and his hand traveled to your head, gently massaging your scalp. Trying to soothe you, distract you- but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t working.

  
You felt Kylo’s lips flutter against your forehead. “Would you like me to help you relax?”

  
You desperately shook your head. “Yes, please,” you whimpered. 

  
He didn’t say anything, but you felt a spark of warmth emanating from Kylo. Nipping at your toes and fingertips first, then spreading through your body and meeting in your lower abdomen. The tears stopped falling. Your heart rate slowed, your eyelids closed with ease. Your worries melted away. 

  
The last thing you heard before falling asleep was Kylo shushing you, his strong arms securely locked around your waist. 

**\----**

Your eyes shot open at the sound of your name. Not Scholar, not Luna. Your _real_ name.

  
You sat up in bed, frantic, and looked all around the room. All the lights were off, but the window above the bed brought in the blaring moonlight from the night sky.

  
Next to you, Kylo was asleep. Breathing deep, heavy breaths, the kind that told you _he_ wasn’t the one to call your name out, waking you up.

_  
It must have been a dream._

  
The hairs on the back of your neck stood straight up. It didn’t feel like a dream. It felt like someone, a male voice, whispered right into your ear. If you were alone, you would be afraid, but Kylo was your safety blanket- your protector. You weren’t afraid of anything when you were next to him.

  
With a shaky breath, you laid back down in bed, desperately wishing you could fall back asleep. But three minutes in and your mind was on overdrive- seemingly making up for the last few hours of bliss that Kylo’s Force spell provided for you. 

  
But now, bliss was nowhere to be found. Your mind was reeling about Zena, about her comrades and her General. But most of all- the innocent bystanders that would simply not exist due to their proximity to a Resistance base. Civilians in the wrong place, at the wrong time. You understood war- you studied it on Vardos, and you have seen it firsthand with the First Order. But taking innocent lives to send a message?  
  


You didn't get  _that._

  
You groaned, thrusting a pillow over your face. Desperate to keep away what you knew was coming, what you knew was inevitable. It was rising and forming and growing momentum even as you laid there, even as you tried to shut your brain off. 

  
Ah, but there was no fighting it, no stopping it now. Even though it was a horrible idea. A terrible one. The ultimate betrayal- to the Order _and_ Kylo. And yet, why did it feel like you’d be betraying _yourself_ if you didn’t listen to your gut instinct- if you didn’t exercise your own free will?

_  
Fuck._

  
You lifted the pillow of your face- calmly, not panicked. A peek at Kylo, and you swung your feet over the side of the bed. Confident in your movements. Never taking your eyes off his face as you slowly backed away, damning these old, creaky floors straight to Hell. But, thankfully, like someone from above was helping you- Kylo was in a deep sleep. This allowed you to slip on your clothes, your boots, a coat, and head out to do the stupidest thing you've ever done: find your way back to Zena’s camp. Warn her. Tell her to leave. Save her, the Resistance- for now, at least- but most importantly: spare the innocent lives at stake.

  
Hovering by the door, you waited. Watched to see if Kylo would wake up, would _sense_ you- somehow, even in his slumber. Stop you from acting with such foolishness. But, he didn’t. He didn’t even stir. Actually, Kylo began to snore, softly. Peacefully. Oblivious to everything around him. Even his treacherous girlfriend, sneaking out of his cabin to ruin everything they’ve been working towards. 

  
You blew him a kiss. _Forgive me, my love._

  
The door clicking softly behind you, you didn’t look back as you took off into the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **IMPORTANT:** As we continue down this bumpy road, I need to communicate this to my lovely, faithful readers: **I love happy endings.**
> 
> But I also love my angst. Like, _a lot._ It’s just the kind of storyteller I am. So naturally, things will be bumpy until we get to that happily-ever-after place. But please remember, **I will not fuck you over like TROS.** We have a lot coming up these next few chapters. Please, please, do not forget, no matter what happens- **Fixated will end happily ever after.**
> 
> thanks for trusting me with your feelings bbs.
> 
> PS: necklaces are ready!! get em [here.](https://www.etsy.com/shop/TheBleedingCrystal?ref=seller-platform-mcnav) the listings are organized by three things: 1) dainty crystals, 2) normal crystals, 3) and leather/rope necklaces
> 
> PS PS: I was gonna apologize for errors, but nah. just accept them at this point lmao I will edit over the next few days, per the usual


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